Little Steps

Today I drove to the Cathedral in downtown L.A. It may not seem like a big deal to most of you but when you've had anxiety/panic disorder for half of your life, it's a huge deal. It took me quite a while since I don't live near the downtown area (hello for the suburbs!) and I got there using all streets; I have yet to find a legitimate reason to take the freeway.

On the way there, I was a little nervous but I didn't have any crippling anxiety. I had planned my route using Google Maps and I've grown up in L.A. so I don't get lost very easily. With that confidence I drove out to get myself a St. Brigid of Ireland Tiny Saint to hang out with the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati Tiny Saint that I carry next to my keys. Yes, when I'm motivated, I can achieve things. Did I get it? Yes, along with a couple more for one of my best friends. As I drove back home, I couldn't help feeling proud of myself.

It's so easy to believe the lies that you can't do anything. I've heard it before. "Oh, Emmy can't do this because of her anxiety." "Emmy needs help because..." "Yeah, Emmy can't..." Luckily for me, anytime someone says that I can't do something that I know I'm capable of, I get determination to prove them wrong. Learning how to drive, getting my license, driving to places "far" from my apartment... all of these things are goals that I have proven that I can do despite others underestimating me.

I know a lot of people find this blog because of search terms such as "anxiety and Catholicism." In fact, that was partly why I opened this blog 7 years ago; I wanted to show others that having anxiety was nothing to be ashamed about. Stereotypes be darned. They haven't defined me and they don't define anyone who is going through it.

I hope that posts like this show others going through the same thing (anxiety/panic disorder) that it is possible to overcome these kinds of obstacles. If you were to ask my mom if she ever thought it was possible for me to drive, she would honestly tell you "no." No one believed I would eventually conquer the fear to do it. Just remember that when people say "no" to something important, God often says "yes."

Anyway, just a quick little post I wanted to share 'cause I'm honestly so stinking proud of myself. :D Naysayers say whaaat?! lol.

I hope you all had a great Monday (yes, I know Mondays are a punk butt) and have a great rest of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Welcome to L.A., Archbishop Gomez!

I did the best I could do from my seat and with my aging camera. ;)

I'm not going to try to pretend that I am well-versed enough to write an amazing post about the changes that will happen and how much Archbishop Gomez already means to us. Attempting it might leave me feeling slightly embarrassed but I will say: Thank God for our new archbishop!

Archbishop Jose H. Gomez is officially our new archbishop and I couldn't be happier! Since I am on Spring Break this week I can't go around, frolicking all around campus... but I will next week. :D Of course there will be changes within the Archdiocese but these changes are entirely necessary. Is it too much to hope that these changes will also happen at my CINO college? I know there are people writing (and who've already written and sent their letters) to Archbishop Gomez about the state of my school but that's a whole 'nother topic and blog entry. ;)

As you can see from the (blurry) picture, I was present at the Ceremony of Transition this past Sunday. We got there very early and was able to meet both Cardinal Mahony and Archbishop Gomez. My mom was so excited that she was able to speak to Archbishop Gomez in Spanish; it was so cute. :) Last time L.A. had someone else in charge (other than Cardinal Mahony) was back when I was less than a week old (Cardinal Timothy Manning retired on June 4th, I was born on May 30th) so this was huge for me. With all due respect to Cardinal Mahony, I am excited to have someone who is more "conservative", orthodox and will uphold the teachings of the Church without compromise. To quote a Michael Bublé/Nina Simone song, "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me... and I'm feeling good."

I will admit that I cried a minimum of three times during the Mass. When Cardinal Mahony's coat of arms was taken down and Archbishop Gomez's was put up and when Archbishop Gomez sat in the chair, I cried. I'm sensitive and I'm woman enough to admit that. lol. Seriously, though, they were tears of joy. I was happy, relieved, and excited all at once. It's silly to think this but... I actually thought "Oh good, now I can wear my mantilla and not feel like I'm a walking target." lol. There were women at the Mass wearing mantillas and I felt a solidarity. Things have been looking up since we found out he was coming to L.A. but it was a lot more obvious at the Mass. I may be attending Mass at the Cathedral more often as it's not too far for me, especially since there is a new, warmer, vibe at the Cathedral. :D

Anyway, I fear I will just repeat myself and that my already random cluster of thoughts will leave y'all confused so I should stop writing before I turn into a babbling nerd. :D

Welcome to Los Angeles, Archbishop Gomez! We're glad you already feel at home and we cannot wait to see you lead us into a brighter era. :)

Colds, Pope JPII: The Movie, and a Saint Dream.

There hasn't been a blog in a few days because I've been feeling really icky lately. I think I'm getting a cold... probably caught it from my mom when she had it last week. Bah! To be fair, I haven't had an actual cold in over 2 years (last one was in November 2005) but still, I don't want one! lol. I really hope my sore throat and fever-y feeling (I don't have a fever; I just feel warm) are allergy related and not a cold... or worse, the flu. *shudders* That is seriously the last thing I need right now. Please let it be allergies, or a mild cold... please it it be allergies... or a mild cold. lol. *crosses fingers and hopes for the best* I hope my health is in better shape than Liverpool's recent form. That game today was not worth my getting up at 6 in the morning to watch. Ugh. But, moving on...

I watched the "Pope John Paul II: the Movie" DVD a few nights ago... and it was awesome! It was definitely a movie that made me think about a lot of things I normally wouldn't, which is always great. It did make my mom and I cry (moreso me than her) because it's difficult to watch something that was based on JP2's real life and see everything he went through and suffered. Watching his friends being killed by Nazi invaders, seeing him get hurt and shot (even though they were re-enactments) was very difficult to watch. Despite it being emotionally charged, it's such a great movie. We gave it thumbs up all around. I've gained so much more respect for him than I had before (and it was a lot prior to the movie). I think I'm going to put it on my wish list for the next time I buy some DVDs. I also got a movie about the Nutcracker ballet (which has been on my list for months) so I'm going to try to watch it by Monday morning so I can send them both back to Netflix and get myself more movies.

Two nights ago I had a very cool dream about saints. I was standing up on a cathedral's dome looking down at saints walking around in a garden. And, yes, they were actually alive in my dream. The cathedral was big and white and so were the stairs one had to take to get up to where I was standing. As I was looking down, I noticed St. Dymphna and St. Jude walking around. I don't remember if I called their names or if they just looked up but they looked at me and I knew they were going to come up to talk to me. So, I went inside and waited for them and then I saw other saints walking in from different hallways and staircases. It was almost like a parade, there were so many. I remember St. Theresa of Avila was there but I don't remember talking to her or just knowing she was there. In fact, I don't remember talking to any of the saints. I know they acknowledged me and made it clear that they knew I was there. Since it's been a couple of days, details are starting to get fuzzy. Either way, it was such a lovely dream. This is the first time I've had a dream where I interacted with them. It's always been me seeing them as apparitions or in statues but never as living people. It was amazing! I won't even try to decipher what they mean... I'm just very happy to have had it. :D

Alright, I'm not feeling too hot... or I should say I'm feeling pretty warm and not too well, so I'm going to try to go lie down or eat something before I go to bed. I'll go watch "the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in the meantime. :D

Thanks for reading and God Bless.