St. Therese Has Been Schooling Me

(This is the second post of the three-part series I started last weekend.)

I wanted to do something special for St. Therese of Lisieux's feast day last week but, sadly, things did not go as planned. I didn't go to Trader Joes to get some roses (the blog post picture is from a couple of years ago). I did not make any delicious French food. I was not able to watch Therese. The only thing that I was able to do was the novena and that was because Pray More Novena sent me the daily prayers/reminders every day. Little did I know that that novena would bring on a couple of changes... including one big one that was a long time coming.

St. Therese, like Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati and St. Francis de Sales, has been randomly popping up in my life lately. She and Bl. PGF were my patrons during my time at my CINO college alma mater so it seemed appropriate that she should once again pop up during my (hopefully) last academic year of this degree/program. When I started the novena, I had no particular intentions. On the first day, I winged it. I asked for her intercession on a couple of things including vocation patience (something we single gals in our 30s occasionally struggle with), motivation in school, and for help from my mom's physical pain.

The three big ones were:

• that I become less selfish and more selfless, 
• that I learn how to be more detached from earthly things, 
• and that I do and see the joy in the little things as she did. 

I'll get to these intentions a little later in the blog post since you're probably wondering how St. Therese schooled me this past week. No, it was not a clickbait title; she really did show me a lot of things that I need to work on.

In the past, I've received the compliment that I've reminded people of St. Therese. To be honest, I usually don't believe these kind words but I thank those who say them to me nonetheless. It wasn't until this past week that I wondered if they saw something I did see... and not necessarily in a good way.

Most of us think of St. Therese as being selfless, gentle, meek, child-like, innocent, and deeply pious. That's how I thought about her for the longest time. A lot of people (a surprising amount of people from what I've seen on Twitter) have an intense dislike of St. Therese because of her "flowery words" and "saccharine personality" rubs people the wrong way. I guess I kind of see that but I tend to sort of lean towards that myself (trust me, these blog posts could be a lot worse, lol) so I think of her as a kindred spirit.

I'm willing to bet that many people either don't know or (most likely) forget that St. Therese went through periods of depression and was extremely sensitive. She suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder and was scrupulous as a result. When she was a child, she threw epic temper tantrums, she had a lot of "excessive self-love" (as she describes it in Story of a Soul), and as a spoiled, selfish child. A question to those who've known me for years and have seen me at my worst: does that remind you of anyone? Yeah...

Like St. Therese, I've always been sensitive. We now have the term "highly sensitive person (HSP)" which my own childhood doctor. My system is just more sensitive to things, emotional and physical stimuli such as foods and medications. (I've even written a blog post on this topic). I express intense joy, anger, and heartache in tears. I've battled with depression and anxiety (on and off) for years, though it has lessened in recent years. I've definitely struggled with falling into scrupulosity if I'm not careful and don't constantly remind myself that God's love and mercy are greater than my sins; it's something I've been trying to work through for years. According to my mother, I also threw my fair share of tantrums (though she says it's because I was brought up as an only child).

I wasn't materially spoiled... but I was spoiled in other ways. My parents asked me not to work while I was in school so I could focus solely on that (and this was prior to my health issues). I've never had to pay for rent or anything like that though I do financially contribute as much as I can when I have an income. My mother, as much as she means well, will shoo me away from the kitchen (she will literally, yet gently, push me out of the way and take utensils out of my hand at times) and cook my food when she's home (and not in physical pain).

The sad thing is that I didn't realize these things until recently... around the time that St. Therese started reappearing in my life. Like I said in last Saturday's blog post, struggling with schoolwork is something that (still) challenges my academic pride and vanity. My breakdown two weeks-ish ago had nothing to do with that but it certainly didn't help to be reminded of how things once came much easier to me. I've recently been trying to work on things that have made my ego much larger than was healthy... and which will part of tomorrow's blog post. Let's just say that the St. Therese novena and having her presence in my life have been helping.

Like I said earlier in this post, I just asked for whatever came to mind when I started the novena. I'm sure the Holy Spirit was behind that because I've come to realize, a week and some days later, that it was exactly what I needed. I've actually been praying to become more detached from worldly things since I did the 54-day Rosary novena last year but I thought St. Therese would be another good intercessor for this particular intention. Obviously, she did not disappoint. lol.

It's still too early to see any noticeable results when it comes to my petitions but I have been trying to get better at these in little ways that I can do. I made a massive step towards getting better at the second big intention one... but you'll have to wait until the next blog post for more on that because this post is already too long. ;)

Before I wrap up this post I just want to say that I'm grateful that God continues to use saintly examples, like St. Therese, to help us become better versions than ourselves. While I don't anticipate ever being compared to St. Therese again (especially not when it comes in the form of a compliment because I'm nowhere near as awesome as she was), I'm also grateful to those who've helped me see that I have a kindred spirit in her... and that she can serve as a wonderful reminder of how much a person can change for the better once we place all of our love and trust in God.

I hope to have the third (and last) part up on Friday. I've actually written this the afternoon (into the evening) of the 7th. As I write this, I don't know if it'll be scheduled ahead of time (like this one has been) or if I'll just write it on Friday but that is the goal and I hope I can pull it off. :)

May God continue giving y'all a lovely week (or may He grant you a better week than you've had thus far).

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D