These Darn Temptations

I have been tempted to do a lot of really stupid things lately. I can't even remember the last time I had these kinds of temptations either. The closest thing was probably a couple years ago, which I think I wrote about in one of the earliest blog posts. I am not quite sure how or why I am getting these sort of feelings but I am. It's taking a lot of will power to not give into these things, but I've slipped once or twice. Some of the temptations aren't actually that bad; venial sins at most because I sometimes don't realize what I'm saying or doing until it's too late. Others are really, really, really bad. I can justify them and make them not seem bad but deep down, I know it's really, really, really bad. The kind that both disgust me and make me want to ask St. Michael the Archangel to help me out because I don't want to submit to that kind of temptation. I'm sorry for the vagueness but I don't want to say what some of these temptations are. I will say that some are like little white lies, which I hate because I loathe lying. Other things are little hiccups of not so nice words (not exactly curse words but getting there). Like I said, I'll slip but I immediately feel really bad.

I was just wondering what you guys did when you get tempted to do or say something that is horrible. I don't get tempted to do stupid things that easily (I could give you a list of names of people who've tried to get me to do everything from doing illegal things to throwing away my purity like it was nothing special) but the enemy is really working hard to get me to slip. Is it because it'll amuse the enemy more if I slip during Lent? Is it because I've had a pretty clean slate and can go weeks without confessing anything? I don't know... all I know is that I have got to find a way to get rid of these darn things because they're bugging the living daylights out of me.

Btw, speaking of temptations, please know that if for some reason you slip (and don't do it consciously saying "well, I can confess it this weekend"), you can always ask God for forgiveness and go to confession. There is no better time to go to confession than during Lent. I go weekly (or twice a month) even if all I have to confess is one tiny little venial sin. Priests tell me I'm too hard on myself but I can't help it. I want my conscience clean, okay? lol.

Alright, I should try to get everything done before I can have some free time. Free time... I hardly knew ye. lol. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Catholic Bookstores

As a literature nerd, I can spend hours in a Borders without getting bored. Just ask my little adopted sister Delaney, I completely geek out at a bookstore. I also get a bit mischievous and I hide anti-Catholicism books in back of Catholics ones. I'll also put good saint or G.K. Chesterton books in plain view. Again, just ask Delaney as she was an accomplice last time I did that at a Borders bookstore. lol. Anyway, while I do spend a good amount of time in secular bookstores, I've made a conscience effort to go to more Catholic bookstores.

Just today I went to Pauline Books and Media in Culver City (which is only a hop, skip and jump away from my school). Can someone fall in love with a bookstore? If not, I might be the first one. I was like a kid in a candy store. I wasn't the only one either; my mother was in literary heaven. She usually has a hard time finding books since she sticks to Spanish language books and the pickings are usually slim. Not at Pauline though. We both spent a good hour or so just browsing. I found a lot of books I'd been looking for (but hadn't found), including the last copy they had of Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: a Guide for Catholics by T.G. Morrow which I'd been looking for for months. Sadly, I did not find anything on St. Gemma Galgani. The only thing they had was a holy/prayer card, which I ended up getting. Apparently, it's really hard to get any sort of biography of her here in the U.S. so I will wait until I go to Italy to try to find a copy.

I can't rave enough about this bookstore. I loved both the Daughters of St. Paul and the lay women that worked there. All were very sweet. One of them in particular helped my mom out with books in Spanish which I hadn't even heard of. There is a small chapel inside the bookstore where you can go for the Eucharistic Adoration they have at 2 p.m. (which we stayed for). We left on a first name basis with the lady that helped my mother, but not before we got hugs and smiles to last us until the next time we go... which will most likely be very soon.

I'd never come out of a bookstore feeling as elated and at peace as I did out of Pauline Books. I mean, I'd gone to one other Catholic bookstore before (St. Peter's Pier in Canoga Park; one block west of Pierce College) but it was tiny compared to Pauline Books. I think that it helped that I had been doing research on the Daughters of St. Paul before I went -- not for my vocation as I know I am not called to be a religious sister. (btw, if I were called to be a religious sister, I would've loved to have been a Daughter of St. Paul. They do exactly what I want to do.) Anyway, I was so glad I went and that I was able to find a couple of books to help me through this Lenten season. I made quite a dent in one of them already so look for a book review on it very soon (as soon as I can catch up on my homework and whatnot).

Now, I have a question for you Catholics... do you tend to buy your books from a secular bookstore or do you try to get them at Catholic bookstores? I've often gotten some of mine via Aquinas and More but I've gotten others through either Amazon or Borders. After really thinking about it, I've made it a goal to get my books at Pauline or Aquinas and More. I would feel better knowing that my money is going to a bookstore that won't stock up on books about things that are against Catholic beliefs that are morally wrong (i.e. books on abortion.) (P.S. You fellow Jane Austen fanatics, I saw both books AND DVDs of Jane Austen novels in Pauline Books. I had to keep myself from buying the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. lol)

Alright, I actually have to go because it's really late and I need to catch up on homework. Procrastination is my constant companion this semester and I'm trying to change that. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

So... Did You Hear I was a Heretic?

This picture sums up my reaction to that completely unnecessary argument between sedevacantists and myself. You know it's a sad time when Catholics go after each other. I mean, I know why I would get attacked... I acknowledge that Pope Benedict XVI is the Pope and I love that he's trying to bring back some pre-Vatican II things, like the Latin Masses. I have loved Pope Benedict XVI since he became our Pope, way before people started warming up to him. I just felt like he would do a great job. So far, I do believe he has done a lot of good for the Church though I am still learning here (remember, though, that I just came back to the faith not too long ago). This is where the sedevacantists will fight with me.

"He's an anti-Pope!", "He's heretical!", "Anyone who follows him is a heretic that will burn in hell!" Please, give me a break! Granted, I do question some things he's done (such as the whole Lutheran church homily controversy) but I like to think that he has done that as a way to extend an olive branch... in hopes that some of them will consider looking into converting or at least into not having such anti-Catholic views. Hey, if it's happening with the Anglican Church (many converting to Catholicism) why can't we hope for Lutherans to do the same?

I do know there is a great division between traditional Catholics and the more progressive *cough*liberal*cough*/cafeteria Catholics, but I don't think attacking each other will ever solve any difference. As I've said many times, I fall in the more conservative, traditional spectrum of Catholicism. I would LOVE to see the Traditional Latin Masses replace the Novus Ordo and I am a definite mantilla (chapel veil) wearer and feel disrespectful when I don't have it on. It makes me sad not to see Sisters wearing their habits on campus of Catholic colleges and universities (oh, I have something coming up on that). That doesn't mean I am going to attack those who love the Ordinary Form Masses or act disrespectful to the Sisters who wear everyday clothing.

I felt really disrespected when I was accuse of being a heretic. The people who accused me of such things did not know me, at all, nor do they know my beliefs (which would take quite a few long posts to get everything written). I was accused of wholeheartedly embracing Vatican II which I have never discussed (on whether I agree or disagree) with anyone... in person or online. When I made a comment on a friend's Facebook status about how we shouldn't expect Pope Benedict XVI to magically change the Church back overnight, I was rebutted with the argument that if he "were the real Pope", he would do it without a problem. He's a man, not a magician. While he is acting as God's representative on earth, he's not actually God. He does not have the power to will people to change. God doesn't even do that! (I won't go into the Free Will debate; at least not tonight.) With how progressive the world is today, and seeing how rapidly secularism is spreading across once great Catholic countries, it's going to be a difficult uphill battle for Pope Benedict XVI and for his successors. I do think it can happen, but it won't be easy.

In a nutshell, this way of thinking (and other thoughts that I have not discussed with others) makes me a heretic. *shakes head* As I said on my Facebook status a few days ago, I refuse to get into any more of these arguments because I am not a broken record nor do I aspire to be one (she says ever so sassily. lol) It's the same arguments over and over again. Apparently I was not the only one who had this problem recently (a few other friends had similar situations as well) and we've all pretty much decided to tune them out. It's not going to do anyone any good to fight over this.

This is all I'm going to write about the topic. I am not going to badmouth anyone. I am not going to single out people. This is not an attack on anyone. I'm just sharing my experience and thoughts on the experience. I avoid drama like the plague (though all bets are off with my guy friends who treat me like a sister, though that's mostly teasing and really lame inside jokes... long story, lol) so I am not going to go into this topic with anyone again.

To end this blog on a better note... I do have a dream post coming up soon which relates to the topic I wrote about yesterday. I am not quite done thinking about it (had a busy day today) but hope to soon. :D

Alright, this busy little bee needs to get some sleep. It's nearly 1 a.m. in the morning (technically this post was written in two days) and I have to get up in a few to study and do exams before I go visit some pretty awesome Sisters (which I hope to write about tomorrow). :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

A Rosary Thought

Sorry about yet another update but I had a very interesting moment while praying the Rosary today and I want to thoroughly think about it before I commit myself to a full length post on it.

In a nutshell... halfway through the Third Sorrowful Mystery, the Crowning with Thorns, a thought came into my mind that I have never had -- I am willing to suffer all that I must in this life on earth as long as I can spend eternity with God. In fact, nothing would make me happier than to have that possibility of going to Heaven and always being with Him. In other words, I am more ready now than I have been before to carry my own cross.

I hope to write more about this tomorrow... if I can gather my thoughts in time for a post. I will say that I am at peace and extremely happy with this thought. I may not be able to sleep tonight as I contemplate this. Though I am not going to bed yet, I will end this post now. The philosopher in me wants to think about this while it's nice and quiet. :D

Until next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Oops!... But for Good Reason

I forgot to post tonight. Ack! I'm so sorry... but it's for a very good reason. I'm just waiting for the okay before I can make an announcement on something pretty huge that is happen to yours truly. You can try guessing what it is... I won't confirm nor deny what it is until I can. :D All I can say is that only one other person knows about this and only because he proposed it.

Anyway, I will post tomorrow... and I hope it's the official news. If not, I'll still post because, as I said, I want to share my little experience with the sedevacantists. :D

Hope everyone had a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!