Update: I AM Alive, Just Busy

I've been asked why I haven't blogged in over two weeks. The short, straight to the point answer: I've been very busy. I have two more weeks before finals start (in fact, my full day of final exams is in exactly 3 weeks) and this is when the professors load us with an insane amount of work. Throughout the semester the majority of the professors have fallen behind schedule and now they're trying to catch up which is more stressful for us. I had to read an entire 400+ book in a week. Well, I was supposed to finish it but I didn't because it's insane for a professor to assign us work as if it were the only class we were taking. I have a paper due tomorrow for Lit class and an exam early in the morning for my Intro to Catholicism class so I can't spend too much time blogging today but I thought a quick update would be good for now.

I have many posts that I started and do plan on publishing as soon as they are completed. Topics included in those posts: the Latin Mass (which I finally attended last week), St. Therese sacrifice beads, more updated on my life at a CINO (Catholic in Name Only) college, NaNoWriMo (see, I HAVE been writing something), novel (and sequel) update, and one on the 54 day Rosary novena I finished (as well as the one I just started). Don't know when I'll have the posts up but they will be up soon-ish. Let me finish reading all the books assigned, finish writing all the papers due, and basically catch up in time for finals and the posts will be written on a regular basis once again.

Alright, I need to finish my paper of Ovid's Metamorphoses so this is all for now.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Verso L'Alto!

By now it shouldn't be a secret that I am huge fan of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. I've spent enough blog posts talking about what a great role model he is for my generation as well as the younger generation, especially in these modern times when values and morals are looked upon with contempt. As I was thinking about what I'd just experienced in one of my Religious Studies classes this morning one phrase came to mind: "Verso l'alto." It means "towards the heights" or "towards the top"... a phrase that has become synonymous with Bl. Pier Giorgio's name and his short time on earth.

During the first class this morning, two big (well, big to me) things happened. First, I keep bringing up the Latin Mass in class whenever I can and have been pestering my professor for the past couple of weeks about how it's valid and how it should be an option for our "Parish Visit" final project. (We have to go to 4 different kinds of Masses, Latin Mass not offered as an option.) Today the professor finally put the details of the TLM at St. Catherine of Siena in Reseda (in the San Fernando Valley) next Saturday (the 13th) on the board. A couple of girls from class are ready to go which makes me very happy. :D The Mass counts towards the Foreign Language Mass requirement and I made sure everyone knew that the professor had said it counted. I did a little happy dance in my seat although that little "victory" didn't last too long.

The past two class lectures we've actually been watching videos on Vatican II. Today's video was very political and left winged. Some people were criticizing the late Pope John Paul II for "betraying the spirit of Vatican II" while others thought he was too modern. Some priests criticized those priests, bishops, and Popes who have taken an interest in politics of neglecting to help others grow spiritually. It was kind of a mess which some people would argue was the problem with Vatican II. Anyway, after the video was over the professor began to speak about how Humanae Vitae really "messed" Catholics again, and how the Church had no right to tell the faithful what to do regarding sex, reproduction, etc. That led to a sort of feminist, liberal rant that was completely unnecessary. She brought up Natural Family Planning and how it was an accepted form of birth control in the eyes of the Church and how it resulted from Vatican II. She then went on to say that birth control was okay and shared some personal stories to try to emphasize her point. When I challenged her on what she'd said, she said that she was right and my understanding of Natural Family Planning was wrong. A friend/classmate of mine and I looked at each other, shook our heads, and sighed. We know better but those who don't are taking the professor's word on it. I walked out of the class not sure of what to do except that I knew I'd continue to challenge the professors even moreso than I have.

All of this led to think about the phrase Bl. Pier Giorgio loved. From what I understand from his biographies and from what's up on the Frassati USA website, it means both to the top of the mountain (as he loved to climb mountains) and also "a constant striving to reach the summit of eternal life." I feel like if I don't say something in class, if I don't challenge the dribble the professors "teaching us", that I am not only not speaking up in defense of the Church but I'm also not doing anything to help my fellow classmates became spiritual stronger and more faithful. As a friend/classmate in my Ethics class said yesterday morning, a majority of our classmates don't question what the professors say even if it doesn't sound like it's a genuinely Catholic. They take what the professors say and it's automatically true. Because, as I said in my previous post, this school says it's Catholic they believe it. Of course, it's Catholic in name only but I don't think a majority of people realize that.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that I know everything. Far from it. I'm still learning and I'm nowhere as knowledgeable as say Andrew or Joe (two good friends my age who could teach any of my classes properly if they wanted) and I'm definitely nowhere near Patrick's understanding but I'm definitely working at it... and I want to bring as many people as I can along for the ride. If anything, my experience at this school (and especially after lectures like the one we just had) give me the drive to keep going, to graduate, to go to Grad school and eventually become a professor and teach Catholicism properly.

By the by, if you were wondering what happened after the last blog entry: in a nutshell, Patrick was kind enough to get me in contact with Belmont Abbey College (with whom I unintentionally ended up playing phone tag with last Tuesday) and have the option to go there now open. A majority of my friends are pushing me towards going there while a friend and my mom are encouraging me to stay where I am and "fight the good fight" as I've been known to be up for a challenge, no matter how big it is. I've made my decision about what I'm going to do and I'm at peace with it. I also want to thank everyone for your prayers and advice. I was a bit overwhelmed last week and I took everything into consideration. I firmly believe your prayers helped as well as Our Blessed Mother's intercession (I'm on day 53 of the 54 day Rosary novena).

Alright, well, since I have another 3 hours (wow, that went by fast!) before my next class I will try to finish and post past blog entries as well as work on my NaNoWriMo entry for this year. Yes, I am crazy enough to attempt it again this year. :D

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

St. Jude Thaddeus is the Reason I Reverted

Happy St. Jude Thaddeus feast day! I will keep this post very brief since I have a lot to do but I just wanted to, like every year, say how much I appreciate all the intercessions St. Jude Thaddeus has done for me.

First off, I would not be here, writing this blog entry, if it wasn't for his intercession. A couple of years ago, when I was so sick that things like "she won't make it" and "she has little time" were thrown around, I began to pray. It's something I hadn't done in years since I'd drifted away from the Church during my teens. Since my mom was/is a huge St. Jude devotee I decided to ask his intercession. That was the beginning of my reversion. From that moment on I made the promise to learn more about my faith and to keep other promises I made... including one which I said that as soon as I graduate college I firmly intend to go to Vatican City to give thanks to him and especially God for giving me a second chance at everything. :D He has since interceded for me, as well as for many of my friends, countless time and I wholeheartedly recommend his novena whenever you're in a bind. I have never, ever, been let down and I don't doubt that if you ask his intercession, and if it's God's will, your prayers will be answered.

As much as I would love to write more, I have so much to do. No rest for the wicked, eh? lol. Anyway, I hope everyone is having/had a great day. :D

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless!

CINO (Catholic in Name Only) and Double Majors

Have you noticed anything new on the blog layout? No? In your left side bar, under the Personality Profile, is a counter that shows just how long I have until graduation. Currently it's 1 year, 6 months, 1 week, and 6 days. *sigh* Seems like such a long time but then I think about how fast these past 2 (nearly 3) months have gone and that makes me feel better. Being at a CINO (Catholic in Name Only) college is hard and getting harder.

I'm beginning to see certain assignments marked down. The tension between professors and certain students (myself included) is beginning to increase. My anxiety's also beginning to get a lot worse. My anxiety had been under control and had gone months without an actual attack and now I have them every other day. Yesterday I was told by several people that I should just leave the school; to finish out the semester and transfer elsewhere. My poor mother, who's seen me at my worse, has been noticing the same pattern which I display before the anxiety gets really, really bad. Yesterday I nearly fainted while standing and had the worse panic attack I've had in a really long time. I don't know if my being at that school is bringing this on but it certainly looks that way.

On Friday I was talking to another faithful Catholic and she was talking about leaving the school as soon as the semester was over... and she's not the only one. Many of us who do not agree with the "teachings" that happen at that school are considering transferring elsewhere, even if it means losing this semester. I had the good fortune of meeting a former student and she said she left after a year because she went through the same that I went through with the professors... and she had the same professors, years ago, that I have now. You can just imagine how bad things are. I don't 100% regret going there only because it's taught me a valuable lesson, but I wish I would've really looked at the school before even applying. I knew things were bad but I didn't know the extent of it until I actually got there. I think I can withstand the abuse (and I feel like it is a form of abuse) for another semester or even until I graduate but I am not 100% sure. As I said, my anxiety is getting worse (so much worse) so I am really thinking about what to do.

My advice to those who have children, siblings, or friends thinking about going to a Catholic college/university is: do your research!! Avoid the CINOs (Catholic in Name Only) colleges. I can tell you that in Southern California the only two that are geniunely Catholic are Thomas Aquinas College in Santa Paula and (according to The Newman Guide) John Paul the Great University in San Diego. If Thomas Aquinas College accepted transfer students I would've gone there years ago. I still think about it -- about going there -- but having to start over as a freshman and have a lot of loans prevents me from attempting to go there. A recent list of Catholic colleges and universities came out in the publication First Things (you need a subscription to view the article) which listed the Most and Least Catholic. I'm surprised my current college didn't rank in the bottom 12. The list seemed to echo what The Newman Guide recommends as far as which schools are recommended, plus a couple others the Guide doesn't have. I'm actually using both to help zero in on which Graduate schools to apply to. Even though I'm only a junior, I'm already seriously thinking about where I want to go for Grad school.

There is one more thing I have to consider; one thing that will be decided in less than 24 hours from now (2:34 p.m. PST). I recently took my Foreign Language placement exams and, well, I very did well. I did so well that the head of the department asked me to consider pulling a double major in Religious Studies AND Spanish with an emphasis on Translation/Interpretation. This only happened today, and it was sort of a fluke that I even sat down with her in her office to briefly talk about it. I was really discouraged about school yesterday but the chat I had with the head of the Modern Languages department kind of sparked a little something in me. A friend suggested I drop Religious Studies and focus solely on Spanish but I don't think I can. At most schools (and I think at mine as well) you can't change your major once you transfer into one. I want to major in Religious Studies but if I could do it elsewhere, I'd be uber happy. If I'm going to stay at this soul sucking school I'm seriously considering adding Spanish so I have something else to focus on. So, that's where I'm at now. I have a big decision to make and I don't know what to do. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

By the way, if anyone knows of a college/university that allows transfers with a cap of about 70-80 units, let me know. I will have 82 at the end of this semester but I'd consider losing a semester's worth of units to go elsewhere. I'm kind of desperate at the moment. lol.

Alright, I have to go write a 7-page essay on the New Testament... which I don't expect to receive full credit on because (like the other assignments) I fail to write what she wants us to write... because I don't agree with what she's teaching or her beliefs. That's right, I am purposely refusing to write what she wants us to because I can't, consciously, agree with it. And the professor is supposed to be open minded. Go figure.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and will have a great week.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!



*EDIT on 12/7/2010: I have since posted two separate posts on the subject last month and this month, including a detailed post last week. Thank you for the comment and advice but I already made my decision weeks ago. :)*

Online "Spring" Cleaning and Catholic New Media

If you're following me on Twitter then you saw my "tweet" about going through my list of nearly 500 people and trying to "clean" it so that I would only be following those I actually communicated with or those whose posts I follow regardless. At this point, I have less than 300, which is huge for me. I am not done yet and would like my list to be closer to the 200 mark. Part of the reason for this is that I felt bombarded with information that seemed superficial. Twitter, which I originally joined to keep in touch with friends who weren't on Facebook or who were too busy to email long messages, has become more and more impersonal. The data overload was making me feel disconnected from people, not to mention I was missing a lot of important information some of my closest friends were posting because they were buried in between posts that I wasn't interested in. It's been a long time coming and I'm glad I finally got the bulk of it done.

I'm current going through some major online "spring" cleaning. Taking a cue from Dan and Dustin, I've decided to make my life online just a little easier. They've bravely deleted their Facebook account but I think I would have a hard time doing that since I keep in touch with family and friends when I'm too busy to email. I am, however, going to delete a lot of information and photos that are unnecessary. We have so much information overload every time we get online, and much of the time it's information that is irrelevant or damaging to us as Catholics, and I'm tired of it. As my free time has now become precious due to the insane amount of homework the professors have assigned to us this semester, I need to have my priorities in order and I want to keep my friendships intact and the only way this can happen is with the "spring" cleaning.

I was able to step back and see how much time I was wasting online when I could be doing other productive things. Since the semester started mid/late August, I've spent more time playing games, taking quizzes, looking at sites like eOnline... and none of it was contributing to making me a better person. On the contrary, it's sites like eonline (which I like to read for movie news) that were actually hurting me. Is it really necessary to read who's being cast in what movie, what these so-called celebrities were doing on their off-time, and spoilers to shows I don't even watch? Not at all! Slowly I realized that I would often skim stories of celebrities that were gossip... and I hate gossip! I have a "no gossip policy" that I enforce: I don't gossip about people and don't like to listen to gossip, even if it's about me. It somehow didn't click that by my skimming these articles I was partaking in what I didn't like. *facepalm* Those were the first things I cut out when I started my "spring" cleaning (and since I'd only recently started reading them it hadn't become a bad habit.) The games were easier to cut out because I only like playing the games that take a couple of minutes to finish (i.e. puzzles). I still occasionally do quizzes on Blogpost but it's because it only takes a couple of seconds and I can do them after I am done with what's more important.

I've begun substituting a lot of what I browsed online with what has been dubbed "Catholic New Media." I've been keeping up with it since I returned to the Faith 4 years ago but I'd sort of put all the podcasts I once listened to (i.e. The Break with Fr. Roderick) on hold once I went back to school. Not only that, I haven't been keeping up with the numerous blogs and websites that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I'd gone into full on academic mode and had shut out anything that wasn't school related. Well, everything except the sites I previously mentioned. It was a BIG mistake to this. I missed a lot of great articles and blog posts that would've helped me, both spiritually and mentally. In light of everything that's happened at school, in my classes with my professors, I think it's important that I begin to use the vast online resources we Catholics have. I've gotten to the point where I know how to handle my classes and professors so I am having a lot more free time and I'm also stressing out less. Now that I've gotten the courage to speak up and defend our faith (in the majority of my classes), I have time to do research and to fully immerse myself in what is true so that I can combat whatever heresies my professors unleashed on us. There have been times I've felt I haven't been able to defend something properly and that's both infuriating and sad. (side note: I still can't defend anything in one class because the professor won't allow us but at least there's a growing support group amongst us conservatives.) I don't know whether it's my utter detestation of what we're "learning" at my school or Our Lady answering my petitions during the 54 day Rosary (I'm on day 34)... or a combination of the two things... but I'm definitely making some major changes in my online life (as well as my personal life).

Before I end this post, I was wondering if y'all can help me out on something. As I've previously mentioned, I started this blog to give y'all an insight on the life of a Catholic revert. I'm still learning (there's so much I have to learn and so much I will not get a chance to get to despite how long I may live) so that is why I keep posting. Since I have a huge mountain (school) I'm slowly climbing, I was wondering if it would be too repetitive for me to write about what's going on with that. Of course not a day goes by that at least one heretical utterance is said at that school but I've been thinking about writing about my progress at that school once a week, like on Fridays. I want to try to not complain about what's going on (although, the complaints are not actual complaints; I write them because of my amusement by what's "taught") but maybe just write about my progress with what's going on and how I'm handling my time there. I just wanted to see what y'all thought because I don't want to become repetitive with what I write. :) I hope that, if I do these weekly updates, it'll be a positive contribution to the evangelization we Catholics are doing online.

I actually want to get some "spring" cleaning done in my "offline" life (y'all should see my poor desk) so I will end this post here. I hope to post some back posts tomorrow and this weekend since I have a 4-day break from school.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.