Post-Grad Slump

<-- That is how I wish I could feel but I don't. It's been a little over a month since I graduated from college and I've already found myself in a post-grad slump.

See, this is the first time that I've never had anything to do since I was a child. I went to school (albeit on and off) for 24 years. I took care of my father until he passed away. After he passed away, I took a new role in the family (taking on some of his responsibilities) but now we've got our new routine down pat so no need to try to perfect it. With no jobs prospects (trust me, I'm looking) I find myself feeling both bored and useless.

Sure, I do the whole housewife thing... without being an actual housewife. I cook and clean. I've gotten so good at cleaning the house that it can be done in half an hour or less. I get everything done quickly and early -- chores, errands, etc. Once all of that is done, I have way too much time on my hands and I have absolutely no idea what to do to fill the time.

I read. A lot. I go to the library an average of once a week, twice on a slow week. I've been working on my novel but I try not to do it for hours or else my eyes and head hurt from staring at the screen for so long. I dance around like the massive dork that I am when I'm home alone to get some of my exercise in. I attend Mass in the mornings when I can get my tired tush out of bed on time. I drive my mom to work in the pre-dawn hours and pick her up early in the afternoon. Beyond that, I have nothing to do.

It's strange for me not to have anything to do. To be honest, I feel kind of useless -- to the point where I feel a bit depressed. What can I do? Jobs aren't easy to come by. I love writing and my imaginative mind has been in overdrive the last couple of weeks but that doesn't generate any income. This all just really stinks.

Just wondering, what have some of you (who have been in my shoes) done during this post-grad slump? I mean, sure I can work on my grad school applications (at least one is due before summer is over) but I need to do something productive with my time. What I've been doing to busy myself has not been fulfilling. By the way, no volunteer work suggestions. Trust me, without a job I can't drive too far (no money for gas and L.A. is quite spread out) and any local places that I would normally go to need a once a month volunteer).

Anyone want to help a sister out?

From Someone Who Actually Read The Book

That is a screenshot of my Goodreads book tally. Yes, I have read the book that has everyone talking this week. Yes, I hated it (which is why I gave it 1out of 5 stars -- I would've given it a zero if I could). And, yes, I agree with the statement that the Vatican issued on the book.

It should come as no surprise that this book was assigned for my "Sexual Christian Ethics" course my junior year at the CINO college. The professor (the same one who spoke ill of the Holy Father) raved about the book. To be quite honest, I didn't read the entire thing because it would make me feel nauseous. I would read come exam time... and only read what would be on the test because the few pages I did read made me upset.

Let me just tell you the gist of the class -- which was taught according to what was in Just Love by Sr. Margaret Farley and A Lily Among the Thorn: Imagining a New Christian Sexuality by Miguel de la Torre. Homosexuality is fine because God wants us all to love. The Church is terrible patriarchy that wants to oppress women and minorities (including homosexuals) -- and this would start rants about the Church and the Holy Father that I would offer up. My prof would say that she was not in agreement with the Church and that she was in agreement with the books instead of the Church.

I found my old notes so now I'm going to add straight quotes. "Patriarchy (alluding to the Church from my understanding in class) creates sexism, homophobia, and hypocrisy." "Why are things reduced to what you do in bed?" "Notion of virginity is culturally constructed and not from God." "At various times of your life you fluctuate between hetero- and homosexuality." "You experiment with yourself, men with men, and women with women." "Virgin Mary didn't remain a virgin." "Hell may not exist." "(talking about nuns) Smarter than priests and they admitted it." Had enough yet? That is just part of it. There are things I don't feel comfortable writing that were covered in the book that go against Church teachings.

Do I agree that this book will confuse those who know little to nothing about the Catholic Church? Yes. Will what is written lead many astray, especially if taught (like we were) in classes? Definitely. The words "yeah, it was all part of the liberation theology taught at that school" just came to mind. I am personally happy the statement has been issued though I think that it won't do much at the schools where this book is assigned. Though I hope she doesn't, I feel like my former prof will rant about how the Vatican is on a "witch hunt" because they're scared of nuns the next time she uses this book.

For the record, this is from my point of view and what we covered when I was at the CINO college. I definitely don't recommend this book. I prefer Theology of the Body which, not surprisingly, my profs didn't agree with when I brought it up in class.

Anyway, just wanted to add my two cents and let y'all know that, coming from someone who actually read part of the book, I agree with everything the Vatican has said. Avoid at all costs if possible.

I am a bit behind on a few book reviews of Tiber River Review so I'm going to get offline and try to finish at least one of them before the day ends. :)

I hope you all have a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Football (Soccer) and Catholicism

Picture of Javier "El Chicharito" Hernandez praying prior to a Mexico match.

If you are one of the few who have been following this blog since its inception then you know that most of the early blog posts contained a lot of football (soccer). And for the record, from now on I will use football to mean soccer. I don't watch or like American football *ducks* so no reason to get those confused.

As I wrote four years ago, (wow...) I played most sports growing up. In fact, I was named female MVP in eight grade because I never shied away from sports... even if it meant I was the only girl playing. I was that tomboy with scraped knees and bruises in skorts. lol. If I hadn't developed this anxiety disorder in high school (and thus having me transfer to a charter school) and/or messed up my right foot, I would've loved to have played football in high school and college. The sport actually helped rebuild the communication between my father and I in the last years of his life. (This story was included in the first Envoy Magazine article I wrote two years ago.) Needless to say, it has a special place in my heart for that and other reasons.

After my father passed away, I lost interest in a lot of things -- including football. Between that and my uber heavy course load, I eventually stopped watching the matches... though only for a couple of months. It wasn't until recently that I started to get back into the sport to the point where I once again prefer watching the matches to sleeping. lol. With Euro 2012 coming up (Go Rep. of Ireland!) as well as the CONCACAF World Cup Qualifiers (Go, USMNT!) starting this week, I thought it was a good time to finally write this post that I've been wanting to write.

You may not know this but there is a good relationship between football and Catholicism. A few years ago I was excited to learn that Bl. Pope John Paul II was a fan of my favorite football team, Liverpool F.C. as well as Barcelona (my favorite team in the Spanish League.) Liverpool's official website even got the scoop straight from the Vatican that he followed the career of a former goalkeeper who helped the team win the 2005 UEFA Champions League final. As a diehard Reds fan, this made me giddy. Of course, he's not the only Pope to say something on the sport. My beloved Pope Benedict XVI wrote about the importance of the sport (back when he was Cardinal Ratzinger) and even gave a list of the teams he was rooting for during the last World Cup. Though he is not as big of a fan as Bl. Pope JP II (though he does like my pick in the German League, Bayern Munich), he still knows how important it is to us and uses it to try to bring us closer to God.

Speaking of the World Cup (see what I did there? ;D), the winners of the last WC (Spain) made sure that the world knew who they were thanking for their triumph. Many of the players and staff dedicated the trophy to Our Lady and to the intercession of saints. The president of the Spanish football association as well as the team's coach dedicated the trophy to St. James. Player David Silva thanked Our Lady of Mount Carmel for the victory. When the team went to Mexico for a friendly match, they took the trophy and dedicated it to Our Lady of Guadalupe. For a country that is becoming more and more appallingly secularized, the team did good and I was proud to be of Spanish heritage when I heard of what they were doing. Before I move on from the last World Cup I also want to make note that Dutch player, Wesley Sneijder, even converted to Catholicism shortly before the World Cup began. Oh yeah! Of course, they are not the only ones who bring faith into the sport.

Watch a match between two predominantly Catholic countries and you'll see the majority of the players doing the sign of the cross as they walk on the pitch. Any of you watch the Brazil vs. Mexico match this past weekend? If so, then you saw the players doing just this. Mexican player Javier "El Chicharito" Hernandez is one of the most outwardly devout players, often kneeling on the pitch to pray mere seconds before it starts. He's done this in British Premier League where he plays for Manchester United. If you read Spanish or don't mind click Google Translate for the translation, in this interview he talks about how proud he is to be Catholic. If you're a fan of the Premier League, you may also be interested to hear that Liverpool FC's Steven Gerrard supposedly named his new baby daughter Lourdes after the town where Our Lady appeared AND that the Vatican recently gave Didier Drogba props for his crediting God for Chelsea's UEFA Champions League win last month. I didn't even know he was Catholic until recently either but this article really made me happy. A few years ago I wrote about how Italian Nicolas Legrottaglie and Brazilian Kaka (though he is not Catholic) were those outspoken against pre-martial sex, crediting their faith for their decisions to be chaste until they married.

Even in this country, where it's predominantly Protestant, we have our fair share of Catholic footballers. Eddie Gaven of the Columbus Crew as well as Luke Vercollone of the Charleston Battery belong to Catholic Athletes for Christ. Luke wrote a great article about his career and his vocation for Envoy Magazine. If you haven't already read it, I strongly suggest that you do. I also recently discovered a great website called Blessed 2 Play in which Eddie was interviewed about his faith (great 30 minute audio interview that includes the story of how he and his wife met... and how his wife converted to Catholicism). Also, I don't know if you remember but Chase Hilgenbrinck left the New England Revolution to become a priest. Oh yes, it's possible to have a priestly vocation and still love the game as the recent "clerical World Cup" news shows us. And one more piece of trivia for you... a Vatican City football team does indeed exist. I checked it out.

I do have so many other links and players I could talk about but maybe for another post. I think y'all get it. If you want to read an amusing post about how soccer is like Catholicism, go here. It's pretty spot on and I appreciated the comparisons as a Catholic.

And this is my post. I know, it's a lot of links but I do my research and I've been saving these links for a while now. I will undoubtedly occasionally write about the sport so y'all been warned. lol. I will try not to go overboard with it because I can become quite passionate about the sport -- and if you follow me on twitter you know that I can get a little too into it. lol. I hope some of you learned something new. :)

Anyway, I really want to take some time to pray before my mom gets home. I like my solo time to pray. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

I Tire of Being Online.. and All the Crumbs

Yes, you read the title right; I tire of being online. No, let me rephrase that: I tire of being online because of the negativity I sometimes encounter. I often remember that due to my temperament (which is Phlegmatic-Sanguine) I do tend to withdraw from the source of what is causing me to feel gloomy and lately it's been my time online.

Confession time (I've been doing a lot of this lately, haven't I?): I've been trying to put an effort into not being online much lately because I've noticed that a lot of what I have to confess happens online. It's not so much being tempted into seeing and reading things that I'm not supposed to (I have an abhorrence towards these kinds of things), but moreso my interactions with others. I'm not perfect and I'm not a saint (though it's what I strive for). I have been told that I have a seemingly infinite amount of patience but I don't always do. There are people online (and, to be honest, mostly on twitter) who have found which buttons to push to make my patience rapidly dissipate.

I hate being asked (repeatedly) about things I do not wish to talk about and when I diplomatically ask to not be badgered on these topics, I'm somehow made out to be the bad gal. Just because I blog and I am open about certain parts of my life does not mean that you are all entitled to know every single detail of my life. I'm no one special; I'm just a girl with a blog who hopes that some of the things she writes will help others in their own struggles. That is the entire point of this blog. I want others to either learn from my mistakes or that they somehow find a way to get closer to God. That's it. I'm notoriously private about certain aspects of my life (even amongst those who've personally known me for years) and I try to keep it that way for the sake of my own sanity. Also, making comments about who I am without knowing all the details is really unkind. I try not to do that with others and I'd greatly appreciate it if some of you would refrain from doing that.

A lot of what I've just written leads to me having some unkind thoughts and (when really pushed) some uncharitable words to and about those who cause me stress. That is not okay. I know that not everyone is going to like me and I'm okay with that... but I try to see the best in others and they just don't want to cooperate with me. I don't want to snap at anyone; it makes me feel really bad and I end up kicking myself for it the rest of the day. I admit that what I say and how I act towards others affects me more than how others treat me. Again, it's just how my temperament is.

I've been feeling a lot of really negative feelings lately the last couple of times I've been online. I try to limit my contact with others -- just checking my email, FB, and conversing with good friends (seriously, the #cathsorority chat about Catholicism and football (soccer) yesterday was the highlight of my week) -- and I feel really bad about it. Like I said about the #cathsorority, I love these gals and these kinds of conversations... and it makes me sad that I feel like I occasionally can't come online to have these conversations because others rain on my parade for absolutely no reason.

Who knows, maybe all of this is just a sign from God that He wants me to spend more time with Him and in prayer. He knows that I am currently at a crossroads in my life (sounds so cliché but it's true) and maybe I need some solo time to figure out what to do next. I certainly don't know. I know I just graduated college and that I shouldn't expect to find a job so soon but it's hard when we survive on only my mother's paycheck. Not only that, I have to find one that I can do with an anxiety disorder that I cannot predict. It's not easy and it's stressful. Add to that the stress that has been added by the negativity of others and, well, you can see why I've been choosing not to interact online as much as I have in the past.

To those who have been amazing the past couple of weeks: I sincerely thank you. You guys are the reason I don't completely abandon twitter and Facebook.

To those who have been a little less than kind towards me lately: please ease up a bit. I've been going through a lot lately -- a lot that I am not ready to share -- and everything you guys are pushing on me is just making it that much harder on me. Just like you, I am only human and I do have my moments where I'm just tired of all the crumbs. (Trust me, I felt very tempted to use a stronger word there.)

Anyway, I kind of want to spend the next hour or so reading and/or listening to music and then spending some time in prayer (I've been wanting to spend some time chatting with Bl. Pier Giorgio; I have a BIG intercession request to put in). Hopefully I'll feel up for my football (soccer) post tomorrow or some time soon. :) Oh, and THANK YOU for putting up with my gloomy funk post. Just needed to let it out without naming names.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Silver Lining in My Birthday Misadventure

I haven't blogged in a couple of days for three reasons: 1) I haven't had the time with errands, 2) I had a bad birthday misadventure that kept me out of the house longer than expected, and 3) I've had food poisoning symptoms for the past three days. I don't have to explain numbers one and three so I'll share with y'all how seemingly horrible my birthday was... and how one stranger reminded me that God was still there with me despite my situation.

Before I go on, yes, I took this picture with my camera phone early on Wednesday morning. :)

My twenty-something (yes, I'm finally old enough to say it's "not lady-like to reveal my age", lol) birthday on Wednesday was the worst birthday since I turned two and had a horrible fever according to my mother. If you've known me long enough, you know that I have the worst luck on my birthday. Except for my 18th and 20th birthdays (and, okay, two years ago wasn't so bad), something bad has always happened on the day of. Either I plan something out and only one person shows up (despite other people RSVP-ing) or it all goes horribly wrong. This year started with food poisoning in the morning... right as I got to Disneyland.

My mom took the day off from work so it would be just her and I (I'm not planning anything big until my 30th in a couple of years) and she decided to take me to Disneyland. I spent the first 2.5 hours of the trip feeling weak and faint (partly because of the food poisoning) and without anything to eat since all they had at the park were breakfast foods I couldn't have with my food allergies. It wasn't until they opened California Adventure that I was able to find a place to eat. (Side note: I seriously recommend eating in CA instead of Disneyland if you have food allergies; it's a bit pricey but they are meticulous about making sure you're both satisfied and full despite your allergies.) We were in both parks for a total of 4.5 hours before we made are way home for the second part of the birthday plans my mom had.

This is where it gets "fun." Our van (we were picked up by Access) broke down twice on the way home. The first time was at Santa Monica College (my alma mater). We had to drop someone off there before going home and the van's battery decided to die before we left the parking lot. We were in a good spot so it wasn't too bad. We did wait for two hours until the company sent someone to help. After that I thought, "Okay, only two less hours to celebrate. That's fine." Little did I know that that would not be the worst of it.

The second and last time the van broke down was on Sepulveda Blvd., just north of Sunset Blvd.... during rush hour traffic. If you live in L.A. you know how bad the 405 and Sepulveda get during rush hour traffic. We got stuck there around 4-5 p.m. when it's at its worst. It was a nightmare. The battery kicked the bucket and not even the car horn or the hazard flashers worked. I personally got out of the van - in the middle of rush hour traffic no less - and started waving at people to go into the left lane because we were blocking the right lane. This was a horrible experience for me because all eyes were on me as I did this... and I absolutely, positively hate that kind of attention. The next three hours showed me what I hate about L.A.

Forget the traffic... the people I saw were some of the rudest I've ever had the "pleasure" of seeing. I got everything from horns being honked to being flipped off. I would yell "jumper cables?" whenever I saw someone looking in my direction. Most everyone gave me a dirty look, some actions and words I don't feel comfortable repeating, or they looked away as if they couldn't see me. One young man asked if we were okay and I was going to tell him that we needed a jump but the cars behind him were honking angrily so he kept going. I did not see it, but my mom (who was in the van) said one woman crossed herself when she saw me outside, trying to get some help. I tried to flag down a AAA guy but he just shook his head and kept driving. A car full of guys were nice enough to try to catch up with the AAA guy, trying to flag him down for us, but they were unsuccessful and kept driving.

There was only one stranger who actually stopped and tried to help us but couldn't. He saw that I was near tears at that point and, despite not being able to help, actually said a prayer for us - asking God to keep us safe until we were able to get assistance - before he left. Up to that point I'm ashamed to say that I'd temporarily lost faith in humanity (at least those living in L.A.) but I am glad that he was the silver lining in the misadventure. He helped me remember that not all L.A. people are jerks and that God was there with me. I was weak, hungry, blood sugar was dropping, anxiety was making it hard for me to stay standing... but somehow I found the strength to stay out there until nearly 8 p.m. when Access (who, btw, showed what a crummy system they have -- seriously? waiting 4-5 total HOURS to send help?) sent someone to rescue us.

We got home late and I was weepy for the rest of the night because my birthday was kind of ruined (I didn't even get to go to Mass at 5 p.m. like I'd planned) but I was glad that we'd gotten home safe. There were a couple of close calls -- cars almost clipping the van -- but we were safe, which was all that mattered. I had moments when I started to think "I try to help people when they need it, so why won't anyone help us three women when we're in need?" but I stopped myself because I knew it wasn't fair to think it. All of this just really drove home the fact that we don't always help people when we can... and that we should really be more charitable towards others. And by we, I at least mean myself. If you do enough, then good on ya. But, let's face it... most of us don't help when help is needed.

In retrospect, typing this out, I really didn't have such a disastrous birthday. Sure, we were stranded in horrific L.A. rush hour traffic without help for 4-5 hours, I couldn't get a hold of any of my friends, my birthday didn't turn out the way I hoped, and the misadventure reminded me of why I've wanted to get out of this city for as long as I can remember... but it also strengthened a desire to help others and also reminded me that God is why me at all times so it wasn't entirely bad. I didn't get what I wanted -- which was a nice, stress free day -- but maybe I got what I needed, which was to be reminded of what is really important in my life.

So, there you go, that was my birthday misadventure. I'm slowly feeling (physically) better and I've been able to keep down food today (though I just ate for the first time today a couple of minutes ago) so I'm on the mend. :) I hope to keep blogging regularly again as soon as I don't have the urge to sleep all day. And, hey, even though my twenty-something year has started off poorly, it doesn't mean it'll continue to stick. I firmly believe that we go through horrible things because something wonderful will come soon. :D

Anyway, I'm going to rest and listen to some Ella Fitzgerald while I lay in bed. :)

I hope y'all had a better week than I did and that you have a great weekend. :D Oh, and let me know if I can offer up this food poisoning/fatigue thing for you. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D