Sorry it's taken me a while to post anything. I took a couple of days to get my homework out of the way early, as well as pray and meditate about a few things. And, no, I don't mean meditate in the crossed legged, "Ohm" way. I found myself so wrapped up in my school work and what's going on with my parents (both are sick and it's a bit of a stressor for me), that I was sort of losing myself. I'm glad I can recognize when that begins to happen so I can stop it as soon as I can. Even though I was attending Mass more often, I wasn't praying as much. I decided to take a break to get myself back to where I was. It was a little hard for me the first two days because I still focused on school (a lot of deadlines) but I found time to do some thinking and just begin to take care of myself. Ironically, it took a really stupid moment (don't ask; it's quite embarrassing) yesterday for me to really get clear answers on everything that I wanted to think about. I was actually going to take an additional 2 days to just relax but I was asked to come back by a couple of people for various reasons. I'm definitely planning on taking a day or two days (per week) to do what I did this week. I've enjoyed not having to worry about emails and everything else online.
One of the things I was surprised to see when I came back online... this blog's nomination for a 2009 Cannonball Award for "Best New Kid on the Block" on The Crescat. I will refrain from making any New Kids on the Block jokes... though I am very tempted to. lol. Though I've technically had this blog for over 12 months, it wasn't until about June of last year that this blog was read by people outside my circle of friends. I guess that makes me "new"? lol. Either way, thank you to whoever nominated the blog! :D I greatly appreciate it. I don't think I'll win (LOLSaints is pretty funny :D) but that's okay. :D It makes me happy to know that people actually enjoy this blog... and that they actually visit more than once. lol. I've always nominated a few blogs myself on that list (Jesus Goes to Disney World, Fallible Blogma, Per Fidem, and A Maiden's Wreath you are all awesome and need to be recognized for it). Oh, and btw, I've noticed most people refer to this blog as Catholic Nerd Writer, and not Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer. Should I drop the "Journey of" part? Comments are welcomed.
Oh, and another thing I was happy to see was Fr. John (my priest) being recognized for everything he's been doing for the parish. Just this past Sunday he held a meeting for all English speaking parishioners to suggest things we wanted/needed for the parish. There an article at CNN (as well as an upcoming story on the channel -- being aired on their "American Morning" program on April 30th) regarding his help to those in the community who are in danger of having their homes foreclosed. Though I do not (and have not) live(d) in or near Pacoima, I think what Fr. John is doing is above and beyond what a lot of other priests would do. It really makes me, and quite possibly others, really think about being more altruistic and really putting God's words into action. *happy sigh* I LOVE our parish priests (and have mentioned all three numerous times in this blog) and the whole community of Mary Immaculate because of the wonderful people that are part of it. This is why I'm willing to get up super early and then make that drive to it. There are a few parishes closer by but I've been going there since I was in my mama's belly and now you can see why. :D And, even better news, we're an Extraordinary Form parish. :D
And while I'm on the topic of Masses, I was recently informed by numerous people (yes, I do read your emails even when I don't update this blog :D) that there will be a Traditional Latin Mass in West Hollywood on May 1st. I had to pinch myself because these Masses are becoming rare within the Los Angeles Archdiocese. My parents will more than likely NOT want to go (*sigh* I'm still working on them...) but I have a feeling that a good friend and fellow Philosophy of Ethics classmate will want to go with me. If not, I think I can probably find someone to go with. (Luckily, I'm close enough to St. Victor's to take a cab if I end up having no ride). If you are in the L.A. area, or are willingly to take a drive up/down here, you can find info on Joe's blog. I'll be honest and say that I've NEVER attended a TLM (only seen it on TV) so I'm very excited about it. :D
Alright, that's enough for now. I have a lot to write but will give it in small doses. lol. That, and I have to go pick up my new glasses at the optometrist. lol.
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Showing posts with label Mary Immaculate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mary Immaculate. Show all posts
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Just When I Felt All Alone...
Apparently, I didn't need the days I originally believed it would take me to sort everything out. In fact, it only took me a little over 24 hours. Yay! I do not like being stuck in emo-land. For someone who is happy a good 98.9% of the time, it's very hard and just blah to feel as miserable as I felt most of Wednesday and Thursday. To hear that my dad might potentially have cancer again, not even a year since being declared cancer free, really hit me hard. This entire week was absolutely horrible for me. I had a lot of huge decisions to make so I was already overwhelmed prior to this news. Ever since Sunday, when I went to check out the dorms, I've had to make the decision on whether to live away from home (for the first time ever) or to commute. I don't live that far from campus but the 405 freeway is a nightmare in the morning. I've had to re-think a lot of other decisions I had made before about a lot of things. I'm a little behind on my schoolwork so I've been trying to catch up on that. Just a lot of things have hit me at once, and it's a wonder I didn't have a massive panic attack.
I'll be the first to admit that, though it takes a lot to get me really upset, when I get very sad, I shut down. Sometimes I just need a hug from a friend or at least a little mini-rant that will help me get it out of my system. Sadly, I did not have that. I came to the very sad realization that I had no one to go to when I was feeling this way. I have the very unfortunate luck when it comes to this. Whenever I need someone to talk to, I don't have anyone... but when my friends need someone to talk to, I'm always there. I've even gotten text messages at 3 in the morning, which I've gotten up and talked to my friends because they needed me. I don't have that. My friends disappear when I need that kind of support... and it really sucks. Sadly, this has been a reoccurring theme for me. Except for a couple of people whom I barely know, mostly on twitter, saying that they were going to say prayers for my dad, I felt like I was all alone. I think you can imagine just how much that weighed on my mind.
So there I was upset because, even though I pride myself on being self-reliant and self-sufficient, I do need people to keep me sane... when I had two thoughts pop into my head. First, how incredibly selfish I was for feeling hurt that my friends were not there when I needed them. Not only that, but making this about myself. I should really focus on making sure dad gets to all the tests he needs to go to (which, btw, he's refusing) and just trying to make sure he's as comfortable as he can get.
The second thought was "Wait a second... what do you mean you're all alone? No, you're not!" My thoughts went immediately to how Christ felt the same way, like he was alone, crying out loud "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" when he was up on that cross. I'm not comparing myself to Him in any way. I'm just saying that at times when we feel like we're completely alone, we have to remember that we're not. I think a lot of us forget that from time to time, especially when things seem bleak. I haven't really prayed as much as I used to and I haven't been doing so great this Lent season. I definitely have legitimate excuses but there should be no excuses no matter what I'm going through. How I can expect to feel like I'm not alone when the one thing that has always made me feel happy has not been present in my life?
I've often found comfort and relief in prayer and in immersing myself completely in my faith. I've done it many times before. One of the best ways has been by praying the Rosary. I used to pray it many times a day, or at least once a day... and I haven't for months. I could be feeling just absolutely horrible but praying the Rosary will immediately make me feel close to Our Blessed Mother with God. I've been so out of it when it comes to my prayers (I've only said one novena to St. Philomena recently, an almost daily prayer to St. Dymphna, and occasionally a Rosary here and there), that it didn't even come into my mind to do this. It wasn't until I turned on my iPod touch that I realized this, because as soon as I turned it on the Rosary application on it opened. I didn't even touch the app, it just opened. If that's a sign, I don't know what is. That was my wake up call.
Once I realized what I was doing wrong, everything looked up. A few decisions were made, which I'm happy about. I still have the pressing "Should I live at home or not?" question on my mind because I need to submit the housing deposit this coming week but I'm sure I'll figure it out soon. Also, while my friends disappeared, my friend Misha, whom I've mentioned before, surprised me with a visit. As I've written before, this girl has gone through heck and back with me and I still think she's my rock. After many failed attempts of getting together whenever we're in the same city (when she's in L.A. we can't get together for some reason or I'm not in the U.S. when she is... and she's in London when I'm here), we finally got the chance to hang out for a little bit. I truly think God sent her to me when I needed a friend. I really do. She came over and we just talked... and laughed. It felt great to just let it all go. If you're one of my Facebook buddies, I posted a couple of pictures of us together. I look like a mess, but, hey, I wasn't doing too good up a bit before I saw her so it's okay. :)
Anyway, I think I've written more than I intended to. Sorry, it's the writer in me. I hope everyone has a great Easter. I'll probably write once more before then because it'll be the last I can before my last midterm on Monday. Okay, enough stalling from the studying. lol.
As always, thank you for reading and God Bless.
P.S. If you're in the San Fernando Valley area of L.A., Bishop Wilkerson is doing the Good Friday Service at Mary Immaculate in Pacoima at 7 p.m. tonight. Just thought I'd pass it along. :D
I'll be the first to admit that, though it takes a lot to get me really upset, when I get very sad, I shut down. Sometimes I just need a hug from a friend or at least a little mini-rant that will help me get it out of my system. Sadly, I did not have that. I came to the very sad realization that I had no one to go to when I was feeling this way. I have the very unfortunate luck when it comes to this. Whenever I need someone to talk to, I don't have anyone... but when my friends need someone to talk to, I'm always there. I've even gotten text messages at 3 in the morning, which I've gotten up and talked to my friends because they needed me. I don't have that. My friends disappear when I need that kind of support... and it really sucks. Sadly, this has been a reoccurring theme for me. Except for a couple of people whom I barely know, mostly on twitter, saying that they were going to say prayers for my dad, I felt like I was all alone. I think you can imagine just how much that weighed on my mind.
So there I was upset because, even though I pride myself on being self-reliant and self-sufficient, I do need people to keep me sane... when I had two thoughts pop into my head. First, how incredibly selfish I was for feeling hurt that my friends were not there when I needed them. Not only that, but making this about myself. I should really focus on making sure dad gets to all the tests he needs to go to (which, btw, he's refusing) and just trying to make sure he's as comfortable as he can get.
The second thought was "Wait a second... what do you mean you're all alone? No, you're not!" My thoughts went immediately to how Christ felt the same way, like he was alone, crying out loud "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" when he was up on that cross. I'm not comparing myself to Him in any way. I'm just saying that at times when we feel like we're completely alone, we have to remember that we're not. I think a lot of us forget that from time to time, especially when things seem bleak. I haven't really prayed as much as I used to and I haven't been doing so great this Lent season. I definitely have legitimate excuses but there should be no excuses no matter what I'm going through. How I can expect to feel like I'm not alone when the one thing that has always made me feel happy has not been present in my life?
I've often found comfort and relief in prayer and in immersing myself completely in my faith. I've done it many times before. One of the best ways has been by praying the Rosary. I used to pray it many times a day, or at least once a day... and I haven't for months. I could be feeling just absolutely horrible but praying the Rosary will immediately make me feel close to Our Blessed Mother with God. I've been so out of it when it comes to my prayers (I've only said one novena to St. Philomena recently, an almost daily prayer to St. Dymphna, and occasionally a Rosary here and there), that it didn't even come into my mind to do this. It wasn't until I turned on my iPod touch that I realized this, because as soon as I turned it on the Rosary application on it opened. I didn't even touch the app, it just opened. If that's a sign, I don't know what is. That was my wake up call.
Once I realized what I was doing wrong, everything looked up. A few decisions were made, which I'm happy about. I still have the pressing "Should I live at home or not?" question on my mind because I need to submit the housing deposit this coming week but I'm sure I'll figure it out soon. Also, while my friends disappeared, my friend Misha, whom I've mentioned before, surprised me with a visit. As I've written before, this girl has gone through heck and back with me and I still think she's my rock. After many failed attempts of getting together whenever we're in the same city (when she's in L.A. we can't get together for some reason or I'm not in the U.S. when she is... and she's in London when I'm here), we finally got the chance to hang out for a little bit. I truly think God sent her to me when I needed a friend. I really do. She came over and we just talked... and laughed. It felt great to just let it all go. If you're one of my Facebook buddies, I posted a couple of pictures of us together. I look like a mess, but, hey, I wasn't doing too good up a bit before I saw her so it's okay. :)
Anyway, I think I've written more than I intended to. Sorry, it's the writer in me. I hope everyone has a great Easter. I'll probably write once more before then because it'll be the last I can before my last midterm on Monday. Okay, enough stalling from the studying. lol.
As always, thank you for reading and God Bless.
P.S. If you're in the San Fernando Valley area of L.A., Bishop Wilkerson is doing the Good Friday Service at Mary Immaculate in Pacoima at 7 p.m. tonight. Just thought I'd pass it along. :D
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