10 Things You Might've Not Known About This Nerd

I have done this twice before and like to revive the tradition every two years-ish. The first one was written in 2009 and the last one was written in late 2011 so I think it's time to do one again, especially since I have a ton of new readers. So, without further ado, some things you might've not known about me.

1. At my graduation last year, I walked across the stage with my head down out of sheer panic. Those who have met me in person know that I am really shy and quiet when I first meet people and that I hate any sort of attention on me. Since the graduation ceremony was held at the Universal Amphitheater (read: HUGE place), I was utterly uncomfortable with the attention. It didn't help that each graduate's walk across the stage was on a huge screen. When they called my name, I think I turned bright red, looked down at my feet, and walked off-stage as quickly as my little feet could carry me. lol.

2. I actually don't like being a freelance writer; I'd rather tutor than write... Don't get me wrong, I love writing. Any time I get a chance to write something Catholic related or work on something that I can create with my wild imagination, I am happy. Sadly, most of my assignments have been a pain to write and/or the clients have been very rude and picky. "300 words exactly, not one less or more or you'll do it over again." "You call that an article? You didn't follow my directions to a T so now I am docking your pay!" Yikes! The only non-Catholic ones that I've really enjoyed have been the articles I've written for H&R Block's blog.

3. ... but if I could make a living out of writing fiction/novels, I'd rather do that than anything else. I am way behind schedule on finishing my novel (and the sequel has actually been started) because I've had to rewrite a couple of things to make the plot flow better. Thankfully I have an amazing beta reader/editor (Kiera) who helps me immensely. If I can make a career out of writing, I'm hiring her as my editor... even if she doesn't know it yet. lol. Oh, and I think the Spotify playlists for the main characters are still up if you want to try to figure out their personalities.

4. My way of "handling" things such as violence and/or death is by feeling faint. This is a symptom of PTSD. Seeing my father die right in front of me and living in an apartment complex that has had both a bomb threat (for which everyone except my father and I were evacuated) and a shooting that took place in our section. Even if I know someone's death is fictional (like Lady Sybil's death on Downton Abbey), I will feel like I'm going to pass out. Now friends will know why I will pass on action films.

5. I like to have "themed" literary months. December will always be Jane Austen month for me. November is the Chronicles of Narnia month. October is Catholic saints month. etc. Sometimes the theme is "finish reading all the books you started but didn't complete" because I tend to read at least 2-3 books at a time and sometimes I am so busy with work that they get pushed aside for weeks at a time.

6. I make way too many references to my favorite books, shows, and songs when talking to people. The top 5: Jane Austen ("You have no compassion for my poor nerves!"), Doctor Who (usually about the TARDIS being drunk), Elf ("you sit on a throne of lies!"), Mean Girls (I don't actually love this movie but it's so quotable; "Four for you *insert first name* Coco. You go, *insert first name* Coco."), and The Philadelphia Story ("Oh, C.K. Dexter Haaaaaveeeen...").

7. My friends love to take me shopping when they need something because the Hufflepuff in me can find things very quickly. Yes, that was a Harry Potter/A Very Potter Musical reference... and, yes, I got sorted into the Hufflepuff house on Pottermore. I am a Hufflepuff. Anyway, I have a knack for finding things incredibly fast so my girlfriends like taking me to stores so that I can cut their shopping time by more than half. Last time I did it, I found an entire outfit for one of my good friends in less than 15 minutes... and through racks she'd already gone through. Before that, I was taken to a record store to find some awesome vinyls of the jazz/blues genre for a friend's boyfriend. I should charge for my services. lol. 

8. I drive like a grandma according to some people. I stick to speed limits and will rarely go faster and that drives some of my friends crazy. I'm sorry but the speed limits are there for a reason and if you've ever driven in L.A., you know why I'm super cautious when I drive. People be cray cray. There are way too many almost accidents in my part of L.A.

9. Though I stink at html, graphics, and all of that, I am very proud of myself for creating the blog's new look. Yes, I only customized a Blogger template and I didn't make the banner graphic (I only found the font and used it to write "Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer") but still. Better than nothing! I am happy because the previous layout was too cluttered for my taste (it was made that way by someone else). Let me have this little moment of happiness. Please. 

10. Every person and time in my life has a song unintentionally assigned to them. I'm very musically inclined (and I actually miss my guitar very much at the moment) so this isn't that much of a surprise. Every friend has a song that I associate them with. Every big event in my life has a song attached to it. However, no one knows what songs they are... and they may never know. ;) I will say that friends have done the same to me and the top 3 I get are "Rhapsody in Blue" by George Gershwin, "Sing Sing Sing" by Benny Goodman, and "Georgia on my Mind" by Ray Charles -- all favorite songs of mine.

And now you know a little more about me. I am going to go work on my novel now since I have loads of free time tonight. :D Hope this wasn't too boring for y'all. 

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Jesus, Take the Wheel

A week ago today I got my driver's license. I often get asked why it took me so long to get it and the answer is simple: anxiety. Yesterday was St. Dymphna's feast day but I'm taking Sundays as a day of rest from everything (including blogging) so I didn't write anything. Needless to say, I believe that is through her intercession and, really, God's grace that I have been able to get progressively better just in the last year alone. I haven't had a full blown attack in months (I believe that not since before the New Year) and it's been both very freeing and a bit of a challenge.

I always thought of my anxiety as more of a gift than a burden. Somehow I felt closer to God when I was going through my panic attacks. I used to offer up the very worst ones for whatever or whomever needed them. Now that I don't really have them anymore, I have a sort of challenge of finding myself again because anxiety and the panic attacks had been so much a part of me for the past decade.

Halfway through my behind-the-wheel test, while I was nervously trying to focus on the examiner's directions, this song title came to mind: Jesus, Take the Wheel. I took a deep breath and inwardly said "Okay, God, if I don't pass this driving exam it's because I'm not supposed to yet. If I'm going to hurt someone or myself, then I accept not passing." I immediately relaxed. A few minutes later I pulled into DMV parking lot and the examiner congratulated me on having passed my exam. I was beamed and I thanked God. (side note: I actually drove to church later in the day and knelt before the tabernacle and thanked God, as well as kept my promise to the Infant of Prague.)

I've found myself having a lot of these "Jesus, Take the Wheel" moments in the past couple of months which may explain why the anxiety has also lessened. Though I still stress about things, I eventually let them go and say "Your will be done, Lord." It's hard not to have anxiety (strange but true) but it gets easier remembering that if you put your trust in God, everything will work out. I've always said that I believed that everything happened for a reason but it was never truer for me.

Anyway, I thought it would be fitting to include Carrie Underwood's song in this post since it was this song that's been sticking in my head for a while now and because it's Monday and I like to have Music Mondays when I can. :) And, I will admit, I cried while watching the video... especially the part with the older gentleman and his wife because I did the same thing the gentleman did but only in my case it was my father and I so it brought back those memories.



Anyway, I am not feeling 100% so I'm going to try to take it easy today. :) I hope y'all have a great start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Freedom!!!; Eve of St. Agnes and the Knowing Future; No Winner Yet!

"... but you will never take my freedom!" Alright, so I'm paraphrasing that quote but whatever. I am happy (ECSTATIC!) that I've finally been given the "okay" by my therapist to drive! You guys have NO CLUE how long I've been waiting for this moment! I know how to drive (very slowly, but still) but had to wait to get the okay to re-start the whole process to get my license. I couldn't before because the DMV had the right to refuse me a license while I had no control of how I would control my anxiety. My therapist said I'd made huge progress in the last couple of months, and a solo outing this past Tuesday pretty much sealed the deal, I was given the "okay" to go for it. *does happy dance* You don't know what a pain it is to have people drive you everywhere. Whenever I don't feel like going out, my chauffeur (aka dad) would want to go out. When I was feeling fantastic and wanted to get out, he'd refuse. Hopefully this new development will allow me to regain the independence I once had. I'm not going to go crazy, but it'll be nice to be able to get out when I'm feeling up for it. Being trapped in the house eventually makes you batty. I speak from experience. lol. And, hey, now I can go to confessions and Mass without having dad get upset with me (because he was missing a football [soccer] match). Of course, I have no idea when I'll finally get my license but the fact that I now can is super exciting. :D

Alright, so, the feast day for St. Agnes was yesterday but I still wanted to mention it because I'm very curious about something. Did any young women do the whole ritual on the eve of her feast day? I know this particular thing was famously mentioned in one of John Keats' narrative poems, so I was wondering if anyone actually did it. I was contemplating doing it, just for kicks and out of curiosity, but I didn't for two reasons. First, because it's a superstition and superstitions are frowned upon in the Church. Do I want to go to confession and admit to doing this? Not so much. Second, I got to thinking -- if it was true and it did work, WOULD I want to know who my future husband is? If I had the chance to know something about my future, would I take it? I kept thinking of that last question and applied it to everything in general. I came to the conclusions that, no, I would NOT want to know anything about the future. Maybe it's the adventurous side in me (yes, I do have one. lol) that doesn't want anything spoiled.

There's something beautiful about not knowing exactly what God has in store for you. I used to get very frustrated with not knowing what would happen. I (thankfully) outgrew that way of looking at things. I think a lot of people do have that within them though, especially with how grim everything in the world is looking. Everything happens for a reason. If you go through a tragedy or an illness, there's a reason behind it. I don't see these things as punishments for doing something wrong/bad. They're just things that happen to make you see/realize something you'd been missing. For example, me and my constant issues with anxiety. On the downside: I've missed a lot of things because of it. I graduated from high school a year and a half before I was supposed to, yet I'm not done with college yet. Upside: I've changed who I was for the better. MUCH better. There were a lot of negative aspects of myself that I had and I've been able to eliminate through the illness. I've also been able to see who my real friends were, which has my life a lot sunnier and less dramatic.

I had one "friend" resorted to bad mouthing me to anyone who would listen, a few years ago. Granted, I probably deserved a portion of what she said because part of what she said was true (see, I can own up to my part in that problem) but the lengths she went to were a bit extreme. To have someone you thought you trusted do such a thing to you, well... you can just imagine. Regardless what she did to me, I've long forgiven her for it. I'm actually extremely grateful that she did this (okay, well not EXTREMELY, but pretty close, lol) because it showed me that I was strong enough to handle something like this. I didn't know I was capable of letting things go, not holding any grudges, and having the courage to not retaliate. If this had happened a few years ago, I would've put up a fight. Oh yeah, I was that feisty/defensive. But since getting sick, I've realized that it isn't the way to go. There's so much hate and anger in this world, I don't want to contribute to that. (All of this will be in the novel, trust me.)

So, y'all see why I wouldn't want to know about what the future has in store for me? If I hadn't gone through what I went through, and if I had known what the outcome would've been... I would have NEVER really grown up and changed. (However, if you did the St. Agnes thing, please let me know. I'm curious about this. lol).

Alright, so, before I go I have to say that NO ONE HAS WON YET! No one's been able to successfully figure out. I will give ONE away because it's one of the hardest ones. Kasabian's "Club Foot" is common ground. Both Will and I love that song (basically, for the same reason/memory), and it's also a turning point for both characters in the novel. No one thinks I'd like that song... but you do now. lol. I'm also upping the "prize". The first 3 chapters of the novel for the winner. Good luck! :D

I've written a novel on here, haven't I? Well, I guess I'll shut up and stop typing now. :D Hope everyone has had a great week so far! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Oh, P.S. if you're following my Twitter -- fever finally broke after 48 hours with it going up and down... and I'm feeling fantastic now. Thanks for your prayers!
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