Opposing Views: Ethical Clothing, Femininity, the Environment, and Catholicism

All the time away from social media and reading books (lots and lots of books; 26 so far this year -- as of this post -- according to my Goodreads' Reading Challenge tracker) has given me time to think. Really think. There were a lot of things that had been rattling around in my head for months (possibly a year) but it hasn't been until now that I've been able to sort through them. And you know what? I've come to the frustrating conclusion that I've let too much of "the world's" voice dictate what I believe and/or want to do. Furthermore, it's not just "the world" but also the Catholic world on social media that has had an influence on me... possibly a terrible one.

I love you all but, golly, it seems like one can't express ourselves and our ideas without someone jumping down our throats because of an opposing idea/belief. I see it most clearly when it comes to three certain areas: preferences in entertainment (which I wrote about recently), preferences in Mass, and how we view the world and our contribution to making it better. I won't touch on the first two but that last one is what this post is about. This is something I've been wanting to write for a long time, too.

A few months (a year?) ago, I became interested in ethical clothing and "slow fashion" after watching The True Cost on Netflix. (quick side note: Guys, don't tune me out yet. I promise this post isn't about only clothes in a "girly" fashion. Pun unintended.) The documentary was recommended by Claire of Finding Philothea and it's changed my worldview... and my shopping habits.

Now, I was never been big on fashion. I grew up a tomboy so I was all jeans and tees for a long time. As I've gotten older and I've gotten more in tune with my preferences (spoiler alert: I actually love wearing skirts and dresses way more than pants; I wore pants as a sign of rebellion in my youth -- long story), the more I've been wanting to slowly revamp my style. Of course, there are unlimited choices and the trends change a lot. Thankfully, I've always been pretty "old fashioned" in my fashion preferences (the "lost years" of pants only notwithstanding) so the trends don't affect me.

Around the time I started looking into purchasing more skirts and dresses to replace my jeans (which I cannot wait to get rid of), there were four factors that started to change my POV.

First, I re-read the Madame Chic books by Jennifer L. Scott, who is currently my favorite nonfiction author and whose Daily Connoisseur vlogs on YouTube are one of my favorite ways to have a little "me" time during an otherwise crazy day.

Second, I started attending the Latin Mass exclusively. This meant following the tradition of ladies wearing skirts and dresses and veiling for Mass. I was already veiling for years before I attended my first Latin Mass -- in fact, my father's last physical gift to me was a veil he got for me in Mexico a couple of months before his death -- but I didn't really start investing in skirts until I began attending our local FSSP parish. And that led to...

Third, I started looking into and really studying what the Church's views on femininity were as opposed to what everyone says. Yes, I wanted to draw my own conclusions, even if they were "wrong" or "antiquated" by other peoples' standards and views. I started by reading Dressing with Dignity by Colleen Hammond and went from there. I still have more things to get through but, wow, loving my research into this area so far.

Finally, fourth, I started following Claire and Emily (of Little Fossi Way) on Instagram because I could see a kindred spirit in them. They posted things that I could relate to; their tastes -- as well as Jennifer's -- are quite similar to mine. Again, I saw that Claire had posted something about The True Cost so I decided to watch it and, wow, mind blown!

I began researching ethical clothing because I felt like I could no longer purchase mass-produced clothing items sold everywhere. I started reading books that Claire would recommend and as well as check out clothing sites that she and Emily would suggest. I started seeing the differences between cheaply made clothing and those that are worth investing in. I also became interested in sewing my own clothes and I do plan on doing it... as soon as I can save up for a sewing machine (which is my second top priority, after saving up enough for my oblate trip this summer).

Buying ethical clothing is not cheap because you're essentially paying for clothing made by the hands (with the helping of sewing machines and needles) of workers who are not only ethically treated but also paid well. Also, I started looking for clothing companies that don't impact the environment in a way that mass manufacturers do. (I'll get to this point in a second.) While it's going to take a long time for me to build up my wardrobe -- I'm only replacing things as they get worn out due to budget constraints -- it's something I've become very interested in.

I took everything -- what I was learning, what the Church taught, and what others' opinions were -- and I got overwhelmed. Mostly, I would encounter the strangest opposing views.

I got applauded for embracing my own femininity (not easy after years of being a tomboy; I do have 5 older brothers, after all) though that came with controversy. Anything that was deemed "too girly" was attacked. I like pink and girly things?! I have no problem expressing my maternal side?! How dare I?! My clothing changes were also welcomed by the more "traditional" minded but, boy, the "don't be stupid! pants are fine!" folks sure had an issue with my own personal preference to transition to mostly skirts and dresses. (side note: sweats are a lifesaver at 4 a.m. on winter days when this lady, whose body begins to physically hurt and shut down in the cold, has to drive her mom to work.) I won't get further into this topic (for now) but you get the gist.

It was cool that I wanted to make my own clothes or even buy ethical fashion, but even the slightest hint of the word "ethical" or "environment" would send people in the Catholic world on long rants about how that's a "hippy" view that is incompatible with Church teachings. (spoiler alert: it's not.)

It was especially evident when I would say that I was starting to live a "greener" life, eschewing chemicals for the sake of my health (and I have noticed major improvements) and doing my little bit to keep this beautiful world God has given us from being polluted. I even had a friend say that he purposely turned on all the lights on Earth Hour and used styrofoam and other things that were frowned upon by environmentalists in order to "stick it to them." Yes, he's Catholic as well.

There are some in Catholic circles that have a "If Pope Francis champions it, I'll do the opposite" mentality. Since Pope Francis is big on the environment, other people will trash him and his efforts to keep our planet clean because they don't like his words and beliefs on other areas of the faith (e.g. his vagueness in words, his actions, etc). Look, I'm not a massive fan of what he says or does either, but he's still the pope so I do respect him as the vicar of Christ. I'm not going to rebel against everything he says only because he and I don't see eye-to-eye on many other things. On the environment front, I think we may have more in common than I do with other Catholics.

All of this boils down to: I don't understand why there's so much animosity when people express their own views and beliefs. 

I don't feel right about buying clothing from companies that exploit their workers and harm the environment. I also don't feel right about being wasteful or contributing to the destruction of this beautiful earth that God has given us to take care of, but that doesn't make me a "tree-hugging hippie" or a "liberal lemming."

I don't feel like jeans and most other forms of pants fit my own personal preferences any longer but that doesn't mean I'm going to look down on any woman who does.

I keep finding myself gravitating towards what has traditionally been seen as being characteristically feminine -- e.g. being a stay-at-home mom versus being a working mom; cultivating the "womanly arts" of sewing, baking, and being a homemaker -- but that doesn't mean that, like the pants issue, I will look down on others who preferences are different from mine.

I also don't think I should have to apologize for any of these things. And, in fact, I'm not.  If you want to accuse me of "drinking the Kool-Aid," of "being backward," and/or "being wrong," that's fine. This Lenten season I've been learning to let go of what others think of me. Instead, I think about what God may say to me at the end of my life.

Do I want to stand in front of Him and have Him say to me, "You knew that workers were exploited yet you still continued to contribute to the continuation of this..." or  "You didn't listen to your own conscience and you dismissed what you thought would best please Me in order to fit in with and be liked by others"? A big, fat "No!"

So, I'm going to take what I've learned (and what I'll continue to learn), what I feel is the right thing for me to do, and I'll do it. Even if I get ridiculed... even if people stop following me on social media or stop reading these blogs... even if I lose most of my friends because they think there's something wrong with me. I'd rather feel as if I'm doing the right thing in God's eyes. Sure, I will be seeking spiritual advice from our parish priest (whom I like to consult on big issues because the man is wise) just to make sure I'm on the right path but, other than that, I'll take my "opposing views" and stick with them.

Anyway, just something I've been wanting to say for a long time but never had the guts to write until now.

That's it for now. I want to get back to the book I'm currently reading, The Private World of Tasha Tudor by Tasha Tudor and Richard Brown before I reply to a dear friend's snail mail letter. Oh yes, correspondence is occasionally "old school" with friends this Lent. ;)

I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Mona Lisa Smile and Feminism

I know, I know... the movie Mona Lisa Smile is considered "old" by most people who are used to only seeking out the latest and greatest but it's only 13 years old. I've been watching (and re-watching) it over and over on Netflix. In fact, I think I've had it on my list since it first became available to stream. I couldn't quite figure out why I loved it so much -- other than it taking place during one of my favorite eras with all that lovely music and fashion -- until I watched it for the thousandth time (only a slight exaggeration) and I figured it out: it challenges the idea of what a feminist looks like. Oh, and if you didn't figure it out: spoilers ahead.

For those who haven't seen it, this is the gist of the movie: Julia Roberts plays Katherine Watson, an art history professor from California who goes to teach at the ultra-conservative Wellesley College in 1953. She causes quite a ruckus with her liberal views; she's an unmarried, 30 year-old who sees marriage as something that traps women and hinders them from reaching their full potential. She challenges her students' traditional views on art as well as, you guessed it, marriage. Most students like her except one who openly criticizes her for having affairs (including one with a male teacher at the college), being unmarried at 30, and being "subversive."

The film is as much about the teacher as it is about her students. Betty Warren (played by Kirsten Dunst) is the conservative poster girl and not the nicest gal in the bunch. She's the one who continuously clashes with Katherine Watson. She marries about halfway through the film and wants the same for her best friend, Joan Brandwyn. Joan (who is played by Julia Stiles) is an academic overachiever who is dating Tommy (played by Topher Grace), a Yale man. When Ms. Watson learns that she wouldn't mind going to Yale Law School (back when they only accepted a handful -- literally like 5-6 -- of women into the program), she encourages Joan to apply. Connie Baker (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) is a kind hearted gal who just wants to find love. Her best friend, Giselle Levy (played by Maggie Gyllenhaal), is the experienced gal in the group, having affairs with married men. She finds Ms. Watson fascinating as she embodies the type of person she would like to be. Unsurprisingly, she (Giselle) and Betty often clash because Giselle represents everything Betty hates. Again, this is just the gist of it.

Now, you can look at the film, watch it, and go: "Why do you like this movie, Emmy? They're basically saying that being conservative and having a traditional outlook on life is bad." Yes, it looks that way. Betty ends up being challenged enough by Ms. Watson that she understands where she's coming from. She eventually divorces her cad of a husband and has plans to move into an apartment with Giselle in Greenwich Village after graduation. I can hear the "haha, the ultra-conservative failed! Traditionalism needs to get with the times! Let women do what they want; let them sleep around and not get married because x, y, z" comments. It would seem that way except for my favorite part of the movie: Joan redefines what it means to be a feminist.

I realized that I loved this movie because of what Joan did -- she stood up to Ms. Watson in her own way and helped me realize that feminism comes in different forms. See, Joan does end up getting into Yale Law. Betty is upset by this but Ms. Watson is thrilled... that is, until she finds out that Tommy has other plans. He plans for Joan to join him in Philadelphia since he will be going to Penn State for graduate school. Ms. Watson, fearing the worse for Joan, goes to Joan's house and to tell her she's found other law schools nearby. That's when Joan drops the bomb: she's eloped with Tommy. Ms. Watson turns to leave, disappointed by the development, but Joan stops her. This is my favorite part of the movie:

Joan Brandwyn: It was my choice, not to go. He would have supported it.
Katherine Watson: But you don't have to choose!
Joan Brandwyn: No, I have to. I want a home, I want a family! That's not something I'll sacrifice.
Katherine Watson: No one's asking you to sacrifice that, Joan. I just want you to understand that you can do both.
Joan Brandwyn: Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?
Katherine Watson: Yes, I'm afraid that you will.
Joan Brandwyn: Not as much as I'd regret not having a family, not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart. This must seem terrible to you.
Katherine Watson: I didn't say that.
Joan Brandwyn: Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.

Boom. Mic drop. Point, Joan Brandwyn, err... Joan Donegal. I do a little fist pump in the air every time Joan give this speech. Because she's right. Let's say it was the acceptable norm in the 1950s but in the 2000s -- and especially in 2016 -- but it's looked at as being archaic.

As some of you longtime readers may know, I took a Women's Studies course as a freshman in college. The professor I had reminds me a lot of Katherine Watson, except that she was a lot more, um, liberal. That's the nicest way I can say that. She talked about pornography very openly. Every time she said something that she thought would shock me -- which was often -- she would apologize to me in class... but it honestly didn't feel sincere to me. It was very odd to me (at the time) that she would do that because I was, well, on the more liberal side of the political spectrum at the time. I was indifferent to a lot of things I now oppose. Still, it's curious that she saw a more conservative/traditional side to me than I thought I displayed at that time.

Anyway, I considered myself a feminist at the time (circa 2004-2005; a year or two after Mona Lisa Smile was released). I was all for equality in terms of women having the same opportunities as men in things such as the workplace. Still, I acknowledged that there were things that men could do that women couldn't, and vice versa. This was like a year or two before my reversion, many years before I first heard of Theology of the Body. I didn't drink all the Women's Studies Kool-aid given to us in that course but I could see validity to certain points made.

Fast-forward over a decade later. At 30 -- and as someone who identifies herself as a more "traditional" Catholic -- I'm obviously at a different place in my life. I'm no longer that apathetic (nominally Catholic in name only) 19-20 year-old freshman (side note: I took a break between HS and college to work while my father battled colon cancer for the first time) who wasn't sure she wanted more than a child or two, if any. I obviously don't identify myself as a liberal nor am I registered Democrat any longer. Still, I think of myself as a feminist in the Joan Brandwyn sense.

Reverting to the faith definitely shaped how I view femininity and feminism in general. I'm obviously pro-life, which is not a "typical feminist" idea. I'm excited about the prospect of marriage and children some day. I think that women who stay at home with their children don't differ that much from working mothers -- the only difference is what kind of work they do during the day; both demanding yet rewarding regardless of where their time is spent. I have a preference for myself but don't judge or disagree with anyone else who chooses to go down the other career/small-v vocation path. I see the beauty in being a woman, something I never did when I was considered myself a "feminist" a decade ago.

I'm grateful for the opportunities I've gotten "despite" being a woman. I've gotten a great (and extensive) education. I've studied a number of subjects in depth. I've been able to fulfill a lifelong dream of being published as an author. I've been able to do my dream job (writing) only to find out that it was incompatible with where I was in my life at the time. I still enjoy shocking men when they see me working on my car (I picked up a thing or two from my father... and YouTube tutorials, lol) or doing something that is traditionally associated with men. What can I say? My parents raised a fiercely independent woman who likes to do things for myself when I'm able. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've gotten to be selfish and choose my path (with guidance from God).

I've chosen this path of Biblical Theology because it seems to be the path that God wants me to take. The path is becoming clearer as I make progress down it (and it looks like I may have one or two new, life-changing projects coming up later this year). I've chosen to wait for that man that God has in store for me despite the offers to, ahem, experience the world more. I've chosen to hand everything over to God -- my vocations (as a future mother, wife, and whatever career path He's leading me towards), my ambitions, my hopes, my dreams, my health, everything -- since I know He will do better for me than I can ever do for myself. I'm prepared to either be a working mother or a stay-at-home mother; to balance marriage, family, and work. Finally, I've chosen to embrace the beauty that comes with being a woman -- all the ups and downs -- and help other women see that same beauty in themselves. If you ask me, that's what a feminist is really about.

And that's it for my long, rambling post on everything I took out of the movie. Since I'm cutting Netflix this week, I should really get myself the movie so I can watch it as many times as my heart desires. ;)

Alright, I'm going to try to enjoy the rest of my weekend. Perhaps I'll bake a cake and watch some more Netflix since studying has been impossible this weekend thanks to my loud neighbors and terrible concentration. :D

I hope y'all have a lovely rest of weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D