"Bright Star" of Love: Review and Thoughts.

I FINALLY got a chance to watch Bright Star tonight, which was recommended by one of my best friends, Nannina, (who has an amazing taste in films) and many Catholic friends of mine including Rebecca of Modestia. (Btw, she recently wrote a blog about modern clothing that reminded her of that worn in Bright Star.) It was such a beautiful film. The acting was fantastic, the scenery was breathtaking, and the story was... *sighs*. lol. If you know anything about the life of English poet John Keats, then you know how the story ends; I'm not going to spoil it for those who don't. lol.

As I was watching the film, a plethora of questions and answers popped into my mind. "If I were in Fanny Browne's shoes and I knew the outcome of my love's fate, would I do as she did and hold on? Would I end it because of the ultimate outcome of the situation?" The answer was: yes, I'd stay and fight right beside him! If I were in love with someone and I knew I wouldn't have him for long, I would stand by him and do as Fanny did. I am not one to give up on something, and especially not on someone, I love because I know it's not going to end up the way I want it to. What I love about the love story of John Keats and Fanny Browne, and what Jane Campion beautifully captured, is that it wasn't idealistic in the sense that there's going to be a fairy tale ending. There is no such thing as a fairy tale ending, though I'm sure many have come close to it. It's not my being pessimistic about it; it's being realistic. I'm a hopeless romantic, I'll be the first to admit it, but I know that what is usually presented to us in the media isn't what a relationship will be like for every one of us.

One of the main reasons why I love period films like this and Pride and Prejudice is the innocence and honesty in the relationships. As Deal W. Hudson wrote in his review of Bright Star for Inside Catholic, there was "a level of mutual desire" that showed how deeply in love they were but they never overstepped their boundaries. Of course, in those days they reserved and they weren't overly sexualized like our modern secular society is. It's something that is severely lacking in most of the films that come out these days. Films in which a relationship isn't consummated or overblown into dramatics (I'm looking at you, Twilight) is almost unheard of... and that's very sad.

Perhaps I'm the only one that thinks this way. I long for films in which a relationship is gradually built, one that starts with a solid foundation and friendship, instead of the rush we usually see. Maybe I'm just an old fashioned girl who believes in courtship. It's quite possible that this Janeite is just so used to Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility stories that that's why I think they way I do. Either way, this film was such a breath of fresh air and it's further convinced me that courtship is the right thing for me. As I said months ago, I'm thoroughly enjoying being single but I am ready for whenever God wants to send me someone.

I believe the film is about to end its run in movie theaters (today was the last day it was being shown at the nearest movie theater to my casa) but if it's still being shown near you, I really recommend it. Be warned, though, you will most likely tear up during the film; I certainly did. This film was truly a "Bright Star" of love and sincerity that you can take a lot from, no matter if you're single or happily taken. :)

Alright, it's actually pretty late and I want to get some Old Testament reading done (missed my Judaism exam because of illness and now I will take it on Monday) before bed. I hope to blog again tomorrow or, at the very latest, on Saturday afternoon. Keep your eyes peeled for you... and fingers crossed I continue to feel as well as I did today.

Anyway, that's all for today. Thank you so much for reading and God Bless. :D

St. Teresa of Avila's Help; Music Monday

I know this post is very belated (St. Teresa of Avila's feast day was a couple of days ago; on the 15th) but I've been stuck in bed for the past week. Actually, the last time I was well enough to sit down in front of the computer to blog (or, really, do anything online) was last Tuesday. But, no worries I am feeling better now. :) A Twitter friend actually called me a "victim soul" who, much like St. Faustina, gets sick often but offers it up for others. I don't think I'm worthy of calling myself a victim soul. While it's true that I do get sick (though I use that term for everything from anxiety/panic attacks to other kinds of pains and ills) quite often and I do offer them up either for someone else's health or for the souls in purgatory, I don't think I've suffered enough to even be considered one. Let's just say "Emmy gets sick a lot, but she doesn't mind." I truly don't view illnesses as a curse or anything negative. On the contrary, I view it as a blessing from God. I've found that I feel closer to Him whenever I feel sick, which helps when I'm feeling like a massive crumb cake. St. Teresa of Avila actually helped me start looking at things this way.

Without repeating too much from a previous post I've written about St. Teresa of Avila... a couple of years ago, when I was returning to my faith, I had a dream about St. Teresa of Avila. I saw her picture in my dream and I kept repeating her name... even as I was waking up. I actually didn't know who she was, let alone her name, so when I got online that morning, I immediately googled her name. The more I learned about her, the more I felt a connection to her. We have several things in common -- everything from our heritage (she was a Spaniard, I'm of Spanish descent) to how we view certain things (such as gossip; my intense dislike for it mirrors hers) -- that sometimes I feel like she personally picked me to really delve into her life and her ways. I actually haven't been able to get through her autobiography yet but I hope to soon. What I have read has stayed with me for more reasons than one. As I said, she's really helped me embrace my illnesses and see them not as suffering, but as something that will bring me closer to God AND that will only strengthen my faith. Lately I haven't really done much in terms of praying or devoting my time to learning more about Catholicism because of my crazy schedule... and it took my illnesses and temper to remind me of how I need to get back to that.

Much like St. Teresa of Avila, I have a strong temper. It takes a lot to get to me that point where I'm terribly feisty, but I definitely have the ability to go there. A couple of days ago it got bad enough that I started limiting contact with those around me so I wouldn't get upset with them over trivial things. I know what triggered that temper flare (and I'm surprised it didn't get worse because the situation was really bad) but as soon as I remembered St. Teresa of Avila, I found ways to bring it down. I reminded myself that while she also had a temper, she knew how to use it in a manner that would turn the situation into something positive. Just the thought of that completely changed my perspective on things and I was able to turn the bad situation into something good (with help from God, of course). I still have to deal with the unpleasant situation but it's getting easier now that I've started using my new "weapons" against a bad temper. :) (P.S. If you ever find yourself with a bad temper and can't find a way to calm down, either ask St. Teresa of Avila or St. Jerome, who also had a notoriously bad temper, to intercede for you.) And what it's also done is remind me of when I first began returning to the Church and how much I loved doing it.

I've also realized that while I have been really busy lately, I've also been wasting my time on a lot of things that don't really matter. Do I need to get on SuperPokePets and play? No. Do I need to waste my time on games on Facebook? No. So I've cut off my twitter and Facebook for the week. Okay, I'm also doing it as a promise for an intercession Our Blessed Mother did for me. I have to reprioritize a lot of things -- especially my schoolwork which has taken the back seat to almost everything. That's fine, though, because I'll be able to focus on getting back to my personal studies of the Catholic faith which I haven't done in a while. See what I mean about having to reprioritize? lol. I have to brush up on a couple of things because we're heading into the Christianity section in my Philosophy of Monotheistic Religions course and I already know I'm going to have a doozy with a couple of "know-it-all" classmates. All I have to say about that is Bring. It. ON! lol.

I should make this post shorter than usual... but before I go, I wanted to share with you my Fall 2009 playlist as part of Music Monday. These are some of my favorite songs that are often on repeat during Fall and into late Winter. :D I hope y'all enjoy at least one of the songs. I know I have "old fashioned" tastes sometimes. :-P

Alright, well, I actually have to go study for a possible exam on Judaism on Wednesday (I don't know; I've missed two class sessions/lectures due to illness and I have no way of contacting either classmates or the professor). I'd rather be safe than sorry. :D I hope to post tomorrow but no promises. ;)Hope y'all had a great weekend!

As always, thank you for reading and God Bless.

Give Me the Simple Life

FOR TODAY: Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
Outside my window... the palm trees sway in the breeze as the rain hits the clear blue pool.
I am thinking... how much I love this rainy weather.
I am thankful for... everything the Lord has given me.
I am wearing... long sleeved plum colored top, red-blue-green checkered pajama bottoms, white socks.
I am remembering... my dad since I'm wearing pajama pants he gave me last winter.
I am going... finish this blog, finish my cup of tea, and then go read my book.
I am reading... Man of the Beatitudes Pier Giorgio Frassati by Luciana Frassati
I am hoping... that I get to watch Bright Star and An Education this weekend at a nearby movie theater.
I am hearing... "April in Paris" by Count Basie.
On my mind... interview questions that will soon see the light of day on this blog.
Noticing that... I've been changing quite a bit lately, in more than one way.
From the kitchen... a cup of Country Peach Passion tea and toast as a brunch snack.
Around the house... hints of flowers, artwork by Andrea Laliberte, and other personal touches are making this place seem much more feminine than it was before.
One of my favorite things... cuddling up with a good book and a hot cup of tea on a rainy day.
Here is picture for thought I am sharing... What the rain looks like outside my window.

Survey taken from The Simple Woman's Daybook

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To quote an old standard tune, "give me the simple life." Lately that's what I've been doing -- taking it easy. I've spent a lot of time catching up with friends as well as having some time to think things thoroughly. There have been a lot of changes happening in my life lately, but all have been for the best. I will gradually write about a few of these changes in the blog. :)

I will say one thing though... I still believe that everything that is happening is because it's God's will and I'm more than happy to do these and to change a couple of aspects of myself. St. Teresa of Avila's feast day in a couple of days is going to be the perfect timing to talk about one of these thing since I've learned much from her life experiences. As I wrote several months ago, I'm probably more like her than any other saint I've learned about and I've really noticed that lately. :)

Alright, I'm going to go listen to Mel Tormé's "Coming Home Baby" and finish my cup of tea before I go tackle one of my books. I'm currently torn between finishing the book of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (re-reading it to get direct quotes for my review) and finishing St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography for the blog about her on her feast day. Either way, I will (hopefully) finish both by tomorrow night. :)

And this concludes my "simple woman" blog of the week. :D I hope everyone in L.A. and Southern California is enjoying the rain. :) As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

A Week of God, Love, and Friendships.

I have the best friends a girl could ask for... and I'm completely unworthy of them. I've been trying to finish this post for the past week but my friends keep doing amazing things so I kept putting off. More on that later. Getting back on topic, I have been truly blessed with the people I call my friends. It's taken many failed friendships, arguments, and tears but I finally have the friends I've been praying for.

I've always been a people pleaser. I was a little feistier and a terrible little know-it-all growing up, but I always wanted everyone to get along. Unfortunately, this meant that I would often change myself just to fit with so-called friends. It's a horrible habit I developed at a very young age that became hard to break as I got older. Often, friendships would change me into someone I was not proud of. There were many that brought out the worst in me. Not surprisingly, these friendships happened while I was away from the Church. I call the period between high school and my turning 20 years old my "lost years" because it's when I was the most horrible I've ever been. I lied a lot because I did not trust my "friends" (and had good reason not to) and/or because it was the only way I would earn their "respect" so that they'd leave me alone. At the time, my reasoning behind my actions was "Well, I can't tell them the truth because they'll try to take advantage of me (which many truly did, especially since I was starting out in the biz) and/or because they'll gossip whatever I say back to others (which most did; and a majority of the gossip ended up being false, anyway)." What I failed to realize was that the better option was just to cut these so called friendships off and find myself friends that would inspire me to become a better person. A year or so before I returned to the Church, I went through a process of cutting ties with all the people that had caused me to act the way I did. I'm not blaming them for everything; I take full responsibility for my own actions and will, to this day, own up to everything I did. I'm not proud of what I did and said, but I am grateful that by the grace and mercy of God, I was able to sort of start over (in a sense) and start down the right path. At the end of the "cleansing" period -- which actually culminated with my getting physically sick -- I knew I'd done the right thing... no matter how lonely I'd feel.

I kept, or I should say was kept by, friends who proved loyal and trustworthy and who had known the real me and not the front I'd given to other people. They knew the truth and that's all that mattered to me. Slowly, some of those friendships ended (many had gone down the path I was previously on and/or were unable to give up that lifestyle), but I also gained friendships that would slowly change me into the person I am today. Most of these friendships were made because we shared a common love of God. As I started coming back to the Church... attending Mass, going to confessions regularly, breaking the horrid habits I'd grown used to... my friendships flourished and multiplied. The more in love I became with Catholicism and with the idea of doing things that would please the Lord instead of things that would hurt him, the stronger the bonds with my new friends became. The stronger the friendships became, the better I wanted to be. The first friends that actually inspired me weren't Catholic. They were Christians. I had Catholic friends who brought out positive aspects of myself, but they're all lapsed Catholics (don't worry, I'm working on it. :D). As I saw myself becoming a person my parents could be proud of, and with the help of priests I've talk to, I vowed to never do the things I once did with my former "friends." I could never hurt the people that had brought so much love and understanding into my life. This, btw, explains my hatred of lying and dishonesty. I can no longer lie to anyone about anything, even if it's the smallest white lie. I loathe it! It's like when you eat something that makes you violently sick and you can never eat it again because you know it's bad for you in more ways than one. If someone asks me something, I'll give them the straight answer... unless it's something I don't wish to discuss because it's too personal. When that happens, I just say that I don't want to talk about it because I truly don't. I've become increasingly private as I've gotten older. :D

I reflected upon these thoughts the past week... especially when I saw that my friends, old and new, had begun spoiling me. I had many friends whom I didn't speak to for weeks because they either didn't know how talk to me after my father's death or because that person (or I) had become so busy that emails and phone calls became infrequent. Lately we've all been stepping it up, though. I thoroughly enjoy my chats with my friends during the week and outings whenever we can plan something. I've been giving advice, and receiving it myself, and it's all coming from the heart. I want the best for my friends so I try to help them with whatever they need and it seems to be vice versa.

A couple of days ago I received a card and prayer bouquet from my friend Claire of Musings of a Twentysomething that showed me just how amazing my friends are... and how blessed I am that the Lord has brought these people into my life. I actually haven't personally met Claire yet, though we certainly tried to meet up when she was in L.A. earlier this summer. Despite this we've developed a very strong bond which neither of us can explain. She's also my first real traditional Catholic girlfriend too, which makes things even better. :D Anyway, a few days ago I received my first prayer bouquet from her and members of her women's prayer group. I can't begin to describe the amount of love and support I felt from these women who I've never met. All but Claire are still complete strangers to me, but here they were... telling me that they were going to pray for my father's soul and for me. I teared up as I read their lovely messages. May God bless them for everything.

That was just one example of what my friends have done for me. I thank God each and every day for the people I call my friends. Like I said at the beginning of this blog, I feel like I'm truly undeserving of their friendship... but I am truly grateful that God has brought them into my life. Not only do I have a wonderful support system, many of whom will drop what they're doing if I ever need a shoulder to cry on or a person to rant to... and vice versa :), but I've learned what true friendships are like. Of course God is in the center of all these friendships, which is why I think they work and why they've made me a better person.

Have I gushed enough? lol. I think it's not enough, and I haven't talked about all the wonderful things that happened to me this past week, but I don't want to make this any longer than it is... plus I still have to study for my Interpersonal Communications test. I will hopefully blog about what I'm doing for the 40 Days for Life. :D

Alright, since I've finished novel writing for the day (which also has a strong theme of friendship in it) and since I have nothing else to do... I will go make myself a cup of tea and study for my exam. Hope everyone has a great evening (or day for my British friends :D).

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

A Dream, a Real Life Surprise, and Our Faith.

Today has been somewhere between a dream and reality. Of course it's reality but, boy... it seems like a dream. It all started with the dream I had on the 23rd of this month...

As I twittered a couple of days ago, the dream about my dad that was the most beautiful dream I've ever had about him. To sum up the dream as best as I can, without going into too much detail, I dreamt that dad had visited me and told me that he had gone up to heaven, from purgatory, "3 weeks ago" because of how much we all prayed for his soul. He was wearing this white suit and I think I even said something along the lines of "Oh snap, daddy" (which I used to say in real life when he was looking sharp or did something impressive). Then he told me a couple of other things, about how a couple of things were "already written", and that I shouldn't worry about anything. I told him that he had died too soon and that I still needed him (which is how I feel in real life), and he just nodded like he knew. I once again saw a burgundy book that I had seen in a previous dream about him. This book supposedly has a list of things my father will have to help me out with from heaven, sort of a "to-do" list to keep me safe. I didn't ask him anything about it, though. I asked him to please remove the anger my mom still felt toward him in real life and he said something that I understand from real life about why my mother was angry. He wasn't sad or angry though. Throughout the dream, he was very calm, relaxed, and happy. Then I said something along the lines of "So... do you know where I'm going to end up for university?" and he said "Uh-uh, I'm not telling you where you're going!" Then he told me the words that have stayed with me in my waking life...

He said that I would see him more often than my mother would, because I was more attuned to him... and that he would be with me wherever I went. I suddenly saw myself in a white dress with a bouquet of white calla lilies, walking down the aisle of my childhood parish and my father, dressed in a white suit, walking me down the aisle... only he wasn't really there. Then I heard him say "I'm going to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day, even though I physically won't be there." Then I saw myself in the delivery room, having my firstborn (a baby boy) and he said "I'm going to be there every step of the way. Whenever you need me, for every thing that you'll go through. I will always be with you." I woke up shortly after that.

This dream had been on my mind since I had it and it's made me want to go see dad more than usual. I've been wanting to visit dad for a while now but we couldn't for one reason or another. Finally, today we went and we received the biggest surprise that we would've never expected in a million years. As we got to where he was buried, I noticed two things: There were 3 graves instead of 2 and two of those graves had markers/plaques/stones (whatever you want to call them). As we got closer, mom bent down and started cleaning the grave marker that had dirt covering (obviously just placed before the buried someone besides it). She didn't know why but she just started cleaning it. As it got clearer I yelled "Mom, that's daddy's name!" I started getting choked up as she continued to clean it and we saw that, sure enough, it WAS my father's name with his birth year and this year. We both started bawling our eyes out as mom got the marker as clean as she could. I clutched my St. Jude medallion (which I wear on a chain) and my father's cap (which I was wearing) and I thanked God for what we were seeing.

I should mention that we didn't expect my father's grave to have a stone/marker on it because we still owed them about $5,000+ for it. (Burial at the San Fernando Mission Cemetery isn't cheap -- we're talking about $11,000+ for a basic one.) We thought it would take us a couple of years to pay it off (little by little) so of course we were shocked to find the marker there. The fact that the marker was there means that someone anonymously paid the $5,000 that were still due. We know it isn't anyone in the family because everyone we called was as shocked as we were... and, really, no one could afford it. Whoever it was, may God bless you for your generosity. There couldn't be a better gift than having my father's marker placed on his grave. In fact, I was planning on using the money from one of the cars we're trying to sell to pay for the marker. Now, well, I can use it to help mom pay rent and everything else.

As if that wasn't surprising enough, we also had a curious little experience with a white dove and two monarch butterflies. See, I was wearing one of my father's caps (which I have been wearing since he died) to shield the sun from my face. I don't like getting burnt, especially since I get freckles easily, so I like to wear it. Well, as I was going to ask mom what time it was (to leave on time to catch the next bus), two little monarch butterflies landed on the tip of the cap, right next to my right eye, and I asked mom to take them off because I didn't know what they were. When I took of the cap, I noticed a white dove flew down next to the wall that was nearby. Mom immediately said "That's the Holy Spirit... or your dad." She started talking to it and she said "If you're Martin (my father's name), come see your daughter." The dove walking towards us and stood by us for the rest of the time we were there. Mom said "See, it's your dad sending us a sign that he's here with us." I lost it and a new wave of tears overflowed from my eyes. She said that doves usually try to fly away, but this one didn't. In fact, when I knelt down to clean dad's marker a bit more, the dove got much closer. When we left, the dove walked to where we stood, right in front of the flowers we placed by daddy's grave, and just looked at the flowers before disappearing. I took two pictures, one of when it got near us, and the other of when we were about to leave and it got so close, I felt it was going to climb on me. Here they are:

From Daddy's Grave

From Daddy's Grave

Go ahead and click on them to make them bigger. I can't post the picture of my father's grave marker here because a) I prefer to keep my last name anonymous and b) we're not allowed to take pictures at the cemetery anyway (hence why the dove pictures were taken by my camera phone) so, sorry. But still, man, oh man, I can't even begin to describe how I feel.

All of this has just made our faith even greater than it already was. My mom actually forgave my father for everything he did to her (I won't get into that) the second we saw the grave marker and the white dove. It was almost like the request I had asked my father in my dream (the one I wrote about earlier in the blog), about helping mom forgive him, had come true. I think this is just what mom needed to help her with her faith which had begun to slowly fade once again. God is great and what we experienced today is just further proof of His grace!

Alright, well, I think that's about it for now. I have a lot to do tonight and it's getting later and later in the day. Ack! I hope everyone had a great weekend... OH WAIT! It's Monday... which means I need to post music. Hmm... how about one of my favorite versions of "Amazing Grace"? It's by this great musician named Jadon Lavik.



Okay, now I'm getting off and enjoying the rest of this amazing day. :) Thank you for reading and, as always, God Bless. :D