Fat Tuesday, Back to the Hospital and Old Friends.

I have eating as much meat as I could today because tomorrow is the first day of Lent and that means no meat! My mom made these really good spicy pork chops and dad made chicken soup so... WHOO! lol. I know I'm excused from fasting because I'm sick (I made sure I knew if I was excused) but I still won't eat meat tomorrow or on Fridays. I actually am fasting for the first 12 hours of the day (I am going to be eating until 11:59 p.m. tonight) but that won't seem like a big deal because I will be sleeping for about 9 - 10 of those hours. lol. I usually don't eat much meat in the first place so abstaining for meat isn't a big deal for me. I have other things to eat. :D I bet restaurants love today because they know the day before Lent is the day everyone goes out and eats all these delicious foods we have to give up for 40 days. ;)

I didn't do much today. I went to vote for the candidate I believe would be a great president and then came home and waited 'til I had my doctor's appointment. I was surprisingly mellow today, in terms of not worrying about the appointment, but I should've probably been nervous because I found out something that made me wig out for a few minutes. I actually went in for one thing but the doctor decided to check something else while she had be there and she discovered something on my right side, which I will have to get an ultrasound for. *groans* So, it's back to the hospital to get more tests done, more blood drawn, and more stress put on me. I have a feeling one of my best friends isn't going to be too happy with this added stress I was given because he's trying to keep me relaxed. Sorry hun! While I was on the verge of tears when I first got the word, I am very calm right now. I don't know why. I mean, this thing could potentially be (God forbid) breast cancer (and, yes, it's possible even at my age) but I think I've dealt with so many of these things that I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I am not going to make myself more anxious by worrying about it. I'm just going to pray to God that it all come out alright and that it's nothing I can't handle. Okay, I'm a little scared and nervous but at least I'm not going crazy. At least, not yet. lol. See? I'm trying to keep my sense of humor. *sigh*

I could sit here and do the whole "Why me? Why again? Haven't I suffered enough?" bit but I don't see a point in doing it. I always say that God never gives us things we can't handle so I'm not even going to start questioning it. I'm just going to look at it as yet another thing that will keep me on track with my faith and that will make my bond with God that much stronger. I'm just going to focus on my anxiety (because THAT is the thing I am most worried about) and also focus on getting in touch with old friends.

A few nights ago I had a dream about old friends from a former school of mine. Yesterday I decided to try to get in touch with them again (by the by, they're all guys :D). These 3 guys are some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. They'd walk me to classes (not all of them though, lol), they'd walk me to my car to help me with the creepy weirdos that used to follow me, we used to hang out when we could... these guys were/are just awesome. I missed them and this dream sort of made me realize it. Today I talked to one of them for a bit, which was awesome. He doesn't live too far so hopefully we'll get a chance to hang out before he moves away. Hopefully their girlfriends (yes, all 3 have girlfriends) don't mind me getting in contact with them again. I'm just trying to see how the guys are; I come in peace. lol. Besides, I'm not "on the market" so they have nothing to worry about. :D I love getting in touch with old friends... which is what I have been doing a lot of lately. Last year, it was childhood friends (and all boys, too, lol) who found me. This year, I'm putting the effort in touching base with some of my friends from a while back. :D All of this reminds me... I need to e-mail Mr. Navy (a friend I've known since kindergarten) about an old picture I found from when we were 5 years old. I bet he'll get a kick out of it. :D

Alright, well, it's nearly 11 p.m. so I have about an hour left to completely stuff myself before I can't eat anything anymore. lol. By the way, this 12 hour fast is something my dad told me about. They used to fast for the first 12 hours of Ash Wednesday in Mexico (at least, the part his family's from) so that is where I got the idea. I will have to talk to one of the priests about the other fasting days soon; I didn't get a chance to talk to them today.

As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Transcripts, Sickness Returns, and Primary Elections

Well, I spent most of the afternoon driving around the city getting all the transcripts from my former schools to have them sent to my new school. Wow. What a headache that was. I had totally forgotten it was back-to-school for the Spring semester today at those schools so I had to deal with super long lines. I spent a good 2 hours (total) just waiting in line at all these places. It didn't help that I've been sick (you know, the fainting kind again) for the past couple of days so you can just imagine how frustrating it all was for me. Blah! At the final school, I had to make a bunch of trips to different offices just to get my transcript. GEEZ! At the other schools, I just showed up with my filled application, paid there and got them (or was told they'd be sent). And this last school, they made me wait nearly an hour to tell me that they'd send them for me. Uh, couldn't they have told me that when I paid and had everything done? They told me to wait 5-10 minutes, which lasted, what seemed like, forever... and then they told me, "Well, you wrote where you wanted them sent so we'll send them for you." Grrr! It was so unprofessional and it just sucked even more because I started getting really sick (I had to put my head down on the table and just think about not passing out) and they were like "Well, just wait a couple more minutes." Where they serious?! It takes a few seconds to say "Okay, you paid; you're done. We'll mail them for you." just like at the other schools. Grr. Of course, I was so angry that they made me go through that that I ended up saying "Are you kidding me?! They made me wait nearly an hour to get something they weren't going to give me in the first place?! I feel like I'm going to pass out!" I totally regret saying it but when I'm sick, I mean really sick, and I get irritated, it just comes out. That's something I'm going to have to work on.

As you might've guessed from the title of today's blog, I am once again really sick. I feel like I'm going to pass out at any given moment, I'm completely nauseous, I'm a thirsty throughout the day, I have to keep eating so I don't feel worse, etc. It's been like this for a couple of days now (about 3) and I HATE it. It had been quite a few weeks since I last felt like this and I was happy I was feeling better. Now... *groans*. I don't know why it came back all of a sudden either. I'm lucky I have a follow appointment with my doctor at the end of this week because I'm going to seriously need it.

I definitely need to start praying again (I haven't said the Rosary in a while) and I have a feeling that these feelings might be a sign that I need to start praying again. Like, for a while, I started slipping when it came to saying the Rosary and this is like a reminder that I need to get to where I was when I prayed the Rosary at least once a day without fail. I don't think it's punishment for not praying, God doesn't do that... I see it as a little push I'm being given to make me realize how well I was doing before everything I went through last week (when I started re-evaluating everything). Hopefully I will feel well enough to go to morning mass (or even evening mass) tomorrow because it'll be my last chance to ask the priest about fasting during Lent. Or maybe I'll call Fr. Roderick and hope he answers it on the Daily Breakfast before Lent actually starts.

And, speaking of tomorrow... tomorrow is Super Tuesday in the U.S. where 23 states (including the one I am residing it) get to vote in the primary elections. I already have my chosen candidate picked out and I am ready to vote. Hopefully the candidate I am rooting for is elected to run for president. Though I am not too into politics at the beginning of campaigns (and the Political Science course I took didn't really get me more into politics), I do catch up with everything right before elections. Hopefully other people will also make the right decision when it comes to voting for a certain candidate. I won't reveal who I voted for until we find out if he will run; and, hint, I said he so it's obviously a male.

Alright, well, it's half past midnight and I am a bit hungry (and I'm putting hunger before sleepiness at the moment), so I am going to find something to eat and then try to relax so I, hopefully, stop feeling like I'm going to pass out. Ugh. I hate asking this but if anyone who reads the blog could say a little prayer for me, I would appreciate it -- from the bottom of my heart. This is NOT the week for me to be this sick (dad has his at-home chemo this week).

Well, that is all for now. Thanks for reading and God Bless.

Incredibly Shrinking Nerd; Football (Soccer) and Faith.

I just noticed yesterday that my pants are no longer fitting me. In fact, I have to keep pulling them up because they're starting to get baggy. Grr! I am definitely not the type of person who wants to diet. In fact, I HATE diets and think they are pointless unless you have to lose weight because of health issues. I wonder what's going on with me. I bet it's because of the stress/anxiety. Grrr. I have a follow-up appointment at the doctor's this Friday (I had to go last Friday to get blood drawn) so maybe she can help me figure out what's up with my weight loss. I actually like the weight I am (or was before I started shrinking). I am going to guess I'm about a size 3-4 right now (this is U.S. Women's Sizes). I'm normally a 5-6 (7 with some jeans). Last time I lost so much weight was when I was 18 but I knew the cause for that, and, ironically it was around the time my dad was getting done with his chemo that time around. Hmm... grr. I am not a happy camper. I have a promise to myself not to drop below 120 pounds because, for my height, once I reach 118 I am considered underweight and I don't want that! Been there, hated it! I think I am going to grocery shopping in between all the errands I have in a couple of hours (it's, again, nearly midnight) and really stock up on food. Mmm... food. Which reminds me, I'm hungry. lol.

I actually took a break from writing my blog and went to make myself some instant oatmeal. It will be enough until I wake up in a few hours (early mass in the morning). It's not too heavy but have you ever tried going to sleep after eating a heavy meal? Not the best thing for your stomach. Okay, moving on from food (I have a feeling I will have a Jamie Oliver dream because of what I just wrote, haha)...

I saw something on Catholic Online that made me very happy. I read an article about how Nicola Legrottaglie, a defender on the Italian football (soccer) team Juventus, has shared how he will abstain from pre-marital sex. He said, and I am quoting the article, he is doing this... "not because I do not like women, but because I am waiting for the right woman with whom to have a family, a woman who shares the same values." All I have to say to that is ROCK ON! It takes a real man to speak up with and stand by what he believes. Though he didn't always do so, he's determine to not have sex until he gets married. I think it's awesome, and encouraging, to see someone who has strayed taking responsibility for what they've done and also show that they can get back on the right path.

Another very famous footballer (sorry to my fellow Americans but I can't bring myself to call footballers 'soccer stars') who has spoken out about how great it is to stay chaste is Brazil and AC Milan's Kaka. I have so much respect for him. He's probably the footballer I have the most respect for... and, as a Liverpool FC fan, that is saying something. lol. Although he is not Catholic, he is a very religious Christian who actually stayed a virgin until he married his wife. It would've been very easy for him to stray -- he's incredibly talented, very well known, he's very easy on the eyes (women everywhere are gaga over him) and he seems like the sweetest guy -- but he didn't cheat or do anything because of his faith. That is such a rare quality in, not only a footballer, but in a guy in today's society.

Sex is such a big deal today. Practically everyone talks about it, or thinks about it. Teens are losing their virginity younger and younger these days. It's becoming more rare and difficult to find people who are staying true to their faiths and staying pure until marriage. We don't hear many celebrities speaking out and sharing their abstinence. It's wonderful that people like Nicola and Kaka, who are part of the most famous sport in the world -- and are well known themselves, are sharing that part of their lives and showing people that, hey, it IS possible to stay a virgin until marriage. I also think it's inspiring to all their younger fans and hopefully, because of their statements, more and more people will follow in their footsteps. If you want to read the article I am talking about, click here. I think it's really worth it.

Alright, so, it's 3 minutes before midnight and I have to get up in 8 hours so I should end my blog here. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

The Virgin Mary; Getting Ready for Lent.

On the previous post I wrote about how I'd had a dream where my father had told me to pray to the Virgin Mary. That dream really stuck with me (not the first time I have dream about her, either). Well, today, after I went to confessions I stopped by the table where they have the bulletins and other things. I normally wouldn't do this because the church I went to confessions isn't the one I normally attend mass (I attend mass at a parish a few minutes from my home). For some reason, though, I just gravitated towards the table. Seriously, I don't even remember thinking I wanted to see the bulletins; I just walked over. When I got there, I notice this thing that looked like a booklet with the Virgin Mary's image on it. I thought it was a prayer book (I've seen everything from booklets to prayer cards out for people to take for free) and I was like "Ooh, prayer book. This would be great to take home and read." When I went to open it, I saw that it wasn't a prayer book but the story of St. Catherine Labouré and the Miraculous Medal. Not only that, there was this necklace with a medal inside of it. I looked around at looked at the people, because I thought someone must have left it accidentally, but no one said or did anything. I asked my dad if he thought it was one of the free things the parish sometimes gives away (they've been known to give things like this away) and he said that it must've been because it was amongst the fliers and other things that the parish puts out for people to take home with them. So, I brought it home with me. I'm still worried that it was someone else's and that I've just stolen something unintentionally, but dad says it wouldn't be there if it wasn't meant to be there. And, hey, I checked to see if it belonged to anyone and no one said anything. Also, there was no price on it, so it must've been put out intentionally.

The awesome part about all of that is that when I did penance and was praying the Hail Mary's in front of the tabernacle, I had an image of Mary that looked like the one on the front of the booklet with the medal. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I got when I said my last Hail Mary... it was so peaceful and, as silly as it might sound, I felt like my spirit had been lifted up by her. What I asked God when I prayed, for a sign, seems to have come in the form of me finding the medal. Or, at least that is what I think. I just think it's awesome. I'm going to dedicate a good portion of Lent to praying to Our Mother (that's what I call her) and learning more about different ways she's appeared to saints (like in the form of Our Lady of Guadalupe). I have a feeling that she will be able to help me and to shed light on some things I am worried/thinking about. I'm going to have the medal blessed, hopefully soon, and I'll definitely carry it everywhere with me.

And, with Lent starting in a few days, I've decided to give up one more thing... and for good. I am giving up my superstitions. I know we shouldn't be superstitious but I have a few things I'm careful about so I'm going to get rid of them during Lent. Whoo! And, man, I can't believe Lent is so early this year. I didn't have enough time to prepare myself but I guess I'm more ready this year than I've ever been, which is good. :D

Alright, well, it's nearly 1 in the morning and I have to get up early for mass so... 'til next time, thanks for ready and God bless. :D

Re-evaluating Everything.

It's a bit frustrating to have all my plans up in the air. I had good plans a few weeks ago, then came exciting new plans. Those new plans brought out a side of me I never thought I'd see and it made me very uncomfortable. In the end, I don't know what I am going to do after all. As posted in the previous post, I was so excited about these new plans that had re-surfaced. I had it all planned out. I had a clear vision of it in my mind and I had started to do the research. I also noticed that as soon as I had accepted the newer plans, I had started to not care about certain (important!) things anymore. Worst of all, I started getting thoughts where I started questioning certain things I believed in. Once I realized that, I was thrown into a tailspin. I've been working really hard to get rid of the liberal side of myself (which has been hard as I've grown up surrounded by extremely liberal people) and this new thing had started pulling me back into that state of mind. It's incredibly stressful. On the one hand, I know I am capable of doing the project without compromising my beliefs and actually turning it into something positive. On the other hand, my biggest worry is that I'll be way too weak to actually pull it off and that I'll also do something I will later regret.

Of course, there's more to it. There were a lot of issues that were going to be a problem (which is what I was researching). Differences were going to make things a lot harder. Everything from dating issues (such as premarital sex -- being Catholic and being opposed to it while dating an Agnostic who puts a lot of emphasis on the physical aspect of the relationship) to political/social issues (one person being moderate when it comes to a lot of issues, the other being extremely liberal)... all of that makes life difficult. I was sincerely up for the challenge until I saw that it was going to pull me away from the Church. It might have been little things but even doubting those tiny things makes me extremely nervous.

If this makes no sense, I sincerely apologize. I was talking about working on a screenplay, but the thought of getting into the business and working with people who will try to change me just isn't my cup of tea. I've known (through school and friendships) people who do it for a living and I have absolutely no desire to go through what they do. So, I've axed those "dreams" and will continue writing my novel, as planned.

I had a very strange dream last night where I was asking for the Virgin Mary's help because I'd literally become someone who I didn't recognize. I looked in the mirror and noticed I was, physically, a different person. I remember that once I started praying and kept saying "Hail Mary" over and over, I slowly began looking like myself again. I actually saw myself physically transform back to what I actually look like. Then my father said something about my grandmother and praying for her because she was about to die (in real life, she passed away 3 years ago this March). He also mentioned praying to the Virgin Mary and praying 3 Hail Marys. When I woke up, I felt like I did before all these doubting thoughts came into my mind. I asked God for a sign last night (after this rather... odd... incident I had when I was by myself) as to what to do. After the incident and the dream, I know exactly what I will be doing during Lent (I was still going back and forth between giving up football matches and the internet). So, for Lent, I will be dedicating myself to praying more than I ever have and hopefully I'll get an answer as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with everything that's going on. Not just with the project but with almost everything in my life because everything is in question at the moment.

Alright, well, I am exhausted for some reason (I feel like I haven't slept even though I have) so I will go take a nap and then get back to answer e-mails and comments on facebook. I originally had a post about football (and footballers) planned but it can wait until tomorrow. Liverpool's playing so it'll give me more to write about... especially if they don't screw it up again. lol. Bring on international break!

Anyhoo, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D