I thought I was ready for my hematology appointment yesterday morning. I was cool, calm, and collected. Or, so I thought until I woke up sweating cold that morning. That cold sweat didn't stop until after I saw the hematologist... an hour after my appointment was scheduled.
I kept repeating, "Jesus, I trust in You" from the moment I woke up... 2 hours early. I tried to go through my routine -- breakfast, prayer, and getting ready to go out -- at a slow pace. I had intentionally done it to keep my anxiety levels down. Whenever I felt them go up a bit, I would stop and repeat, "Jesus, I trust in You" three times before I would resume the routine.
Before I left, I stopped and had a conversation with God. Since I was home alone, I said the words aloud. I don't remember the exact words but they were along the lines of "Whatever happens, I accept. If it's Your will, it will be done. If it's good news, I will rejoice and praise you. If it's not good news, I know you will give me the fortitude to endure it. Whatever it is, I will sacrifice sleep and go give thanks at tomorrow's daily Mass."
I drove to my appointment with unusually clear eyesight (I've been having eye problems for months, remember?). I decided to listen to "The Benedict Option" audiobook as a distraction. I took a longer but clearer (read: less traffic) route to my hematologist's office. "If I get there late, I get there late. But I'd rather go calmly than stress myself out," I told myself as I drove to the office.
I got there on time... but I ended up waiting an hour before I was seen. See, the hematologist I've seen for the past two years is out of the country. While it wasn't confirmed, we think it has something to do with his work visa since he's a foreign-born doctor. He had a delay returning the last time his permit expired, too. Anyway, because of this (and the office being unsure of when he will return), they gave me a new hematologist. I was warned beforehand about this; there were rescheduled appointments and blood draws for it for weeks leading up to the day. I just didn't know the actual appointment would have a wait time of over an hour.
As you can imagine, I sat there sweating cold out of nerves. I didn't know if my pancytopenia (the medical term for low red and white blood count and low platelets) was still around; if I was healthier than I was since my last blood draw at the last ER visit I'd had, two months earlier. "Jesus, I trust in You" I said before I prayed the St. Patrick breastplate prayer and texted a good friend to help pass the time.
I was whisked inside and I waited for the doctor once again, this time in the exam room. My noontime alarm went off signaling the time to pray The Angelus and Sext. I had taken my copy of The Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in case I needed it. I took out my Rosary beads from my pocket and began praying the Angelus. I had just finished praying, "And the Word was made Flesh.. *genuflects* and dwelth among us..." and was standing up when the new hematologist came in. "This is it. Jesus, I trust in You," I said internally.
I was ready for whatever God in store for me... or, again, so I thought. I won't keep dragging the story for y'all so I'll tell you exactly what he said.
After introducing himself he said he'd gone over my charts and history along with my latest blood work. The good news was that my numbers had gone up. My white blood count had miraculously jumped up to normal in record time, from 3.6 to 4.6. My platelets went up 33k (from 102k to 135k) and I’m now currently only 5k under normal range. My red blood count and hemoglobin are still a little low but are now closer to normal range. He said that, given my history and my steady (for the most part) numbers, he thought it all pointed to an early rheumatology/autoimmune issue. When I explained that the ophthalmologist had ordered blood work because he also thought I had an autoimmune issue that was causing my eyesight problems (my bilateral optic nerve edemas), he said that it just further confirmed his suspicions. He said that it looked like it was all early stages of whatever was about to unfold and that no treatment would be necessary at the moment; we'll just keep an eye on things.
This is the first time I've come close to getting a diagnosis on anything! I was surprised and relieved. After so many years of dealing with low platelets and the anemia coming and going, here we had a sort-of breakthrough! I immediately thought about how the words "leaky gut" and the theory many people have made that perhaps that's what's wrong with me have popped up in recent weeks. A parishioner friend of mine even lent me a book on healing the leaky gut when I went to Mass last Friday (the beautiful First Friday I wrote about here). That's not even counting the dream I had nearly two years ago in which I dreamt that St. Giuseppe Moscati had examined me and told me to do a bone broth diet to heal my gut; a dream that also featured St. John Bosco. I even screen captured the tweet for future reference.
Y'all know this tweet is old because I haven't used that profile picture in years. Also, my apologies to St. Giuseppe for butchering his first name. It was during the time when I was still learning about him.
Perhaps this is all part of my 54-day Rosary novena intention; I've been praying for better health and the ability to expand my restricted diet. A leaky gut will make it seem like you have allergic reactions to many things -- especially foods -- so this could be the breakthrough I've been praying for! I am definitely going to try healing my gut just in case this has been the issue all along.
Before I end this post, I also wanted to share one more thing the good hematologist said to me. As he was leaving, hand on the door, he stopped and looked back at me and said, "Are you married, planning on getting married, or in a relationship?" I confirmed that I did want to get married one day, but I didn't know when that would happen. He then said what I was not expecting, "With your history and numbers, you can get pregnant. You can have children as soon as you'd like. Usually, there are worries about platelets dipping for people who have ITP or other blood disorders, but it shouldn't be a problem for you." I was completely dumbfounded. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind (for obvious reasons) yet I felt an enormous wave of relief. God willing, I can have babies and not worry about it affecting my health (at least, not my platelets) because it looks like it may all be an autoimmune issue rather than a blood disorder.
I left the office feeling lighter, a lot more hopeful, and intensely grateful to Our Lady for her intercession and to God for everything.
I knew there was a reason why my appointments kept getting pushed back; why I had to keep rescheduling blood draws and appointments. Not just for the hematologist but all of them. I didn't know what it was but perhaps it all needed to happen so that a new doctor could look at my case and apply their knowledge to my “medical mystery” that’s been baffling doctors for years. (side note: the hematologist is an older gentleman so he has more experience than my [close to my age] regular hematologist.)
So, that's my news. On day 41 of the 54-day Rosary novena, I received that wonderful news. I have another blood draw tomorrow to check for autoimmune things and inflammation markers prior to my ophthalmologist appointment on Monday morning. I hope that we get a little closer to the root cause of all my problems with it as well. Fingers crossed.
Anyway, I just wanted to share the news with y'all. I received a letter from my Oblate master while trying to finish up this so I'm going to go read that right now. And, yes, I just teared up because of the timing. What are the odds that I would receive a letter from my Oblate master (who, along with the other monks, has been praying for my health) with words of encouragement regarding my health while writing this post with an update on my health? God, Your timing is impeccable!
I hope y'all have a lovely rest of the week!
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)
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