Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Dad's Warning; Mission Complete! New Mission Set?

I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. I had hoped to jump right back into blogging after my last entry but the shock finally began to wear off and I spent a good week away from the computer (both as a promise to St. Timothy as a 'thank you' for his intercession and for my own mental health). I am still trying to figure out how to do this... live without dad in my life. I had already begun developing a pattern while he was in the hospital (the last month of his life) but it didn't really hit me, until last week, that it's now just mom and I. I did spend a couple of days just completely bummed out and crying over the smallest things, but I'm happy that I got it out of my system. Of course, I will always have dad in my heart and mind but the grieving process is moving along well... and I know that dad's in heaven, or the very least purgatory, and looking after us now, especially after the dreams I've been having of him. One particular one ended up coming true, too.

If you've read my blog long enough, you know that I usually have saint dreams. Don't know why or how but it's what I usually dream about. Last week my dreams were a little different. For a couple of days I dream that there was a massive earthquake and that dad hurried us out of the way, and took care of us so that we were safe. That lasted for about 4 days; same plot - earthquake, dad rescuing us, different setting. Then I had a dream in which dad answered a question I had in real life. I won't go too into the specifics of it because it's of a personal nature (as in, regarding my love life) but I will say that I had NO CLUE that the advice and warning I had would come true later that day. In the dream, dad warned me that while the guy wasn't exactly a bad person, he wasn't the best choice for me and I wouldn't be happy. I clearly remember dad shrugging and said "It's not my choice, it's up to you if you want him like that, but..." with a look that made me understand that I would not be happy with what I was about to find out about the guy. I told my mom the dream and a few hours ago, I found out exactly what dad was hinting at in my dream. Again, I told my mom and she said she thought it was a direct warning from dad through my dreams. One of the last conversations I had with my dad was about just that, my future relationships, and he said that he trusted my judgement so he wouldn't interfere. If the dream was an actual warning, I'm glad he DID interfere because it saved me from a broken heart. I came out relatively unscathed... though, later on, I did get my heart nearly broken but this time by someone I considered a best friend; the heart break was not of a romantic nature, either. I'm sure this will be a surprise to most of my friends because, just as I've said on this blog, I very rarely discuss this part of my life with anyone who isn't my mother. Anyway, thank you daddy for the warning!

And while I'm still talking about my parents... I DID IT! My mission is now complete!!! "What mission?" You may ask? As I've mentioned many times before, like in this entry, my life's mission became to get my parents back to the Church. For the past 3 years, that had been my ultimate goal. I got into many arguments with my father over it but eventually broke him down first. Thank God in Heaven that I was able to get him to come back just a little over a month before he passed away! Dad was the most stubborn person, but I did it. Of course I'm not taking all the credit here; I know God used me to get him (and eventually mom) back to Him. He passed away closed to God and having received the Eucharist, for the last day, only a few days before his death. While dad was in the hospital, mom and I never missed Mass. It became a routine for us to go to the first English Mass our parish offers and then go visit dad at the hospital before we came home. We still haven't missed more than one Mass (the weekend we both had fevers and horribly ill) in a long while. In fact, we went to Mass the day after dad passed away (he died on a Saturday, we went to Mass that Sunday). It seemed that all my bugging, coupled with my father's death, finally broke mom down. She was actually considering going to confessions the week before my father passed away but dad's death really made it click for her. This past Saturday, she finally went to confessions... after many prayers (btw, a massive THANK YOU to my twitter friends who helped me pray for courage for my mom) and a lot of "coaching" on my side. I had to remind her what kinds of things she had to confess and the Act of Contrition, which she'd forgotten. I had to do it in Spanish, too, 'cause she feels more at ease with the language. She kept saying she was too nervous but I told her what I think about confession and why I think it's important that we do it, so she finally got the courage to do it. I was SO happy when I came out of my confession and saw that she was inside with the Hispanic priest. YES! The next day, she received the body and blood of Christ. I will admit that I teared up a bit when I saw that happen. My heart was overjoyed. I could feel the presence of the Lord with us in that moment when we both received the Eucharist. :D Mom's also been praying a whole lot more lately. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to do this (again, with His help) and achieving my ultimate goal! That has ever made me happier and prouder than seeing both of my parents back at the Church. :D

One little thing about that, though... I need a new ultimate goal in life. I honestly didn't think God would grant me my biggest wish so soon. I thought it was going to take me a number of years to get them back; especially dad. I had years of fights with him, every weekend, because he didn't want to go to church. I was thinking that maybe I should continue this path -- getting more people back to the Church; or at the very least to confess. One small step. My parents weren't the first. A few months ago, I helped convince another older woman to go back to confessions for the first time in decades. She was a stranger but she was drawn to talk to me while I waited an hour to confess. I don't know how I convinced her but I did it and it made me happy. I won't forget the gratitude I felt, thanking God for allowing me to do it. I've also started getting a few others on the road to returning, all without trying. Maybe this is what God wants me to do for Him. I'd be more than happy to do it! We'll see what happens...

Alright, well, that's going to be it for now. I have a lot to write, but will do it little by little so I can have a few more posts this month before I head back to school. *groan* Why does my summer have to end so quickly? On the upside, my Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam (my Religious Studies lower division course for the semester) is looking promising. :D I'm procrastinating, aren't I? Okay, I'll stop writing soon. lol.

Thank you for all for your continued prayers and support. It's meant a lot to our family that so many people would take time out of their lives to pray for us in our time of need. Thank you for reading and God Bless you all! :D

P.S. For those of you who have asked, my cousin's grandson is no longer in the ICU for his pneumonia. He is doing much better, though is still in the hospital. Thank you for your prayers!


God Fanboy said...

haHA! You've become a fisher of souls! God bless you! Try not to over think the new goal. God will make it known to you in his good time. Just keep an ear open and listen. He'll tell ya.

Rose said...

Yay! I'm so happy you completed you mission! Praise God!

Miss C.N.W. said...

God Fanboy - I don't know about THAT, lol, but I'm happy with whatever God has me doing. :D

Rose - Thank you! Yes, Praise God indeed! :D

PartyGurle said...

God Bless you...He works through you in ways you do not know :)

Miss C.N.W. said...

Thanks, Maria. God Bless you too! :D