An Unsettling Peace

Have you ever prayed arduously about a certain intention -- it could be for days, weeks, months, or years -- and when you finally figure out what you have to do, you are both unsettled and at peace? In other words, you get a sense of peace whenever you think about what you've figured out -- what you think may be the path God wants you to take -- but it also unsettles you because it means facing a lot of changes, fears, and uncertainties? 

Now imagine that... and multiply it by about 20. That means clarity on not just one intention but on several intentions that you've prayed about for years. That's the boat I'm in right now. Some of the intentions are not mine but have been intentions people have entrusted me with over the years. I think one of them has been an on-going intention for a minimum of 5 years. As for my own intentions, all but one or two seem to have been answered lately and it's making me a little nervous.

Why am I nervous? Well, because it means I have to make a lot of changes, face a lot of fears and uncertainties. I've already made some of the easier changes (which I hope to blog about soon) and I've already noticed a massive improvement in two areas of my life. I occasionally slip as the habits will take some time to solidify but I'm happy with the results thus far. The more difficult changes will happen when I fully return to social media on Easter Sunday, when I come out of my self-exile/retreat from having a social life (only did it for Lent), and in some of the other (hint: ninja status) areas of my life that involve other people. 

Sometimes I wonder if I have the (emotional/physical/mental/spiritual) strength to make these changes. I've already tried to implement some of the changes during Lent... and failed miserably because the temptations and the curiosity got the best of me a couple of times. I know that Lent isn't about making personal changes -- like New Year's resolutions -- but these changes will ultimately help my relationship with God and my spiritual life. In fact, every single change I'm going to make will strengthen that relationship. Every fear I will face and every uncertainty that will come from the decisions I will make will force me to trust God. You know that internal dialogue I shared in the last blog post? That will continue to happen and, I suspect, it'll happen more often. 

Some of the decisions I've made and have yet to implement will make a lot of people unhappy with me. Some will draw criticism and harsh judgment. Some of the decisions made (and decisions I have yet to make as I have yet to receive clarity of them) will surprise people. "I thought I knew her," I can already hear some people say. One particular decision (which I'm still praying about) may even shock those who've known me for years and who've known about my thoughts about this particular topic. Still, I know that I can't be afraid to make these changes... especially since I will be doing what I believe God is calling me to do.

Will I shed some tears along the way? Most likely as I'm naturally sensitive. Will my people-pleasing ways make me feel awful, especially when people try to emotionally manipulate me or make me feel bad about the decisions I've made? Ohh yes. I'm counting on it. I'm going to have to rely a lot on God -- to trust Him, to remember what's at stake, and remind myself that He will give me the strength and graces necessary to face whatever is coming my way if it's part of His plans for me.

Sorry to be a bit vague about things now but, stick around! I'll definitely plan on sharing a good number of these changes as they happen if only to hold myself accountable to them whenever I slip.

Alright, I should go have a late lunch; I haven't eaten much today and I really need to take what I hope will make a difference in my health. :)

I hope y'all have a blessed Paschal Triduum (I don't plan on blogging until Easter Sunday)! You may actually see me on Twitter before you get a blog post. We'll see. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

"Congrats on Graduating!" ... But I'm Not.

Taken during this weekend's studying frenzy, hence the flash cards everywhere.

Since Saturday, I've received postcards and phone calls congratulating me on my upcoming graduation. "You must be excited! May 6th will come before you know it!" It gets a little awkward when I have to say "Oh, thank you... but I'm not graduating yet. I'm not scheduled to graduate until December." You can hear a pin drop while the information registers in the mind of whoever called. Cue the awkward pause and nervous chatter that follows it.

Long story short, I was scheduled to graduate this semester but, for reasons only God knows, it had to be pushed back from this May to this upcoming December; from the end of Spring semester to the end of Fall semester. I don't think they've updated their database at Utah State (where I'm currently on track to finish my second Bachelor of Arts in Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education) because, well, I keep getting these calls and things in the mail. Oh, I still asked for the tassel to be sent to my house since I'll technically finish in the year 2017 and I want that tassel that says 2017. lol.

I've actually been thinking a lot about school and graduation in the last couple of weeks. Actually, scratch that; it's been on my mind for months. I was going to wait a bit longer to write about this but, well, it's been a big theme for me this Lent: I'm not even sure that I'm going to finish this degree. Only three of my closest friends have known about this for weeks because I've asked for their opinions and/or just needed to get the thoughts that were bouncing around in my mind out into the open.

No, I'm not quitting... exactly. In the past couple of weeks/months -- especially following the end of the 54-day Rosary novena -- I've felt like God is calling me down a different path on which I won't need this degree. I don't know whether that means I won't be working in this field too long after graduation or if it means that a job will come along which will pull me away from finishing this degree... but it's something along those lines. I'm perfectly at peace with either option. I've gained a lot of clarity which has brought that inner peace during this Lenten season.

First, the main theme for this Lent seems to have been a renewal and recommitment to trusting God despite my fears. The doctor appointments / random ER visit, the last-minute trip to Mexico, and the other things I will eventually write about in the coming days and weeks... it's all been about trusting God.

I can almost hear God asking me, "do you trust me?" whenever a difficult situation comes up.

"Yes," I answer, though, truthfully, sometimes it's done with some apprehension because letting go is easier said than done. More like "I'm trying to but, yes, it's ultimately what I want to do."

"Then let go and let Me take care of it," I can imagine Him saying to me.

I let go of a fear about something I needed to take for my health. After having had a number of adverse reactions to medications and allergies and intolerances to foods, I'd developed a fear of trying anything new out of fear of ending up in the hospital. I'll hopefully find out if what I'm taking (while I haven't been taking for very long) has made a bit of difference. My doctors were finally able to get me a hematology appointment after trying to get it approved for years (yes, years plural). I hope that we'll soon know why my red and white blood cells, as well as my platelets, have been on a downward trend in the last couple of years. I'm still hoping the answer is as simple as it being a result of my health crashing from overdoing it and not taking care of myself three years ago -- then the relapse following the car accident a year and a half ago -- as well as a poor diet that has led my folate level to be at dismal number/level.

Just like I let go of that fear to do something that will make me healthier, I'm going to let go of my fears of financial instability. I'm going to let God guide me down whatever career path He wants me to take, even if it's something radically new. He knows better than I do what I need to do in order to do His will. If I somehow do end up having to leave the degree unfinished, I'm not going to regret or lament it.

Not finishing the degree won't mean that I've quit out for selfish reasons or because I couldn't handle it. It'll simply mean that I've chosen to follow God's path for me rather than my own. I've already made peace with the fact that I'm not going to go back and finish my Master's in Theology either. Oh, I've received a lot of clarity about that (no Theology MA) and I'm owing that to St. Francis de Sales who seems to have somehow become my (surprise/unplanned) patron this Lent. Again, I'm not sure if this will happen but I'm at peace with it if this is what ends up happening.

If I do end up finishing this degree -- which is looking like the most likely outcome at this point -- I've already made the decision not to attend the graduation ceremony. After hearing about how graduation is celebrated in Italy (shout out and a public "congrats!" to my good friend, Francesca, who received her Master's degree in Italy last month) and comparing it to how it's celebrated in the States, I decided against it. It's not my style. Need I remind longtime readers what I did during my first undergrad graduation ceremony? lol. If I finish this degree, I'll opt for a homemade dinner with family and close friends; a way of thanking them for all their support. Okay, maybe I'll add a trip to Disneyland to celebrate if I can afford it. lol.

Everything is up in the air in terms of the future of my education and career but that's okay. I have plans for the current path I'm in: finish the degree in December, work on the required (in CA) 100 supervised hours before receiving my license to become a speech-language pathology assistant (SLPA) either March through May or September through November of 2018 (depending which school/program I can complete the hours in), and then start working. I'll continue down this path until God makes His will for me clearer.

I can technically begin working as an SLPA in other states because I've already completed the required 25 supervised hours that many states ask for (I completed them last semester) so maybe God will call me to work in another state that doesn't have as many requirements in CA as soon as I graduate. Maybe the autobiography I'm ghostwriting (have I written about that yet?) will kick-start the writing career I've always dreamed about. I don't know. All I know is that I've placed my future in God's hands and I trust that He will lead me to Him... and that's all I want.

Anyway, I wanted to write and this is what came out. I don't know how much blogging I'll get done this week. I'm starting to study for finals and then we (Mom and I) are going to try to do only what's necessary from Thursday evening through Sunday morning; for the Paschal Triduum. That means no music (uber hard for me), no TV (not sure if Mom can go without TV, lol), and little to no online time (it'll depend on a group project but I'll most likely choose to not use my laptop nor the iPod touch during the Triduum). I do have reading and studying planned since I need to study and the reading is all centered around the Passion and my relationship with God but that's about it.

If, in your charity, you can please say a pray for clarity regarding my education and career path, I'd greatly appreciate it. :)

I hope you are all having a lovely start of the week! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Enrolled in the Confraternity of the Most Holy Rosary

One of my many rosaries and my crucifix from Jerusalem.

Yesterday was Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati's birthday. Happy 116th, PGF! A couple of days ago I found out that the Tipi Loschi group (which was founded in Italy and mirrors the group Bl. Pier Giorgio belonged to prior to his untimely death) was planning to gather all of Bl. Pier Giorgio's devotees/fans/friends to pray the Luminous Mysteries for his birthday. Being a card-carrying member of the Frassati fangirls, I knew I was going to participate. I put it into my Wunderlist app (while I'm using until I can get a physical planner) and even put an alarm on my iPod touch since the plan was to pray it between 3 and 8 p.m. 

While I was reading the letter of invitation to join in the spiritual gift, I found out that he had been enrolled in the Confraternity of the Rosary when he was only 17 years old! Despite having read many books and having watched many specials/videos about his life, this was the first time I'd heard of it -- of both the Confraternity and Bl. Pier Giorgio's enrollment. Curious person that I am, I searched more information about the Confraternity. I landed on the Eastern U.S.'s Confraternity page (the U.S. has 4 separate Dominican provinces) and read a bit about what it was. Thinking that perhaps I wanted to enroll myself, I followed the link to the Western U.S.'s Confraternity page and read everything about what the Confraternity was.

Have you ever done something without much thought because it was one of those "no brainer"/"it feels like the right thing to do" deals? This was one of those for me. I pray the Rosary on a daily basis, only having missed it once this year and only because I felt so awful that I was passed out most of the day. As soon as I finish this latest (and, most likely, last) degree, I'm going to discern becoming a lay Dominican (or possibly an oblate of St. Benedict; more on this in a future blog post). All of these things -- as well as a slight change in how I pray the Rosary -- just slotted together and it made perfect sense to enroll. What better day to do it than on Bl. Pier Giorgio's birthday? Actually, I didn't think about how it was a perfect "birthday gift" until after I had done it. I was more focused on the fact that it felt a peace and a joy (and excitement) about enrolling. 

After I enrolled, I prayed the Luminous Mysteries with meditations based on Bl. Pier Giorgio's words and words of those who knew him. The meditations brought a new dimension to the Luminous Mysteries -- which have always been the hardest mysteries for me to pray and meditate on -- that I actually printed them out to pray more often on Thursdays. I had a few inspirations while praying the Rosary (which I acted upon after I finished praying; don't worry, they were all good) and I just felt so at peace with everything. 

It also got me thinking that I may return to praying the Rosary with the Luminous Mysteries more often. I hadn't prayed them for months because I had been doing the traditional 15-mystery (Joyful, Sorrowful, and Glorious only) Rosary since All Saints' Day last year and (mostly) only the Sorrowful Mysteries during Lent (with the exception of Glorious mysteries on Sundays). As much as I loved praying them in the traditional order, I think that I've prayed the Luminous mysteries for so long (since my reversion) that it felt like a huge hole in my prayer life when I skipped them on Thursdays. 

Is anyone else enrolled in the Confraternity? Is anyone a lay Dominican? I'd love to hear what you think of it and how it's enriched your prayer life!

It's really early (8:32 a.m.!) for a blog post but I've actually been up since 4:15 a.m. I only got about 2 and a half hours of sleep and I haven't been able to fall asleep since I got up to help Mom get to work. Since I'm now currently waiting for sleepiness to kick in so I can take a nap, and since I know that I don't have the mental sharpness to study for tomorrow's exam, I thought I'd blog about this new development. My spiritual life has been on a roller coaster this Lent but this is something positive that I wanted to share. :D

Alright, I'm going to go try to pray and hope that I fall asleep soon so that I can have the rest of the day to study with the concentration I need. I've already done all the things I normally do on a daily basis (such as check my email and do a daily online puzzle) that don't require much brain power so that I won't have distractions or the temptation of distractions for the rest of the day. 

I hope y'all are still having a lovely week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Was Racially Profiled at Banana Republic

I naively thought I would never (personally) experience much racism despite being Hispanic. Yes, I know what the state of the country is. Yes, I know that immigration is a hot topic amongst the Hispanic community but it hasn't been a source of stress for me as it has for other people since I was born here, both of my parents became naturalized citizens decades ago, one of my big brothers became a naturalized citizen about a decade ago, and the rest of my siblings (brothers and sister) are all legal residents. I had experienced some racism online -- only on Twitter, really -- but I chalked it up as trolls being trolls and moved on.

As some of you longtime readers (and personal friends) may remember, I nearly signed a contract with an agency when I was 20 (that I walked away from); I think the term "racially ambiguous" describes why they were so keen on me. Most of the time, people who meet me for the first time don't know what race I am. Sometimes they'll stand there in shock when they hear me speaking fluent Spanish, usually because they (apparently) assume that I'm white, Asian, or mixed but not 100% Hispanic. I'm fair skinned (with a hint of an olive complexion) most of the year since the sun and I aren't friends (I have a sun sensitivity). I tan (and burn... and freckle) easily when I'm out in the sun for a long time without sunscreen or any covering. Basically, I've had some superficial things work out in my favor that has kept some comments at bay.

Yesterday, Mom and I went on an uncharacteristic shopping adventure. It's uncharacteristic because I honestly hate clothes shopping. I "window shop" online before I go to the stores because I'm an introvert and an HSP who doesn't like crowds. Since I've been able to maintain my normal weight range after being underweight for a long time (party time! lol), I can start purchasing clothing that fits. That means I need to update my wardrobe.

We went to about 8 stores or so. We spent hours trying on dresses, skirts, and blouses... and I spent a lot of time driving from place to place. Since I'm nearly 5'8" and the trend is short dresses, it was so hard for me to find anything that was knee length (or, at least, not more than 2 or so inches above my knee), that fit, and that didn't look depressingly drab. You ladies who tend to dress modestly know what I'm talking about. Mom has the opposite problem at 5' even; everything is too long on her and the petite section doesn't offer much she can work with.

The second-to-last store we went to was Banana Republic since I'd seen a blouse online that I liked and I wanted to try in the store. Yes, I know it's more expensive than your average mall store but I tend to go for stores and brands that cost a bit more but will last for longer. Ann Taylor and, its sister store, Loft, have been my go-to stores since I graduated from high school. Since I'm a bit older and I heard that BR's clothing was a bit expensive but that it lasts a long time, I thought I'd check it out.

After finding a great blouse at Loft (an addition to the 10-item wardrobe idea I got from The Daily Connoisseur's Madame Chic series), we walked over to BR. A really nice guy greeted us. "Welcome to Banana Republic!" he said. We thanked him. I immediately started looking at the clothing at the front of the store. A woman (who I'm assuming was the manager) came over, greeted us, and let us know that everything was 30% off and that it was the last day of the sale. We thanked her as I went to look at some blouses. She hung around a bit and said that we should let her know if we needed anything. I thanked her as I kept browsing.

As we started moving towards the front-middle portion of the store, Mom pointed out a blouse that would've been a great addition to my closet while I was checking out the cardigans (cardigans are a staple in my personal style). I tried to find one my size. "Let me know if you want me to start a dressing room for you," I heard the saleswoman telling me as soon as I picked up my size from off the rack. "I'm good for now, thank you," I told her.

I walked further into the middle of the store, seeing a dress that I really liked. It was floor length but perfect for the summer -- light and breezy. I looked at the price. A bit more than I would've normally paid for a dress but it was on sale and I could see myself wearing it for years to come.

"I can take that into a room for you if you'd like," the woman again said.

I turned around, surprised. "Oh. No, thank you. I'm still browsing," I answered with a smile.

"Can I, at least, take that shirt you're holding to the back and get a room started for you?" she persisted in a tone that was making me uncomfortable.

"No, thank you," I reiterated. "I like to hold on to things while I try to make up my mind if I want to try them on."

It's true. It's a habit I picked up. As someone who worked in retail (at Wet Seal) while in high school (and for months after HS graduation), I know what a hassle it is to have someone take a ton of clothing into the fitting room and then have them walk away with none of it, leaving a mess in the room. If I like the item I'm carrying after 5 minutes, I'll try it on. If not, I'll return it to where I found it, making it easier for salespeople to keep their store in order.

I walked across the area I was, looking at the bright colored blouses. I noticed some girls were taking pictures of the clothing and I was surprised that no one was saying anything to them. Many stores frown upon that (again, saying it from experience). I noticed the saleswoman seemed to be following us, folding and putting away clothing wherever we were, keeping an eye on us. "Huh," I said but tried not to think about it. I had been feeling uncomfortable since the last time she'd spoken to us but I tried to shrug it off, thinking that maybe I was being paranoid.

As we got to the back of the store, it was obvious that she was following us. "Look at this. It's a pretty dress but the material is too heavy for the summer weather," I said to my mother in Spanish. This time, the woman was only a foot away from me. It seemed she didn't like that I was speaking in Spanish. Again, she mentioned taking the blouse from me and getting a room started for me. I glanced her way and the look on her face was unnerving. I, again, said, "no, thank you." I tried to browse some more but I just couldn't continue.

"Let's go," I said to Mom.

"Aren't you going to try on that blouse?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think I want it anymore."

We walked out and went to two more stores before calling it a day. Although the day had been pleasant, that experience had been really uncomfortable. As Mom and I got talking, it became clear that we had been racially profiled. Though there were several other customers in the store, the woman seemed to be fixated on just us, following us where we went. I mentioned to Mom that I felt like she was constantly on top of us, like a helicopter hovering over the scene of a crime. She felt the same way. She's more perceptive than I am so she started on her own impressions, which echoed mine. She didn't bother any of the other customers, all of whom were (that we could see) white.

It took me a while to accept that it had been racial profiling. I looked back at my retail training... at seeing racial profiling for myself... at what we had experienced that afternoon. I tend to look for the best in people and tend to not jump to conclusions but I couldn't come up with convincing enough excuses. The facts were there, even if I was trying to deny them.

I broke my Lenten Twitter fast/promise to put up a (somewhat) snarky comment and tagged Banana Republic in the tweet when I finally accepted what had happened. It was done partly out of anger and partly to help others who've experienced racial profiling to speak up. It is NOT okay to do these things. If they had wanted to simply make sure I wasn't going to put anything in the one bag from Loft that I was carrying, I would've gladly left it at the front for them to look after while I shopped.

Mom is one of the hardest working people I know... and one of the most honest ones as well. She's found hundreds of dollars at work but she's never kept it to herself; always giving it to the administrator at the hospital where she works at. In fact, at another store we went to before BR, Mom was carrying a couple of bags (she had a more successful trip than I did) but stayed at the front of the store so they wouldn't think she was stealing. We left those bags in the car before going into BR and I was carrying only ONE small bag.

I would never even contemplate stealing anything. I can't even take free pamphlets without double checking that it's okay to take them and making sure I don't have to make a donation. I kept the blouse at shoulder length, another habit I picked up post retail work. I know what I can afford and what I can't and I would never venture into a store if I knew I couldn't purchase anything. I'm not even a big shopper, preferring to shop only one one item has been worn so much that I need to replace it.

The color of my skin (I'm a little tan right now; we've been having warm, sunny SoCal weather), my race, nor what language I speak should make a person think the worst of me. I've forgiven the woman and I pray that she sees the error in her ways. Being Hispanic doesn't mean I'm going to steal. It doesn't mean that I can't afford the overpriced (yes, I said it) clothing that I know will last a long time. It doesn't mean anything except that my parents and my ancestors came from both Europe (Spain and possibly Ireland) and the Americas (Mexico).

I'm not bitter. I'm not angry (that lasted a full 5 minutes yesterday). I don't want anything from Banana Republic nor am I expecting even an apology from them. In fact, in their reply to my tweet, they simply told me to contact customer service without an apology; the first time I've ever received a tweet without an added apology from a big brand. Look at their twitter feed; they've apologized to nearly everyone else but not my tweet. I'm disappointed and sadden that this happened but I'm very grateful that I've managed to go 31 years without anything of the sort happening before. I'm lucky which, unfortunately, is something others can't say. Be kind to one another. Don't assume the worst in others. There's enough hatred in this world; don't contribute to it.

Anyway, I should really go try to study for the third anatomy and audiology exam that I have coming up on Saturday. Prayers appreciated since it's a big one. :)

I hope y'all are having a lovely week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Music Nerdiness and My Spiritual Life Aren't Friends

Music was my first "real" love. I'm pretty sure I danced before I learned to properly walk. As a little gal (maybe 3-4 years old), I used to strum a chord on Mom's guitar (hidden in one of our closest) and then run away, laughing at the mischief I was causing while simultaneously giddy about the "music" I was making.

As I grew up, music became my thing. I sang in school choir through middle school. I participated in a talent show my first (and only) year at a public high school where I sang. I grew up learning how to dance a number of different styles. I learned how to play a bit of the piano but the guitar was always my preferred instrument so I learned as a teenager and still play to this day. I was even majoring in Jazz Studies before I switched to Religious Studies for my first Bachelor's degree. When my father died, music was the thing that helped me through the first couple of weeks. I admittedly stopped playing the guitar for about 5 years following his death -- part of that comes from remembering how he promised to buy me a new guitar right before he passed away -- I eventually returned to it because music and playing (and singing and dancing) is a very big part of who I am and how I express myself.

Although I didn't choose my confirmation saint like most people do -- I was confirmed when I was 13, in Mexico where you don't choose confirmation saints -- it's no surprise that I ended up adopting St. Cecilia as my confirmation saint (I was confirmed on her feast day, at a church named after her). Patroness of music for a music-obsessed gal? It makes total sense.

I can tell you which songs and artists I liked growing up. My first purchased tape was a compilation of classical music. My first purchased CD (with my own money) was Jimi Hendrix's greatest hits. I still remember how I fell in love with jazz after listening to the version of "Summertime" sung by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong when I was a teenager and how it remains one of my favorite songs.

Listening to "You and I vs. the Sun" by Phantom Planet and "California" by Rufus Wainwright reminds me of my freshman year of college, especially the drive to Santa Monica College on the 10 freeway. I used to take my guitar and play Jack Johnson's "Sitting Waiting Wishing" and Ben Kweller's "Walk On Me" in between classes. During my favorite (and last) year at Santa Monica College -- before my reversion -- "So Says I" by The Shins and "My Favourite Game" by The Cardigans were on heavy rotation. I think I might still have the CDs on which I burned the playlists to listen on my Discman (I was late to join the iPod/mp3 party).

Most of my friends have songs associated with them; songs that remind me of them in one way or another and vice versa. The four songs my closest friends associate with me (that I've been told of) are "Rhapsody in Blue" by George Gershwin, "Sing Sing Sing" by Benny Goodman, "Georgia on My Mind' by Ray Charles, and "Dream a Little Dream (of Me)" by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong -- especially that last one because it suits my old fashioned romantic personality.

"My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison reminds me of the last time Dad and I drove out to Santa Monica (for a farmer's market); "The Universal" by Blur reminds me of the time I accompanied him to the hospital to get a device surgically placed on his arm for his chemotherapy prior to his passing. I was listening to Adele's version of "Make You Feel My Love" a few days before he died so I can't listen to it or Charlie Chaplin's "Smile" (link is to Nat King Cole's version) without crying because they remind me of his last week alive.

I can tell you that MuteMath's self-titled album was on heavy rotation when I reverted and how "Chaos" was my jam during that time... how I played Hunter Hayes' self-titled debut album when I wrote my senior thesis as an undergrad... how "All The Pennies" and "Mi Ancla," both by Mindy Gledhill, have been my most played songs in the past week. (side note: here's also the English version of "Mi Ancla" -- named "Anchor." The lyrics are sweeter in Spanish.) This doesn't even scratch the surface when it comes to my taste in music; not even close. Sure, I'm mainly a jazz and classical gal but, oh, I like most of it. Oh, and if you want to get vinyl at Hollywood's Amoeba Music, you take me and I'll find what you're looking for in record speed. A friend from college and I once went to get her fella blues music and we were out of there in no times because I know what you need and where to get it. I mean, you get the point -- music nerd: party of one.

It's amazing how so many memories -- good and bad -- are attached to music. As I was reflecting on this, I realized that there's only one area of my life that doesn't have music attached to it -- and it's my spiritual life. Like I said, I remember becoming a big MuteMath fan around the time of my reversion and the first Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack reminds me of Dad driving me to confession (I love that soundtrack) but that's about it. I love Franz Schubert's "Ave Maria" when I hear it played at weddings and I cry every time I hear it. I've also often dreamt that myself singing it. That's about it.

I love Gregorian chant and have played it when I study or pray. I love hymns. I adore the choir at the parish Mom and I go to when we attend Latin Mass. Such beautiful music... but, for some reason, I can't associate it with any particular time of my life. It's like my spiritual life and my music nerdiness can't find a happy medium; they can't coexist for some reason. I think it might because my spiritual life and, really, my faith is more sacred to me. Yes, I love music (and probably more than the average person) but it's something else. I know God is not constricted to our timeline -- that He stands outside of time -- but is it possible that our spiritual life is also like that? Does anyone else have this issue? I'd love to hear if you have because I can't make sense of this.

Anyway, this was just a random blog post with a random thought that popped into my head and had to be let out into the world so it's not bugging me when I'm trying to study. I have an exam on Saturday so I really need to concentrate on that. :)

Alright, I'm going to see what mischief I can get into... errr... I mean... what productive and totally not procrastinating things I can do. ;)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend! As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D