Busy Catholic: Break Up the Rosary

Isn't my custom made rosary pretty?

No, I'm not breaking up with the Rosary, I'm simply breaking it up to fit my crazy busy schedule. Wait, I'm not starting this blog post the way I wanted...

Hi! Welcome to another edition of "Emmy is procrastinating on her homework, only it's not really procrastination because she's actually ahead of schedule." ;) Yeah, I have no idea how that happened but I'm actually on top of my stuff... and even a bit ahead of time. I'm going to keep the momentum going (there's a chance I can finish a class or two early) while I have the motivation. However, I can take a break from that to share something that my spiritual director shared with me regarding the Rosary since it is the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary.

I don't think I have to tell you how important it is to pray the Rosary. I'm sure I don't have to tell you about how Pope St. Piux IX said:

"Give me an army saying the Rosary and I will conquer the world."

... how St. Pio of Pietrelcina (aka Padre Pio) said:

"The Rosary is the 'weapon' for these times."

... and how Ven. Abp. Fulton Sheen said:

"The rosary is the book of the blind, where souls see and there enact the greatest drama of love the world has ever known; it is the book of the simple, which initiates them into mysteries and knowledge more satisfying than the education of other men; it is the book of the aged, whose eyes close upon the shadow of this world, and open on the substance of the next. The power of the rosary is beyond description."

If you haven't talked to our Mama lately, I highly encourage you to do so. If you, like me, have said to yourself, "well, I want to but I don't have the time to put aside 15-25 minutes to pray the Rosary", may I make a suggestion that my SD recommended to me? Break up the Rosary into decades throughout the day.

I used to lament that I didn't have the time to carve out a solid 15-25 minutes to dedicate to praying the Rosary during the day. I honestly don't even have time to make myself something to eat some days; I'm so grateful to my mom who understands that there are days that I'm so swamped, I need help making sure I eat (do y'all understand part of the weight loss now?) Yeah, this program is that intense. I can get morning prayers done because I have gotten into the habit of not leaving my bed until prayers are said. Night prayers are said before I turn off the lights and zonk out. Those are easy to do but during the day it's harder. When I brought it up with my SD, he said "break it up throughout the day." It's logical yet... I didn't think of it.

How many of you have honestly not considered/thought about doing this; about breaking it up throughout the day? I think I was so used to praying all 5 decades in one sitting that I didn't even consider the fact that, yes, I could break it up when I'm at my busiest. I do take 5 minute breaks from coursework every now and then (read: every hour or so). I check Twitter and/or emails. I go to the kitchen and pick up a plate or bowl of whatever my mom made for me. I get up and stretch before continuing, etc. Praying a decade during my short break can easily be done.

I actually have time to pray the Rosary in one sitting today but I know it'll be harder later this week into next week when my next round of exams start. Not only do I have regular lectures and assignment, I also have a fairly large research paper (which I opted to do by myself instead of in a group) due towards the end of this month, AND I have to my observational hours (a minimum of 100 hours are needed in order to get a SLPA license in California) to do. I haven't even mentioned that I have a stomach ultrasound on Friday (side note: prayers, please; I hope we get answers) and that I have a quick trip out of the country to make over the weekend. Busy, busy, busy. Still, I know I can't be too busy to catch up with my Mama. What a terrible daughter would I be if I ignored everything she's done for me lately?

Anyway, this busy Catholic just wanted to share this suggestion with y'all. :D

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pray the Rosary before I get sidetracked by something. :D

I hope y'all are having a good week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

How St. Therese Helped Me Through My 20s

I'm in full St. Therese fangirl mode today. I bought the prettiest roses I could find (which you're currently seeing; the dark pink color symbolizes gratitude and appreciation) and I am watching the Therese movie via Amazon since it's free to watch with a Prime membership. The reason why today is so important to me is because St. Therese has been one of my best heavenly friends, especially in my 20s. This is the last St. Therese feast day in which I will be in my 20s (I'll be 30 in May) so I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on how she's helped me through this decade.

As most of you know, I reverted to the Faith shortly after I turned 21. The seeds of my reversion were planted at age 19 (a month before I turned 20; during the election of Pope Benedict XVI, actually) but I didn't fully return until 21. I was actually quite reluctant to ask St. Therese for her intercession when I had been a fresh reverted because she's so popular. I thought to myself "maybe I should find saints who are less well-known". However, St. Therese kept coming up and I eventually gave in and learned more about her.

St. Therese and I became good friends by the time I was 23. Her story inspired me (especially since I discerned the religious life between the ages of 22 and 23) and I began to learn how to let go of my immature habits through her story. Sadly, it is not my vocation to be a religious sister but a great love for nuns was established during this time and I still fangirl whenever I see them. Seriously, just look at my face when there are nuns within view. lol.

She and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati became my best heavenly friends when I started classes at my CINO college alma mater. As many of you know, that was a nightmare because of the Church, Pope (Emeritus) Benedict XVI, and priest bashing. I would sit through lectures, often unable to speak up (they knew my "trad" leanings, especially after I wore a veil to the Red Mass on campus), and occasionally cry whenever I heard them drag the Church through the mud.

During my first year there, I received a strand of sacrifice beads which I used whenever they spoke horrible (sometimes downright and openly heretical) things in lectures. In between classes, I would go to the chapel and pray or I would spend some time at the St. Therese alcove near the chapel. Most of my loveliest memories of my time at that prison involve time spent in front of the statue of St. Therese. There were a lot of tears, a lot of prayers, and a lot of moments in which I felt inner peace and they all involved St. Therese during my academic career. (side note: during the first Lent at the CINO college, I began the (now) annual tradition of using this St. Therese book during Lent.)

In my final year (I was there for only two years since I'd transferred from a community college), I made a shirt (which I think I have a picture of somewhere on this blog... please don't make me look for the link, lol) with a picture of St. Therese and the quote "For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever." Yes, I deliberately chose that quote because it was my way of peacefully protesting what was being "taught" at that school. Whenever the Sisters who taught my courses made me cry (and I was openly attacked by at least one of them during lectures) I would remember to offer it up and would try to imagine what St. Therese would've done if she were in my shoes.

After graduation, I did freelance writing but I knew I couldn't continue because of how financially unstable it was. I was unsure if I should have gone for the Theology M.A. or if I had been right in choosing to switch career paths to SLP. I had submitted my application to USU shortly before her feast day last year and on her feast day I received a pink rose as a sign that I had chosen the right path. I was accepted on St. Teresa of Avila's feast day (two Teresas!) and have been on this path since.

During this past year, there have been many times that I have turned to St. Therese (she's become my vocation patroness) and she's showered me with roses. One of my favorite stories (which only a handful of friends knew until now) is from this past summer. I was driving past a house that I had (and have since) passed several times when I noticed they had beautiful pink roses in bloom. I even pointed it out to the passenger in the car, and said, in passing that I wondered if it was St. Therese's sign for me since I had been doing a novena to her at the time. Here's the kicker: that was the ONLY time those roses were pink. We passed by that house 2-3 days later and the roses were red. We've passed by that house for weeks afterward and they've stayed red. Unless there are some roses that start pink (and not dark pink) and end up bright red in the span of 2 days, we have no explanation other than they were a sign from St. Therese that things would work out (and they did). I know I didn't imagine the color because it was confirmed by the person who was with me.

As those of you who have been reading the blog lately know, I've been unsure about continuing SLP (into the Master's program) for a number of reasons. Today, on St. Therese's feast day, I received an email telling me that ASHA (American Speech-Language-Hearing Association) had paired me with an established SLP to mentor me through graduation next year. I have yet to receive a rose (I asked for specific colors for SLP and for Theology) but St. Therese has helped me through so much, I know she'll send me one when the time is right.

There are a number of other stories (some way too personal to share) that involve St. Therese but let's just say that she's helped me through many of my hardest moments since my reversion. I know St. Therese won't discontinue to be there for me as soon as I turn 30, but I am grateful to have had her by my side through most of my 20s.

I hope all of you who did the novena to St. Therese receive a rose from her in the near future (if you already haven't). Never be afraid to ask her for her intercession, especially regarding vocations. It's been through her intercession that I've realized my career path and it's her intercession that I ask for when I pray for my friends who are discerning their vocations (especially my seminarian friends, Andrew and Thomas).

Anyway, that's my story. I tried to keep it as "in a nutshell" as possible or else this blog entry would've been at least twice as long. lol.

I hope y'all are enjoying her feast day and I'll leave y'all with my favorite quote by St. Therese...

"Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature; I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away from the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wildflowers. And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists of doing His will in being what He wills us to be."

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

The Big "M" Word: Marriage

I want to ask all my fellow single ladies (and you single gentlemen who we've seen talking about marriage on Twitter lately; yes, we've noticed) a couple of very important questions. I know many of us have a desire to marry and have children... but why? Have you really discerned your vocation? Ladies, do you want to get married for the wedding planning and the party part? Do you just think about getting that diamond engagement ring; showing it off to everyone? Do you want to get married solely because you feel unloved and you want to feel loved?

These may seem like harsh questions but I don't think I've ever seen conversations (beyond my own with my best friend and with a good guy friend who is thinking about getting engaged to his girlfriend) or blog posts in which they were asked. I apologize if the questions offend or unsettle you... but I believe these (and others) are important to think about. I've heard of (and have seen young women) who want to get married for the wrong reasons.

Here's my story: when talking about vocations, my spiritual director asked me how I knew I was called to marriage and not to another vocation. I wasn't prepared with a good answer. "I've prayed about it, in front of the tabernacle, and I feel, deep down, that it's my vocation" wasn't good enough. It was all true; I did pray and the desire to get married and have children grew whenever I was in front of the tabernacle. There was no doubt in my mind that that was my vocation. However, I didn't really get deeper than that. For weeks after, I thought about it. I returned to my spiritual director with my answer... which I think (from his expression) surprised him. Again, besides my conversations with my best friend and one of my closest guy friends, I'd never really talked about it but now my SD knows why I'm certain that it's my vocation.

I know you'll all be curious as to know why but it's something that's so personal that I'm not sure I want to share just yet. However, I will share a couple of thoughts. While I felt like it was my vocation, it wasn't until a year ago that I could honestly say that I could see myself getting married. I've always been incredibly independent and I worried that I would never meet a guy who I could see myself growing old with. It was a selfish mentality; I had my goals and I had my responsibilities and I couldn't see myself bringing a guy into the equation. I wasn't ready and I knew that it would be terrible to bring someone else into my life while I was figuring out career and vocation questions. Then I had two big epiphany moments in which I not only realized what I was doing (including trying to suppress feelings I'd had for years, done out of fear) but I also realized that I finally understood why it was my vocation when I accepted those feelings.

I don't want to get married for the party. In fact, I want a church wedding and maybe a small reception for family and closest family friends only. For the record, I have absolutely no pinterest boards for my dream wedding. I will not think about what I want for my wedding until there's a reason for it... and even then I will be focusing on preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage. I just know I want to get married in a church.

I don't want a diamond engagement ring nor will I be shoving my ring finger in people's faces in the future. I think there's a lot of pressure on guys to spend three months' worth of salary on the ring and I think that's ridiculous. Besides, I don't like diamonds anyway. Future fella: don't worry about it. I'd prefer an emerald if you really want me to have a ring with a gemstone on it. lol.

I don't want to get married because I feel unloved. I actually feel like I have a lot of love in my life from family and friends. Most importantly, I feel God's love for me, even when I'm going through something rough and I'm not too happy that my prayers weren't answered in ways I hoped for. There is no greater love than the love God has for us all and you can't replace it with any love you may find on this earth.

It was actually a good friend (who doesn't actually know this... and might put puzzle pieces together if they read this blog post) who unintentionally helped me figure things out. I'll stop there because I'm not comfortable expanding on it just yet. I will say that I constantly pray for my future husband (whoever he may be). I may not know who he is or what he's going through but I know that everyone is need of prayer. He may have temptations, bad habits, family or personal issues, vocation doubts, etc. I don't have to wait to know who is and/or what his story is for me to pray for him.

I'm not saying that I have all the answers or that I'm correct in my thoughts -- though my SD has yet to correct or challenge them. I just wanted to share this because I've seen so many "I just want to get married! I'm tired of being alone!", "I just want children; I wish husbands were optional!", and other similar comments floating around, especially amongst the 25+ set. Take a couple of minutes and think about it; why do you want to get married? Are the words "Sacrament of Marriage" just words to you or do you understand the importance of them? This is my challenge to all of you who I've seen talking (well, tweeting) about the desire to be married.

Alright, I need to get back to studying for my COMD courses and for my first Statistics midterm coming up at the end of next week.

I hope y'all are having a good week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Goodbye SLP MS, Hello Theology MA?

In the past couple of weeks I've been feeling like maybe I shouldn't continue down the SLP path. I'm not going to quit the program. I'm going to see this degree through. I don't quit so easily. Do I get discouraged? Yes. To the point of quitting? No. I will finish the Bachelor of Science degree and do my hours to get my SLPA (speech-language pathology assistant) license. However, I feel as if maybe I shouldn't continue down the Master of Science path.

I'll be completely honest with y'all... I only went down this route because my family needed the financial stability. If we didn't, I would've probably been doing my Theology MA right now. 11 months ago, I wrote:

I'm only doing this in the meantime (the financial crunch in an expensive city is real, y'all) and that I will pursue a Master of Arts in Theology when things are a little more financially stable (and I am more prepared to teach or do something with the degree)... I feel like this is where God wants me now.

While I don't regret taking this path, it's become clear that the M.S. program wouldn't be the best fit for me. Before I go into why, let me just say that I still firmly believe that I'm in the right field (for now)... but that I would be content being an assistant. I won't get to officially diagnose the clients or create their treatment plan but I would still be able to carry out the treatment plan that a fully licensed SLP created. Most importantly (for me), I will still be able to help my family out financially, which is why I did this in the first place.

Here's why I don't think the M.S. would be a good fit for me. First and foremost, my health is being affected in a big way. A year ago, I was on the mend. I was getting healthier. I was gaining weight after those stomach problems I had. All that progress? Gone.

I'm going to break one of the cardinal girl rules; I'm going to tell you my weight. I'm between 115.6 and 117.8 most weeks when I have classes in this program. I went up a couple of pounds on my two-week summer break; back down the second week of classes. Now, remember that I'm 5'7" so I should be between about 120 and 135 for my height. I was about 128 lbs. when I was at the CINO college a couple of years ago. That's my normal weight and has been for most of my adult life. Yes, I wasn't happy at the CINO college but I also wasn't losing weight.

The stress I feel in this program is literally making me sick... and this is just the post-BA, pre-MS program. Imagine if I went onto doing two more years of the M.S. program. No, thank you. There's a "joke" that SLP grad (and even post-BA, pre-MS) students are on anti-anxiety meds for a reason. It's just a stressful field. I do enjoy the hard work and I love working with the kids... but, for once, I need to put myself first. It's hard for me but I know I need to.

I'm so happy that I worked through my PTSD symptoms months ago so I haven't had any panic attacks or anything of the like. I did have major anxiety last week but that was stress-induced and I was still able to function with it. However, I don't think I want to push myself further in terms of seeing how much stress I can handle before I have an anxiety relapse.

There is one bigger factor in my potential (though seemingly decided) decision to stop at the B.S. for SLP and go onto my Theology M.A. next: the desire in my heart to teach Theology and/or work for the Church in some way has never burned brighter than it has in the past several weeks. It sounds a bit dramatic but I feel like my heart just aches for it. I know my vocation is (sadly) not as a religious sister but this intense desire to serve God has grown exponentially and I feel like getting my Theology M.A. is the next step to doing just that. This is something I'll be discussing with my spiritual director when I see him this week.

I feel like I had two big revelations over the last couple of months, both vocation related. As always, I'm keeping the vocation vocation part to myself. No one is surprised there. lol. As for my career/vocation: there is a big desire to go receive my M.A. from a faithful Catholic college/university. I had ruled out teaching only because I didn't think I was able to do it with my anxiety but I no longer have that fear; I can do it. I can no longer ignore that desire out of fear of not being knowledgeable enough, not having the courage to do it, or the fear of not finding a job (because I do know jobs for Theology MAs are scarce.)

Does this mean "goodbye, SLP M.S. and hello, Theology M.A."? It just might. I still need to pray about it, talk to my SD, and see what happens. I do plan on spending more time in front of the tabernacle (I over-study so I need the breaks anyway) so we'll see what He has in store for me. I don't want to make too many plans until I am certain of what I will be doing.

Anyway, this was just me thinking out loud. :)

That's it for now. I have to go do something productive... like studying for Statistics... or looking to see if I even need Stats if I decide to apply to a Theology M.A. program in the next couple of weeks. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Literary Heroine

As I stated a few blog posts ago, I've been re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series with my good friend (and rock star editor/only person to have read part of the novel sequel), Kiera. We're currently a couple of books into the series and I'm loving it. There is one curious thing about this re-read though; I've come to realize that I am Anne Shirley. This got me thinking about something: we gals tends to either identify with or try to emulate literary heroines we admire. Furthermore, who have I chosen as my ideal literary heroine? Someone I identify with or someone I want to be like?

I'm a Janeite through and through. I've been a member of JASNA and JASNA-SW. I own all the novels and mini-series DVDs. I can tell you the stories of the heroines and the heroes as if they were my own stories. Some of my closest friends (who are also Janeites) have nicknamed me "Jane" after Miss Jane Bennet, eldest daughter of the Bennet family in Pride and Prejudice. She's quiet, reserved, doesn't show her emotions readily (even to her closest sister, Elizabeth), and feels deeper than she shows. However, I have never fully identified as a Jane.

I am quiet and reserved... but most of the quietness fades when I get to know someone well enough to let my silliness through. I don't share my feelings so easily with everyone but I am getting better about sharing them with the people who mean the most to me. I do feel deeply but I also know that people can just take one look at me and know what I'm feeling. So, no, I'm not really Jane. I'm a "combination of Jane Bennet (quietness and reserve), Catherine Morland (imagination and innocence), Anne Elliot (steadfastness and loyalty), and Elinor Dashwood (practical and sensible)" as one close friend says. Still, even a combo isn't really close to how I am. I don't see myself in any of them... even the combo. As much as these women are awesome heroines, I don't choose them (or any other Austen heroine) as my preferred literary heroine. That honor goes to Anne Shirley.

Anne is an INFP, just like me. Anne had a fiery temperature as a child that eventually gets reigned in as an adult. I certainly have a bit of a temper when I'm pushed beyond my limit (who doesn't?) but instead of breaking a slate over someone's head, I get quiet. I internalize things instead of arguing with someone... and I will get over it within minutes. Anne had nothing at the beginning of the series. She was orphaned and she initially wasn't wanted but she was eventually taken in by the Cuthberts, received an education, and even graduated with a B.A. which was rare for a woman to do in the Edwardian era. I wasn't orphaned (I didn't experience the loss of a parent until I was 24 years-old) but I do come from a socioeconomic background in which the odds were stacked against me from the beginning. Neither of my parents went beyond a junior high education, no one (brothers nor sister) graduated from high school, and college never entered anyone's hopes and dreams. Like Anne, I put my B.A. dreams on hold for a couple of years when there was an illness in the family but, also like Anne, I don't regret that decision. Now I'm nearly 2/3 through my second degree with a brighter future than I could've ever dreamed for myself.

Most of you might not know this (since the majority of you have only known me as an adult), but I used to get in trouble in school for talking. A lot and often. My report cards (some of which I still have) used to have "talks too much in class" comments. However, as I got older, I became less talkative.

"There were other changes in Anne no less real than the physical change. For one thing, she became much quieter. Perhaps she thought all the more and dreamed as much as ever, but she certainly talked less."

This was the exact passage that made me realize that Anne was the literary version of myself, more so than all the Austen heroines combined. I definitely become quieter around middle school and it's stayed that way since. I have a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head but I just write them down. My best friend growing up started giving me notebooks as birthday presents when we were teenagers for this very reason. He noticed that I always writing and/or dreaming up things (much like Anne) so he gave me notebook; I went through them quickly, too.

All of these things (and many more that would be too long to list) are part of why I chose Anne as my literary heroine. I see my faults in her faults. I see my strengths and weaknesses in her own. I notice things I don't like about her and realize that those are the same things I have to work on. All the things that I admire about her, I've come to accept (with reluctance, lol) as things that I also possess. I know she's not real; I know she's partially a figment of L.M. Montgomery's imagination. Still, isn't it great to find a "kindred spirit" that helps you grow as a person... even one that only lives in pages and imaginations?

A few weeks ago, I confided in a good friend that I was thinking about giving up writing because I didn't think what I wrote made a difference in anyone's life. He reminded me that the authors that I admire have made a positive impact on me... and that they would never know it. I thought about Jane Austen and agreed that it made sense but it wasn't until I re-read the words of L.M. Montgomery that my friend's word really hit me. Just as I have chosen Anne as my literary heroine, I hope that someday my literary heroines (like Lina Zamora) will be someone else's literary heroine, even if I never find out. And, again, no, Lina is not entirely based on me though we do share certain similarities. I think I'm more Anne Shirley than I am Lina Zamora, to be honest. My friends will have to be the judges here. lol.

I just wanted to share this because I've seen a big surge in Anne of Green Gables readers amongst us in the (female) Catholic world lately.  Oh! And, out of curiosity, who are some of YOUR literary heroines and why? I'd love to know. :)

Anyway, I should get back to studying. I have three exams in the next week (one on Friday and two next Monday) and I really want to do well so I'm going to be focusing on that and homework this week. If I don't get a chance to write again until after my last exam, have a great week! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D