Yes, THAT Topic Again -- Social Media vs Me

Before I begin I just want to wish y'all a happy St. Therese of Lisieux feast day! Yes, it's late but it's still October 1st in Los Angeles. ;)

I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed, listening to MuteMath's self-titled album which has been a permanent fixture on my CD player (seriously, I didn't have an mp3 player until I was 23) -- and then iPod touch -- since I first purchased it a decade ago. This album reminds of the Fall of 2006 (into Winter 2007) when my reversion truly took hold. Late September 2006. I can't believe it's been a decade! Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's been that long yet it does in some ways. I've learned a lot in the past decade but I know there's still so much more that I need to learn. So many great memories of that time, many of which inspired some of the things that I wrote about in the first Will and Lina novel.

No, I'm not going to sit here and take a trip down memory... though I'm very tempted to because early 2005 through mid-2007 were arguably my favorite years thus far. No, I'm going to resist that urge and, instead, I'm going to write whatever pops into my mind. This could be slightly dangerous but sometimes I just like to write to see what's on my mind. Here it goes...

Tonight I was reflecting on how much I stink at trying to limit my time on social media. Horrendous. It was a sort of (but not really) resolution earlier this year. I may need to go to a social media addicts group meeting or something. I go through periods in which I'm really good at it and then something happens and it throws me off. That something is usually an illness that forces me back on social media because it's where I can get things off my chest. Bottling up what I'm thinking is bad business for me -- it's what triggers some anxiety attacks when I do too much of it -- but I also overshare a lot. Sure, you can argue that I share a lot but I'm very careful about what I share so you only get a teeny tiny view of my offline life, but I've been thinking that I need to make yet another attempt to cut back on that.

I get bored so I tweet. I don't have another human being to interact with for most of my day so I check social media or text a friend. Sometimes I'll get wrapped up in coursework, a movie, a book, or some other activity but my fallback is always social media. It's not even a FOMO issue since, honestly, I don't really check Twitter that much. I tweet and/or reply to a tweet. I read the 15 or so tweets at the top of my timeline and then I move on. It's not a bad cycle but it's also a waste of my time.

No, I didn't say that interacting with friends is a waste of my time. I say it's a waste of time because I eventually end up falling into the vicious black hole cycle of clicking through links... or Instagram pictures that lead to other pictures... or YouTube videos that lead to more videos. I actually caught myself saying "well, what can I search now?" after going through my usual round and finding things quiet. When I couldn't figure out what else I could do, I simply shut down my laptop... a bit disappointed. I've, at least, disciplined myself to avoid certain websites and previous habits that would've kept me online longer but the fact that I was disappointed that I couldn't find another thing to distract me was a bad sign. Houston, we have a problem.

I would love to say that the books I checked out from the library last month are being read but they're not. I had to renew them because the due date was looming and I haven't made a big dent in them. I've been going through some anxiety and health issues so I'm constantly looking for distractions. It's not bad to distract myself during these times -- it helps me from getting a full-blown panic attack or helps me be able to nip the symptoms in the bud -- but I keep distracting myself beyond the anxiety attacks that want to pop up. Procrastination / senioritis is real. I think I'm filling my world with too much noise because I don't want the inside noise (the worries, the stress, etc) to win. Does that make sense?

I'm going to try to cut the outside noise again. It's not going to be comfortable for me since I've once again gotten used to the noise but it's necessary. My concentration is shot and I can't blame feeling tired or even my health; I'm simply too overloaded with noise. It's probably not going to last long (it never does) but I'm going to do this as many times as necessary. Habits take 8 weeks to stick so I'll keep starting over every time I fail.

I can do it. I've been able to do it before, even for weeks at a time. I've done my research and my plans have worked in the past. I've decided to add an hour of "Emmy" time per day. This means that for an hour I have the option of playing my guitar and singing, reading a non-academic book, writing in my journal (yes, I have one offline), or spending an hour in adoration if I can make the drive to one of the parishes that have daily adoration. There are more things I can do but you get the gist. The only thing I cannot do in my "Emmy" hour is have a screen in front of me. No screens, not even the Kindle screen.

I've been communicating with friends offline more often lately which ought to help curve the social media usage. The fact that the temperatures will begin to get cooler will also help me get outdoors more, even if that simply means an hour (or two) at the local library for some peace and quiet. I may even go study at my alma mater since I feel so at peace on campus. Our homecoming weekend is coming up and we alumni are greatly encouraged to visit that entire week for festivities so I have an excuse. I know, I'm surprised by that last statement, too. lol.

Alright, well, my Emmy hour for the day is coming up so I should skedaddle. That's such a fun word  -- skedaddle -- that I'm going to try to use more often. No, not procrastinating; just an amusing thought since I'm pretty much writing what I'm thinking, right?

I hope y'all are having a lovely weekend thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Failing This Advent

You read the blog post title correctly: I have failed at preparing during this Advent season. As my penance, I will tell you how I have failed and what I plan to do to make up for it.

I actually did prepare for Advent ahead of time: I bought the Advent wreath candles weeks in advance and we've used the same Advent wreath for years so I didn't have to look for one. I had the Nativity stored next to the Advent wreath in my book room. I had a Ven. Fulton Sheen Advent booklet ready on my bookshelf. I had the links to the various Advent calendars online... and I did NONE of it until this week. I had everything ready and I failed to get started in time. Good job, Emmy.

It's not that I didn't have time. I did... and didn't. The problem is that, with the publishing deadlines coming up on Thursday (to be released on Friday), I've focused solely on that; getting what had deadlines instead of spending more time reflecting on the season. I've spent nearly a week just fixing the formatting on the first novel manuscript (yes, I've had to send it back to CreateSpace a minimum of a dozen times because something always came up wrong) and I'm now rushing through last minute edits for the sequel to meet deadlines. All of that has caused me to push back prayers and preparation. Trust me, I feel awful because this is my favorite time of year. In a way, I'm actually glad that it happened because I feel as if my prayer life has been all over the place (in a bad way) and this has forced me to really look at what I want to change in my life. So, here is my plan of attack:

Problem #1: my sleeping schedule is off in a horrible way. I go to sleep usually around 2:30 a.m. I get up at 4:30 a.m. and then take a nap until 10:30 a.m. to noon. I occasionally miss morning prayers because I'm often rushing to catch up on everything that should've been taken care of in the morning. I've tried to get up earlier (as well as go to bed earlier) but I just haven't been able to. It's hard because this is the schedule I've been used to for months. I got used to this wonky schedule when I was in the SLP program and I know it's going to take a while to get my sleeping schedule back on time.

Solution: I would like to start attending daily Mass again, especially since I won't have much to do from next week until I begin grad school (side note: no, I haven't heard from Franciscan or Christendom yet.) I used to be really good at going to daily Mass but then I got sick (low iron and low platelets make you feel exhausted at times) and then school messed up my schedule. I wanted to start attending daily Mass last week but my downstairs neighbors decided to no longer care that my mother gets up at 4:00 a.m. for work and they started making noise and slamming closet doors between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. Sometimes we don't get enough sleep. I sometimes pass out and sleep through alarms from the exhaustion of not getting the sleep that I need. I know I won't get a chance to this week but next week I will try again... even if it means asking a friend to call me each morning at 7:30 a.m. to make sure I'm up.

Problem #2: my prayer life is in a pitiful state. I'm embarrassed every time my spiritual director asks me how my prayer life is because it's terrible. I used to go to the local parish and pray in front of the tabernacle on a daily (or almost daily) basis... and now? I don't even recognize myself anymore. As I said before, I don't always get my morning prayers in (though I've managed to make it through almost two weeks without missing more than one) but I do get to my nighttime prayers as well as prayer requests (I try to do this immediately after being asked.) It's not enough though. Ask me when the last time I prayed the Rosary was? Answer: I don't have a clue. It's bad, y'all... it's really, really bad. I hate to say it but I've placed so much importance on other things that "have to get done" that my prayer life has taken a back seat to everything else. Bad Emmy!

Solution: I'm scheduling my day until my busy schedule becomes more manageable. I have a Wunderlist app that usually helps but my iPod touch is on the fritz (I just sent it in to get repaired) so I'm going to set up the obnoxious alarms on my cell phone. I am going to try to set up my schedule according to the Liturgy of the Hours because I know it's do-able with my schedule, even at its craziest. This is going to be really hard for me because I've gotten so used to be "on the go" without praying much during the day (with nighttime being the exception). No one said this was going to be easy but, man, I can already anticipate me struggling with this during this week. Deadlines... ugh...

Problem #3: distractions and anxiety, my dear Watson... distractions and anxiety. I've been way too easily distracted lately. No, forget "lately" -- my attention has been taken away from prayer and God for months now. First the craziness of school (when I didn't even have time to eat or sleep at times) and then the craziness of novel deadlines and distractions in the form of all things virtual. I'm actually glad that my iPod touch decided to malfunction because I was constantly checking it; checking Twitter, FB, Instagram, emails, Google Talk, etc. I'm way too connected.

Solution: Disconnect! I uninstalled games on iPod and laptop. From today until (at least) Christmas, I'm again limiting my time on social networks. Luckily, this week's deadline will prevent me from having much interaction on social networks anyway. I'm logging myself off of Google Talk when I'm logged into gmail (except for when I do have a few minutes to chat). With my iPod being in the repair shop, I won't have notifications (either on the screen or the sound of them) to distract me. Once I get my iPod back, I'll rearrange apps, delete some, disable notifications, etc. I'm done. I really I am; I'm already stressed about deadlines and being hyper-connected does not help at all. I'm also going to ask "Santa" for the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the physical book form because I'm using my iPod to pray it and sometimes notifications pop up and distract me in the middle of prayer. No mas!

If someone (whom I know well) doesn't mind being my accountability buddy, I could use one or two to make sure I stay on track. Seriously, y'all... check in on me and get on my case if you see me slipping. Alright, that's enough of me getting on my case about failing this Advent. lol. I will try to stay on course for the rest of this season (yes, even going back to reading the past readings and Advent calendar goodies I've missed).

My eyes are tired of staring at the screen so I'm going to take a break by doing something else offline for a little while. I do have a deadline but I think I'm going to end up doing the whole Pomodoro technique because I need more breaks to refresh my eyes and mind than I actually take. Yeah, I'm going to do that now. :D

I hope y'all are having a better Advent season than I am. lol. If you have any prayer requests, please load me up!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Giving Up (But Not Completely) Social Networks.

I have a confession to make. I have not been online much in the past two weeks (and especially last week) because I've felt burnt out on social networks. After my lunch date with my good friend (and one time guest blogger), Andrew, as well as a random road trip around L.A. with Joe two weeks ago, I was reminded of how much I prefer to live offline. Sounds a bit weird but let me explain what I mean.

Since my freelance writing work has me online most of the day (doing research and writing), I spend a ridiculous amount of time online. We're talking from the time I wake up at 4:30 a.m. until the time I go to sleep (anywhere between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m.) I spend (or was spending, I should say) a good portion of that time on social networks since it was the only way I would get some socializing in. It became a monotonous routine that left me feeling burnt out a couple of months ago. The fact that my mother told me that I needed to get out of the house (since I have been working from home since late last summer) pretty much told me everything I needed to know. I am now healthier than I was a few months ago. Freelance writing is slowing down (it dries up every couple of months) and I don't expect to be doing it for much longer now that I've decided to change careers. If my friends want to contact me, they know they can get a hold of me through my phone, whether via text or a call. Basically, I'm learning to live my life offline again... and it's surprisingly easier than I was anticipating.

I was expecting to have a hard time prying myself off of Twitter and Facebook. I did have a hard time at first. I had to log myself out on the browser so any time I clicked on the bookmarks, it would come up with the main page, asking me to log in. I have pretty good restraint (years of practice; my parents thought me to distinguish between wants and needs) so it didn't take long for me to break that habit. I've also been busying myself with reading and doing research on grad schools, which helps with the perpetual boredom I feel as a freelance writer. I've found myself wanting to spend more time reading and working on my own novel than I have wasting time online.

Pope Francis recently said that we should reject gossip (which, let's face it, we do and read a lot of on social networks) and it got me thinking about how I spend my time online. I came to the conclusion that, aside from a couple of really good conversations with good friends, a lot of what I personally post is worthless. Do you guys really need to know how many times a day I swoon over Gilbert Blythe? Do you really need to what I'm eating? No, not really. I also see a lot of things that make me unhappy. Lots of arguments. Lots of criticisms. A lot of miscommunication. A lot of my own stress comes from these and more things that have their root in miscommunication and clashing personalities online.

When I put these things into consideration, and added the fact that once I start grad school I'll have even less time to chat online since my focus will be on that, it made sense for me to drastically cut my time on social networks. Sure, I'll still tweet but it won't be as much (or, hopefully, as pointless) as before. I'm going to try to go back to using emails and snail mail as my preferred methods of keeping in touch (never been much of a phone person) when I am busy. Also, the less I tweet and "status update" on Twitter and Facebook, the more I'll have to blog about. Five years of Twitter and nine years of Facebook (been around since it was called The Facebook and only college/university students could join) will do that to a person. ;)

So, you see, I'm giving up social networks, but not completely. I'll still be around and I definitely plan to blog more often since I'll have more to share (the more I tweet, the less I have to blog). I have big plans and I would love continuing to share that with my readers, but I'm going to be doing it on this blog and not so much on social networks. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to let y'all know that. I know a couple of you notice when I don't tweet as much so this was a sort of explanation for y'all. I'm writing this on Sunday night (scheduled to post on Monday) but my mind won't change. It's something I've been wanting to do for a while now (hence my April Fool's Day joke).

I hope you all had a great weekend and have a great week. Don't know when I'll post again but I don't think I'm going to wait 9 days like I did this time around. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

What I Learned Wednesday #8

To be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to write anything because I've been slacking on the learning this week. In fact, I've had a terrible week. I failed to go to Mass on Sunday. I unintentionally missed three consecutive day (Sunday through Tuesday) of praying the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the morning. I've just had a slow and weird week. However, I have been taking off some time from social networks (Twitter, FB, etc) to think through some changes I need (and want) to make. So, here it goes.

1) The 200th anniversary of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice was this past Monday. I didn't get to re-read the novel for the anniversary as I was re-reading Northanger Abbey (another one of my favorites by Jane). If you haven't already guessed from my insane amount of #Janeite tweets, from watching my Goodreads feed, or from the font in this blog's header (hint: it's her handwriting font), I am a massive Jane Austen fan. The first Tiber River book review I wrote was even on the Pride and Prejudice Study Guide. One of my best friends, Kathryn, sent me this Jane Austen Devotional during my senior year of college but I never got to it with my Thesis and everything else. In fact, I'm going to start it tonight and hope to have a review next Wednesday at the latest. If I get done earlier, I'll write a stand alone book review. Anyway, even though I know Jane Austen was Anglican and the book will undoubtedly reflect that, I have a feeling I'll still learn something. Some of my more spiritually fruitful periods as a Catholic have actually been inspired by my amazingly faithful Christian (read: non-Catholic) friends like Kathryn so I look forward to having it inspire me once again. :D

2) I got two things out of my ten minute conversation with my First Communion Godmother: 1) I feel like I got a sign that maybe I'm onto something with a possible change of career/Masters degree and 2) I really need to make some changes (like I mentioned at the beginning of this post; which I won't get into until #3). The career change is actually still somehow connected to words, only spoken instead of written. I had mentioned that it was hard to get steady freelance work (though I've had a couple of steady assignments lately) and how my anxiety's been insane lately... and how both actually go together. The more my mind is active and occupied, the less likely I am to have anxiety all day or to have a random panic attack. I over-think things. That's why I've been devoting so much time to reading lately; my mind is occupied and I can relax from stressful things such as my health or my mother's health or finances. After a dream I had a few weeks about a friend's son who has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), I felt very strongly about looking into it. When my Godmother (who has known me since I was born) suggested I looked into doing Speech Therapy for Children for my Master's degree, it all sort of clicked for me. I love children, I love language, and I would love to do something to help others. As of now, I don't think I am doing a very good job of making myself useful to others so this may be the thing I need to do. That and I have too much time on my hands and am itching to go back to school. Of course, I won't do anything until I pray about it. I'm still torn on everything. Luckily, I wasn't planning on applying to grad schools until this coming fall (for a Fall 2014 start) so I have time. :D How is this related to faith? 1) My Godmother (who is one of my heroes) brought it up and I am crediting the Holy Spirit for that and 2) it's going to force me to pray more and focus on doing God's will instead of worrying about my health for once. lol.

3) Some changes I want to make: not worrying about fitting into any Catholic mold on social networks. I need to say this before I explain: you guys are amazing. My on- and off-line friends (Catholic or not) are fantastic. You guys inspire me so much. However, I feel like I don't fit in with y'all about 98% of the time. #CathSorority, I love you gals. You always pray for me when I ask you guys, you gals are there for venting that guys won't understand, and y'all make me laugh... but I don't feel like I'm really a part of the group. There's cliques (and not bad ones either; amazing women who have their own little groups) and I don't fit into them. Likewise, on twitter, y'all are amazing but I don't fit in. I saw that clearly after the whole cursing debate on Patrick's Right Here, Right Now show. This is who I am: I don't drink. I don't curse (nor do I honestly like it). I'm not married. I don't have children. I don't even have a boyfriend. I love football (soccer). I love daily Mass. I'm a big time goofball and a bit of a fuddy duddy at times. My sense of humour is weird (but I like it) and some of it is lost through social networks... which leads to a lot of misunderstandings. I take some things very seriously that you some of guys say "I don't see what the big deal is" about... and vice versa. I feel like the Lone Ranger on social media sites. It can be a little depressing at times but I've decided not to let it get to me. I have amazing friends who love and accept me as I am. I don't have the "ew, she's too 'traditional'" or "ew, she's too liberal" feeling with them that I get with some people online and that's good enough for me. Again, I love y'all but I don't feel like I fit in. Story of my life. lol.

Anyway, just wanted to get all of that out. It's hardly a What I Learned Wednesday as little of it had to do with something I learned about the Faith but it's all still somewhat connected to my own faith as a Catholic so, you know, I'm making it count. lol. Hopefully I'll have something better next week. ;)

I really should go read... or do something to make these stress knots in my back and shoulders feel less painful. :)

Oh! And P.S. Y U NO send me prayer requests? Please, y'all. Give me things to offer my anxiety up for. I am literally begging you to send me prayer requests. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

See? I'm Alive. :D

Hey guys! Sorry, it's taken me so long to update. I won't have a full update until (hopefully) tomorrow evening. I've had such a crazy hectic week, I haven't gotten on the computer in a week... and I haven't even been eating properly. Thankfully, since it's a little over a week before I have to go back to school, things will slow down for me now. :D

To give y'all a sneak peak at what I'll be writing about in the next post:
- Pope Benedict XVI and YouTube/Social Networks/technology
- Novel Update
- Someone coming into my room, throwing me over their shoulder (so you know he's strong because I'm 5'7" and at a healthy weight, lol), and dragging me away from something...
- Missed Masses and Confessions
- London calling / Possible England move this Fall?

It seems like a lot but I will try to condense that information as much as I can.

In the near future, I'll also give my review of the Twilight saga/book series. Yes, I caved and read the books. And, I read all 4 books in about a total of 4-5 days which is impressive (even for me) considering how long the books were (anywhere between 500+ and 750+ pages each). I won't even mention the day after I finished the last book which I spent completely emotionally wrecked. It'll all make sense in my review, I promise. :D I have A LOT to say about them.

Also, I went to the doctor's today (as I do every year for blood work) and everything came back normal. I'm healthy and that's just making everything that much better.

Okay, so, now you know. I will HOPEFULLY have a post tomorrow night... before 8 p.m. (PST) if I can since I might have something to do later.

Hope everyone's had a wonderful week. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

P.S. No one's even close to winning the contest... and I might be changing it a bit so hang on tight. :D