Wednesday, January 30, 2013

What I Learned Wednesday #8

To be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to write anything because I've been slacking on the learning this week. In fact, I've had a terrible week. I failed to go to Mass on Sunday. I unintentionally missed three consecutive day (Sunday through Tuesday) of praying the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the morning. I've just had a slow and weird week. However, I have been taking off some time from social networks (Twitter, FB, etc) to think through some changes I need (and want) to make. So, here it goes.

1) The 200th anniversary of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice was this past Monday. I didn't get to re-read the novel for the anniversary as I was re-reading Northanger Abbey (another one of my favorites by Jane). If you haven't already guessed from my insane amount of #Janeite tweets, from watching my Goodreads feed, or from the font in this blog's header (hint: it's her handwriting font), I am a massive Jane Austen fan. The first Tiber River book review I wrote was even on the Pride and Prejudice Study Guide. One of my best friends, Kathryn, sent me this Jane Austen Devotional during my senior year of college but I never got to it with my Thesis and everything else. In fact, I'm going to start it tonight and hope to have a review next Wednesday at the latest. If I get done earlier, I'll write a stand alone book review. Anyway, even though I know Jane Austen was Anglican and the book will undoubtedly reflect that, I have a feeling I'll still learn something. Some of my more spiritually fruitful periods as a Catholic have actually been inspired by my amazingly faithful Christian (read: non-Catholic) friends like Kathryn so I look forward to having it inspire me once again. :D

2) I got two things out of my ten minute conversation with my First Communion Godmother: 1) I feel like I got a sign that maybe I'm onto something with a possible change of career/Masters degree and 2) I really need to make some changes (like I mentioned at the beginning of this post; which I won't get into until #3). The career change is actually still somehow connected to words, only spoken instead of written. I had mentioned that it was hard to get steady freelance work (though I've had a couple of steady assignments lately) and how my anxiety's been insane lately... and how both actually go together. The more my mind is active and occupied, the less likely I am to have anxiety all day or to have a random panic attack. I over-think things. That's why I've been devoting so much time to reading lately; my mind is occupied and I can relax from stressful things such as my health or my mother's health or finances. After a dream I had a few weeks about a friend's son who has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), I felt very strongly about looking into it. When my Godmother (who has known me since I was born) suggested I looked into doing Speech Therapy for Children for my Master's degree, it all sort of clicked for me. I love children, I love language, and I would love to do something to help others. As of now, I don't think I am doing a very good job of making myself useful to others so this may be the thing I need to do. That and I have too much time on my hands and am itching to go back to school. Of course, I won't do anything until I pray about it. I'm still torn on everything. Luckily, I wasn't planning on applying to grad schools until this coming fall (for a Fall 2014 start) so I have time. :D How is this related to faith? 1) My Godmother (who is one of my heroes) brought it up and I am crediting the Holy Spirit for that and 2) it's going to force me to pray more and focus on doing God's will instead of worrying about my health for once. lol.

3) Some changes I want to make: not worrying about fitting into any Catholic mold on social networks. I need to say this before I explain: you guys are amazing. My on- and off-line friends (Catholic or not) are fantastic. You guys inspire me so much. However, I feel like I don't fit in with y'all about 98% of the time. #CathSorority, I love you gals. You always pray for me when I ask you guys, you gals are there for venting that guys won't understand, and y'all make me laugh... but I don't feel like I'm really a part of the group. There's cliques (and not bad ones either; amazing women who have their own little groups) and I don't fit into them. Likewise, on twitter, y'all are amazing but I don't fit in. I saw that clearly after the whole cursing debate on Patrick's Right Here, Right Now show. This is who I am: I don't drink. I don't curse (nor do I honestly like it). I'm not married. I don't have children. I don't even have a boyfriend. I love football (soccer). I love daily Mass. I'm a big time goofball and a bit of a fuddy duddy at times. My sense of humour is weird (but I like it) and some of it is lost through social networks... which leads to a lot of misunderstandings. I take some things very seriously that you some of guys say "I don't see what the big deal is" about... and vice versa. I feel like the Lone Ranger on social media sites. It can be a little depressing at times but I've decided not to let it get to me. I have amazing friends who love and accept me as I am. I don't have the "ew, she's too 'traditional'" or "ew, she's too liberal" feeling with them that I get with some people online and that's good enough for me. Again, I love y'all but I don't feel like I fit in. Story of my life. lol.

Anyway, just wanted to get all of that out. It's hardly a What I Learned Wednesday as little of it had to do with something I learned about the Faith but it's all still somewhat connected to my own faith as a Catholic so, you know, I'm making it count. lol. Hopefully I'll have something better next week. ;)

I really should go read... or do something to make these stress knots in my back and shoulders feel less painful. :)

Oh! And P.S. Y U NO send me prayer requests? Please, y'all. Give me things to offer my anxiety up for. I am literally begging you to send me prayer requests. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

7 comments:

gabblemac said...

Emmy, I love reading your blog and your posts on social media, it's a blessing to know so someone so human and in love with the faith. I have trouble because I know that I too don't fit into the mold(s), I'm happy that you mentioned that. I really believe it's because you don't fit into those molds that I enjoy talking to you and reading what you have to say. Your ability to keep positive and show that you care about the intentions of others during your own suffering is further proof of what an amazing person you are. I mean it <3 Don't ever feel like you have to change. Gabrielle xx
P.S My baby sister who has autism has been accepted into her special school, thanks for the prayers. If you could pray that it goes well for her and helps her. Thanks beautiful x

gabblemac said...

Emmy, I love reading your blog and your posts on social media, it's a blessing to know so someone so human and in love with the faith. I have trouble because I know that I too don't fit into the mold(s), I'm happy that you mentioned that. I really believe it's because you don't fit into those molds that I enjoy talking to you and reading what you have to say. Your ability to keep positive and show that you care about the intentions of others during your own suffering is further proof of what an amazing person you are. I mean it <3 Don't ever feel like you have to change. Gabrielle xx
P.S My baby sister, who has autism, has been accepted into her special school, thanks for the prayers. If you could continue to pray that it goes well for her and helps her. Thanks beautiful x

F. Guerra said...

Emmy, animo mujer! Tienes muchísimo talento. Me encanta seguirte y leer tus tweets. Te tendré en mis oraciones. Dios te bendiga hoy y siempre.

@PilloGuerra

Jenna@CallHerHappy said...

You know, sometimes being yourself, and just happening to be Catholic too, is the best way to evangelize. Keep being yourself :)

Barb, ofs said...

I get the whole 'not fitting in' thing as I am always that square peg trying to jam into the round hole. I mean seriously, am I the only one who doesn't drink? I've got at least 20 years on you and am still struggling with the thought that I must "be just like" the people with whom I want to fit in. I will keep you in prayers, especially regarding anxiety as I am often in that spot myself.
I love how you came to a new conclusion regarding your career plans and wish you all the best.

knowledgehungry said...

I think sometimes we all feel like we don't fit in. I hope that this doesn't mean you want to leave CathSorority. I don't think I fit in either, but here's the thing: we all bring our special gifts. No two are the same. God made us all different. Feeling like we fit in or not is part of the struggle of being human. I think it's part of that thing that St. Augustine said (paraphrased because I don't remember the exact words) "Our hearts are restless until they rest in God."

Also, I have a couple of prayer requests for you. Please pray that my husband can find a full-time job, and please pray that God will bless us with children.

God bless you!

John Janaro said...

When my wife and I were in marriage prep (ha, long time ago), the priest told us: "Every day, you have to forgive each other for *being different.*" What did he mean? I didn't really know then, and nearly 17 years later I still can't "explain" but it is totally true. Its true for every relationship. Forgiveness is the key to life. It helps us to journey together with all our differences. God bless you.