Mom and I hemorrhaged money this past month. Our savings are completely depleted. We had new things (car related, health related, etc) pop up all the time and usually in clumps so it created a domino effect. The mechanic who fixed my car (and not well; I'm still paying to get new stuff repaired all the time, which is more $ spent) ended up getting a parking ticket last month but failed to inform me about it. It became a delinquent parking violation -- parking for 72 hours in a 24 hour parking area. I contested the ticket since I did not have the car at the time the ticket was issued but was denied. Before I learned that I had to pay the ticket despite not being in possession of it at the time, I had a little conversation with God. "You are my Father. My earthly father is no longer with us. Please help provide for us. If you wants us to pay for this ticket -- if the mechanic can't pay for it or whatever reason -- we'll pay for it. If justice can be made, great. If not, we'll do Your will."
I didn't get a hold of the mechanic until I got word that I had to pay the ticket... and he sounded terrible. I'm not sure what illness he has but he's definitely still sick. He's thinner than before and he's in dialysis so you know it's bad. We spoke to some of our neighbors the day after I was told the initial review was denied and found out he has about 4-5 kids. If they depend on his income (as a mechanic) and he's too sick to work, maybe he doesn't have the money to pay for it. I believe his house is up for sale, too. Choosing to see it this way, we decided to pay for it ourselves. Sure, our savings are basically gone from all we've had to pay but God always provides.
I also saw my health care coverage being terminated this month. I still think it'll be restored but, at the time I type this, it's set to end today. I received the letter two weeks ago. "Oh, another chance to show God that I trust in Him" I reminded myself as I tried not to stress out. Apparently they received my yearly redetermination last July (you know, what the chips hit the fan in general for me) but all my data mysteriously came up blank. They literally have a blank where my data was. I had to fax and mail them several forms needed to show that I was still eligible for it. As of now, I cannot make any doctor's appointments. There's something I'm a bit concerned about that needs to be looked at but will have to taken care of until I hear back from my provider. My dairy allergy test is on hold, which should've been done this month. My CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) sessions are on hold, which is a pity because I was making progress. I still get very tense and anxious when I feel a car is close to hitting me (PTSD) so I kind of need that therapy. We postponed the next one until the following week, hoping we'll know something by next week.
These are just some examples of what I've been going through this past month. Most started about two weeks into Lent and they're still going. All of this would've normally stressed me out but I keep trying to remind myself to trust God. Yesterday I took one of the stressful things I'm dealing with and had a conversation with God. "Please give me the strength and courage to handle this. It keeps popping up in mind, please help me put it out of my mind so I won't get too stressed out."
Life is uncertain. We won't always know what's in store for us. This Lent, balance and moderation, rearranging priorities, and letting go of perfection were all pieces of a larger picture: increasing my trust in God. Everything I've gone through in the past couple of months (but most especially during Lent) have been about letting go and trusting God. Our savings are gone? God will help provide, whether it be a job I can do while in school or some other way. My car still needs a lot of work? God will provide help with whatever is absolutely necessary (i.e. air conditioning not working; windshield wiper motors not working). My health care coverage terminated? God will make things right, or help me figure out what to do if they (unjustly) decide to truly deny me coverage. My mind being so overloaded with stress that my concentration is shot right before I start my first class back to JP Catholic? God will help. I've got novenas to Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (who died a few credits short of his degree) and the Divine Mercy going now; a novena to the Holy Spirit coming up as soon as both of the first novenas are one. Nothing is impossible with God. I'll keep reminding myself of that every time I feel my anxiety and stress levels rising.
I think that's it for my Lenten lessons series. I had a beautiful and fruitful Lenten season despite all the lows. God has shown me how wonderful life is despite all the "crosses" we carry and for that I'm grateful. :)
Alright, I should go eat a bit more to eat. My stomach has been off lately and I haven't eating as well as I should. I ate a little bit I feel my blood sugar level dropping a bit so I'll go take care of that. :)
Oh, how God provides!!! As I was writing the ending to this post, I received a call from someone who works with my therapist: they'll provide the rest of my counseling for free as long as I return the paperwork they're sending me to my therapist when I return to my sessions next week. I qualify for free sessions. See?! God is good and He provides!
Okay, food... right... gotta eat. :D
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D
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