Help Me Choose the Patron Saint For 2011

I took this picture of St. Cecilia the last time I went to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels.

It's that time of year. Clean-a-thons are about to begin, cards are being sent out to different corners of the world, and a new patron saint is chosen for this blog. As is tradition, I have posted a poll in which you can choose as many saints as you'd like in hopes to help me pick out the patron saint for 2011. I had multiple saints in 2008, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati in 2009, and St. Cecilia this year. The purpose of this is to help me focus on a certain saint for the year and hope that he/she will help me grow spiritually. Since I'm pretty indecisive I let my friends help me out... and thus the whole concept of the poll was born.

I have the poll set up so that it's open until December 31st so you may vote, or change your vote, until then. The patron saint for the year will be announced on the New Year's Day. Oh! And because there's a possibility of being asked again this year... I pick the patron saints for specific reasons. Each saint is the patron of various vocations or health issues. I tend to pick them according to what I believe they could help me out with if they are chosen as the patron for the year. This year is focused mostly on my vocation. You can either vote for your favorite or for whomever you think you be the best saint for me to focus on. That part is completely up to you. Last year St. Therese of Lisieux was only a vote from tying with St. Cecilia and she helped me out this year as much (if not more) than St. Cecilia did. :D

Anyway, that's it for now. Please vote and help a nerd out. The poll (in case you're getting this post via email) is on the right side column of the blog. :D I have a book to finish for review. :) I hope y'all are having, or had, a great weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading (and voting) and God Bless!

Finals, Cancer Scare, and Rosary Novenas

... And I'm officially back! Sorry it's taken me nearly a week after finals to return to the blogging world but I have good reason for it... and you might've guessed what it was from the title. First, though, an update on how the first 54 day Rosary novena has been working and how it's affected my experience at the CINO.

I know I have yet to post an entry on the novena (which I will hopefully tomorrow) but I'm going to go ahead and say that it's worked wonders. I started the first Rosary novena at the beginning of the semester because I knew that I was going to need major intercessions as long as I attend the CINO. After the first week of heck (which is explained in the upcoming post), I started to notice things changing. It wasn't an immediate change (and things are still a work in progress) but I am truly grateful for what has already changed. While before I was overwhelmed and upset with everything that was going on, I now have a little more fight in me and I am at a place where I am feeling so much better. I still don't agree with my professors but I now openly challenge them in class because I'm no longer being a Little Miss Nice Nerd. I'm sorry but when material that is clearly anti-Catholic or trying to be passed as Catholic (when it really isn't) is presented I'm going to say something. I can't sit there and allow it to happen. I sometimes wonder how things would've gone if I hadn't completed the first novena because, even though I am openly defying my professors, they're not marking me down as much as before. I actually did pretty well this semester. I managed a 3.0 which is kind of miraculous considering everything that's happened. A 4.0 is a pipe dream at that school so I glad I got the required 3.0 to keep my financial aid. Finals were the most intense thing I've ever experience in my academic career, but I came out alive. Even though I got marked down for ripping a pornographic, anti-Catholic film that we were forced to watch to shreds, I still made it out in one piece... without having to compromise my beliefs. Thank God in heaven and all the saints and angels that helped me along the way. By the way, the fact that I was dealing with a cancer scare during finals made things a little hard for me.

I'm on day 20 of the second 54 day Rosary novena and, well, things have (had?) not been going very well for me. I actually had to restart the novena (on day 15 no less) because one of my professors decided to change our last essay at the last minute and had to basically rethink my essay and do everything from scratch. That night I finished right before midnight, lost the day, and thus had to restart. Just like my "week from heck" during the first novena, the past (nearly) 3 weeks have been really hard for me. This time around, things have gotten just a little more intense but I refuse to stop praying the novena. Repressed, and deeply unpleasant, memories randomly popped up the week before finals which did not help. As soon as I was able to get the memories out and began the healing process (through more prayer) I had this cancer scare. So during finals I was pretty depressed. Only one of my friends, whom I consider one of my closest, knew what was going on because I don't like worrying people. I actually didn't mention the scare to my friends or anyone until I a few days before my doctor's appointment (which was yesterday) and that was because I was so nervous and panicked that I really needed prayers. Because of the kind of scare that I was going through, I reached out to my girlfriends first because they are amazing women and I knew that they would have an idea (or could imagine) what I was feeling. The night before my appointment I was still a little panicky so I took to twitter where we Catholics have become pretty good online friends.

I won't lie and say that I wasn't fearing the worse but hoping for the best. After having gone through 7 years of my father's fight with colon cancer and seeing him die from the disease last year, it's no wonder why I was so scared of potentially having cancer. I've cried more these past 2-3 weeks than I have all year and things just felt horrible this week while waiting for the doctor's appointment. I was ready and prepared to do what God wanted, even if that meant that the worse case scenario would happen, but I was still terrified. Through the prayers of my friends, and through the second Rosary novena I'm doing, I felt nervous but more accepting of things. Like I said, I had resigned myself to whatever God's will was. After the doctor told me that it wasn't a cancerous tumor (though it is a benign tumor) I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and thanked God that it wasn't cancer. I actually imagined St. Therese of Lisieux and her mother, Blessed Zelie Martin, at either side of me as the doctor made his diagnosis and I'm glad I did it because it kept me from breaking down into tears. We don't always understand why we go through things until they are over and this experience was no exception. Though it may be too soon to say that my theory is right, I do believe that I have gone through everything for specific reasons.

I believe the stress of finals (and of the semester) needed to happen because I needed to strengthen myself, spiritually, more. After dad's death I went through a period where I wasn't completely apathetic but I definitely felt numb. I never lost my faith and love of God but I didn't feel the same way as before. Everything I've gone through the past couple of months have reawakened those feelings in me and I truly grateful for that. I believe the repressed memories came up because I needed to really deal with them. I am afraid I can't say what they were about as I'm terribly private about certain things but I will say that it was something that needed to be dealt with so that I could truly move on and be ready for my vocation without any reservations. Believe it or not, the cancer scare also helped me realize that I am truly ready to become a wife and mother as soon as God sends the right man my way. It took all these things to help me both reevaluate my priorities and also put me back on the track that I was on prior to my dad's death. I've snapped out of all the worries and I'm back, baby. lol. ;) Because I've finally snapped out of the funk, have 4 more weeks of vacation, and said "adios" to the blog writer's block, expect more blog entries from me. Sorry. lol. :D

I have to go finish an online game for review *gasp*, as well as a couple of books that will also be reviewed on this blog, so I should get going. I hope everyone is having a great week thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D



P.S. I've posted some back entries from October until now that I hadn't before so please check them out. :D

I'm Undercover at the CINO...

This is Emmy and I'm reporting live from the CINO (Catholic in Name Only) college with this breaking news... I am officially done with my Intro to Catholicism class! Whoo! I just finished my final presentation on parishes within the L.A. Archdiocese. Phew! But that isn't why I am blogging today.

I've been getting a lot of hits on my CINO post, largely due to Patrick being nice enough to send them my way for advice and comments of support, and I've realized that I haven't really updated how it's been going since the post. While I do tweet about my experience, as it happens, on twitter I haven't had the time to sit down and write a proper entry on here. I also feel like I should clarify some things. By the way, to the person who called me a "dumb, ignorant, pathetic excuse for a Catholic" (I'm paraphrasing but those were the words used) for "making a dumb decision" regarding what school I chose to attend: I hope this post will make you understand where I'm coming from and will make you re-evaluate the hurtful attack you launched on me last night.

First off, thank you for all your comments. As I said in a previous post, I made my decision as to what to do. After much consideration, talking to friends whose opinions I valued, and prayer, I decided to stay where I am. Before anyone comments on that, especially for my new readers, let me explain something. When I initially chose this school in 2006, I was barely returning to the Church. As I got more serious about my faith I looked elsewhere. I wasn't majoring in Religious Studies (I was an English Literature and Jazz Studies major before I settled on RST) so it wasn't like I was looking for the school with the best Religious Studies or Theology department. I looked into St. Bede's Hall in England, Thomas Aquinas College, Ave Maria, Steubenville, etc. I actually came very close to going for the more faithful colleges, as well as the secular University of British Columbia, when my father was diagnosed with cancer the second time (before the third and final time). Since I wanted to take care of my father, and I was still dealing with my anxiety and panic disorder, I decided to stay in L.A. and I chose to attend my current college over the other "Catholic" college in the area because I hadn't heard as many bad things about it. From the research I did, it seemed to have been getting better in terms of the heresy spewed so I decided to give it a shot. Still, I applied elsewhere just in case my dad did get better and I could go away. As my father got worse and his cancer became terminal, I decided to stick with the plan to stay in L.A. for as long as needed. When my father died last summer (2009), I decided to stay at home for various reasons but mostly because of the concern for my well being and because of family responsibilities I inherited with his passing. I didn't want to go away while mourning my father and while my mother was inconsolable (and she still is nearly a year and a half later; they were married nearly 30 years).

Right before I started this semester, literally weeks beforehand, I started hearing about how bad it was. From what I heard I thought I'd still be able to survive in one piece and thought "Hey, if they still allow me to believe what I do and to engage in conversation, I'll be okay." After all, it never hurts to learn the arguments from the other side to both strengthen your own beliefs and to get an idea of where they're coming from. So I began the semester but quickly learned that it was "my way or the high way." I began the 54 day Rosary novena, hoping Our Blessed Mother would help guide me on what to do. Things got worse before they got better. As I got closer to finishing the novena, I noticed a sudden change in my professors. With the exception of one, they began to allow me to challenge their beliefs. By the time I finished the novena early last month I was no longer getting marked down. On the contrary, I got full points for assignments in which I argued with the pro-Vatican II, "traditional Catholics need to get with the times" classmates. I learned how to do my assignments without agreeing with them, and getting my points across tactfully. One of my professors, whom we don't believe is actually Catholic, spoke to me after class and she said that she actually admired me for sticking it out and for "having the guts" to major in RST in this "environment."

Also during the novena, and after, I got to know some of my classmates better. There were some closeted "traditional" Catholics or simply conservative Christians on campus that were in the same boat as I was. We all formed a support group. In one of my classes, I met someone with whom I could roll my eyes with and with whom I could talk about Catholicism properly. (Btw, she might read this so hi! :D) When we had the assignment to visit parishes in the Archdiocese, I got some of the girls to attend a Latin Mass given at St. Catherine of Siena in nearby Reseda, CA. That made my professor not too happy with me but she's since gotten over it. While I still clash with my professors (boy, do we clash) I am allowed to speak my mind. Things are so much different... including how I view things.

I still have the same beliefs I had prior to attending this school, but I have a better understanding of where the "progressives" on campus come from. It's making me do more research and it's helping me learn so much more about my faith. My arguments are stronger and clearer than before. I'm gaining confidence when defending the Faith while helping bust stereotypes some of my classmates had about what it is to be Catholic and what the Church's teachings are regarding subjects such as homosexuality and birth control. While my professors do skip over me when they say something they know I will contradict/try to defend, for the most part it's getting much easier for me. I expect to continue having a hard time but it's now manageable. I know what I can get away with and have found loopholes around a lot of things so I can't technically get kicked out or failed for stating my beliefs.

Thank you to all of you tried to help me transfer to other schools but due to financial difficulties, familial responsibilities, and other things, my only option is to stick it out. Through the intercession of Our Blessed Mother, and by praying the 54 day Rosary novena, I am at a better place now. I can do this... and I more willing and prepared to defend our Faith than I was when I first started in mid-late August. :)

My Lit class starts in about 15 minutes so I should go but I hope that this blog will shed some light into my situation and decisions. For the person who decided to attack me, I have no ill will towards you and I pray that this post has been eye-opening for you. I still recommend really looking into colleges carefully and I do not recommend my current school for other faithful Catholics (and I stick by what I wrote in the first CINO post). For everyone who is in a similar situation, please know you are in my prayers and hope that you stay strong despite opposition for professors, faculty, and other students.

And now off to Literature class I go. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Update: I AM Alive, Just Busy

I've been asked why I haven't blogged in over two weeks. The short, straight to the point answer: I've been very busy. I have two more weeks before finals start (in fact, my full day of final exams is in exactly 3 weeks) and this is when the professors load us with an insane amount of work. Throughout the semester the majority of the professors have fallen behind schedule and now they're trying to catch up which is more stressful for us. I had to read an entire 400+ book in a week. Well, I was supposed to finish it but I didn't because it's insane for a professor to assign us work as if it were the only class we were taking. I have a paper due tomorrow for Lit class and an exam early in the morning for my Intro to Catholicism class so I can't spend too much time blogging today but I thought a quick update would be good for now.

I have many posts that I started and do plan on publishing as soon as they are completed. Topics included in those posts: the Latin Mass (which I finally attended last week), St. Therese sacrifice beads, more updated on my life at a CINO (Catholic in Name Only) college, NaNoWriMo (see, I HAVE been writing something), novel (and sequel) update, and one on the 54 day Rosary novena I finished (as well as the one I just started). Don't know when I'll have the posts up but they will be up soon-ish. Let me finish reading all the books assigned, finish writing all the papers due, and basically catch up in time for finals and the posts will be written on a regular basis once again.

Alright, I need to finish my paper of Ovid's Metamorphoses so this is all for now.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Verso L'Alto!

By now it shouldn't be a secret that I am huge fan of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. I've spent enough blog posts talking about what a great role model he is for my generation as well as the younger generation, especially in these modern times when values and morals are looked upon with contempt. As I was thinking about what I'd just experienced in one of my Religious Studies classes this morning one phrase came to mind: "Verso l'alto." It means "towards the heights" or "towards the top"... a phrase that has become synonymous with Bl. Pier Giorgio's name and his short time on earth.

During the first class this morning, two big (well, big to me) things happened. First, I keep bringing up the Latin Mass in class whenever I can and have been pestering my professor for the past couple of weeks about how it's valid and how it should be an option for our "Parish Visit" final project. (We have to go to 4 different kinds of Masses, Latin Mass not offered as an option.) Today the professor finally put the details of the TLM at St. Catherine of Siena in Reseda (in the San Fernando Valley) next Saturday (the 13th) on the board. A couple of girls from class are ready to go which makes me very happy. :D The Mass counts towards the Foreign Language Mass requirement and I made sure everyone knew that the professor had said it counted. I did a little happy dance in my seat although that little "victory" didn't last too long.

The past two class lectures we've actually been watching videos on Vatican II. Today's video was very political and left winged. Some people were criticizing the late Pope John Paul II for "betraying the spirit of Vatican II" while others thought he was too modern. Some priests criticized those priests, bishops, and Popes who have taken an interest in politics of neglecting to help others grow spiritually. It was kind of a mess which some people would argue was the problem with Vatican II. Anyway, after the video was over the professor began to speak about how Humanae Vitae really "messed" Catholics again, and how the Church had no right to tell the faithful what to do regarding sex, reproduction, etc. That led to a sort of feminist, liberal rant that was completely unnecessary. She brought up Natural Family Planning and how it was an accepted form of birth control in the eyes of the Church and how it resulted from Vatican II. She then went on to say that birth control was okay and shared some personal stories to try to emphasize her point. When I challenged her on what she'd said, she said that she was right and my understanding of Natural Family Planning was wrong. A friend/classmate of mine and I looked at each other, shook our heads, and sighed. We know better but those who don't are taking the professor's word on it. I walked out of the class not sure of what to do except that I knew I'd continue to challenge the professors even moreso than I have.

All of this led to think about the phrase Bl. Pier Giorgio loved. From what I understand from his biographies and from what's up on the Frassati USA website, it means both to the top of the mountain (as he loved to climb mountains) and also "a constant striving to reach the summit of eternal life." I feel like if I don't say something in class, if I don't challenge the dribble the professors "teaching us", that I am not only not speaking up in defense of the Church but I'm also not doing anything to help my fellow classmates became spiritual stronger and more faithful. As a friend/classmate in my Ethics class said yesterday morning, a majority of our classmates don't question what the professors say even if it doesn't sound like it's a genuinely Catholic. They take what the professors say and it's automatically true. Because, as I said in my previous post, this school says it's Catholic they believe it. Of course, it's Catholic in name only but I don't think a majority of people realize that.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that I know everything. Far from it. I'm still learning and I'm nowhere as knowledgeable as say Andrew or Joe (two good friends my age who could teach any of my classes properly if they wanted) and I'm definitely nowhere near Patrick's understanding but I'm definitely working at it... and I want to bring as many people as I can along for the ride. If anything, my experience at this school (and especially after lectures like the one we just had) give me the drive to keep going, to graduate, to go to Grad school and eventually become a professor and teach Catholicism properly.

By the by, if you were wondering what happened after the last blog entry: in a nutshell, Patrick was kind enough to get me in contact with Belmont Abbey College (with whom I unintentionally ended up playing phone tag with last Tuesday) and have the option to go there now open. A majority of my friends are pushing me towards going there while a friend and my mom are encouraging me to stay where I am and "fight the good fight" as I've been known to be up for a challenge, no matter how big it is. I've made my decision about what I'm going to do and I'm at peace with it. I also want to thank everyone for your prayers and advice. I was a bit overwhelmed last week and I took everything into consideration. I firmly believe your prayers helped as well as Our Blessed Mother's intercession (I'm on day 53 of the 54 day Rosary novena).

Alright, well, since I have another 3 hours (wow, that went by fast!) before my next class I will try to finish and post past blog entries as well as work on my NaNoWriMo entry for this year. Yes, I am crazy enough to attempt it again this year. :D

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.