What I Learned Wednesday #17: Love Thy Neighbor Edition

I promise that Anne Shirley breaking a slate over Gilbert Blythe's head is relevant to this post.

I don't know about y'all but I have really nosy neighbors. They want to know (and usually do find out) everyone's business. Most of the time they also exaggerate and/or create gossip out of thin air. As someone who likes her privacy, I get really annoyed with it and with questions about where I'm going or what I'm doing (or who's that guy?!). That annoyance has landed me in the confessional a couple of times so I thought to myself this week "why not look at what it says about 'loving thy neighbor' and write a post about that?" So, here we are... and here we go.

1. In Matthew 22:39 it clearly states that: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"... which isn't easy when said neighbor is doing something that's just plain mean. Example: A neighbor of ours told me that my mother had spoken ill of me. This neighbor isn't exactly known for being truthful 100% of the time and I knew that my mother hadn't said anything of the like but I still brought it up to my mom. Not in a confrontational manner but in a "hey, mom, Mrs. *insert surname* said that you had something this about me." Mom was, unsurprisingly, upset that someone she thought she could trust had said such a falsehood. It was just mean. Who would lie to potentially create friction in the household of "dear friends"? Well, who am I to judge the kind of person who would do that? Sure, I don't like it but it gives me no right to turn around and judge them and their actions. Do I want to go to confession for having uncharitable thoughts or seeking revenge on this neighbor? Not really. A smile, a cordial greeting, and straight to my house or car is all they're getting from me these days.

2. I've had to remind myself that, while anger is a natural human emotion, one must not dwell or act upon it. Not that I've acted upon it but I used to beat myself for getting angry at what my neighbors would say about me and/or my mother. Once, there was a rumour going around that my mother was involved with a former building manager... when it reality the guy was actually trying to court me. Yes, I used to the words "court me." We knew who started the rumour. It was the same person who, on a trip to the ER because I had an allergic reaction to food, said that I was "dying" and "throwing up" and a whole bunch of other things that were not true. I was livid. This woman who had said that I had been more ill than I was was also besmirching my mother's name and reputation for no good reason. During times like this I have to remind myself: "Be angry, and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your anger" (Ephesians 4:26) as well as "Revenge not yourselves, my dearly beloved; but give place unto wrath, for it is written: Revenge is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord." (Romans 12:19) So, even though I am uber ticked off at times when neighbors try to make up rumours about myself and my mom, I'm learning to say "Okay, my anger is justified but I have to let it go and focus elsewhere."

3. The biggest thing I learned this week was that I really didn't know where everything I wanted to add to this blog was in the Bible. I knew that it spoke about loving our neighbors, turning the other cheek, not acting in revenge, and about gossip itself but I am so out of touch with reading the Bible that I had to look them up (also looked in my Catechism). In fact, there was so much material that I couldn't fit it all in this blog post. However, it also dawned on me that I may not be the only one. So, a challenge: look it all up in the Bible. If you have a problem with a nosy neighbor or one who likes to slander folks, look up what the Bible says and then pray for them. There are a number of reasons why these neighbors may be acting the way they do but it all boils down to them hurting themselves. Their words and actions hurt them more than they hurt those who are the objects of their gossip and rumours. Just think of what it means for their own soul. Pray for them and pray for patience for yourself if it really bugs you. My go-to prayers when I am trying to keep uncharitable words from coming out of my mouth is to say "Good gracious, give me patience" and "My God, have mercy on their souls."

Oh, I'll slip and gripe ("Ugh, why don't they mind their own business?! My business doesn't concern them") but that's what lands me in the confessional so I'm trying to get better at it. I'm nowhere near perfect but I have to remind myself that when (as my British friends like to say) I'm being a "stroppy cow", I have to be kinder than I feel. Not always easy but not impossible either. :)

I should also note that you can say something to the neighbors about their actions but I'm the "avoid conflict and arguments at all costs" kind of gal so that's why I wrote this post as someone who would rather turn a cheek and be silent. Trust me, in my situation it would be best to keep my mouth shut.

Anyway, that's it for this week's edition of What I Learned Wednesday. It's something that's been occurring more often so I thought I'd write out my thoughts/feelings.

And now I have a date with a cold glass of water (hello, summer heat wave) and a snack before I have some girl time with a good friend. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Rumours and Threats

Yes, I spell "rumor" as rumour. I often prefer British English spellings. ;)

I didn't post anything yesterday because of how well Tuesday's post was doing. Also, I am buying myself time for a guest post. :) Anyway, I'm back with the posts... and it's one that I am sure will hit close to home for a good number of readers.

As the post title suggests, we're going to talk about rumours and threats. When I was a freshman in high school (into my first semester of sophomore year), I attended a public high school. I didn't fit in with any of my peers though I tried my best to socialize. After the first semester of sophomore year, my social anxiety had been so horrid that I ended up being switched to home schooling (through the school) for the following semester.

Side note before continuing: A quick "in a nutshell" description for those who haven't read my blog long enough: I had a History teacher who used to love to humiliate me in class and coupled with a young man who tried to force himself on me in an empty office on campus (and being told to not bother reporting it as no one would believe) plus unnecessary drama within the clique I had lunch with (mostly classmates who were in the Math and Science magnet program I was in), well, it all ended up with my development of anxiety (which I am still working through, many years later).

Anyway, after we saw that I would not be able to continue attending that school, I left but kept in touch with some of my classmates. It was through some of them that I found out that there were rumours flying as to why I had left. They ranged from "oh, she's pregnant and had to be pulled out" to others that I won't repeat (nor, frankly, do I want to remember). When I got on the medication Paxil, I went from a size 5-6, and a healthy 125 pounds, down to a size 00 (yes, that is a double zero) and 98 pounds. It was the medication and how bad the anxiety was that had given me such a drastic change but the rumours once again went flying that the real reason why I had left was because I had become anorexic.

Not only were there rumours about me but I also began receiving death threats. A former classmate of mine (whom I knew was sending these messages) had gotten a different screenname/email address and started sending me messages which were disturbing. They ranged from telling me to kill myself, that I was fat, that I was stupid, etc to outright telling me that if I ever went back to school, he would kill me. I reported him to the school and, guess what, they said they couldn't do jack about it and to deal with it on my own. Seriously. Who tells a 15 year-old girl to deal with a guy telling her to go kill herself or that he would do it, on her own?

Both of these things have stayed with me (which I know I have to work on in therapy to get some of the anxiety issues out of the way) and it's not a picnic to think about. The reason I bring these two issues up is because I see a lot of it going on lately... even within Catholic circles. And, okay, maybe not the "go kill yourself" extreme but definitely threats and rumours that help no one. What benefits does anyone get from it? None. Not only are you hurting someone with your words and actions but you're also hurting your own soul. Think about it.

All of this has given me an idea... and a challenge for all of us. Instead of going at it with someone and having the argument escalate to an unhealthy level, why not pray for the person instead? Not only that, pray for your own patience. Someone starts slinging mud and you find that you can't have a productive conversation with them to settle your differences, say "God bless you" and walk away. I know it's easier said than done (even I have issues with this sometimes) but I can be done. If someone starts a rumour about you, clarify it and then let it be... without slinging mud at the people spreading it. If you're mad at someone over something, but don't say anything directly to them, pray. Also, if you hear a rumour about someone which you know isn't true, don't be afraid to clarify it... without getting into an argument about it. 

It's so easy to criticize, badmouth, and simply be uncharitable towards others yet it's so much more rewarding to leave it all in God's hands and walk away. There is already so much hate in this world... why contribute to it? And, I will admit, I've been guilty of doing this too (seriously, I've ranted about my neighbors when in a foul mood) but I'm going to try to let things go. Who knows, this may help with the stress and anxiety that I and some of you feel in general.

Anyway, just wanted to put this out there. I'm really sad about the infighting there is. We should help evangelize and get the Good Word out there, not tear each other down. Speak the truth, love God and your neighbor, and trust that He will be Just where justice is needed.

I'm gonna go spend some time with my books (calling it research for my novel ;D) now that I'm written and have had my one simple pleasure of the day (playing my guitar; I posted a picture of it on my twitter if you want to see it. :D)

I hope you are all doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D