Come at Me, (Negativity) Bro: Anger, Forgiveness, and Silver Linings

As you might've noticed, I did not post every single day last week as planned. Guest posts fell through and I found myself having a horrible weekend (Friday through yesterday) so I didn't have anything good to post. However, I do feel like sharing what happened because it's a part of who I am and has contributed to my own growth as both a person and a Catholic.

I won't go into detail about what happened on Friday through Saturday. Let's just say that my faith and my beliefs were seriously challenged in a way that I never thought. I was placed in a situation in which I had to ask St. Benedict's intercession (as well as St. Michael Archangel's over the weekend) and only fueled the fire to get officially enrolled in the brown scapular (more on this in a bit.) It wasn't until I talked to my confessor that I felt better. I hope and pray that I am never put into that situation again (and, for the record, I did not seek it). The good thing that I got out of it is another reaffirmation that I love God above everything and that I would never do anything intentional to hurt Him. This brings me to what happened yesterday in which I had another one of these affirmations.

I will start off by saying that I've been using my iPod touch for confessions (I have the iConfess app) as well as for Mass (I have the iMissal as the first app on the screen). I've been using both for years now. Only once had I had an usher tell me to put it away only to let me keep using it after he saw that I had the iMissal app open and that I was using it to follow along during Mass. After that one time, he would even tell others about how I used the app, impressed that I would have it. Yesterday was a whole different story.

Like I said, I've been using these apps for years. I don't have it on the entire Mass; mostly just for readings (for better concentration) and for the Nicene Creed so that I don't mess it up. As soon as the Creed is recited, it goes back in my bag. It doesn't disturb anyone. I don't make noise. It stays as low as I can have it to make sure it doesn't distract anyone. The usher yesterday, who I've seen in Mass more than once, decided that yesterday it was going to be good to publicly tell me to put it away (as I was putting away)... right as soon as the Creed was recited... in front of everyone... and everyone in the general area heard it quite well. I tried to explain, and show him, that I was using it for the Nicene Creed but he kept being super rude about it and, well, to not slip and badmouth him let's just say that my response was to cry at the end of the exchange. So I cried for the next 20 minutes of the Mass... and the next half an hour after that. I have never felt so insulted and humiliated in church before.

My initial response was to leave because I was so angry that he would do that in front of everyone. My response when angry is usually silence and/or tears... and removing myself from the place or person who caused the response. I was angry at the usher for how he handled the situation and angry that I was angry at him right before communion. Since I knew that I did not want to receive Christ while angry, I did my best to talk myself out of the negative feelings. I am sure the Holy Spirit helped me in this situation because, even though I was still crying when I received communion, I was not angry doing it. What I did instead was not think about it and have an inner dialogue with God. I thought (since I know He knows my heart and mind) "I'm here for you, God. Nothing anyone will do or say will keep me away from You. I did not come to please others but you. If this is just another stumbling block the Evil one has for keeping me away, it's not going to work. I'm here for YOU because I love YOU." In that instant, I got the sudden inspiration to go up to the usher after Mass to tell him that I forgave him... and I did.

After Mass (and after the priest nearly denied me communion -- I'll get to this in a second), I walked up to the usher and said "I forgive you." He walked to the side and we talked. The anger and bad look he had given me seemed to have melted from his face. He explained that he couldn't let me use the app, even though he figured out (after I tried explaining what I was doing), because then he would have to let others do it too. I couldn't understand (and still don't) the logic behind that but I saw where he was coming from. I told him that I felt like he humiliated me when all I was doing was trying to stay focused and concentrated during Mass. I didn't mention that I also do it when I am terribly anxious to stay focused because I don't want to use anxiety as a crutch or an excuse. Either way, I once again reiterated that I forgave him and he apologized for his actions. That was the end of that.

And, now, you're probably asking: "so why did the priest nearly deny you communion?" Well, I think it was because I didn't stick my tongue out enough. Like I said, I was still crying at that point but I still tried to make myself strong and receive communion. The priest was going to place the host on my tongue but took one look at me, pulled it back, and said "stick out your tongue" in a manner that hurt. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong even though I've received the Eucharist in that way before. Tongue was out but apparently not good enough for him. I was already hurt and then having the priest give me that look and say "stick out your tongue" in a tone that was, well, hurtful to me (I don't know how else to describe it).

So, to sum up my day: 1) the alarm didn't go off (which was weird in itself) and we rushed to Mass, 2) the usher did what he did, and 3) then I felt like a priest nearly denied me communion. All in the span of 2 hours. That, after the Friday and Saturday I had, made me feel like they were huge stumbling blocks placed before me to make me lose it, to make it seem like God did not want to close to me (and I did have a split second thought that maybe I had done something wrong and that I did not deserve to be close to Him), and basically keep me away from Him. But, like I said in my inner dialogue to God, nothing will keep me away from Him. I won't give up attending Mass or going to church. I would ten thousand times get my feelings hurt by others during Mass as long as I know that God loves me and that I'm doing things right. That is the silver lining I found in all of these situations. My faith is stronger, my love for Him has grown exponentially (I never thought it was possible to have my heart grow that much and filled with more love than I thought I was capable of).

Of course, I will try to buy a missalette to use to avoid the usher situation again (I can see how it could be distracting to others though I was doing nothing wrong). I will keep attending Mass. So, negativity... you can come at me (bro) but I won't give up on my faith or God for anything or anyone. I know I already said it but I also wanted to repeat it. :D

So, that's it. That was my interesting (and horrible) weekend. It stunk but, in the crud I dealt with, I still found some beauty which is all I could ask for. :D

I may continue the positivity posts for at least this next week since I didn't get to finish it last week. We shall see. :D

Anyway, I am going to go figure out what to do with my Thesis (oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, as of today, it is officially released and I can share it.) :D

I hope you all had a better weekend than I did and that you have a great week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Rumours and Threats

Yes, I spell "rumor" as rumour. I often prefer British English spellings. ;)

I didn't post anything yesterday because of how well Tuesday's post was doing. Also, I am buying myself time for a guest post. :) Anyway, I'm back with the posts... and it's one that I am sure will hit close to home for a good number of readers.

As the post title suggests, we're going to talk about rumours and threats. When I was a freshman in high school (into my first semester of sophomore year), I attended a public high school. I didn't fit in with any of my peers though I tried my best to socialize. After the first semester of sophomore year, my social anxiety had been so horrid that I ended up being switched to home schooling (through the school) for the following semester.

Side note before continuing: A quick "in a nutshell" description for those who haven't read my blog long enough: I had a History teacher who used to love to humiliate me in class and coupled with a young man who tried to force himself on me in an empty office on campus (and being told to not bother reporting it as no one would believe) plus unnecessary drama within the clique I had lunch with (mostly classmates who were in the Math and Science magnet program I was in), well, it all ended up with my development of anxiety (which I am still working through, many years later).

Anyway, after we saw that I would not be able to continue attending that school, I left but kept in touch with some of my classmates. It was through some of them that I found out that there were rumours flying as to why I had left. They ranged from "oh, she's pregnant and had to be pulled out" to others that I won't repeat (nor, frankly, do I want to remember). When I got on the medication Paxil, I went from a size 5-6, and a healthy 125 pounds, down to a size 00 (yes, that is a double zero) and 98 pounds. It was the medication and how bad the anxiety was that had given me such a drastic change but the rumours once again went flying that the real reason why I had left was because I had become anorexic.

Not only were there rumours about me but I also began receiving death threats. A former classmate of mine (whom I knew was sending these messages) had gotten a different screenname/email address and started sending me messages which were disturbing. They ranged from telling me to kill myself, that I was fat, that I was stupid, etc to outright telling me that if I ever went back to school, he would kill me. I reported him to the school and, guess what, they said they couldn't do jack about it and to deal with it on my own. Seriously. Who tells a 15 year-old girl to deal with a guy telling her to go kill herself or that he would do it, on her own?

Both of these things have stayed with me (which I know I have to work on in therapy to get some of the anxiety issues out of the way) and it's not a picnic to think about. The reason I bring these two issues up is because I see a lot of it going on lately... even within Catholic circles. And, okay, maybe not the "go kill yourself" extreme but definitely threats and rumours that help no one. What benefits does anyone get from it? None. Not only are you hurting someone with your words and actions but you're also hurting your own soul. Think about it.

All of this has given me an idea... and a challenge for all of us. Instead of going at it with someone and having the argument escalate to an unhealthy level, why not pray for the person instead? Not only that, pray for your own patience. Someone starts slinging mud and you find that you can't have a productive conversation with them to settle your differences, say "God bless you" and walk away. I know it's easier said than done (even I have issues with this sometimes) but I can be done. If someone starts a rumour about you, clarify it and then let it be... without slinging mud at the people spreading it. If you're mad at someone over something, but don't say anything directly to them, pray. Also, if you hear a rumour about someone which you know isn't true, don't be afraid to clarify it... without getting into an argument about it. 

It's so easy to criticize, badmouth, and simply be uncharitable towards others yet it's so much more rewarding to leave it all in God's hands and walk away. There is already so much hate in this world... why contribute to it? And, I will admit, I've been guilty of doing this too (seriously, I've ranted about my neighbors when in a foul mood) but I'm going to try to let things go. Who knows, this may help with the stress and anxiety that I and some of you feel in general.

Anyway, just wanted to put this out there. I'm really sad about the infighting there is. We should help evangelize and get the Good Word out there, not tear each other down. Speak the truth, love God and your neighbor, and trust that He will be Just where justice is needed.

I'm gonna go spend some time with my books (calling it research for my novel ;D) now that I'm written and have had my one simple pleasure of the day (playing my guitar; I posted a picture of it on my twitter if you want to see it. :D)

I hope you are all doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

One Simple Pleasure Per Day

Like Rapunzel, I like to rock out on the guitar when I'm home alone.

I was watching The Wish List on the Hallmark Channel (I am a sucker for their movies) and one of my favorite parts is where the character Fred describes his one simple pleasure rule. Basically, he makes sure he has one simple pleasure (for example, a greasy cheeseburger) that is quick and easy to get per day. Though it was a quick scene it got me thinking that maybe I should do the same.

Let's take a moment to think about whether or not we have something similar. I don't know about you guys but I don't always do it. I'll be the first to admit that I like routine but that I also like to deviate from it once in a while to keep myself from getting bored. Though I am still on the job hunt (btw, if y'all know of any jobs I can do at home, let me know), I still make sure that I have something to do every day. Cleaning, washing, and cooking are the main ones. Driving mom to and from work is another big one. Fridays are my usual grocery shopping days. I'm online. I read. I drink tea. All of these things make me happy but I wouldn't consider them my one simple pleasure.

I've decided to make an effort to have my own daily simple pleasure that does no involve being online (aka tumblin' on tumblr), reading, or drinking tea. AND I'm going to make sure that it differs every day. With our busy (well, okay, I'm not that busy; writing/editing my novel is as close to it as I get) schedules, with all the stress, and crumbs we deal with every day, we should be able to enjoy something that makes us forget about it all... even if it's only for a couple of minutes. I challenge y'all to do the same. One thing. One quick and easy thing (that is not illegal or immoral... and, yes, I felt the need to write this.) Be silly. Be happy.

AND while you're at it, do one daily simple pleasure that will please God. Pray for someone who hasn't asked you to pray for them. Do an act of charity anonymously. Buy a homeless person lunch. Help older ladies and gentlemen when you see them at grocery stores by themselves. Remember that God has given us so many wonderful things that we don't always pay attention to because we're always rushing; why not do something to thank Him for everything?

Anyway, this is my positive challenge for y'all. :D I hope some of you take me up on it.. or even pass on the suggestion to someone who's been having a hard time lately. :D

I hope you are all doing well.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Positivity Week; Music Monday: Britt Nicole's "Gold"

Welcome to this week's themed blog posts. Yes, there will be a theme throughout the week and, yes, I do plan on writing something (even if it's a paragraph or two) every day this week. I am kicking off the post-a-thon with Britt Nicole's "Gold" because it goes perfectly with this week's theme... and I am always looking for an excuse to post music on this blog. ;)

"So what is the theme?" you may be asking yourself. Well, a lyric from the song I've chosen describes it best: "whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold."

On Twitter and Facebook I've seen so many pointless arguments in which we (I am including myself in it even though I don't partake in them) sling mud back and forth. I've also seen really depressing posts and tweets in which people who have been hurt and trampled on begin to believe the horrible lies others have said about them. For example: "you're worthless," "you're ugly," "you're fat," "you're stupid," etc results in "I guess they were right." No, they weren't.

In an effort to combat all the negativity, I've decided to write a week full of positive posts. It hurts me to see so many friends and acquaintances suffering and this is the only thing I feel I can do (besides praying for them and talking to them individually). And I'm not doing it lightly. I'm going to be writing about issues which I am sure some of you would've never thought I would dare write about... but I am. I won't single anyone out. I will put my own personal touch to it, as well as bring in some guest bloggers for some of them, so that no one feels like I'm talking about them specifically. Just read and I hope that it helps you if the topic particularly touches you. :D

Anyway, just a heads up. :) I'm still trying to limit my time alone so I'm going to go clean my room now that I have stocked up on cleaning supplies. Yes, I get my kicks cleaning. Judge me if you want. ;)

I hope you all have a great week this week. :) If you have any prayer requests, let me know. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

7 Quick Takes #1

--- 1 ---

I've been contemplating doing these since I see a lot of my #CathSorority gals posting it up on their blogs. I think it'll be good as it'll keep me actively blogging without having to worry about some super amazing post that will take me a while to write. I hope to continue this tradition every Friday.

--- 2 ---

 I applied for a job (which is based in New York City) that I could've done at home and I was very excited about it until I found out that they would not even look at my application because of some ridiculous laws the state of California has regarding taxes. If I lived elsewhere, I would've had a decent shot at it. Thanks for continually messing things up for me, California. *thumbs up* lol. Seriously, though, job hunt continues.

--- 3 ---

I have come to the conclusion that I may forever be a tomboy... and I am surprisingly okay with that. I'm been on a health kick lately, wanting to get into running and being my old athletic self, mostly because I miss being active. I still have my uber girly side (if you've ever seen my wardrobe, you'd understand; lots of pinks and reds) but I'm getting to the point where I'm so comfortable in my skin that even when I'm wearing sweats, sneakers, and my hair in a ponytail I still feel feminine.

--- 4 ---

This week I've been more actively conversing with my #CathSorority gals and it's been like a breath of fresh air for me. I know I've mentioned it before but I really don't have many girl friends I hang out with because I loathe cattiness and the drama that goes with so much estrogen in one room. It's great to have the support of gals who feel the same way... and who, through their friendships, are helping me get closer to God.

--- 5 ---

I keep having dreams that I'm traveling with both of my parents. So far I've been to Vancouver as well as a couple of places in Europe. I know it's the travel bug starting once again but, being jobless and having no more savings, I know it'll be a while until I can get out of California again.

--- 6 ---

Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies will be the end of me. I just discovered them and my self-control is getting a workout because of how delicious they are. lol. Thankfully they are dairy and egg free.

--- 7 ---

I know y'all will probably get sick of hearing about this but can I just say how helpless I felt when I heard about the Aurora, CO shooting? When I learned that a 3 month-old baby was a victim, I had to keep myself from tearing up. Prayers for all those who were affected by this tragedy.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

That's all for this edition.

Everyone have a great weekend and God bless. :D

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

... Man, now I want to hear the song from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy soundtrack.

For the record, no, I am not leaving or discontinuing my blogging. I am, however, saying goodbye to a lot of the time I would've normally spent online.

I noticed that most of the last couple of blog posts (excluding the novena posts) have contained some sort of ranting. Though I do feel like I was within my right to express my unhappiness over certain situations, I've also come to the realization (with a little help from God) that a lot of my recent stresses have come from being online so much. Just because I have so much free time (and go through books uncommonly fast) does not mean I should get online. I'm a young and (I hope) creative woman, I should be able to brainstorm and think of more productive and/or stress-free things to do with my time.

Thanks to Emily's post (as well as one about kicking technology to the curve -- just don't ask me for the link since I forgot to bookmark it and don't remember where I read it), I've also made the decision to go back to the basics. I've been considering it for the past couple of weeks but reading these posts was the push I needed to actually do it. This means: less Twitter, less Facebook, less online games (not renewing my membership to anything), and (this pains me, lol) less Spotify since I will be trying to give my laptop a break every couple of hours (hey, I still write and am working on my novel). When I do use the laptop, I'll be disabling my WiFi connection so that I am not tempted to browse. This does not mean I am quitting cold turkey as I do have Grad School applications and emails to respond to but I am cutting back quite a bit. Of course, I will continue to blog... and I hope that, by cutting back on the time spent online, I will be able to write better and more meaningful posts than I have in the past. My iPod and Android phone are also getting makeovers. Less apps (and I may also eventually cut back on my current phone plan so that I have a cheaper and more basic one) and less clutter. Like I said, I've been thinking about this for a while and I think it's now the right time to implement this change.


One of my best friends and I have also been getting into the habit of writing letters through snail mail rather than emailing. Since we currently live in different states (and I don't know when I will see her again), we also try to have a Google Hangout session every once in a while... because there is nothing better than having face-to-face conversations. Even if it's online, there can be no communication errors because we're seeing each other as we talk. Emails, messages, and texts... they've all become so impersonal. It seems like our communication has lost a lot of meaning because of how it's currently done. Because of this and other reasons, we're going back to the old fashioned way of communicating. Plus, let's be honest, there is something more romantic about receiving something your significant other has taken the time and effort to write for you longhand than a quick email. Just a little hint in case my future boyfriend/husband ever stumbles across this post. ;) lol.

It's not going to be easy as our society is so immersed in media but I'm going to work on it. This is not me saying that all media and technology is bad. For our Church, there are definitely upsides to using it in order to evangelize. For me, as an individual with nothing valuable to contribute while I am jobless and with a future that has yet to take shape, my time would be better spent offline for the meantime. This also does not mean that I will stay away forever. I think that, once I can contribute better, I will increase my online activity. For now, I'm going to work on myself offline and keep you guys updated through this blog and an occasional tweet. :)

This is not a goodbye. I have a feeling my blogging will increase as a result of pushing Twitter and Facebook to the side. This is a challenge I willingly accept and I will let you all know updated. :D And, I am actually headed offline soon so that I can (hopefully) have something of substance written for tomorrow. ;)

I hope you are all having a great start of week thus far... and that you will let me know if I can pray for you today or any day that you need it. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

A Few of My Nerdy Things

One of my favorite bloggers/people, Clare, was kind enough to tag me with this blog award so now it is my turn to do the same. :D

Since I have been chosen to do this (as per the rules) I must now list 7 random facts about myself and then pass this along to 15 other bloggers. Okay, this may be a little hard but... let's do this. ;)

1) I collect Holy/Prayer Cards. Any Mission, Cathedral, or Catholic bookstore I go in -- the rack of prayer cards is typically the first place I go to. And as I typed this out, I decided to take a picture to prove it. Btw, this is just a small fraction of what I actually own. The far right, bottom one I got at an Irish imports shop (it's of Our Lady of Knock). I acquired the prayer card with a prayer in honor of Our Lady Mother of Divine Providence during today's trip to Pauline Media and Books Store.

2) I spend way too much time on tumblr. A lot. And I will probably get disowned by the tumblr folks for mentioning it (apparently it's like Fight Club; I shouldn't even hint that it exists.) If you want to get to know me and my personality better, it's a good place to start. Warning: most of my pictures are either flowers, landscapes, about Vancouver or reading/books.  

3) I love taking long walks and hiking. I'm not big on running (though I hope to get into it before the year ends) but I still love being outdoors. This is one of the big reasons why I want to go to Ireland; I desperately want to attempt the climb up to Croagh Patrick at some point in my life. For now, I'll just have to make do with the local hiking trails (which are still pretty good).

4) I prefer getting up at 4-5 a.m. and getting everything done early than sleeping in. The only downside to that is that I also like the nighttime, especially when there are concerts or other events going on. The hours of 1 p.m. through 7 p.m. bore me. lol.

5) I love listening Perry Como and Jimmy Durante songs. I know people can call them (more so Perry) corny and old fashioned but I really, really love the music. Also, the album As Time Goes By: The Best of Jimmy Durante is a staple on my Spotify account.

6) I can do a lot of voice and singing imitations... but you have better luck at winning the lottery than hearing me do them. lol. Because of this ability, I briefly considered doing voice over work. In the end, I didn't want anything to do with the entertainment business.

7) There is a soundtrack for every major moment in my life as well as for every season (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter). I can still tell you what I used to listen to when I started Kindergarten or graduated from Elementary School. Would you expect anything less from this self-proclaimed music nerd... whose Confirmation saint was St. Cecilia? ;)

Okay, that took me at least an hour to do. It wasn't as easy as I thought.

I won't do the 15 bloggers because I don't know 15 bloggers that would do this BUT I invite anyone from the #CathSorority to give it a shot. ;)

And since it's currently 3:35 p.m., I'm going to go pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy and catch up with my prayer requests. ;)

That is it for now. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Three Years Since Dad Passed and He's Still Teaching Me

This blog didn't end up the way I intended but you're welcome to read my ramblings anyway. :)

I can't believe it's been three years since my dad passed away. Three years ago exactly today. I still think it's quite interesting that he died on the feast day of St. Benedict of Nursia who is a patron saint for dying people. I've already written about my feelings two days before he passed, about the day he died on this blog post as well as a more detail account of my father's reversion in this issue of Envoy Magazine so I won't repeat it.

The last three years have gone by really fast. I'm starting to forget things like the way he sounded when he spoke as well as his facial expressions. I remember my favorite memories of him and I've nearly completely forgotten all the bad ones (which is good). We're now very used to our new life... but it still feels weird. I occasionally still think (when I'm half asleep) that he's going to get home from dropping off mom from work in the morning... even though that is now my responsibility. I've honestly forgotten the routine we had (as a family) prior to his passing. I'm not going to dwell on this though; I'm going to talk about the positive things that this anniversary have brought.

Though I have been in a completely foul mood (though this is a combination of nosy neighbors and the anniversary happening at once) and a lot of my worst traits have come up (like completely shutting down when I'm angry), I feel like this is a good thing. Never have I ever been more hyper-aware of my actions and words. With all the negative coming out, I've been able to pinpoint what I have to work on as well as what I can do to either prevent it or how to deal with things in a better way. A lot of times I think about my dad and how he dealt with things and I adjust both my thinking and actions accordingly. To be honest, in a way I feel like I'm getting ready for the next step God wants me to take. I've been feeling it since last month but the feeling has gotten stronger lately. I don't know what that next step is (possibly career related since I am looking for a job still) but I'm definitely changing for the better.

I haven't been attending daily Mass (though I really, really want to) as of late but I've been getting in the habit of praying for others. You know, actually praying for others instead of just saying I will. Let's be honest, most of us do this: we say we'll pray for someone but then we get sidetracked and never actually do it. Intention is there but we stink at the execution of the intention. I usually get everyone in the day's Rosary and, if I get late requests, I save them for the next day. If they are urgent or unique, I do it individually instead with the Rosary. Sometimes I get 20-25 requests on Twitter and Facebook (especially when I post something about it) and sometimes I only have one prayer request so I add people who haven't been asked me for prayer request but still feel the urge to pray for them. (side note: You can always tweet/DM me or post a request on the FB page.) I've been offering up the anxiety I've had up for the more urgent requests... and it's all done me a world of good. My anxiety's been down (hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, lol) and I generally just feel better. I try to do at least one act of charity (even when I'm in a bad mood) anonymously. I actually prefer that no one knows what I do or for who. :) And, as I mentioned in the last blog post, I used to get ridiculed for wanting to help but now I don't have that fear so I am doing more and more.

I've found myself drawn to praying in front of the tabernacle more often as well. Due to my anxiety, I haven't been attending Mass as often as I want (though the last two times were successful) but I'm definitely in "must pray" mode for the most part. And, before anyone asks again, yes, I am sure my vocation is not a religious one. lol. If I can sit in front of the crucifix on my bedroom wall and just pray, I'm happy. There are some days when I don't feel very close to God but it's a struggle I'm happy to work through.

As for other positive changes: I'm slowly becoming less selfish and more charitable. My temper has gotten a workout lately (I don't like people trying to pry into my personal life) but I've noticed that a couple of things could've been prevented and that I brought some of it onto myself so I don't have anyone to blame but myself in those situations. I'm still learning (I truly believe we never stop learning nor bettering ourselves) and these things have really opened up my eyes to my actions. All of these things are connected to my dad but I won't say how because I want to honor him. Let's just say that even though he's gone, he's still teaching me about what is important and how to act in certain situations. :)

Anyway, this was more of a rambling than anything. Not exactly what I planned but things rarely go as planned. :) Before I go I will say: daddy, we still love and miss you terribly but we know you're in a better place. And, thank you for continuing to help shape the young woman that I am. You may not be here to scold me or to encourage me but I still remember that the last thing you told me was that you trusted me and my decisions and I'll carry that with me for the rest of my life. <3

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :) And don't forget to send me those prayer requests!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Why I Adopted Bl. Pier Giorgio as My Spiritual Brother

Before I properly begin this post, I just wanted a wish all my fellow Americans a happy and safe 4th of July. Be safe and make smart choices. ;)

Happy feast of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. I hope some of you made it through the entire novena. Novenas are hard because it's easy to miss a day or two so props to whomever made it through the entire thing. And, also, thank you to those who would retweet the link on Twitter. :D

I was originally going to write a review on a book about the life of Bl. Pier Giorgio but I had lent it a friend and I just got it back yesterday so no review yet. :) However, since it is his feast day and I am grateful for everything he's taught me, I will tell you all why I chose to "adopt" him as my "spiritual brother."

Many of you refer to your patron saints as your heavenly buddies and I've always found that lovely. I also refer to my own patron saints (and especially St. Therese of Lisieux) as my heavenly buddies. With Bl. Pier Giorgio, it's different. I've known about him for the past four years (I was introduced to him when he was named one of the patron saints of World Youth Day 2008) and I immediately felt a sort of pull towards learning as much as I could about him. I was pleasantly surprised, after doing some research, that he was exactly the kind of person I needed in my life as a role model.

As I wrote a couple of years ago, when I was a little girl, I would get ridiculed for wanting to help others. The story that still sticks out in my mind is the one of when we were in Mexico and a lady was sitting on the side of the road, asking for money for her and her son. My dad (may God rest his soul) made fun of me when I gave the little boy the bag of peanuts I had just gotten. I was a kid and didn't have money and seeing the little boy with dirt on his little face and clothing made me want to cry. The only thing I could offer him were the peanuts I had in my hand. My mother raised me to give to the less fortunate (having been adopted herself, I can understand why she would teach me to be this way) so I didn't even think twice about my actions. When I was fun of, it made me feel bad about myself, as if there was something wrong with me, but not about my actions. When I read about how Bl. Pier Giorgio, as a little boy, had given his shoes and socks (right off of his feet) and had done it quickly so his own father wouldn't get on his case about it, I knew I'd found a kindred spirit.

While I have many saints I look up to, Bl. Pier Giorgio has been the one that has stuck with me the most. When I learned that he had died only two exams short of his university degree, I asked for his intercession in helping me find a way to pay for the tuition to the CINO college (before I knew it was a CINO college). I was set to start my junior year at the CINO college in 2009 but when my father died that summer, I pushed it back to 2010. Somehow (which I'm crediting to Bl. Pier Giorgio's intercession) the $20,000 per year loan I would've needed to ask for (if I had started in 2009) ended up being a tiny $2,000 loan my senior year. I didn't ask for scholarships and grants (I remember my saying that a job would be fine if I could do it with my anxiety) but that is what I got. After the financial blow of my father's death, I felt like this was Bl. Pier Giorgio's gift to me. He couldn't finish his degree but he was going to help me finish mine.

One more story before this gets too long: on this day, three years ago, I went to the 7 a.m. Mass since I had asked my old parish to celebrate the Mass in honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio's feast day. This was at the time when my father had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks. That morning I prayed with all my heart that Bl. Pier Giorgio intercede for us; that he pray for my dad so that he would no longer suffer. I still remember the ride to where my dad was -- the song that was playing and the thoughts that ran through my mind, as well as the tears that were shed. I had hoped that his intercession would help my dad and that it would be the one he needed to be declared a saint. Exactly one week later, my father died. In a strange way, I feel like my prayers were answered. I had asked for my father to stop suffering and that is what happened. From what the doctors told us in the IC, they gave my dad all the meds necessary so that his death was pain-free. I also remember that my dad died a pretty peaceful death. He just breathed in his last breath and looked as if he'd just fallen asleep, a peaceful look on his face. Though it still hurts that he's gone, I'm grateful that he didn't suffer as much as he had the last couple of months of his life.

Because of all of these (and more) things, I've felt as close to Bl. Pier Giorgio as I do to my own brother. A few weeks ago I was thinking about it (about he felt like a brother to me) so I decided to "adopt" him as a spiritual brother. I feel like I can talk to him (while in prayer) like I would a big brother. A few weeks ago, I was in line to receive the Eucharist when I felt like I would faint and I thought to myself "Help hold me up, at least until I can make it back to my seat"and pictured him physically helping hold me up in line and I almost immediately stronger. Of course, this was all a visualization technique I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy for when I have anxiety, but it made me feel stronger and as if I really had him there with me... and for me. I feel like, just as he did with his own sister, Luciana, he is going to be there for me and to help God guide me down the right path and to do God's will without fear.

Okay, wow, I haven't written this much in a while. Sorry, it just sort of spilled out of me. I've actually ignored my fresh cup of tea, that is how into this I got. lol. I should probably go do chores now, especially since I am trying to not waste my time. While I don't have a job yet, I still have a duty to keep my home clean. :)

I hope you all are having a great week thus far. Oh, and, before I forget, don't forget that you can always email me, tweet/DM me, or post a prayer request on the FB page. Please, take advantage of it. I've found that nothing makes me happier during my day (aside from attending Mass) than praying the Rosary for the intentions of others. Believe it or not, it helps with the anxiety. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Novena in Honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Day Nine

Day Nine:

Jesus says: “Blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on My account.Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven.”

Pier Giorgio responds: “We who by the grace of God are Catholics must steel ourselves for the battle we shall certainly have to fight to fulfill our program and to give our country, in the not too distant future, happier days and a morally healthy society. But to achieve this we need constant prayer to obtain from God that grace without which all our powers are useless.”

We pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, show me how to bear all wrongs patiently. Help me to accept the sufferings which others inflict on me because of my desire to be faithful to Jesus.

Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who protects the innocent, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (mention your request.)

Litany of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (for private devotion)
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

God our Father in heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, pray for us. 
Loving son and brother, pray for us. 
Support of family life, pray for us. 
Friend of the friendless, pray for us. 
Most Christian of companions, pray for us. 
Leader of youth, pray for us. 
Helper of those in need, pray for us. 
Teacher of charity, pray for us. 
Patron of the poor, pray for us.
Comfort of the sick, pray for us. 
Athlete for God’s kingdom, pray for us. 
Conqueror of life’s mountains, pray for us. 
Defender of truth and virtue, pray for us. 
Opponent of every injustice, pray for us. 
Patriotic citizen of the nation, pray for us. 
Loyal son of the Church, pray for us. 
Devoted child of the Madonna, pray for us. 
Ardent adorer of the Eucharist, pray for us. 
Fervent student of the Scriptures, pray for us. 
Dedicated follower of St. Dominic, pray for us. 
Apostle of prayer and fasting, pray for us. 
Guide to a deep love for Jesus, pray for us. 
Diligent in work and study, pray for us. 
Joyful in all of life’s circumstances, pray for us. 
Strong in safeguarding chastity, pray for us. 
Silent in pain and suffering, pray for us. 
Faithful to the promises of Baptism,  pray for us. 
Model of humility, pray for us. 
Example of detachment, pray for us. 
Mirror of obedience, pray for us. 
Man of the Beatitudes, pray for us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V.   Pray for us, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, 
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Let us pray:  Father, You gave to the young Pier Giorgio Frassati the joy of meeting Christ and of living his faith in service of the poor and the sick.  Through his intercession, may we, too, walk the path of the Beatitudes and follow the example of his generosity, spreading the spirit of the Gospel in society.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

IMPRIMATUR, November 2, 1994:
+Joseph A. Galante, D.D., J.C.D.,
Bishop of Beaumont, TX 

Novena in Honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Day Eight

Day Eight:

Jesus says: “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Pier Giorgio responds: “To live without faith, without a patrimony to defend, without a steady struggle for truth – that is not living, but existing.”

We pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me silence in the face of personal humiliation and unjust criticism. But guide me to be courageous like you in standing on the side of God’s truth. Help me to be faithful to Him in all things, so that His Will may be done in and through my life. Show me how to persevere in the struggle for those things which are holy and honorable.

Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is the source of grace and truth, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (mention your request.)

Litany of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (for private devotion)
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

God our Father in heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, pray for us. 
Loving son and brother, pray for us. 
Support of family life, pray for us. 
Friend of the friendless, pray for us. 
Most Christian of companions, pray for us. 
Leader of youth, pray for us. 
Helper of those in need, pray for us. 
Teacher of charity, pray for us. 
Patron of the poor, pray for us.
Comfort of the sick, pray for us. 
Athlete for God’s kingdom, pray for us. 
Conqueror of life’s mountains, pray for us. 
Defender of truth and virtue, pray for us. 
Opponent of every injustice, pray for us. 
Patriotic citizen of the nation, pray for us. 
Loyal son of the Church, pray for us. 
Devoted child of the Madonna, pray for us. 
Ardent adorer of the Eucharist, pray for us. 
Fervent student of the Scriptures, pray for us. 
Dedicated follower of St. Dominic, pray for us. 
Apostle of prayer and fasting, pray for us. 
Guide to a deep love for Jesus, pray for us. 
Diligent in work and study, pray for us. 
Joyful in all of life’s circumstances, pray for us. 
Strong in safeguarding chastity, pray for us. 
Silent in pain and suffering, pray for us. 
Faithful to the promises of Baptism,  pray for us. 
Model of humility, pray for us. 
Example of detachment, pray for us. 
Mirror of obedience, pray for us. 
Man of the Beatitudes, pray for us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V.   Pray for us, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, 
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Let us pray:  Father, You gave to the young Pier Giorgio Frassati the joy of meeting Christ and of living his faith in service of the poor and the sick.  Through his intercession, may we, too, walk the path of the Beatitudes and follow the example of his generosity, spreading the spirit of the Gospel in society.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

IMPRIMATUR, November 2, 1994:
+Joseph A. Galante, D.D., J.C.D.,
Bishop of Beaumont, TX 

Novena in Honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Day Seven

Day Seven:

Jesus says:  “Blessed are the 

peacemakers, for they shall be called 

children of God.” 

Pier Giorgio responds:  “I offer you 

my best wishes – or, rather, only one 

wish, but the only wish that a true 

friend can express for a dear friend:  

may the peace of the Lord be with you 

always!  For, if you possess peace 

every day, you will be truly rich.”

We pray:  Blessed Pier Giorgio, 

despite your daily struggles, you found 

peace by fostering your own well being 

in work, study, and play; in prayer 

alone and with others; in silence and in 

song, in laughter and in serious 

conversation with friends.  Guide me to 

that inner peace which will enable me 

to share peace with others. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your 

intercession in obtaining from God, 

Who is our peace, all the graces 

necessary for my spiritual and 

temporal welfare.  I confidently turn to 

you for help in my present need:  

(mention your request.) 

Litany of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (for private devotion)
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

God our Father in heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, pray for us. 
Loving son and brother, pray for us. 
Support of family life, pray for us. 
Friend of the friendless, pray for us. 
Most Christian of companions, pray for us. 
Leader of youth, pray for us. 
Helper of those in need, pray for us. 
Teacher of charity, pray for us. 
Patron of the poor, pray for us.
Comfort of the sick, pray for us. 
Athlete for God’s kingdom, pray for us. 
Conqueror of life’s mountains, pray for us. 
Defender of truth and virtue, pray for us. 
Opponent of every injustice, pray for us. 
Patriotic citizen of the nation, pray for us. 
Loyal son of the Church, pray for us. 
Devoted child of the Madonna, pray for us. 
Ardent adorer of the Eucharist, pray for us. 
Fervent student of the Scriptures, pray for us. 
Dedicated follower of St. Dominic, pray for us. 
Apostle of prayer and fasting, pray for us. 
Guide to a deep love for Jesus, pray for us. 
Diligent in work and study, pray for us. 
Joyful in all of life’s circumstances, pray for us. 
Strong in safeguarding chastity, pray for us. 
Silent in pain and suffering, pray for us. 
Faithful to the promises of Baptism,  pray for us. 
Model of humility, pray for us. 
Example of detachment, pray for us. 
Mirror of obedience, pray for us. 
Man of the Beatitudes, pray for us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V.   Pray for us, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, 
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Let us pray:  Father, You gave to the young Pier Giorgio Frassati the joy of meeting Christ and of living his faith in service of the poor and the sick.  Through his intercession, may we, too, walk the path of the Beatitudes and follow the example of his generosity, spreading the spirit of the Gospel in society.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

IMPRIMATUR, November 2, 1994:
+Joseph A. Galante, D.D., J.C.D.,
Bishop of Beaumont, TX