Three Years Since Dad Passed and He's Still Teaching Me

This blog didn't end up the way I intended but you're welcome to read my ramblings anyway. :)

I can't believe it's been three years since my dad passed away. Three years ago exactly today. I still think it's quite interesting that he died on the feast day of St. Benedict of Nursia who is a patron saint for dying people. I've already written about my feelings two days before he passed, about the day he died on this blog post as well as a more detail account of my father's reversion in this issue of Envoy Magazine so I won't repeat it.

The last three years have gone by really fast. I'm starting to forget things like the way he sounded when he spoke as well as his facial expressions. I remember my favorite memories of him and I've nearly completely forgotten all the bad ones (which is good). We're now very used to our new life... but it still feels weird. I occasionally still think (when I'm half asleep) that he's going to get home from dropping off mom from work in the morning... even though that is now my responsibility. I've honestly forgotten the routine we had (as a family) prior to his passing. I'm not going to dwell on this though; I'm going to talk about the positive things that this anniversary have brought.

Though I have been in a completely foul mood (though this is a combination of nosy neighbors and the anniversary happening at once) and a lot of my worst traits have come up (like completely shutting down when I'm angry), I feel like this is a good thing. Never have I ever been more hyper-aware of my actions and words. With all the negative coming out, I've been able to pinpoint what I have to work on as well as what I can do to either prevent it or how to deal with things in a better way. A lot of times I think about my dad and how he dealt with things and I adjust both my thinking and actions accordingly. To be honest, in a way I feel like I'm getting ready for the next step God wants me to take. I've been feeling it since last month but the feeling has gotten stronger lately. I don't know what that next step is (possibly career related since I am looking for a job still) but I'm definitely changing for the better.

I haven't been attending daily Mass (though I really, really want to) as of late but I've been getting in the habit of praying for others. You know, actually praying for others instead of just saying I will. Let's be honest, most of us do this: we say we'll pray for someone but then we get sidetracked and never actually do it. Intention is there but we stink at the execution of the intention. I usually get everyone in the day's Rosary and, if I get late requests, I save them for the next day. If they are urgent or unique, I do it individually instead with the Rosary. Sometimes I get 20-25 requests on Twitter and Facebook (especially when I post something about it) and sometimes I only have one prayer request so I add people who haven't been asked me for prayer request but still feel the urge to pray for them. (side note: You can always tweet/DM me or post a request on the FB page.) I've been offering up the anxiety I've had up for the more urgent requests... and it's all done me a world of good. My anxiety's been down (hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, lol) and I generally just feel better. I try to do at least one act of charity (even when I'm in a bad mood) anonymously. I actually prefer that no one knows what I do or for who. :) And, as I mentioned in the last blog post, I used to get ridiculed for wanting to help but now I don't have that fear so I am doing more and more.

I've found myself drawn to praying in front of the tabernacle more often as well. Due to my anxiety, I haven't been attending Mass as often as I want (though the last two times were successful) but I'm definitely in "must pray" mode for the most part. And, before anyone asks again, yes, I am sure my vocation is not a religious one. lol. If I can sit in front of the crucifix on my bedroom wall and just pray, I'm happy. There are some days when I don't feel very close to God but it's a struggle I'm happy to work through.

As for other positive changes: I'm slowly becoming less selfish and more charitable. My temper has gotten a workout lately (I don't like people trying to pry into my personal life) but I've noticed that a couple of things could've been prevented and that I brought some of it onto myself so I don't have anyone to blame but myself in those situations. I'm still learning (I truly believe we never stop learning nor bettering ourselves) and these things have really opened up my eyes to my actions. All of these things are connected to my dad but I won't say how because I want to honor him. Let's just say that even though he's gone, he's still teaching me about what is important and how to act in certain situations. :)

Anyway, this was more of a rambling than anything. Not exactly what I planned but things rarely go as planned. :) Before I go I will say: daddy, we still love and miss you terribly but we know you're in a better place. And, thank you for continuing to help shape the young woman that I am. You may not be here to scold me or to encourage me but I still remember that the last thing you told me was that you trusted me and my decisions and I'll carry that with me for the rest of my life. <3

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :) And don't forget to send me those prayer requests!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Why I Adopted Bl. Pier Giorgio as My Spiritual Brother

Before I properly begin this post, I just wanted a wish all my fellow Americans a happy and safe 4th of July. Be safe and make smart choices. ;)

Happy feast of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. I hope some of you made it through the entire novena. Novenas are hard because it's easy to miss a day or two so props to whomever made it through the entire thing. And, also, thank you to those who would retweet the link on Twitter. :D

I was originally going to write a review on a book about the life of Bl. Pier Giorgio but I had lent it a friend and I just got it back yesterday so no review yet. :) However, since it is his feast day and I am grateful for everything he's taught me, I will tell you all why I chose to "adopt" him as my "spiritual brother."

Many of you refer to your patron saints as your heavenly buddies and I've always found that lovely. I also refer to my own patron saints (and especially St. Therese of Lisieux) as my heavenly buddies. With Bl. Pier Giorgio, it's different. I've known about him for the past four years (I was introduced to him when he was named one of the patron saints of World Youth Day 2008) and I immediately felt a sort of pull towards learning as much as I could about him. I was pleasantly surprised, after doing some research, that he was exactly the kind of person I needed in my life as a role model.

As I wrote a couple of years ago, when I was a little girl, I would get ridiculed for wanting to help others. The story that still sticks out in my mind is the one of when we were in Mexico and a lady was sitting on the side of the road, asking for money for her and her son. My dad (may God rest his soul) made fun of me when I gave the little boy the bag of peanuts I had just gotten. I was a kid and didn't have money and seeing the little boy with dirt on his little face and clothing made me want to cry. The only thing I could offer him were the peanuts I had in my hand. My mother raised me to give to the less fortunate (having been adopted herself, I can understand why she would teach me to be this way) so I didn't even think twice about my actions. When I was fun of, it made me feel bad about myself, as if there was something wrong with me, but not about my actions. When I read about how Bl. Pier Giorgio, as a little boy, had given his shoes and socks (right off of his feet) and had done it quickly so his own father wouldn't get on his case about it, I knew I'd found a kindred spirit.

While I have many saints I look up to, Bl. Pier Giorgio has been the one that has stuck with me the most. When I learned that he had died only two exams short of his university degree, I asked for his intercession in helping me find a way to pay for the tuition to the CINO college (before I knew it was a CINO college). I was set to start my junior year at the CINO college in 2009 but when my father died that summer, I pushed it back to 2010. Somehow (which I'm crediting to Bl. Pier Giorgio's intercession) the $20,000 per year loan I would've needed to ask for (if I had started in 2009) ended up being a tiny $2,000 loan my senior year. I didn't ask for scholarships and grants (I remember my saying that a job would be fine if I could do it with my anxiety) but that is what I got. After the financial blow of my father's death, I felt like this was Bl. Pier Giorgio's gift to me. He couldn't finish his degree but he was going to help me finish mine.

One more story before this gets too long: on this day, three years ago, I went to the 7 a.m. Mass since I had asked my old parish to celebrate the Mass in honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio's feast day. This was at the time when my father had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks. That morning I prayed with all my heart that Bl. Pier Giorgio intercede for us; that he pray for my dad so that he would no longer suffer. I still remember the ride to where my dad was -- the song that was playing and the thoughts that ran through my mind, as well as the tears that were shed. I had hoped that his intercession would help my dad and that it would be the one he needed to be declared a saint. Exactly one week later, my father died. In a strange way, I feel like my prayers were answered. I had asked for my father to stop suffering and that is what happened. From what the doctors told us in the IC, they gave my dad all the meds necessary so that his death was pain-free. I also remember that my dad died a pretty peaceful death. He just breathed in his last breath and looked as if he'd just fallen asleep, a peaceful look on his face. Though it still hurts that he's gone, I'm grateful that he didn't suffer as much as he had the last couple of months of his life.

Because of all of these (and more) things, I've felt as close to Bl. Pier Giorgio as I do to my own brother. A few weeks ago I was thinking about it (about he felt like a brother to me) so I decided to "adopt" him as a spiritual brother. I feel like I can talk to him (while in prayer) like I would a big brother. A few weeks ago, I was in line to receive the Eucharist when I felt like I would faint and I thought to myself "Help hold me up, at least until I can make it back to my seat"and pictured him physically helping hold me up in line and I almost immediately stronger. Of course, this was all a visualization technique I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy for when I have anxiety, but it made me feel stronger and as if I really had him there with me... and for me. I feel like, just as he did with his own sister, Luciana, he is going to be there for me and to help God guide me down the right path and to do God's will without fear.

Okay, wow, I haven't written this much in a while. Sorry, it just sort of spilled out of me. I've actually ignored my fresh cup of tea, that is how into this I got. lol. I should probably go do chores now, especially since I am trying to not waste my time. While I don't have a job yet, I still have a duty to keep my home clean. :)

I hope you all are having a great week thus far. Oh, and, before I forget, don't forget that you can always email me, tweet/DM me, or post a prayer request on the FB page. Please, take advantage of it. I've found that nothing makes me happier during my day (aside from attending Mass) than praying the Rosary for the intentions of others. Believe it or not, it helps with the anxiety. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Novena in Honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Day Nine

Day Nine:

Jesus says: “Blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on My account.Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven.”

Pier Giorgio responds: “We who by the grace of God are Catholics must steel ourselves for the battle we shall certainly have to fight to fulfill our program and to give our country, in the not too distant future, happier days and a morally healthy society. But to achieve this we need constant prayer to obtain from God that grace without which all our powers are useless.”

We pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, show me how to bear all wrongs patiently. Help me to accept the sufferings which others inflict on me because of my desire to be faithful to Jesus.

Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who protects the innocent, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (mention your request.)

Litany of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (for private devotion)
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

God our Father in heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, pray for us. 
Loving son and brother, pray for us. 
Support of family life, pray for us. 
Friend of the friendless, pray for us. 
Most Christian of companions, pray for us. 
Leader of youth, pray for us. 
Helper of those in need, pray for us. 
Teacher of charity, pray for us. 
Patron of the poor, pray for us.
Comfort of the sick, pray for us. 
Athlete for God’s kingdom, pray for us. 
Conqueror of life’s mountains, pray for us. 
Defender of truth and virtue, pray for us. 
Opponent of every injustice, pray for us. 
Patriotic citizen of the nation, pray for us. 
Loyal son of the Church, pray for us. 
Devoted child of the Madonna, pray for us. 
Ardent adorer of the Eucharist, pray for us. 
Fervent student of the Scriptures, pray for us. 
Dedicated follower of St. Dominic, pray for us. 
Apostle of prayer and fasting, pray for us. 
Guide to a deep love for Jesus, pray for us. 
Diligent in work and study, pray for us. 
Joyful in all of life’s circumstances, pray for us. 
Strong in safeguarding chastity, pray for us. 
Silent in pain and suffering, pray for us. 
Faithful to the promises of Baptism,  pray for us. 
Model of humility, pray for us. 
Example of detachment, pray for us. 
Mirror of obedience, pray for us. 
Man of the Beatitudes, pray for us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V.   Pray for us, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, 
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Let us pray:  Father, You gave to the young Pier Giorgio Frassati the joy of meeting Christ and of living his faith in service of the poor and the sick.  Through his intercession, may we, too, walk the path of the Beatitudes and follow the example of his generosity, spreading the spirit of the Gospel in society.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

IMPRIMATUR, November 2, 1994:
+Joseph A. Galante, D.D., J.C.D.,
Bishop of Beaumont, TX 

Novena in Honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Day Eight

Day Eight:

Jesus says: “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Pier Giorgio responds: “To live without faith, without a patrimony to defend, without a steady struggle for truth – that is not living, but existing.”

We pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me silence in the face of personal humiliation and unjust criticism. But guide me to be courageous like you in standing on the side of God’s truth. Help me to be faithful to Him in all things, so that His Will may be done in and through my life. Show me how to persevere in the struggle for those things which are holy and honorable.

Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is the source of grace and truth, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (mention your request.)

Litany of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (for private devotion)
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

God our Father in heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, pray for us. 
Loving son and brother, pray for us. 
Support of family life, pray for us. 
Friend of the friendless, pray for us. 
Most Christian of companions, pray for us. 
Leader of youth, pray for us. 
Helper of those in need, pray for us. 
Teacher of charity, pray for us. 
Patron of the poor, pray for us.
Comfort of the sick, pray for us. 
Athlete for God’s kingdom, pray for us. 
Conqueror of life’s mountains, pray for us. 
Defender of truth and virtue, pray for us. 
Opponent of every injustice, pray for us. 
Patriotic citizen of the nation, pray for us. 
Loyal son of the Church, pray for us. 
Devoted child of the Madonna, pray for us. 
Ardent adorer of the Eucharist, pray for us. 
Fervent student of the Scriptures, pray for us. 
Dedicated follower of St. Dominic, pray for us. 
Apostle of prayer and fasting, pray for us. 
Guide to a deep love for Jesus, pray for us. 
Diligent in work and study, pray for us. 
Joyful in all of life’s circumstances, pray for us. 
Strong in safeguarding chastity, pray for us. 
Silent in pain and suffering, pray for us. 
Faithful to the promises of Baptism,  pray for us. 
Model of humility, pray for us. 
Example of detachment, pray for us. 
Mirror of obedience, pray for us. 
Man of the Beatitudes, pray for us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V.   Pray for us, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, 
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Let us pray:  Father, You gave to the young Pier Giorgio Frassati the joy of meeting Christ and of living his faith in service of the poor and the sick.  Through his intercession, may we, too, walk the path of the Beatitudes and follow the example of his generosity, spreading the spirit of the Gospel in society.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

IMPRIMATUR, November 2, 1994:
+Joseph A. Galante, D.D., J.C.D.,
Bishop of Beaumont, TX 

Novena in Honor of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Day Seven

Day Seven:

Jesus says:  “Blessed are the 

peacemakers, for they shall be called 

children of God.” 

Pier Giorgio responds:  “I offer you 

my best wishes – or, rather, only one 

wish, but the only wish that a true 

friend can express for a dear friend:  

may the peace of the Lord be with you 

always!  For, if you possess peace 

every day, you will be truly rich.”

We pray:  Blessed Pier Giorgio, 

despite your daily struggles, you found 

peace by fostering your own well being 

in work, study, and play; in prayer 

alone and with others; in silence and in 

song, in laughter and in serious 

conversation with friends.  Guide me to 

that inner peace which will enable me 

to share peace with others. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your 

intercession in obtaining from God, 

Who is our peace, all the graces 

necessary for my spiritual and 

temporal welfare.  I confidently turn to 

you for help in my present need:  

(mention your request.) 

Litany of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (for private devotion)
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

God our Father in heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio, pray for us. 
Loving son and brother, pray for us. 
Support of family life, pray for us. 
Friend of the friendless, pray for us. 
Most Christian of companions, pray for us. 
Leader of youth, pray for us. 
Helper of those in need, pray for us. 
Teacher of charity, pray for us. 
Patron of the poor, pray for us.
Comfort of the sick, pray for us. 
Athlete for God’s kingdom, pray for us. 
Conqueror of life’s mountains, pray for us. 
Defender of truth and virtue, pray for us. 
Opponent of every injustice, pray for us. 
Patriotic citizen of the nation, pray for us. 
Loyal son of the Church, pray for us. 
Devoted child of the Madonna, pray for us. 
Ardent adorer of the Eucharist, pray for us. 
Fervent student of the Scriptures, pray for us. 
Dedicated follower of St. Dominic, pray for us. 
Apostle of prayer and fasting, pray for us. 
Guide to a deep love for Jesus, pray for us. 
Diligent in work and study, pray for us. 
Joyful in all of life’s circumstances, pray for us. 
Strong in safeguarding chastity, pray for us. 
Silent in pain and suffering, pray for us. 
Faithful to the promises of Baptism,  pray for us. 
Model of humility, pray for us. 
Example of detachment, pray for us. 
Mirror of obedience, pray for us. 
Man of the Beatitudes, pray for us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V.   Pray for us, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, 
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Let us pray:  Father, You gave to the young Pier Giorgio Frassati the joy of meeting Christ and of living his faith in service of the poor and the sick.  Through his intercession, may we, too, walk the path of the Beatitudes and follow the example of his generosity, spreading the spirit of the Gospel in society.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

IMPRIMATUR, November 2, 1994:
+Joseph A. Galante, D.D., J.C.D.,
Bishop of Beaumont, TX