The End of the "Nerdwriter" Era

(Happy 100th anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun! This is the third of the three-part series I started last weekend.)

"Yes, I did."

"I'm fine."

"It was a long time coming."

These are a few of the responses I gave to those who asked about my (now defunct) @nerdwriter Twitter account in the first couple of hours and days after I deleted it. What, you didn't know? You hadn't noticed? That's what I had hoped and expected.

Most of you know I have a serious love-hate relationship with social media, especially Twitter. Just search "social media" on this blog's search button and you'll see plenty of posts on it. For months, I'd been considering deleting the account due to several reasons, all negative. As I said in the last blog post, I've been praying to become more detached of worldly things (which I firmly believe was why I was tempted with returning to my former life earlier this year; lots of superficiality in the entertainment business) since the 54-day Rosary novena last year. I've made some strides in that area but I decided to ask once more, during the St. Therese novena. I wasn't sure why the intention came to mind (at the time) but it did so I went with it. I had no clue that it would lead me to delete my nearly decade-long Twitter account.

I opened up my Twitter account in January 2008. I never changed the username. I rarely changed the avatar/picture. I became known as the "nerdwriter" before Evan (the famous "nerdwriter" from YouTube) did since I've had "nerdwriter" as my username in various places since my reversion in 2006. It became part of my identity. I met so many wonderful people through Twitter. I hope that I used it to spread some goodness out into the world during those 9+ years that I had it. Lots of prayer requests... lots of love and support during difficult times... and lots of good conversations.

All but one person have asked me "why?" Why did I do it? I would vaguely reply that there were so many reasons but it all boils down to it being the best option for me; one that became clear last week. Here comes the most humbling part (for me) of this post: giving you the real reasons why I deleted the account.

I was becoming vain about the account. "Look at all my followers!" "Look at all those 'favorites' and retweets!" I would try to think of witty things to tweet to get more retweets; to try to keep up with the (far more) clever folks on Twitter. If I thought something was clever and no one (or a handful of people) liked it, I'd be bummed out. While I tried to stay on the site to try to help spread good, my vanity was flattered more than was healthy... especially when I had some compliments that were (perhaps) more harmful than helpful for me. This was just the tip of the iceberg of all the negativity that social media has brought into my life so, you know, "If your hand or your foot should be your downfall, cut it off and throw it away: it is better for you to enter into life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire." (Mt 18:8)

Jealousy reared its ugly head. I would get constant reminders that other writers (some of who've been blogging or on social media less time than me) were getting so much success while I could barely find freelance work outside the Catholic world. I tried to not be competitive about it but the constant reminders (which were also good because it humbled me) fed into my own doubts of being good enough. The devil knows how to attack, especially when it comes to your self-esteem. I'm so happy for those who have success... but it makes me sad that I've been at this for longer with no/little success. See why this is problematic? The comparison to others (whether I did it on my own or whether it was shoved into my face by others) is so unhealthy and it made me not think about the gifts that God has given me. What ingratitude jealousy was bringing out in me.

Anger seeped out into my offline life. You can't talk about social media without mentioning disagreements and anger. How people treated each other -- what they said about others -- made me angry. What people said about Catholics (and even the infighting on Catholic Twitter) upset me. Arguments I wasn't initially a part of but was dragged into ticked me off. Comments about how I'm this and that... how I fail to do this and that... They hurt. Look, I'm human. Negative comments affect me, probably more than others because I'm admittedly a very sensitive person. At first, they used to make me cry because they hurt. Then, somewhere along the way, sadness became anger that lasted for only a short while. That developed into unhealthy anger that lasted all day and affected how I interacted with my mom, friends, and neighbors offline (read: grumpy, irritable Emmy for the rest of the day). Those who've known me for years know this is me at my worst; Twitter brought out the worst in me.

It became an addiction that took over my life. I tried moderation but I couldn't do it. I thought I could do it but I obviously couldn't. I would take breaks (during Lent or whenever I felt I needed a break) but I would still log in because it was a compulsion. I thought I was immune to FOMO (fear of missing out) -- and I did have good stretches in which it wasn't an issue -- but ultimately, it was too much for me. I used the excuse that it was the way I socialized when I couldn't leave the house... which is nearly every day. What an excuse to keep the addiction alive, eh? I would check Twitter multiple times a day, even if I didn't post anything. I woke up and immediately checked Twitter. When I had a study break, I would procrastinate on Twitter until it was too late (and I was too tired) to continue studying. I would check Twitter twice "just in case" before I went to bed. Step away from the Twitter, Emmy!

I failed to love others and be as charitable as I should have been. This isn't just a problem for me; it's a problem that nearly (if not) all of us face when we use social media, especially on a platform as massive and divisive as Twitter. There was a lot of criticism (even if it's just done internally), a lot of griping; complaining about things others said that bothered me. Because I'm so perfect, you know. /sarcasm. Basically, I was doing a lousy job of loving my neighbor. I don't want to keep adding to that list when I go to the confessional. It's personally much easier for me to be more patient and give others the benefit of the doubt away from Twitter.

Of course, deleting the account wasn't easy, even in spite of knowing that it was bad for me. I didn't want to delete the account because I had developed an unhealthy attachment to my nerdwriter "brand." I was worried someone would take over my username once they knew it was available and get me in trouble. I was worried that people would stop reading this blog because they weren't getting linked updates. I was worried that my friends would forget about me, dooming me to further social isolation that would send me into depression. Stupid, silly fears, I (now) know.

I reached the point where I thought, "How about worrying about the stuff that mattered?" "How about taking another step towards repairing my relationship with God by cutting off what was being harmful to my soul?" "How about recognizing what my faults are (instead of criticizing or judging others) in order to work on my interior life?" (Mt 7:1-5, anyone?) It was at this point where I knew Twitter was history... and that I needed to delete it. That's why one of my last tweets was asking for prayers to find the courage to do something that was hard but necessary.

The first person I told of my plans to delete Twitter was my mother. Of course, she supported me because she was a firsthand witness to how much Twitter affected me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I waited a while before I broke it to the friends who know me the best. I was planning on waiting until November 1st to delete my account until a trusted friend (who is a seminarian) suggested I do it right then and there. No announcement, just deletion. I thought about it and it made sense to me. It would keep me from having my ego stroked by people who might tell me they would miss me or might try to convince me to stay. I did tell a couple of people (in private) whom I trusted but, overall, nearly no one knew I was going to do it. Then, I did it. Odds are, you probably didn't even notice until now because I'm writing about it.

Deleting Twitter was predictable (yet surprisingly) freeing. Remember how I mentioned that I wanted to become detached from worldly things? This was one of the biggest culprits; one of those things that kept me attached to many earthly and superficial things and feelings. I was too attached to how people thought of me. I was too attached to my "brand." I had become too attached the addiction... to the things that fed my egoism... to being "known" (even though, let's me real, I wasn't really "known.")

I thought about Sr. Mary Magdalene of the Divine Heart (formerly known as Channing Dale) who gave up her podcast and social media accounts to enter the Discalced Carmelites Nuns in Elysburg, PA a couple of years ago. She wished to be forgotten in the world but I haven't been able to because she was the first person who I knew (even if it was through social media) who wanted to give everything up for God. I still pray for her every single night and I know that she prays for me.

I thought about Br. Joseph of the Holy Family (formerly known as Mike Gannon) who, like his best friend, Sr. Mary Magdalene, gave up his accounts when he entered the Discalced Carmelites Friars of Holy Hill in Wisconsin. He briefly returned to the world of social media but gave up his accounts once again in recent months. He, like Sr. Mary Magdalene and other religious, have an immensely fulfilling life without the need of social media. (side note: I've had the immense privilege of counting him as a pen pal for a couple of years so I, at least, have that as a way to keep in touch with this great young man.)

I thought about three very inspiring women (one who I have the honor of calling one fo my best friend) who are three of the most social media-detached people I have the pleasure of knowing. One of them doesn't have a Twitter account (nor has she ever had one) and the other two rarely use it. They do have Instagram and Facebook accounts but their posts aren't frivolous and, while all three are very different, they both inspire me to grow closer to God. They share the beauty God has blessed us with, both in pictures and in words. Two are wives and mothers, one is a fellow single gal. One is known in Catholic social media circles while the other two aren't. I actually told my bestie (who hasn't tweeted in several weeks) and she was happy with my decision because, as she said, stepping away from Twitter makes her feel a lot better and helps remind her to live the life God wills for her without comparing herself to others. Amen, my sister (in Christ)!

When I asked God to help me become more detached to the world, I meant it... and, to this day, I still mean it. I want to do good, even if it goes unnoticed. Like Sr. Mary Magdalene and my friend who doesn't have Twitter, I want to live my life with simple honesty (and occasionally hidden from the world) and glorify God with my efforts. Like Br. Joseph and my friend with Twitter, I want to occasionally be out in the world and do some good for His greater glory. Like my bestie, I want to do God's will and if that means stepping away from social media than I must do that.

The best way I could think of "resetting" my interior life -- to remember just how unimportant I am and to eliminate those things which could continue leading me astray -- was to delete Twitter. THAT is ultimately why I deleted the @nerdwriter account; it became just another obstacle that kept me from growing in my relationship with God and that kept me from living a life worthy of Heaven. I'm sure there are other reasons that I can't see right now, but when I made the decision I had the feeling that when I looked at it, in hindsight, I would see that it was for the best.

It's been less than a week since I've written (and added) to this blog post (wrote most of it on the 7th but added to it on the 11th) but you can already see the immediate change. I just asked my mother and she confirmed that I'm less stressed, less irritable, and a lot more calmed and relaxed. She said, "you can just see it on your face/in your being." I think that, alone, is worth losing my username and that part of my identity.

I became "nerdwriter" upon my reversion to the faith, 11 years ago. As of now, I only have "nerdwriter" as a username on Last.fm and Goodreads because I can't change it on those sites. Otherwise, the username will never be used by me on any other social media platform. I don't plan on ever having a "public" Twitter account, especially not at the capacity I once had it. I will keep this blog's FB page open because I love interacting with y'all and you can always leave me comments on here; I'm not fully cutting myself off from y'all! I do have "catholicnerdwriter" as my username and as part of the title of this blog because I'm still Catholic, I'm still a massive nerd, and I'm still going to write; I'm just retiring the username from social media.

As I start this new chapter in my life -- which I hope means that I'm maturing in both my personal life and in my faith -- the "nerdwriter" chapter has officially closed. It's the end of that era... and I couldn't be more excited to see what the future holds! I look forward to seeing the fruits of this decision and (mostly) seeing what God has in store for me, in all areas of my life.

That's it for now. I hope some of you aren't too upset with me; I made sure everyone had a way of contacting me if they needed to. I will try to blog more often, especially now with one less (massive) time waster in my life. Back to the basics... even if no one ever reads this blog again. lol. :)

I hope you had a lovely work-week and have found a way to celebrate today's wonderful anniversary! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Lent: Giving Up Social Media and... Talking?!

No, your eyes do not deceive you. I'm giving up talking... in a way. Let me back up a bit and explain.

I've been thinking about what to do for Lent for several weeks. I started early... even before Christmastide actually ended. Advent was amazing for me and I grew a lot as a person. Since then, I've also come to figure out what I truly feel called to do (vocation-wise) and a lot of changes need to be made in that department so I knew there was no better time to implement these changes than Lent. That's not to say that these are "what will make me look better?" changes. No, these are "what will help me live a holier life; one closer to God" changes. Most changes will be small and gradual but there are two that needed immediate attention: social media and what's been coming out of my mouth lately.

As you guys (who've been reading this blog for at least a year) know, I've struggled with my social media addiction for quite some time. I even gave it up in chunks last Lent (you can read about it here and here) and it went well... for a while. I had fallen off the limited-social-media horse when I got sick last summer and then I had to work on that again. I was doing well... and then I wasn't. Again. Are we noticing a pattern yet? I know I substituted Facebook and Twitter for Instagram in recent weeks so I decided to do a no social media fast every day, including Sundays and holy days. I spend too much time scrolling through Instagram, making sure I don't "miss" anything... and then I get sucked into seeing celebrity IG accounts. Who am I?! I never used to do this. Anyway, I've already let my friends know that they have options to contact me and I'm always willing to put something aside for a little while to catch up... unless I'm doing an exam then for that hour I'm not available. ;) 

Now for the big one, which I know a lot of people are probably wondering about. I decided to give up talking because of two reasons. First, the things that have come out of my mouth in recent weeks have not been uncharitable or very ladylike. I'm not saying it's cussing (I don't like cursing); it's simply not nice. I lose my patience when I'm driving (which, apparently, is quite the epidemic here in L.A.) and I say things like "good job, stupid"... or worse. *cringe* (side note: this is a fairly new development and I'm pretty sure it has to do with my lack of Mass attendance). I usually say "good job, friend" but I haven't been as charitable lately. 

Second, I've noticed that it's not only happening when I drive, it's happening overall. I feel like I'm wasting words; the conversations are becoming more shallow and empty, which I dislike. Instead of being positive, it's so easy to complain and feel sorry for myself during times of trials. It's so easy to vent to friends. Even if you think you're being careful, I know it can still come out as being uncharitable towards others. Instead of building up, the tongue can tear something or someone down and if we do it long enough, it becomes a bad habit that will land you in the confessional more often than not.

I'm not giving up talking altogether; I'm just going to be a lot more mindful about what I'm going to say before I say it. I'm going to warn those I usually talk to that I may reply a little slower than usual because I want to make sure that the words that come out of my mouth are used to glorify God, His creations, and/or build something or someone one up. I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut and literally walk away from situations that would tempt to do be uncharitable.

Those are the two big things I'm giving up for Lent. I'm also giving up TV, movies, and screentime (overall) during the remainder of the semester. I've been giving myself too much time to "rest" when I could be studying. My time management there has been really poor and that needs to be addressed but that might be easier to do. Study first, movies later... or movies during Sundays. I'm also limiting my books to Catholic books and books that will help me succeed in my social-media-fast / no frivolous chatter / better time management goals. No more YA fiction for a while.

Those are my plans for Lent. I didn't mention things I'm adding because those things (I feel) need to be done with only God as my witness. They are all good and positive so no worries there. :) 

I will continue blogging throughout Lent. I might even blog more often if I don't get enough socializing... which I probably won't because all of my friends that lived nearby have moved away and everyone pretty much uses social media to stay in touch. lol. File this under "social introvert problems." I believe the blog posts will automatically post to both Twitter and Facebook via IFTTT. Awestruck and my Google+ profile won't be updated; I'm sorry about that if you keep up with the blog posts from those two places. 

I hope you all have an enriching Lenten season. Congrats to the two (randomly chosen by Rafflecoppter) winners of the Magnificat Lenten Companion app: Lesley S. and Joe W.! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

The Sacrifices are Coming!

Can you believe that we're only two weeks away from Lent? What?! The period between Christmas season and Advent always flies by the quickest for me. Even though I'm still a bit in Christmas mode (sorry, I'm in that mentality until February 2nd; Candlemas), I'm not ready to let it go. (side note: if you find yourself singing "Let it Go" I truly apologize. Have a donut and say it's from me as an apology gift.) While chatting with one of my best friends about what we were giving up for Lent, I had no clue. At least, I didn't at the time. It took me some time but I think I've figured out what I'm doing for Lent this year.

Last year I didn't really give up anything because, well, I tend to do that during the year. Doing it during Lent doesn't challenge me as much as it may others because of how used to it I am (from food to entertainment, etc). "What can I possibly give up that's hard?" I wondered. Then it hit me: Twitter. Soccer? Slightly hard to give up one year. Certain foods? Easier since I do that on a regular basis anyway (thanks dyspepsia and food intolerances!). Social media has been cut back during Lent in past years but never fully given up. Just an hour or less per day. I've been doing that lately (though I've slipped a bit since my bro's visit last week). Giving it up "cold turkey"? Sad to say it's going to be nearly impossible but I'm going to do it. Or try. I'll say "try" so I don't beat myself up too badly if I fail. I'm not even going to give myself an incentive to not cave: doing something for my well being is reward enough.

For those of you who rely on Twitter to find out when I have a new blog post, I'll have something set up so new links will be posted as soon as they go up. I may also share the odd link straight from the website (i.e. Blessed is She's reflections or news from Zenit, ChurchPop, or Catholic News Agency -- only Catholic stuff for Lent, what an idea!) but I won't log into Twitter for that. I also won't send anything out unless it's one of those "yes! this needs to be read by others!" articles. If you're also giving up Twitter, the blog's Facebook Page gets updates right away. If you're giving up all social media, you can sign up to have new blog posts delivered to your inbox. That nifty button is on the right side of the blog (not accessible on mobile; sorry).

Am I giving up anything else in terms of social media? Nope. Don't really use Pinterest much and can go weeks without even logging in. Tumblr can be neglected for days and I can get everything done there in under 5 minutes when I do log in. Facebook will be cut down to once a day for 5 minutes if only because I only have 34 people on my list -- most of whom rarely or don't (at all) use Twitter -- and it's what I use to get news on the Latin Masses in the L.A. area and other information that I don't get elsewhere. Twitter is my addiction but I hope giving it up for Lent will be good for me and will make it easier for me to use is less during the rest of the year.

Let's forget the fact that I'm wasting so much valuable time on it. It's not just a time waster for me; it's where I rant, where I get annoyed, where uncharitable thoughts pop up, where I get upset, where... well, I'm focusing too much on myself and my own feelings and not enough on God when I get on Twitter. Let's be honest: some of us may want to use it as an evangelization tool but not many of us actually use it for that. I'm not shaming you; I'm in that same boat.

Oh! I just remembered that I am giving up on more thing for Lent: uncharitable words and thoughts. Guess where most of them come from. You guessed it: Twitter. When I'm already cranky and/or upset about what my mom is going through at work (please keep praying for her), it's so much easier to see something on Twitter and allow it to feed my annoyance. Bleh. No. Bad Twitter! Bad Emmy, too! No one is forcing me to go on Twitter when I'm on the verge of being a "stroppy cow." (Gotta love British idioms.) Twitter is the main source (online) of my uncharitable thoughts and words so it makes sense to give one to be able to help the other. 

I'm also adding a couple of things: an extra hour of prayer per day, daily Mass when I'm able (no appointments, not sick), and an extra act of charity during the day. I've arranged it so my "reading for pleasure" books are all either Catholic or written by Catholic authors during Lent. Yes, that explains my current choice of books. I'm sure I'll add something else but that will be something between me and God. ;)

Since I cannot fast (I'm still underweight) and I need meat (though I can do meatless Fridays by eating other things for iron intake), I'm going to give up ALL social media and music (gulp) on the days that I cannot fast but others are required to. I forgot what I gave up last year but I don't remember it being particular hard so I must challenge myself this year.

My plans for Lent may seem silly to others ("ha! Twitter?") but if you've ever been addicted to anything, you know hard it is to make yourself stop. Oh, social media... Y U so hard to give up? Cue rick-rolling video from a certain someone with a mustache who hosts his own radio show. ;)

What are y'all giving up for Lent? Let me know, especially if you need an accountability partner. Seriously, I will gladly keep tabs on anyone if you need an accountability person.

Side thought: I return to grad school right during Easter time, on April 4th. The symbolism isn't lost on me. It's how my school's quarter is set up but, for my particular situation and everything I've been through, it seems especially appropriate that that will be my return date. Wind down my break during Lent, return in Easter. New beginnings. New hope. Well played, JP Catholic and the overall timing. Well played. ;)

Alright, I have about 6 weeks eBooks or so to read in a little under 3 weeks so I'm going to try to get those read before they're due back to the LAPL. :)

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D 

Emmy vs. Social Media (2016 Edition)

As some of you may have noticed, I've not been using social media as much in the last couple of days. Part of that was intentional (I'm stocking up on audiobooks and eBooks from the Los Angeles Public library as well as PC games) and the other part wasn't. For the unintentional part, let's just say that my mother needs all the prayers you can send her way. I can't divulge the reason but let's just say that I had a moment of sheer panic yesterday and I'm not sure we're out of the woods yet. Please and thank you.

The intentional part: I really want to avoid using social media because I know how much it's not helped in the past. Writing my end-of-year review last week made me recognize that I have a serious social media addiction. It's bad, y'all. In the past couple of days I've decided that I couldn't keep doing that. Enter: Emmy vs Social Media (2016 Edition). It's not going to be easy but I'm going to definitely try. I've installed the StayFocusd app on my Chrome browser and it's going to shut down Twitter, Facebook, and tumblr if I got over 45 minutes per day. I'm that serious. I may eventually get it down to 10-15 minutes per day. I'll be cutting back the allotted time as I get better at avoiding social media.

Besides the aforementioned distractors (audiobooks, eBooks, PC games), I also have the next 3 months of Netflix paid for (thank you to the parents of my godson for that awesome Christmas present!) for when I want a more visual downtime. The name of the game is: stress-free distractions. I need distractions from social media during my health recovery time that won't cause a great amount of stress. Stress is what's caused me to lose weight and lose hair. (Have I not mentioned the losing hair part? It's unfortunate; hats are my friends these days.) I've decided not to work on my third novel in the meantime because I sometimes get a little too focused on that and I've been known to accidentally skip meals or get little sleep when I'm in "the zone." I can say I won't do that but I know myself know well enough to know I will do it at some point. That would be not advisable when I know I need to eat and sleep better.

Does it make sense to say that I feel like this will be my last chance to be selfish so I'm trying to enjoy this downtime? Before anyone starts on the "typical Millennial mentality" spiel, I'd like to remind y'all that I spent my teens into my mid 20s taking care of my parents, especially my father who had cancer for 7 years before he passed. My mid-to-late 20s were then spent either trying to finish school, working, keeping the household afloat somehow (even if the financial contribution wasn't much), or taking care of my mom who is slowly losing her memory. I definitely don't think I'm entitled to any selfish time but I also don't want to resent all I've given up for my parents in the future (it could happen even though I'm usually pretty easygoing about the situations) so I'm going to make the most of these months.

I don't have much experience doing stuff just for myself. I've had moments here and there but 4 months to just focus on my selfish wants (within reason; I'm still super frugal and responsible) has been interesting less than three weeks into it. Still, I know that I don't want to waste my time on social media. Hence the distractions.

I have plans for doing other things when I get my car back (no, I still haven't gotten a fixed day when I'll get it back though it was supposed to happen last week). I won't say what they are because -- as I've seen from my failed Autumn and Winter bucket lists -- it's just best for me not to plan too far ahead of time. That and what fun will I have sharing new and exciting things if I announce them beforehand? Nope. Twitter, you will no longer get the scoop before I have a chance to blog about it. ;)

Yes, I am now accepting bets to how long this will actually last. lol. What's been my record? A month of limited social media interactions? Challenge accepted. ;)

Alright, well, I have an eBook (The Royal We) that won't read itself and a bowl of brown rice pasta that won't eat itself so I should go do that now. It'll be a sort of late lunch since I woke up slightly late (9:52 a.m.) this morning. :)

I hope y'all are having a great start of year thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Admitting My Addiction and New Game Plan

I know some of y'all have noticed that I haven't been on Twitter much recently and that -- aside from a tweet I sent out yesterday about Twitter notifying me that someone had attempted to (repeatedly) log into my account -- I have not been active since Wednesday. This wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision but weeks (even months) of thinking about disengaging from social media because... my name is Emmy and I'm addicted to Twitter.

Lately Twitter has been my biggest frienemy. I've been examining my conscience on a daily basis and some of the things I have to confess are due to things that happen on Twitter and because of Twitter. Uncharitable thoughts and words, wasting time, being distracted while praying, impatience, being upset with people who feel the need to get into my personal space (y'all know I'm notoriously private about certain things) which then goes back to being uncharitable with my words -- I've guilty of all of these things (and more) thanks to my addiction to Twitter.

I'll tell you the excuse I've been using to keep this addiction going: despite being an introvert, I struggle with the occasional feeling of loneliness when I don't socialize enough once in a while. Yes, I'm an introvert but even I like going out once in a while and I hate feeling cooped up in the house, which I am most of the week. Working as a freelance writer (with no other responsibilities and friends all over the country) will add to that feeling.

As I recently read Strange Gods by Elizabeth Scalia (aka the Anchoress; I highly recommend this book), I had to face what I didn't want to admit; I could no longer deny that I'd made an idol (a strange god) out of Twitter. I rely quite heavily on social media to get my news, to stay in contact with friends, to not feel so alone when I spend most of my days at home, by myself. As someone whose work is done solely online, it's very easy to say "okay, I need a 5 minute break... oh, hey, Twitter!" and then spend the next 2-3 hours chatting with someone. I have no children. I clean my apartment twice a week and it takes me less than half an hour to get it spotless. Basically, I have too much time on my hands, I've been using it carelessly, and that's always a dangerous thing. Idle hands are the devil's playthings after all.

It was when I admitted my addiction (and it is an addiction) -- a problem which could be detrimental to my grad studies since the entirety of my Master's degree will be done online (it would be difficult for me to commute 5-6 hours round-trip daily to and from Escondido with the infamous L.A. traffic) -- I knew I had to work on it. I know I won't have time for much socializing until I get the hang of the new routine but I wanted to get a head start so it wouldn't be harder for me.

In all honesty, the whole "raging Catholics" thing with the eco-encyclical was the perfect excuse for me to avoid Twitter through the weekend as a trial run. There was something that happened on that first day that I wasn't expecting: I felt a massive relief not being on active on Twitter.

I thought about the days of my early reversion when I wasn't online too much; how it made the biggest difference in my life. I was able to focus more on fixing my relationship with God. I read more. I prayed more. I liked the person I was without it. I wrote. I worked on rebuilding my physical and mental health after all I had endured from former friends and an ex-boyfriend. When I remembered how I felt better without Twitter I decided to also revert to how I did things in those days. I blogged. I tweeted the link. I replied to some comments (when I got them) every once in a while and that was it. I kept in touch through text messaging and emails... much like I've been doing these past couple of days. I'm not going to disappear altogether but you can expect me to be online even less than I've been in recent weeks. Replies and DMs will take much longer -- just a heads up.

I've already taken steps to limit my time on Twitter (since it's the only social media platform that I have a genuine addiction to.) I've already deleted easy access to it from my browser. The app is being sent to whatever the cyber equivalent of Siberia is. I've also given the heads up to anyone who wants to stay in touch. My email address has been given to a couple of people so they can stay in touch. Thankfully my work as a freelance writer has dried up at the moment and I have a job as the tutor for a neighboring child line up, which is going to help me spend less time online. I will be working on my third novel with the WiFi turned off if I feel myself feeling tempted though that doesn't often come up when I get in the writing zone; I can go hours just writing, even forgetting to eat when I'm really into it.

I don't plan on tweaking the time I spend on Facebook, Pinterest, or Tumblr because I really don't use them that often. I can go (and have gone) days and weeks without using them. And, for the record (and this is a message to those who will undoubtedly try to guilt-trip me for not having them on my new Facebook profile), I only have 28 people on my list with no plans of adding more than maybe two more people (max.), depending on how terrible they are with emails. I've added mostly people who don't use Twitter and/or stink at emails and whom I can't imagine not being in contact with. So far it's worked well since I very carefully added people I knew wouldn't clog up my feed (and haven't) because they're all busy people.

My beloved Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI encouraged us all (religious included) to use the Internet for good; to evangelize. Yes, I know some of you hate that buzzword (evangelization) but, too bad, this is my blog post. ;) After the Women's World Cup, I'm going to take a much needed break from socializing on Twitter. I'm not quitting Twitter cold turkey but don't be surprised if you guys don't see anything that aren't automatic updates or shared links for a while. I seriously believe that more than maybe 80% of the stuff that I currently tweet is stuff y'all can do without. I'll be reserving the personal stories for this blog (just like I did in the good ol' days) and sharing what I believe will bring you food for thought and will hopefully strengthen you faith. I will most likely slip up at least once in the next couple of weeks -- I am a flawed human after all -- but it's a goal I will work hard towards.

If you're currently doubting me, know that my "please underestimate me; it makes me work harder" mentality is already counting on it and will be what helps me stay on course. This is how I know that there's a good chance of succeeding: on Thursday (the first day of the current Twitter fast), we had a power outage in my neighborhood. Except for being worried about the central AC not working when we were near the triple digit temperatures (the heat/humidity combo and I don't mix well and I can get sick if I'm in it too long), I wasn't worried about not having electricity. I had a book, a bottle of water, and a good seat next to the large living room windows. After the manager had kicked all the kids out of the pool, all you could hear was the distant chatter of neighbors as they walked by. When they were gone, you could hear birds chirping and a stillness that is rarely heard in an apartment building. On Friday, I chose to sit on my bed, with nothing on, in the silence, when I felt tempted to log on. I have a surprising number of things in my apartment that will keep me busy but I chose to sit in silence to show myself that I could do it.

If you're wondering how I will cope with the occasional feeling of loneliness I've mentioned, fear not. Since I've been weaning myself off of social media for weeks now, I've been relying more on text messaging (and not excessively) and emails so I still get little bursts of socializing during my day when I'm stuck at home due to the heat (have I mentioned I sincerely dislike summer?) or due to work/deadlines.

So, there are my plans... and an explanation why it's been taking me longer to reply to tweets on Twitter. Please pray for me since, even a "dinky" addiction like the one I have on Twitter is not the easiest to get over. If you've ever been addicted to anything, you know how hard it will be for me. Besties and wingmen, feel free to keep me in check... even if that means coming over to my house and changing my password for me.

Anyway, I hope y'all have a great rest of weekend. I'll be back on Twitter during the next U.S. women's national team match in the Women's World Cup (which will be on Monday) and then not again for a couple of days (again, blog post links and sporadic links sent from other sources excluded). :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D