Merry Christmas, Everyone! Happy 9th Anniversary, Blog!

I just wanted to write a quick "Merry Christmas, everyone!" message to you lovely readers. I hope y'all have had a beautiful and blessed Christmas. I hope y'all had a chance to go to Mass, unlike me who woke up with my body aching and my mom at work. Of course, I then proceeded to feel better once the local day Masses were all finished. Sigh. Yes, it's an unfortunate no-Christmas Mass streak for me; I think I've been to Christmas Mass maybe once or twice in the past 10 years. I'm serious. Something always happens, almost without fail. Car issues, health issues...; you name it, it's probably happened. I gotta talk to a priest about that...

Today is also the 9th anniversary of this blog. Insert confetti, streamers, and noisemakers here. ;) 9 years ago, today, I bit the bullet and decided to start this blog. I actually spent a long time thinking about starting one but I didn't do it until right before Christmas Day ended in 2007. Wow, it'll be a decade next Christmas, God willing. Also, wow, I was 22 years-old when I started this blog. I was such a baby then. lol. I'm not perfect (at all; hashtag: understatement, lol) and I still have a lot to work on but having your lovely comments and support throughout the last 9 years has been amazing. A question for you long-time readers (5+ years; I know who some of you are): aren't you sick of my boring life yet? lol. ;)

Anyway, the apartment is freezing because we can't turn on the heater (side note: both Mom and I get headaches with heaters on) so I'm going to go walk around the living room for a little while to warm up. It's better than walking around, saying "¡tengo frío!" ("I'm cold!" in Spanish) every time I walk by my mom. Hooray for random dance party time. ;)

Thank you for continuing on this journey with me. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Nice Try, Scrooge!

Apparently, Scrooge wanted to stress me out right before Christmas. Awesome! lol. So, what happened? Yesterday I received an email informing me that my financial aid had been suspended despite having a 3.03 GPA. I know two classes tanked my GPA but it was still well over the 2.0 GPA minimum requirement to continue receiving financial aid. I had called earlier in the semester -- as soon as I knew I had to retake a course -- and had been reassured that I would be okay. Immediately, I called my school's Financial Aid office and got to the bottom of things.

When I withdrew 2 years ago, I was taking 5 courses... and I ended up getting 5 W's because I withdrew a month away from finals. Anyone who has read the blog for a while knows how sick I got two years ago; I couldn't continue without harming my health further. To this day, 2+ years later, I'm still recovering from how sick I made myself during that time. They counted them as attempted courses and I had fallen under the 67% attempted courses/pass since I didn't pass one course this semester. I didn't fail it but it was still one I have to retake next semester and thus it's down at 65% for the requirement. I told the person I spoke to about my situation -- about withdrawing two years ago due to health issues and how I began this semester in and out of the hospital due to an acute kidney injury and how I had 3 heart holsters fitted throughout the semester. She told me to get online and fill out the suspension appeal application and state so.

For the next hour or so, Mom and I turned our apartment upside trying to find hospital paperwork from Fall 2014. We couldn't find anything so I submitted what I had from the past semester; all the paperwork with my bloodwork results, the discharge papers stating I had an acute kidney injury during the first 3 weeks of the semester, and the current medical issues they have on file for me. I'm still recovering but I've been doing better in recent weeks. (Side note: my doctors are completely stumped as to what is causing the pancytopenia and other mineral/vitamin deficiencies. They are ordering another Celiac blood test for February since I had intense mental fog up until I cut wheat and other gluten foods completely out of my diet). I had done well at the end of the semester with my exams so it wasn't like I was just goofing off. For a brief moment, I worried and stressed whether it would be enough. Then I was reminded that if it was God's will, it would work out and I would continue. If not, I had other options to either continue down this SLP path or do something completely different. Either way, this would only be a small obstacle that wouldn't hold me back from moving forward.

I honestly didn't think about or stress over it. I checked my email when I woke up this morning but then promptly forgot about it. I had (and have) other things to do between now and Christmas and then between Boxing Day and New Year's Eve occupying my mind. I had put it in God's hands and had done everything I could do on my end. Almost 24 hours after the email, I received a new email from them. Since I had submitted the appeal application before their work day was over (and they make these decisions on Thursdays) yesterday, I received their decision today. My appeal had been approved with a ton of strings attached; all strings that (God willing) won't be an issue for me next semester. I wasn't expecting an answer until next week, to be honest. Still, I did a happy dance in the car (I was waiting for Mom to come back to the car from a store) and I'm sure I looked silly to those who walked by but I didn't care. Huge sigh of relief.

Ever since I started the 54-day Rosary novena on All Saints' Day, I've noticed a huge change in me (as have other people). I won't write out my reflections on it until (hopefully) tomorrow because tomorrow is the last day and who knows what may pop up in my mind before I officially finish day 54's prayers/Rosary. Let's just say that resigning myself to God's will, as well as accepting that it's okay to slow down and take care of myself, has been doing me a lot of good. Nice try, Scrooge, but God has other plans for me. ;)

Anyway, just wanted to write about this to get it off my mind for good. Writing is completely therapeutic for me which is why I write. :)

I have a lot of things to do (that I really don't want to do; ugh, pre-Christmas laziness...) so I should attempt to not be a lazy bum and get some things started so I can finish them by New Year's Eve. Yes, that means I'm starting my annual clean-a-thon a week beforehand so I don't feel rushed in the last days of the year. ;)

I hope y'all have a lovely weekend and a wonderful Christmas (for those who are taking a social media/internet break from Christmas Eve through Christmas Day).

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

When People React Strongly to Your Blog Posts

Okay, wow... I did not expect the response I got from the blog post on Mental and Emotional Purity. Some of the comments were positive and I found out there were more like-minded people. Others were... not in agreement and made it known. I act felt attacked by a couple of comments but I tried to let it roll off of me because I knew what I had posted. I knew people were going to feel strongly about it but I also knew that I wanted to share my own thoughts. Still, I wasn't anticipating how much was misinterpreted.

I thought I'd made my thoughts clear in the post that those were my own thoughts and feelings on the subject. I thought I'd made it clear that I didn't have an issue with sex; I just don't want to hear about other people's experiences, especially when it gets graphic. I wasn't expecting for people to make me feel like there was something wrong with me for choosing to not want to hear or think about these things. I wasn't expecting people to throw (and I'm paraphrasing) "well, if you have an issue with chastity..." comments in my face. I wasn't expecting to feel as terrible as I did. But I did... and I had to remind myself that those were just other people's opinions and that I'm fine with my own thoughts because it's what I feel is right for me.

Funnily enough, no one talked about the issue of being careful with things like Hallmark movies or chick lit books. No, everyone focused on the part in which I mentioned sex. Go back and see for yourself... I talked more about the emotional part. No one touched that. It was interesting.

I've been reading Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II's Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri and a lot of what I was trying to say in the blog post was written perfectly in the book. I haven't read anything on Theology of the Body and I'm still learning about human sexuality from a Catholic perspective -- I've only gotten an "education" on human sexuality from liberal professors at secular colleges -- but it all pretty much aligns with what my thoughts and feelings about it. (side note: If you haven't read the book, or Pope St. John Paul II's Love and Responsibility, I highly recommend both.)

I don't regret what I wrote because I wanted to be honest with my thoughts and feelings on the subject. It was also a wonderful conversational starter with some people who disagreed but wanted to talk more about where I was coming from. People who bothered to talk to me about what I had written -- to make sure they understood where I was coming from -- ended up knowing that I meant no harm in what I had written. Those who made their comments (some very harshly) and didn't bother to continue dialogue after speaking their mind and reading my responses, I'm not angry with y'all. I'm sad we couldn't talk about it in a civil way but it's okay.

I'm going to continue writing about my thoughts. I did warn everyone that this was going to happen. I'm going to lose readers like I lost Twitter followers a couple of days ago. That's fine. As I said a couple of days ago, I'm going through a lot of changes (including some big life changes) so I'm going to be writing about how I'm changing, which includes changes to my thoughts on certain topics. This isn't a challenge or me flipping the bird to anyone; I simply want to stay authentic.

Anyway, I wanted to clear the air for those who were/are still unhappy with what I wrote. Again, it wasn't a judgment about anyone (I made sure I included that disclaimer in the blog post; you can go back and read it for yourselves if you don't believe me); I was simply talking about why I've chosen to avoid speaking, seeing, or hearing about sex. That's it. I won't be expanding further on it because I feel like I'm talking about it enough. I may revisit the topic of human sexuality in the future (though not anytime soon; I have other things I wish to write about) and I hope that those who stick around to share my journey with me will remember that what I write about is about what affects me personally, no one else.

Since there is a break from the rain (we've had rain in L.A. over the past 24 hours or so), I'm going to go make a quick grocery run since the rain is supposed to come back -- and it's supposed to be heavier -- later today through tomorrow. Need to stock up on basics, especially since we're now a few days away from Christmas. Time has flown by this year. :)

I hope y'all are doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Will and Lina Novels on Sale; Proceeds Being Donated

Copyright: Danica Clark Photography

Just a quick post to let y'all (not on social media) know that the Will and Lina novels are either already on sale (When Two Worlds Collide) and will be going on sale tomorrow (London Calling). I do this for the publication anniversary for both novels. London Calling will be celebrating 2 years of publication on Thursday. As per every May and December, I will be donating the proceeds. I had it in my heart to donate the royalties from this sale to the Monks of Norcia and their earthquake relief fund. Only the Kindle versions of the novels will be going on sale for 99 cents each but I will also donate anything earned from the paperback version (not on sale) as well. The sales go for a week each; Amazon has a "countdown deal" on the novel's individual pages so you know how much longer the sale will be going on for.

Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide (1st novel)
- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide-ebook/dp/B00K2RBYJ2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2
- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide/dp/1505373727/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2&keywords=Will+and+Lina

Will and Lina: London Calling (2nd novel; on sale tomorrow morning)

- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia-ebook/dp/B00RC56PAK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1

- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia/dp/1505487404/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1&keywords=Will+and+Lina

I do have news about a future novel that I hope to share before the week is over. It's not part of the Will and Lina series but I do love the direction it's going in... and I love that the idea came to me while I was praying the Rosary novena a couple of weeks ago. ;)

Alright, that's it for now. I'm trying to finish Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II's Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri. I'm hooked but haven't found the time to read it in large chunks of time so... gotta make that time. ;)

I hope everyone is having a lovely start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Mental and Emotional Purity

Many people (who have excellent taste in films and shows) have been raving about The Crown on Netflix so, naturally, I wanted to watch it. I have Netflix for a couple more days (I got it for a month) and have been attempting to add it to my queue but it never showed up. I wondered why I kept adding it without success. I thought it was a glitch on Netflix's end until I tried to watch it on my laptop as opposed to my TV (which is hooked to Roku and allows me to watch Netflix, Feeln, EWTN, etc). So, what was the reason? The Crown is rated TV-MA. TV-MA and rated R films are purposely blocked because I simply do not feel comfortable watching sex scenes and nakedness. A couple people on my Twitter feed said "oh, it's just the actor's naked backside for a scene or two" like it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure it isn't to them but it is to me.

I've already written about how I'm proud to be a "prude" (5 years ago) and even expanded on why I choose to forgo watching films, t.v. shows, and reading books that have sex scenes in a post earlier this year. For the tl;dr crowd: I have an active and vivid imagination that does not to have those images replaying in my mind, which I'll later have to go to confession for. I'm also terribly uncomfortable with it. Yes, sex is a beautiful and natural part of married life but I'm not comfortable with those images, either visually or mentally. Even though they are characters and actors paid to do their jobs, it feels like an invasion of privacy on an intimate moment meant for two people. I've gotten comments about how "ridiculous" I am for "being this way" but I don't care. If I'm not comfortable with something, I'm going to avoid it. I know myself better than anyone else does and I know where my weaknesses are. There's a reason why I threw away my Meg Cabot books earlier this year and why I'm going to end this year with another music purge like I did 3 years ago.

Let's go beyond sex scenes. We women tend to be emotional creatures by nature. Hallmark movies and chick lit give us unrealistic expectations about love and romance. They make us feel all warm and fuzzy. When you're a single woman, it's so easy to fall into the temptation to think "wow, I wish I could have that..." Yes, I can now watch Hallmark movies and not think that life is going to be like that because, well, it's not. It's easier now but, oh, it wasn't always easy for me to separate between the two.

If you can watch these things and are not as sensitive to them as I am, power to you. I'm not here to shame anyone who can watch or read these things and not have them affect them. I, unfortunately, cannot claim the same so I do what I have to do to keep some mental and emotional purity. I know, I know. Some of you have an issue with the phrase "emotional purity" but I'm going to use it for one good reason: I struggled with it earlier this year.

During the summer, when I had an anemic spiritual life, there was a young man who (still is) lovely but was all wrong for me for several reasons. (side note: I should also remind everyone that I was emotionally fragile during this time so it wasn't the ideal time for this to happen though, looking back at it, I'm glad it did.) I was on an emotional high for quite some time, which hasn't been normal for me as an adult but it's something I was not unfamiliar with as a teenager while away from the Church. I felt things a lot more intensely then (think Marianne Dashwood as opposed to the Elinor Dashwood my friends are more use to these days) than I do now because I've learned to practice a lot of self-control and I've learned to not get carried away with my feelings or my imagination. I momentarily forgot that for a couple of weeks and it was unhealthy for me. I actually felt like a teenager and not the 31-year-old young woman that I am. All those ideas I got from books I read and movies I watched years ago came flooding back into my mind. "Wouldn't it be lovely if this happened...?" "Wouldn't it be romantic if...?" Does anyone see where I'm going with this and why I chose, years ago, to avoid things that could later be brought up in my mind when I'm having a moment of weakness? No, my thoughts didn't necessarily go there but they could've easily gone there if I hadn't exercised some degree of control (the little that I had at the time) over my imagination.

Yes, it's really dumb and I'm not proud of it but the evil one knows where my weaknesses lie. My emotions and my heart (hopeless romantic, party of one) are two of my biggest downfalls when I let my guard down. This young man, as lovely as he is, was a massive temptation to my emotional health. What I felt for him was so strong (or so it seemed; emotions can trip you up) that my imagination went into overdrive with romantic ideals. It's an INFP downfall; we're too idealistic and too prone to live in a fantasy world if we're not careful... and I wasn't for a while. Everything I worked hard to control over the years flew out the window. It didn't last too long, thank goodness.

I confided in those I feel closest to and I'm sure their prayers were what helped me get out of this ridiculous state of mind. I made the decision to nip it in the bud, as hard as it was. It took a couple of weeks but I was able to get out of that state of mind and back to normal. This happened months ago (during the summer) but I struggled with these thoughts again late last month through earlier this month when they resurfaced during the 54-day Rosary Novena I'm doing. However, this time I understood that it was because of the nature of one of my intentions for the novena so it was easier (time-wise) to overcome it.

So, you see, this is why I continue to be cautious and keep myself from watching things that can end up kicking my tush in the future. Yes, I'm uncomfortable watching sex scenes and naked people because it's how I was raised but I also know that it can be a weakness for me. I have a feeling there are more people like me out there but who are embarrassed to admit this (which was not easy for me to do). It is what it is. Know yourselves. Keep in mind your strengths and weaknesses. Don't ever be too comfortable with your own perceived power/abilities because temptation can be a lot stronger than you think. Evil doesn't take a day off. It will catch you off-guard. Prayer, remembering that you need God during these moments of weakness, and lots of moral support from people you trust are key during these times.

Alright, I think that's enough gut spillage for now. I'm going to go hide or something. lol. ;)

I hope y'all had a lovely work week and that you have a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D