Book Review: How to Get to "I Do" A Dating Guide for Catholic Women

Whoever said using Twitter was pointless was wrong. If it hadn't been for Twitter, and author Amy Bonaccorso sending me a friend request, I wouldn't have heard of this book when I was in the midst of (sort of) questioning my vocation. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so when I was re-thinking my vocation after a particular difficult time for me this, for me, was like a sign from God to have patience and that what I was experiencing was just a little bump in the road. Now, I don't particular like talking about my relationships and that part of my life but I will disclose some things that I think will helpful when reviewing this book. By the way, for me to do this means that the book was actually helpful which is more than I can say for other books aimed for single Catholic women whose vocation is marriage.

First off, I actually ended up loving this book a lot more than I had anticipated. I've read (and reviewed) other books dealing with the same subject but I felt like this book was the only one that was realistic in how relationships truly are. Others tend to romanticize relationships. Although I am a hardcore Janeite and am a hopeless romantic, I do know that real life is not a Disney fairy tale. I like to call myself a romantic realist. A lot of books play up the romance once you find the person with whom you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with. They don't tell you about all the frogs thrown against the wall (instead of kissing them) or about how we should not have our minds clouded by visions of engagement rings and wedding bells. What I liked the most of this book is that it covers everything from the dating to after the wedding which most other books won't even go into. Amy acknowledges that we are human and that we do make mistakes and she works with us instead of preaching.

When you get to be my age (golly, that makes me sound old doesn't it? lol), people begin to question why you aren't married or with children. Especially in the Hispanic community, it's almost unheard of for a young woman to not have at least a significant other at 25. I often get questions on whether I feel my "biological clock ticking", especially since there are more complications during pregnancy as a woman gets older. I must admit that I do occasionally think about it because I do have a strong desire for children (a far cry from my "no children, thank you" stance at 20 years-old, before my reversion). At the same time, I don't want to rush myself or things so I've had a "slow and steady" view. This book covers that... and how! The chapter of "Secular Sisterhood", as well as the entire book, made me realize that I was relying way too much on having God put the guy in my path. I was stuck in the same little rut and that if I want to meet people I have to actually get out there (while still maintaining my morals and beliefs.) There were some things that were advised that I wasn't entirely comfortable with because of my temperament.

I'm actually pretty shy at first, especially when around people of the opposite sex, so of the suggestions to get out there and mingle are a bit daunting for me. It's not as easy for me to be so open right off the bat. It isn't until I feel comfortable enough with someone that I act like the goofball that I am with friends and family. I felt like my personality wasn't compatible with some of the advice in which she encourages us to actually get out there and date. I occasionally felt as if I were almost being pushed into acting in a way that is very outside my comfort level. I actually had to look within to figure out why that was and even after I figured it out, I was still not entirely sure it was for me... but that's okay. I did see where she came from and I can see why she would advice some things but I'd have to modify it to fit my own personal comfort level. I liked that I got this out of the book as I hadn't with any other before. It made me feel more confident about how I feel about dating and who I was as an individual person.

Throughout the entire thing I kept thinking about recommending it to various people, Catholic and non-Catholics alike, because it's full of great advice. Amy mentions setting a time limit with the vocation discernments which I, from personal experience, found to be excellent advice. When I was discerning my own vocation I didn't set one for myself but Fr. Leo did... at I was glad he did. He saw something in me that I was still figuring out and advised me to wait 2 years before I decided on becoming a nun. Before the two years were up I knew in my heart that the religious life wasn't for me. Discerning a religious vocation should be taken seriously and not delayed which many young women and men do. I LOVED (yes, it needed to be in caps) that she mentioned that the single life should not be the "last option" if you're not called to the religious life and can't find a person. I have seen many friends seriously consider the priesthood/religious life or becoming a consecrated single because they can't find anyone and their patience isn't the best.

This book really goes into online dating which I was a little wary on. I'm not knocking it but I've always been friends with someone before dating them and I feel like a lot of people just want to jump into relationships because they're physically attracted to someone (and only for that reason). Some people also try to present themselves in a way that they aren't (putting their best foot forward... even if it's not who they really are) which makes me a little nervous. At the end I have come to consider it because it may a little easier as I blush and stutter easily when I first meet people. I still haven't done it because I'm very cautious (hi, mostly Phelgmatic here, remember?) but I'm more open minded to the idea of using it.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I was actually going through a bit of a weird time in which I was questioning whether I had discerned my vocation properly. I had actually begun the second 54 day Rosary novena (which ended yesterday) to pray for not only my vocation but also that of a couple of my friends. It was a time when I wasn't the only one questioning their vocation but I was the only one who was sure that their vocation was that of marriage and not religious life or of being a consecrated single. Without going into much detail, I was dealing with feelings for a friend who was (and still is) discerning his own vocation while having another fella from my past show up and thus reminded me of a time in which I seriously considered becoming a Carmelite nun. It was a lot of fun. lol. I also had other things that contributed to my confusion. Since I don't have a spiritual director at the moment (and haven't had one since Fr. Leo passed away a little over a year ago) I was trying to make sense of everything without much help. The novena (which is always hard at first) was something I started hoping to either be at peace with my vocation or to help me figure things out. I didn't like that I was going into a spiritual desert (which I endured throughout most of Advent almost up until Christmas). A couple of days into novena came friend request and the eventual purchase on Amazon. It was the best decision I made during my time in the spiritual desert and it helped me make sense of the feelings I had for a friend with some amazing epiphanies that helped me greatly.

If I had to summarize this book in a nutshell I'd call it advice you'd get from an older sister who wants the best for you... without being preachy. A lot of dating/courtship/relationship books aimed for Christian women are a little too much. While I do agree that God should have a place in a relationship, this book doesn't shove it down your throat. It didn't have a "if you don't do this and this and that then you're displeasing God and thus ruining your relationship" vibe. Again, she acknowledges that everyone is different and that we're not perfect which takes the pressure off of feeling like we must behave in a certain way. I would definitely recommend this book for single women AND men (and I was mentally making a list of which guy friends I'll personally speak to about this book) of all ages. :D

I don't think this is the last time I will write about vocations as I'm taking a Theology of Marriage and Family class, but I think this is it for now. ;). lol. I hope y'all have had a great week thus far... and that I've peaked the curiosity in some of you enough to make you want to read this book. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Music Monday: Bruno Mars' "Marry You"

Is it just me or does this following song make anyone else sad and just a little offended? Just listen to the lyrics and you may see what I mean.



I don't know about anyone else but I'd feel slightly insulted if a guy sang this song to me. Really, you're "looking for something dumb to do" so you want to marry me? Would you like my 5 older brothers to hunt you down in the process? They'll gladly do that too. lol. Anyway, this song is just a precursor/hint to a review that's going up tomorrow (around lunchtime, God willing) of a book that ended up being so much more helpful than I imagined it would be.

Alright, I blogged so whoever threatened to take my guitar away can just simmer down for now. lol. I also have a couple other posts ready to publish... as soon as I finish them. Blame school for my lack of time. :D

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Someone feel free to kidnap my guitar if nothing is up tomorrow night. That may be the only way I actually post. lol. ;)

Until tomorrow... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Just a Simple Request

I took this picture from my school. Isn't it pretty? Too bad the same can't be said for what goes on inside...

Posting will hopefully resume tomorrow (Friday) but can y'all do me a little favor and just pray for me? I'm in the first week back to classes at the CINO college and, well, let's say that they've managed to outdo themselves (in terms of what is being taught) in just four day (thus far). I will explain all but if y'all can pray for my sanity as well as being prepared to defend the Faith whenever it is attacked, I'd greatly appreciate it. Details will come soon... trust me. lol.

Thanks in advance!

2010: The Year This Nerd Grew Up

Photo by Nino Andonis.

No, I was not immature (or I hope I wasn't) but I felt like I did a lot of growing as a person this year. I started the year kind of numb, a little apathetic, still mourning the death of my father and ended the year feeling the most alive and spiritually fulfilled that I've been to date.

As I said, I started the year in mourning. My mama went to my dad's room at the strike of midnight and broke down in tears as it was our first New Year without him. I also cried but I think it was harder for her as they were married for nearly 27 years before he passed. A week into the New Year I decided that I did not want to be in the rut I was finding myself in. I did not like feeling numb to most emotions. I did not like being a walking zombie who did not care about a lot of things. Though my faith thankfully did not take a hit, I was still going through the motions without emotions. To be honest, I didn't really snap out of this state right away. It wasn't until this summer, a year after my father's death, that I truly felt like myself once again. The hardest days for me were what would've been my father's 67th birthday, my birthday, and Father's Day. Thankfully I had amazing friends all year that helped me out. The majority prayed for me to get out of my state depression and mourning. Some went to Mass with me and I had two go to the cemetery with me to leave flowers on daddy's grave. I was thrown the best birthday party ever (breaking my bad birthdays "curse")... and basically everyone made sure I never felt alone. Whether they were online friend or friends I got to see in person, I was (and still am) to have truly amazing friends.

Of course, this year had the usual ups and downs. I was sick but less than usual. The anxiety was under control for most of the year (and, bonus!, I finally got to the root of it so I can hopefully move on) and I didn't have many health problems except for the stomach bug I got a few days ago (now you see why I haven't posted in a week?) and two allergic reactions. Otherwise, I'm solid, man. lol. :D School was a trip. For those following my tweets and my blog posts, y'all know what I mean when I say that school was interesting. Little did I know that my experiences at school would bring me so much attention... which I am still surprised by.

The CINO (Catholic in name only) College post unexpectedly blew up. I kind of wanted to hide, to be honest. I don't like being in the spotlight (or the limelight) but my post helped others which is all I wanted. I ended up on websites like the Cardinal Newman Society and First Things blogs. I got tons of comments, emails, and phone calls (seriously!) with words of encouragement, advice, and even schools offering to help me transfer to their schools where being faithful Catholics was the norm and feminist, liberal agendas were nowhere to be found. As I explained, financial and family responsibilities ultimately kept me at the CINO college I wrote about but I'm much more confident going into the next semester (though I don't start until the 10th). I have friends who help me out when I'm stuck on things that professors bring up. I'm still learning about our beautiful Faith so I occasionally need help. Thankfully I also have Patrick Madrid helping me which is amazing 'cause I'm learning a lot from him. Oh and something else that Patrick helped me with was getting my first article published in Envoy Magazine. I am very grateful for having had the opportunity and it only solidified my dream of doing what I want to do for a living which is writing. I still have a lot to learn but I've been fortunate enough to have good guidance. :)

Personally, I think I've grown a lot. From the late night-early morning epiphany I had last January in which I realized how lucky I am to have left my old life and dedicate myself to my faith and to doing God's will to coming out of the spiritual desert I just came out of, I have never felt closer to God than I did this year.

Oh, and in case you're wondering what I'm talking about when I say spiritual desert... in a nutshell, I just spent Advent being attacked by you-know-who with things I did not even know I would ever have to deal with. I had to deal with a lot of issues I'd unknowingly buried when I was a child and I went through a really rough time right before (and during) finals. I believe that if it hadn't been for the second 54-day Rosary novena I'm currently doing and my soul sister Angelica being there for me, I don't know how I would've (emotionally) survived. I had weak but secularly logical "valid" reasons to be angry at God, but I wasn't and still am not. I know other people who've gone through similar experiences have blamed God and/or lost their faith but I didn't. If anything, I came out of the spiritual desert with a greater love of God... and it's given me absolutely no doubt as to what my vocation is. On the contrary, I'm looking at the whole experience as a blessing. Though I spent nearly a month in constant tears and trying to make sense of everything, I feel like I had to go through everything in order to be completely ready for my future role as wife and mother. I'm still single and am in no rush, but never before have I felt more ready for whenever my future husband decides to show up. In fact, I'm excited that I will be sharing my vocation with someone and that we our love of God will only get strengthened by it. (Though, knowing men, whoever the guy is probably got lost and has refused to ask for directions thus making me wait a little longer. Typical. lol. jk.) I will soon write more about this -- you have been warned. ;)

Anyway, I've learned so much about myself and I've gotten some comfortable in my own skin that I feel like I can say that 2010 was the year this nerd grew up. The months of February (at the beginning of Lent) through May were especially good for me on this front. Maybe it was because I was entering my 25th year or maybe it was because, as I believe, God is getting me ready for the next phase of my life but I really did grow as a person and I thoroughly enjoyed the process. By the way, who knew that knowing what my temperament, Phlegmatic-Sanguine, would help me on the path of self-discovery? As I said right before my birthday, in my unofficial declaration of independence (from expectations and peer pressure), I decided to embrace who I was and be unapologetic of it. Although I still have a hard time being assertive (except when I fight against heresy and blasphemy in my classes as this is when my passionate Sanguine side comes out; I'm a lot quieter and can be quite shy in person which I know some of you aren't used to online, lol) I don't deny who I am and what I like and am steadfast in my beliefs. I've lost friends in the process but those who were really my friends have stuck around. :) I have a new outlook in life, and no longer live in the past, which has made me very happy with myself and with where my life is heading. :D Needless to say, 2010 was an amazing year for me despite the lows.

And this concludes the final blog post of the year. :D I still have to pray the Rosary novena for the day as well as take care of my mama who's sick with food poisoning (or possibly the start of the flu I just dodged). I hope everyone had a great year. I want to thank everyone who left a comment, sent an email, or sent me a tweet. Y'all made my year that much better. :D

I wish everyone a wonderful 2011 and look forward to seeing what the year brings (besides the start of my senior year this Fall). Oh and my 26th birthday at the end of May can just get lost; I'm good with being 25 and looking like I'm still in high school. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Christmas Traditions; First Year with a Nativity

As Christmas is only a few days away I've been trying to figure out just what Christmas traditions we're going to be doing to sort of make up for last year since we didn't celebrate anything from the last Father's Day (June 2009) we had my dad until my 25th birthday this year. Unfortunately, we were still in mourning and kind of numb to everything last Christmas so there was no celebrating. This year, however, I've been on a mission to celebrate Advent and Christmas properly. Being Mexican, Spanish, Irish, and Italian I have a lot of traditions that I'm trying to incorporate into our humble celebrations this year.

First off, with the help of my confessor, Fr. Peter, we were finally able to convince mom to get a Nativity scene. Yes, you read that right: we didn't have one until last week. Actually, we had one when I was growing up but it got broken/thrown away/lost when I was about 7 years old. We haven't even had a Christmas tree since I was that age as well. My parents weren't/aren't anti-Christmas but for some reason we just didn't really celebrate it aside from some presents (though I didn't always get those because I've asked for no presents for a number of years) and the occasional Mass. As I said, things are going to change this year.

The main thing behind my plans is that we remember one important thing: Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ and the hope that gives the world. The Nativity, though quite small, in the living room was the first step. As mom and I are still growing in our faith (and I don't think we ever stop growing with in comes to the love we feel for God), it was important for us that this (as well as the Advent wreath and candles at the beginning of Advent) were the first things that were taken care of. Since I've been stuck in bed (and indoors) for the past 5 days, both due to being sick and due to the torrential rain, I haven't been able to put the other plans into action just yet. Hey, I have 2 more days and most of what I need involves going grocery shopping and cooking/baking so I am not behind schedule. ;)

We have one new tradition, inspired by my paternal grandmother's side of the family, which I have ready but I won't have up until Christmas Eve. In Ireland there is a tradition of lighting a candle and placing it in the windowsill on Christmas Eve. It is said that this was done to symbolize a welcome to the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph on their search for shelter. Tradition says that the light is to be lit by the youngest member of the family, which is me in this household as it's just mom and I. Tradition also says that the candle should be extinguished only by someone in the family named Mary but the last Mary we had was my late paternal grandmother so we'll have to assign this to either a guest (since we've had family members unexpectedly stop by) or my mom turn it off. Yes, "turn it off" since we will have an LED candle on the window. Since we live in an apartment, and the manager would have a cow if we lit an actual candle overnight, we'll have to settle for one that we can get away with. :D

I will spend Christmas Eve baking. I've never tried to make a pandoro (an Italian sweet bread; a nod to my maternal grandmother's part of the family) but I guess this weekend is as good as any to try. We may buy a Mexican Rosca (different style from the Spanish and Portuguese versions) but those are usually pretty expensive and too big for us. I would attempt to bake it by myself for Christmas but I may not have enough time with all the other things planned. I'll save the attempt for the Epiphany in which, once again, our heritage will help us celebrate. I will save those celebrations for another post though. ;) I also have other plans that involve food but not for ourselves. I enjoy giving for more than receiving... and my friends can attest to my specific instructions for no presents both on Christmas and my birthday (though I'm rarely listened to.)

I will try to go to Midnight Mass this year though I will have to go by myself as my mother has to work on Christmas and her shift starts at 5 in the morning. (There is no rest for those who work in hospitals.) If not, I will at least be tuning in to the Solemn Mass of Christmas Eve with Pope Benedict XVI via EWTN (online as Time Warner Cable is greedy and took my channels away) and then attending Mass on Christmas morning.

I'm always curious to hear others' Christmas traditions so please share if you'd like in the comment section! :D

Alright, I have a lot to do as I'm a couple days behind on the annual clean-a-thon (those reading this blog long enough will know what I'm talking about) and I need to start getting the last phases on my plans in motion. :D

OH! And if you haven't already: please vote for the patron saint of this blog for the coming year. At the moment, St. Therese of Lisieux is in the lead with 10 points followed by Mary Undoer of Knots and St. Gemma Galgani tied for second with 8 votes each, and Blesseds Louis and Zelie Martin, St. Raphael Archangel, and St. Thomas Aquinas tied for third with 7 points each. Last year it really came down to the last day of voting for St. Cecilia to win so your vote still counts. Only 9 more days of voting left! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!