My Crazy (But Perfect) Consecration Day Adventure

I've been wanting to write this post for several days now because my consecration day was pretty crazy yet perfect in its own way.

On June 9th, the memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (to whom I have a special devotion), I consecrated myself to Mary... but the events that led up to it were something straight out of a movie.

First, I felt poorly so I was unable to go to the 8 a.m. Mass and 8:30 a.m. confession time at a nearby parish. We moved that to the 4 p.m. confession and 5 p.m. Mass but, of course, I started feeling really sick around 1:30 p.m. and it didn't let up by the time our 3:30 p.m. departure time came.

I was (as my British friends say) gutted! I had wanted to go to confession, Mass, and then do the consecration after Mass and I didn't think it was going to be possible... so I pulled a Hail Mary (almost literally).

I began praying the Memorare Emergency Novena (praying the Memorare 9 times back to back). I told our Blessed Mother, "You know how much I want to do this; how much I want to go to confession, Mass, and then do the consecration. Please let it happen if it's God's will."

Luckily for me, I began to feel better about an hour or two later... just in time for the monthly (low) Latin Mass at the same nearby parish. It was absolutely perfect for me. It was my preferred Mass, with one of my favorite priests.

When I saw that we would be able to make it, after all, I began to get ready ahead of time, just to avoid being late to confession since it's only half an hour before Mass begins. This is when the real adventure began.

Since I hadn't felt well enough earlier in the day (I took a test drive in the morning to be sure), I hadn't been able to get gas for my car... and the needle was dangerously close to that dreaded "empty" symbol. Of course, we left with enough time for me to drive to a gas station along the way... but we didn't think we'd hit a few snags.

First, we had no cash on us. At least, not enough for gas. I tried paying with a pre-paid credit card but it was declined at two different gas stations despite having enough (and then some) for gas. We were scrambling, trying to get to a gas station and still make it to confession on time.

I tried a gas station on the street we would take to Mass... and gasoline spilled all over my leg, feet, and ballet flats. It seemed that whoever had used the pump before I did had left some gasoline in it and, as soon as I took it, it spilled all over me. I reeked of gasoline, which made me nauseous. Still no gas... and now we had no additional time to get to the church.

I got into my car, worried about the gasoline smell which was really making me feel sick, and I told my mother, "I don't know if we're going to make it. Not without gas in the car... and not with me feeling as poorly as I'm beginning to feel." Still, there was something in me that told me not to give up.

"Let's see if we, at least, can't get to the parish. I can always call AAA to bring me gasoline if we get stuck somewhere," I said. I started asking Mama Mary and my Guardian Angel to help us -- all the while I was getting very lightheaded from the gasoline.

I kid you not, about a block from the gas station, the smell of gasoline automatically disappeared. I even pulled over just to make sure it wasn't just me going nuts. lol. Nothing smelled, my shoes were somehow completely dry (as was my leg and skirt), and it was as if I'd never had that incident. Interesting.

We somehow managed to get to the parish without any problems despite the needle practically yelling, "You're running on empty, child!"

I was just happy to have gotten there... and on time! We were first in line for the confessional but there were two people who'd arrived before we did so I let them go first. It's only fair, and we were still able to make it into the confessional before Mass began. Score!

A few minutes before Mass began, I started feeling sick again. "Oh no," I said to myself. "It's probably the heat." I stepped outside and drank a bit of Gatorade in case it was a blood sugar issue. I had enough time before I was set to receive the Eucharist so I knew I could. I had also anticipated the possibility of little to no air conditioning in the parish so I took one of those hand fans and used it during Mass.

I felt so dizzy and lightheaded and, well, shaky, on the walk down the aisle to the kneelers to receive the Eucharist. I was so worried that I was going to faint waiting in line but, luckily, nothing happened. I received the Eucharist (I might've also cried, lol) and thanked God for the blessing of being able to attend confession and Mass despite the obstacles. Not only that, I was so happy I was able to attend a Latin Mass.

After Mass ended, I sat in the back and did my consecration. I was on cloud 9... and I'd totally forgotten about the lack of gasoline in my car. lol. Somehow, we were able to make it to the grocery store we frequent (for food and for cash) and then I was able to get some much-needed gasoline. I don't know how other than Mama Mary and my Guardian Angel looking out for us. It was dark by this time, too, which I'm not too keen with. I don't like driving at night because people tend to drive more erratically out here between the hours of about 6 p.m. to 6 a.m.

Looking back at it, it was the perfect day. Beyond the Mass and everything (which was the cherry on top of a great day), I stopped trying to rely on what I could do to make sure I could get myself to Mass and asked Mama Mary for help. I began to use that complete trust in her that I'd been cultivating over the past 33 days. Basically, I put my money where my mouth was. Did I truly trust Mama Mary to come through for me when I most needed her? I had to show it... and I did.

It's been a little over a week since my consecration and I've already begun noticing some changes in me. I had been told that there would be but I never anticipated it being as noticeable as it's been. I'm so grateful for the changes I've already made... and the shortcomings I've become all too aware of.

There is a lot I need to work on. I've already taken the steps to make sure I can reverse some of the terrible habits. I still slip up, of course, but it's a new beginning and I look forward to seeing what else Mama Mary has in store for me; to see how she will help me grow in my relationship with her son.

Anyway, that's it for now. I have so much I want to share -- I've had an interesting last couple of days -- but I also have a lot of things to do offline so I should get to them. I'll try to blog as much as I can this week, especially since I'm on a social media fast until Sunday. :)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

The Breakdown That Led to a Breakthrough

This is the first of a (planned) three-part series that I hope to post over the course of the next week.

September 28, 2017. That's the day I had my first school-related breakdown this semester. Say it with me, "Well, that was fast!" It took exactly one month before I felt so stressed and overwhelmed that I broke down in tears. I cried because I hated how I felt: yes, stressed and overwhelmed, but also forced and trapped to finish the academic program I'm currently in. I tried not to question things -- to not dwell on the feelings -- but it was hard. I placed my forehead on my laptop (on my desk) and I cried.

Almost immediately, Our Blessed Mother popped into my mind. I imagined that she was there, being there for me during that emotionally draining time. I somehow started imagining Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (my chosen patron for this degree) kneeling down next to me, on my right, with an expression on his face that was trying to comfort me; as if he was telling me that everything was going to be alright. Then I thought about my Guardian Angel, also beside me, bringing comfort.

Somehow, the images of Mama Mary, Bl. PGF, and my Guardian Angel (thank you, healthy imagination God has blessed me with) gave me the strength and courage to push through the rest of the lecture videos -- 2+ hours worth of videos -- that I was trying to finish when the breakdown happened. I no longer felt overwhelmed. Instead, I felt a peace and consolation I could've even imagine when the tears began. Furthermore, I felt (deep down) that this was truly the path God wanted me to take. I let that peace and consolation wash over me as I kept repeating, "This is what God wants me to do. I can do this."

A quote by St. John Bosco popped up one of my social media feeds during this time, "When tempted, invoke your Angel. He is more eager to help you than you are to be helped! Ignore the devil don't be afraid of him; he trembles and flees at the sight of your Guardian Angel." With the feast of the Archangels coming up the following day, I felt like God was telling me what to do in situations like that -- feeling overwhelmed and stuck doing something I didn't want to do even if I knew it needed to be done.

That breakdown was what led to the breakthrough that has led me on my current path. As I said in the beginning of this post, this is the first part of a three-part series so all I'm going to focus on in this post is the fact that it took me breaking down to realize that I was probably doing the right thing... and gave me the courage to push forward.

I've somehow managed to gain the motivation to do well and work through all the academic obstacles that have come my way. As I shared in a previous post, schoolwork had always been easy for me... to the point where my pride and vanity were greatly affected by it. Having to repeat a class for a third time, not having things come as easily for me, dealing with random health issues (stomach problems, fatigue, physical pain, etc) while trying to study and/or do exams -- all of these things were beating me down in the first month of the semester.

I wasn't doing well on my exams because of the intense mental fog I've experienced on and off (mostly on, on a daily basis) wasn't helping. I would study for hours on end and yet I couldn't remember what I was studying. My highest grade in an exam (in my classes) has been a 78% up until now. It's hard. It discourages me.

I was studying for two back-to-back exams when I had my breakdown so I understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling... yet God reminded me that this is part of His plans for me (or so I'm interpreting it this way after receiving signs over this summer). I remind myself that God will give me the fortitude and graces to continue because I am doing His will. If He wants me to do something else, I know He will make it known to me. For now, I have to keep reapplying the war paint and keep moving forward, even when I feel like I did on September 28. Thankfully, now I know that I have some amazing Heavenly allies who will intercede for me during my darkest moments.

Anyway, that's it for now. I hope to have parts 2 and 3 posted between Monday and Friday of next week. I have to figure out when I can write and post (or possibly schedule) them. I will give two hints: St. Therese for part 2 and social media for part 3. :)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and are currently enjoying your weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Car Accident and Guardian Angel

I don't think I can talk about too many specifics about the car accident itself since my lawyer, my insurance company, and the police have their investigations open but I'll write what I think I can talk about.

As many of you heard via social media, yes, I did have a car accident earlier this week. I'd actually just gotten home from spiritual direction and had decided to go get some food since we (mom and I) were hungry. Mom decided to stay home while I tried to go to In-N-Out for burger and fries.

The accident happened right outside my apartment building, which was a blessing. An ambulance had to be called since there were some injuries on my end. I had to be taken to the hospital. I don't know who told them to take me to the nearby Catholic hospital -- a block away from where my dad is buried, no less -- but I'm grateful. I was treated well and was grateful for all the help. To the witnesses who rushed to my aid, our apartment manager, maintenance workers, neighbors, paramedics, ER nurses and doctor, and police officers: may God bless each of you for being there for us during this time.

This is what I wanted to share with you: my thoughts/feelings about the incident and a story that I was hesitant about sharing at first but decided it needed to be shared.

First, I have absolutely no ill will towards the other driver. Neither does my mother. I have absolutely no anger in me. All I feel is gratitude. I have neighbors who were there and friends who saw how badly my car ended up who were/are furious but we (mom and I) were just grateful that it wasn't more serious. Police have each side of the story and I'm sure that, by the impact and the witnesses, they will come to the honest conclusion of who caused the accident. The paramedics themselves figured it out by the injuries and how the cars ended up so I have no doubt that the police will as well. I pray that the person who caused the accident takes responsibility for it and that it all gets resolved quickly.

Second, mom and I had a very interesting experience that made us feel like my guardian angel was there with me the entire time. If you're one of those who've seen the state of my car... you know the accident could've been much worse for me as far as injuries go. I sincerely believe that my guardian angel helped me escape something worse.

Mom and I were talking about what happened the day after the accident and we both talked about our experiences with an unknown young man.

My side of the story: All I remember is a young man with sunglasses kneeling down next to me while I sat on the sidewalk after I got out of my car which wouldn't decelerate. He said he could help me; that he had people who could take care of me and help me. He got my name and number and stayed with me even when those who knew me (such as our building manager and maintenance work) came to check on me. I don't think I can say all he said to me but let's say that he was a witness and was unhappy with how the other driver had handled the situation. He told me not to worry about anything. He stayed with me until the paramedics came. I didn't see him after the paramedics took over but he was there from, what I can remember, the moment I got out of my car until the ambulance came.

Mom's side of the story: while the paramedics attended to me, he talked to mom. Mom said he told her -- in perfect Spanish, no less -- to calm down because she was hysterical. He told her to not worry, that everything was going to be fine, that I was going to be fine (I'd only be bruised), and that she needed to trust God because He was going take care of us. She told me that as soon as he mentioned God, she stopped crying and felt an overwhelming peace in her heart. He didn't leave her side until she calmed down and it was time for the ambulance to take me to the E.R.

We don't know where this young man came from or where he went. He seemed to have disappeared shortly after they put me on a stretcher (precautions) but I'm grateful for that stranger's kindness.

This is the interesting part: while he knelt down besides me, the thought "I wonder if this guy is my guardian angel..." came to mind but I didn't say anything to anyone because, well, some people will have their opinions of it. I actually felt sharp (focused) and calm in that moment. When my mom came in to check on me the next morning, she said to me, "you know what? A thought came to me while I was ironing... what if that guy was your guardian angel?" Then she told me her story. Later in the day, we saw neighbors (some of whom came over to check to see how I was doing) and one of the women who comforted my mom had said that they didn't see him there. We described him but she said she couldn't remember anyone who looked like him.

My good friend, Alli (who is also the mama of my godson, Neil Flynn), set up a GoFundMe account because we heard that the other driver didn't have car insurance (I can't verify this as fact because I was taken to the hospital but was told by a couple of people who stayed at the scene until my car had to be pushed back into my parking spot) and my car insurance only covered liability (because, as y'all know, mom and I have been in financially strained and couldn't afford better). I'm not saying "donate" because I know many of us are in tight financial situations but if you could please pray that we can get what is necessary for any costs that won't be covered, I'd greatly appreciate it. We greatly rely on a car because (as y'all have come to figure out by my 4/5 a.m. PST tweets) I drive mom to work in the pre-dawn hours and public transportation in our neighborhood is incredibly dangerous at that hour. Seriously, prayers are amazing.

Anyway, that's it for now. I just took a break to write this so I can now focus solely on what I need to turn in for my classes. I've read a bit but I'm sooo behind because of all the doctor's appointments, the calls (so many calls), and everything else I've had to deal with post-accident. If y'all have a prayer to spare, prayers that my headache gets better and the mental fatigue lessens so I can knock out an assignment tonight, I'd appreciate it.

I hope everyone had a better week (ha!) and that y'all have a great rest of weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D