You didn't know this feast existed? Well, it does! Because I tend to lean "trad," I've heard of (and seen) betrothal ceremonies amongst other young Millennial Catholics. It's a beautiful ceremony and it's on my list of things I want to do if I ever get engaged to be married.
I've actually been thinking a lot about my vocation discernment lately. I know, I know... I'm usually quiet about this part of my life but I'll let you guys in on what's going on with me. Long story short: I'm not quite sure where I'm going in this area of my life. I've gotten to a point where I'm in need of spiritual direction (and will be receiving some in the days to come; I've already made plans with a priest I highly respect) because I feel a little lost.
Yes, I self-imposed a dating break last summer and it was honestly the best decision because I had too much going on. Between school stress and what I had to figure out (small-v) vocation-wise, I just didn't think it was a good idea to add a fella to the mix. There was someone during that time but I took it to prayer and it became clear that it wasn't the time... nor the fella... for me and I felt at peace with that.
I keep telling my friends that I'm pretty much resigning myself to staying single. I do want to move forward and I'm open to whatever God's will is for me... but that little voice of doubt comes up now and then and asks the same question over and over again. I'm almost 33, aren't I too old to find a good guy?
When I remembered that the feast of the betrothal was coming up, I did a novena to St. Anne. I purposely started it 9 days before the feast day. No, it wasn't, "St. Anne, St. Anne, bring me a man!" It was more "St. Anne, please help me figure out what my vocation is." If you're wondering if that means that I'm open to the possibility that I may not be called to marriage, after all, the answer is, "Yes!"
While I was doing the novena, I kept reminding myself that any vocation that God has in store for me is the perfect fit for me because it will be part of His will for me. I may very much desire to get married and have children (my heart does long for that family) but I am open to that possibly not being what will end of being my vocation. I stated as much those 9 days I prayed the novena. "May God send me the man that He has in store for me... if that is my vocation. If it isn't, may I figure out what my true vocation is."
I already know I'm not meant for a religious vocation. I discerned (and re-discerned) that in my early 20s and again in my late 20s. What I am open to are the other two options: marriage and consecrated virginity. Gasp! I know. lol. I have a great godson so I will get a taste of motherhood, albeit spiritual, if I'm not called to get married and have children of my own. Again, I greatly desire it but if it's not in His plans for me, I've resigned myself to that possibility. I'm taking my abandonment to His Divine Providence seriously, y'all.
I've been joking that Catholic Match has been stalking me on Twitter the past two days (because they have! Good grief, y'all!) but I'm not taking that as a "sign." I'm not rushing this. I've never rushed this. I've always taken any potential fellas (and there have been a couple over the years... even though I never say anything) to prayer. I've entrusted my heart to the Immaculate Heart of Mary when it comes to my vocation because I've seen people make mistakes. I've seen people get married because they felt alone and hated it... and then they regretted it. I don't want that for me. Sure, I'm getting older (I'll be 33 in May) and people like to remind me that "the window for children is closing" but don't see that as a reason to rush.
That's where I am right now. I'm not afraid of what He may call me to do. I know some single women in their late 20s through late 30s live in fear of never marrying but I don't. I don't know if it's because I've always been an independent lady or because I've resigned myself to God's will. I know that, while there may be a disappointment if I'm not called to the vocation of marriage and family, I will find greater consolation in doing His will. I'd rather give up something I truly wanted if it's for my greater good than to go against His will.
Sorry if this post sounds like a downer but this is the reality, folks. I may not get what I want but God will make sure that I get what I need and that's all I can truly hope for. :)
Anyway, that's it for now. I've had a headache for nearly 24 hours now and I want to rest as much as I can. :)
As always, thanks for reading and God bless!
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