I Finally Watched The Passion... Sort Of.

Okay, so I admit that I had very little desire to watch The Passion of the Christ. I heard it was very violent and very intense so I just avoided it. It's not that I wanted to avoid thinking about the agony and torture Our Lord suffered... it's just that I'm very sensitive when it comes to people suffering. I can't see it without a few tears escaping. I've always been that way. When we used to go to Mexico to visit my paternal family, I would cry when I saw the poor children and women begging for money on the streets so they could eat. I felt helpless because I didn't know how to help and when I did help (when I gave up whatever food I had with me), I was made fun of by family members. My heart just broke (and continues to break) for these people. If I see this way towards strangers imagine how much more it hurts when I think about everything Jesus went through for us.

For the record, I am a lot stronger (emotionally) than I am describing myself. I am able to endure a lot of things but seeing others suffer is one of the few things I just cannot help but get emotional over. Having said that, I will now confess that I cry during the Sorrowful Mysteries... especially when I take into consideration how I've been ungrateful in the past for the many blessings I've received. Maybe it's my "healthy Catholic guilt conscience" (as one of my professors described it last semester) but I just feel bad about the dumb, immature things I've had in the past. Anyway, I knew that if I cried during the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary I would be in so much trouble watching The Passion.

I was forced to watch part of it this week for my Christology course. Yes, forced. I was game for any other film but The Passion. I did not want to blubber like a baby in the classroom, especially when there are classmates who look at you as if you're subhuman. (side note: I wish it was a cliched exaggeration but the girls who come from families with money look down on us who don't... and don't hide the "disgust" they feel towards us.) I told several friends I would not watch the movie in the class because I knew it would happen. I was determined. I walked in this morning and said, "I'm just signing in and then I'm leaving. I'm not watching it." But then I felt a little courage and stayed. I'm glad I did.

Yes, I did sob. A lot. I left the classroom twice to get tissues. My eyes were red and puffy when I went to my next class. Yes, I did get these "Oh Em Gee, I can't believe she's crying over this" looks from some classmates. I did not care. Only one of the girls watched all of the film. During certain scenes everyone else took out their phones or played with papers on their desks. I tweeted. It was intense and we all felt it. I only watched the second half as they had started the first half earlier in the week when I was taking an exam (which I passed! :D) for the class elsewhere. It was enough to leave me emotionally drained. On the bright side I was able to see just how much I could handle (and am kind of proud of myself for that) and it gave me a lot to meditate on... in a good way. I actually have to watch it in its entirety since I have to write a paper on it but I'm more prepared now than I was a few days ago.

I can see where the criticism comes from. A friend said he didn't like it because it was too violent. Others praised it for giving us something to think about. I think both are valid arguments. It was intense (maybe a little too intense for the majority of the audience) but at the same time I feel like, though they could've toned down some things and still have gotten the desired effect, it was powerful enough to really makes us think about the suffering Jesus endured, the reason why it happened, and how we can repay Him. I still have a lot to think about (and, no doubt, a lot more when I watch all of it) but I already have a lot to think about... and some things to reevaluate.

I know I got a few "what kind of Catholic are you?" type responses when I said I hadn't watched the movie earlier this week but that's okay. While I do think it definitely makes you see things different, and it does leave you kind of stunned at first (it did me), I don't think anyone should be forced to watch it if they don't wish to. Those who have experienced violence or seen it inflicted on others (I, luckily, have not experienced it myself but have seen classmates/friends physically hurt) are more likely to feel strongly against watching it and that should be okay. It's not a film for everyone.

I am sure I will once again sob and go through a box of tissues when I re-watch it for specific questions such as "which Gospel did the screenwriter use?" but I'm ready. Okay, fine, I'll probably clutch a pillow but I'm good. lol. Don't know if I'll make it a tradition of watching it during Lent like some people but I wouldn't completely rule out ever watching it again at some point in my lifetime. We'll see. :)

Anyway, I have about 80 pages on Judaism to read for one class, 50 on Sexuality in Society for one of my Sociology courses, a couple chapters for my Anger Management class (haha, no, I don't have anger issues; it's a Sociology-Psychology hybrid class), and I have to read the entire Prose and Poetic Eddas by Tuesday so I better hit them books. :)

I hope y'all are having a great weekend thus far; I know I am. ;) I will try to blog again this weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

It's Finally Happened...

Brace yourselves for something you never thought you'd hear from me. Are you sitting down? Are you ready? You sure? Okay, here it goes...

... we finally had an orthodox Religious Studies lecture. *gasp* Am I being punked? lol.

All kidding aside, I am very surprised about how yesterday's Christology class went. We had an actual lecture where there was no mention of liberation theology or any feminist rants. I may sound a little pessimistic when I say that I don't expect this to last but we've already been told that we'll focus the second half of the semester on the liberal side of Christology so I'm counting yesterday as a fluke. Yeeeah. Fun. lol. Maybe, since it Mama Mary's birthday yesterday, it was a feast day miracle. (side note: Have I mentioned that they gave out birthday cake during the lunch hour because of the feast of the Nativity of Our Blessed Mother? Yeah, I know. Surprise!) Or maybe the prof is trying to get me to put my guard down. Either way, I'm prepared for whatever comes my way. One thing I do know is that I'm in for a hard semester.

Lack of updates is due to the insane amount of homework I have. I have to read no less than 200 pages per week for my classes not to mention study for weekly exams/quizzes, papers, and all that fun stuff. And by fun I mean torture. lol. Actually, except for my Christology course, none of my classes are that hard. The work is just ridiculously time consuming. I thought I would be able to finish everything early and enjoy my weekend but I work right through my weekend as well. Some professors apparently believe their's is the only class we're taking because some assign up to 150 pages to read every week. For one class. Now do y'all get my absence from online activity? I have a feeling I will finish this semester mentally exhausted.


Not much to note besides the homework and something else that I've been wanting to write about. No, not the purging of music that makes me uncomfortable (though I do have iTunes open and go through the songs while I read) or the skirt experiment but something else. :) I'll write it soon enough. ;D

Anyway, I just wanted to update y'all on my school situation. I know many of y'all were brought to this blog when Patrick Madrid, First Things, and the Cardinal Newman Society all highlighted my CINO College post and I still get asked how things are going. I think my biggest challenge will happen when I write my Thesis next semester. I have it down to two possible things I want to write the 40 page Thesis (yes, you read that right) on and neither will go down well with my adviser but it's my paper so ha! ;) For now I'll just keep on swimming (a la Nemo's Dory) and try to make it out of this semester alive. :D

That's it for now. I did 8 straight days of cramming/studying and all I want to do is listen to music and catch up on my movie viewing today. I may have a special post scheduled for Sunday if I can get it written on time. Stay tuned for that. :D

I hope y'all are doing well, especially those who are back at work and school. :) I also hope y'all have a great, safe weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Hooray for Reverse Senioritis; School Update

As I stated in the last blog post, I seem to have reverse senioritis which is why there hasn't been an update in over a week. What exactly is reverse senioritis, you may ask. Well, instead of not wanting to do the coursework assigned because I'm in the last couple of months before graduation I'm actually doing what I can to get ahead. I'm actually currently behind a couple of days because this week has been quite eventful (including a car accident on the way to school AND a mini earthquake yesterday; no worries, no one was hurt) and I haven't had the time to sit down and properly study in a couple of days. My goal is to be a week or so ahead in most of my classes which is doable if I take this weekend to do it. I can do it since the readings aren't too bad but I will need to take a break from the 'net until Sunday day of rest) and then again until probably Tuesday.

As for how school is going: I'm at the moment indifferent. I'm loving my Norse mythology course because of the imagination they had and because my professor is so passionate about it that he makes the lectures interesting. My Christology class is going okay. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages and y'all know I'm not too happy about that. Some things are right on the mark and others have me sitting in my seat, moving a St. Therese Sacrifice Bead over and offering it up. I feel like it's also too PC (politically correct) but I've felt that way about all my Religious Studies classes thus far. It's almost as if it's criminal to talk about what the Church's actual teachings on subjects such as homosexuality are not taught for fear of offending people. Y'all know my theory: I'd rather be told the Truth and have people ticked off for having the guts to say it than offending the Lord but maybe that's just me. The semester is still in its early days (we just finished the 2nd week) so I'm still hoping and praying that we'll eventually get less mixed messages. There's still hope. :)

Everything else is going great. Anxiety's been a bit of a mess with the events that happened yesterday but I'm drinking red rooibos tea which helps the anxiety go down and all things are good. :) Oh, and I know I was vague about a tweet I made about changes happening but I hope to be able to write about it on Monday (if I am able to finish reading by Saturday night). It'll work out because part of it involves music and y'all know I enjoy my Music Monday posts. :D

Anyway, just wanted to give y'all an update. I hope those of you who are already back in school are finding your classes a little easier to manage than last year (seems most of us had a hard time last school year). As I said, I hope to post on Monday about the changes coming up... which I may or may not be criticized for but I feel these are needed. :)

Hope y'all had a great week and have a fantastic long weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Can The First Week of Senior Year Get Any Weirder?

If you're following me on Twitter or are a FB friend than you already know how weird my first two days of senior year have been. On the plus side: I'm done with homework for 3/5 courses (for the week) and I have friends in all my classes. On the "ick!" side: my phone was stolen/lost on the first day of the year (I even had to file a police report with campus security), I almost face planted when I tripped and fell that same day, and a friend had to drive an hour to pick me up and take me to and from school when I could not find a ride (or afford to drive myself). In between I have some interesting (thus far) classes in my first all-male professors semester at a primarly all-female school. Some of my classmates are already swooning over my Norse Mythology professor. lol.

It's really weird, to me, because I was so determined to make the most of my week, despite the misfortunes, and I've kind of done it. Despite being in a sort of "panic" mode on Monday while I tried to find my phone, I ended up kind of laughing over it in the end. It was just so ridiculous to me. Except for today when I lost my cool after a guy in an SUV nearly hit me in at grocery store parking lot (I promise I am uber cautious when I drive and I was going at a good speed that allowed me to avoid an accident when the guy verbally attacked me while he impatiently tried to get a parking spot before I did), I've been able to exercise patience and charity towards others. Basically, I've thrown the lemons back. :D I don't know if it's because I made the resolution to make myself as calm as possible (I'm so tired of being stressed and anxious) or because the effects of the last week of the 54 Day Rosary Novena are starting (today is the last day). All I know is that I'm kind of mellow (again, except for today -- though I did end up saying a Hail Mary a couple of seconds after the incident to get over my annoyance). It's good. I'm trying to make the most of the obstacles being thrown at me.

Who knows how the rest of my senior year (and week) will go. I still have a few days to go. Tomorrow I go back for my second official day of classes (I'm only on campus twice a week this semester). I already know that my last Religious Studies class will be interesting... and by that I mean I already have a feeling that there's going to be one final attempt to get me to think in a more liberal way. What is tipping me off? We have a couple of weeks worth of feminist theology in my Christology class. Feel free to note how many things were wrong is that last sentence. I've been told to not be to "concrete" and "stubborn" in my ideas about my Faith and that I should be open to any new ideas about what Christianity is. Interesting indeed. All my other classes should be fairly innocuous but I'll keep y'all updated. As I said, this is my last 8 months as a college undergrad student so who knows what the professors and the college has in store for me before I graduate.

Oh, tomorrow I also go get my blood work results in the evening. I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly nervous but I've resigned myself to doing whatever God's will for me is. I've asked, in the Rosary novena, for good, healthy results but if hypothyroidism or diabetes comes up I'll just have to deal with it.

Anyway, to end on more positive note: it's been so stinking hot (and the Weather Channel is predicting over 100 degree weather all this week) that I will be able to wear skirts. So excited! lol. The older I get, and the more I study about Catholicism and modesty, the more I favor skirts and just being more feminine. This little tomboy is growing up and enjoying the process. lol. Btw, ladies, head over to Betty Beguiles for awesome tips on modesty in clothing and other "girly" things if you already haven't. I love her and the site, especially since she introduced me to Shabby Apple... which I will one day be able to afford. lol.

I have reverse senioritis (hitting the books hard from day one) so I should get back to being prepared for tomorrow. Shocking, I know. ;D I hope everyone who is starting school this week and next is doing great. I'm starting a novena to St. Thomas Aquinas for fellow students, professors/teacher, and staff so if you'd like to be included, please let me know by leaving me a comment here or at this blog's Facebook Page. :)

As always, thank you for reading and God Bless. :D