A Welcomed Distraction

Yesterday I went on an outing/field trip with a group of like-minded young Catholics. (side note: when I say "young" I mean 18-36 year-olds.) It was the first time I've ever been able to make it to such an outing since my plans to be involved with youth ministry at my current parish never came to fruition no matter what I did or how hard I tried. I was very excited about this meet-up because I knew that I could geek out on Catholic things and I wouldn't have anyone give me a funny look over it.

Before I go on about why this outing was just what I needed, I want to share what happened the day before. On Friday I had received some unpleasant health news. My red blood count had lowered. My white blood count had completely tanked, most likely due to the stress I've been under as well as the low folate level. Speaking of that, my folate level has gotten worse. My calcium and iron levels are the same, though on the low side. I've gained back 2 of the 6 pounds I'd lost due to the stress from school and health issues. My kidneys are in good shape now and my platelets have gone up as well so not all was bad. Still, I was upset at how low the other levels were. I talked to some friends that night and got my thoughts sorted out before I was able to feel okay about my situation. I know that my mother's prayers also helped; she told me she prayed for me after she saw how sad I'd gotten over my blood work results. I briefly considered backing out on the outing for Saturday but I'm glad I didn't because it helped me forget about my problems for a couple of hours.

I admit that I was nervous as I drove to our meeting place (the San Fernando Mission) because I knew no one in the group. I hadn't known that this group even existed until earlier this month because I'm not an active member of this particular parish. After I heard about it and the events they planned, I was interested and decided to become a member. My heart raced and it actually got up to about 124 (according to my FitBit) at one point -- most likely from the nerves -- while I was with the group. Thankfully everyone was great and after some initial awkwardness, I was able to relax and talk to them as I would with friends. As the time passed by and I got more comfortable with them, my heart rate went down a bit and I was able to enjoy the outing.

We walked around the Mission as a group of 6 -- which later became a group of 9 -- with the group often splitting into smaller groups. The weather was perfect and the group members were so lovely and welcoming, making it a thoroughly enjoyable day. We visited the Bob Hope Garden (where Bob Hope and his wife, Dolores, are buried). A couple of us loved seeing the old (think 1500s-1700s) books. I was actually excited to have other people excited to see these books besides myself. lol. We saw two quinceañeras (sweet 15) arrive at the main chapel and I was glad to share my knowledge of them since I was the only Hispanic in the group (until the priest that accompanied the group arrived).

After we walked around, exploring the Mission, the priest who was meeting up with us arrived. We were supposed to have the Latin Mass celebrated at a smaller chapel on the grounds (one I've never been to) but that ended up being quashed (long story) so instead we all prayed the Rosary together. At that point, the group got a little bigger. Those who didn't have Rosary beads with them were able to borrow them from others. All of us gals wore our chapel veils. Everyone knelt, though, admittedly, I didn't last too long before I had to sit because I've been known to feel faint if I kneel for a long period of time when I'm not 100% healthy and I didn't want to ruin anyone's time at the Mission. It was a beautiful and peaceful experience. Before the priest left and the group broke up for the day, we prayed the Angelus which was a first for me; I've never prayed the Angelus before.

I must've looked happy after the outing because my mom had a huge grin and agreed to go to the Latin Mass at the parish where the young adult group is based. Since Mom and I like our Masses solemn, it makes sense for us to go to the Latin Mass. Not only that, I was thinking that maybe this has been in God's plans for us for a while now.

We've had a couple of incidents at our current parish -- with both parishioners and a priest -- that have made us feel either unwelcome, unnerved, or like it's no longer the right fit for us. Over the past year (almost to the day), things have been unraveling and both Mom and I have agreed that it's time for us to move on to a different parish. Our current parish has been our "home" for nearly 4 and a half years. We have wonderful memories but I feel like God may be pointing us elsewhere. We're going to try the new parish and see if it's the right fit for us. We shall see. :)

Anyway, this is my contribution for the week. I've been wanting to write more lately (and I have something to share that has been discussed on the Facebook Page for this blog) but time management has not been my strong suit this past week. I only have time to write this today -- Sunday -- because I take my "day of rest" seriously. Otherwise, I would be studying and/or doing homework right now. So much homework. Hopefully, things will slow down after this week's next round of exams and I can begin to write more often. Fingers crossed.

To those who've continued to pray for me, thank you! I've felt more at peace lately and I know it's been your prayers that have helped. My health may not be at 100% (and has gotten slightly worse since last month) but I know that between your prayers, my own efforts, and God's will, something good will come out of all of this. :D

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Life as a Highly Sensitive Catholic

When I was a little girl, my teachers would tell my parents that I was highly sensitive; I would cry easier than other kids. It was looked down upon as a flaw. They thought it was low self-esteem. They thought I was too coddled by my parents. This continued as I got older. Doctors would say I was just a really anxious person who didn't know how to handle too much stress at a time. Then I found out something revolutionary thanks to Anne of Mrs. Modern Darcy: I'm actually considered a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

For all of you who don't want to read through all the articles: being a HSP means that I am more sensitive to both emotional and physical stimulation. Loud noises, extreme temperatures, even the effects of medications -- I feel them a lot more intensely than most other people. It wasn't something I picked up growing up; I was just born with this trait.

I'm empathetic to the point of tears when I see someone suffering even in the littlest way, which is why I had to leave social media (for the night) a couple of days ago when all the shooting chaos began. I can't sit through any violent scenes or even listen to intense fighting. I faint easily in hot weather (heat sensitivity) if I'm not cool enough. Medication side effects are stronger than I'd like. (side note: last ER visit when I felt like I was going to faint? Antibiotics were so strong that it caused that feeling and it increased my anxiety about 3-fold for 72 hours after my last dose. Anxiety has been gone after I hit the 72 hour mark though my stomach still feels like I have a brick in it.)

After reading about the 16 Habits of HSP, as well as the 12 Things a HSP Needs, I didn't feel quite so alone or odd. However, it didn't hit some just how much I struggled with this label until I read the article on how a young woman learned to love herself as a HSP. This article hit home because, despite being aware that HSP was a real thing (my childhood doctor even confirmed it a couple of years ago; I do have a very sensitive body that can't handle certain medications nor caffeine), I still struggled with accepting and even loving this part of myself.

I've always felt like it was more of a flaw than an asset, one that I couldn't "fix" and that was looked down upon by most other people (especially doctors). After the past week in which I spent 6 out of 7 days in the hospital, it became even worse; I couldn't pray or feel like I could do much. I've recently began on my own journey in trying to learn to love this side of myself but I know I still have a long, long way to go.

Now, let's talk about being a HSP who is also Catholic. I love, love, love the smell of incense... but when it's too strong (or too close to where I'm sitting), I get lightheaded, nauseous, and a headache will pop up. I don't like clapping at Mass. I don't like Spanish Masses because of the music (usually involving a guitar and drums or Mariachi). I like my Masses solemn. I don't mind babies crying or babbling during Mass because I love babies so that doesn't bother me. Altar wine can be too strong for me at times.

I think being a HSP is why I quickly fell in love with wearing mantillas/chapel veils; it helps me focus solely on the Mass. Because the veil literally blocks my surrounding views and gives me a bit of "tunnel vision" in which my eyes will be focused on the altar or on the missalette, it helps me not get too distracted by what other parishioners are doing during Mass.

Lent? I can't make it through reenactments of the Stations of the Cross. I actually almost fainted the first time I watched The Passion of the Christ in one of my Religious Studies courses as an undergrad. I had to look away, something I knew my other classmates took notice of (there were less than 10 of us in that class; only 3 Religious Studies majors in my class).

The Rosary? I couldn't make it through the Sorrowful Mysteries without being a blubbering mess the first couple of years after my reversion. Though I still occasionally cry, it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. I also don't like noise while I pray because I can get easily distracted and then overwhelmed. It's not fun. lol.

I felt like sharing this because I don't think it's talked about enough. Being a highly sensitive person isn't bad (and I'm going to keep repeating that to myself); it just means that we can get overstimulated more easily than other people. If 15-20% of the population is considered a HSP, then I know I'm not alone. :) If you're wondering if you're a highly sensitive person, you can take a self-test here.

Alright, I should go do something productive with my day. :)

I hope y'all are having a good weekend thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #34: Millennial "Trad Fad"

I know, I know. It's been a couple of week since I've written one of these WILW posts but most of my Wednesdays have been occupied with studying for exams so I haven't had the chance to write. Since this is my first free Wednesday in weeks (how did that happen?!), I thought I'd spent it writing about something that has irked me lately. I usually break these things up into three parts but I'm only focusing on this one topic this week.

Have you heard of the Millennial "Trad Fad"? You know, the trend in which Millennials immerse themselves in the world of Latin Masses, mantillas/chapel veils, and other pre-Vatican II things. Golly, we Millennials are such hipsters. (side note: don't let the article title fool you; it doesn't actually say that we're hipsters.) I'm kind of hoping that Pope Francis' comments were misunderstood and that he doesn't really think that this is a fad... but I've heard that he's not a big of Latin Masses so I don't know.

I've never shied away from the fact that I really, really miss Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI for several reasons, including the fact that (thanks to him) we've had Summorum Pontificum for 7 years now. Are the alleged quotes from Pope Francis legit? I don't know... but I would be disappointed if they were. For someone who is so welcoming of others and their differences, the quotes made me cringe a little.

I can't speak for others on why they prefer "traditional" Catholicism but I can tell you that many of my fellow Millennials who do have a preference to Latin Masses, chapel veils, incense (aka "smells and bells"), Gregorian chant, etc. don't do it for the fad/trend of it. I've never once heard "ooh, not everyone is into this? I need to do this." A good portion of us were poorly catechized and/or we've reverted/converted to the faith and we've come to these things on our own. Nobody did the thinking for us; we learned to appreciate them on our own. Free will, y'all. I personally looked into some - not all - of the changes that came from the Second Vatican Council while I was at that awful CINO college (because they didn't teach these things; they taught that anything pre-Vatican II was outdated and bordered on evil) so I was able to make my own informed decisions based on my preferences.

When I reverted 8 years ago, no one told me there were different types of Masses... but I still knew that I liked my Masses solemn. When I learned about Latin Masses, I knew I'd found the right fit for me. The clappy-clappy/hand-holding thing has never been for me. Even as a child, I felt obligated to hold people's hands when I didn't want to. I just wanted to focus on what the priest was doing/saying. Part of this was because of my introverted temperament and partly because it just didn't feel right for me. I'm not going to knock it if it works for you but I personally just don't like it. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but I'd appreciate my Masses without a mariachi band or a jazz ensemble. Yes, I endured one *cringe* "jazz Mass" before... and, though I love jazz, it needs to stay far, far away from my Masses. That's just my preference. I like to feel like I'm there to have my time with God, not to feel about all the cringing or be distracted by other things. That's why I love the first Sunday Mass at my parish; my spiritual director and the lovely nuns praying in Latin (with no outside distractions) is such a wonderful way to start my day.

As for chapel veils, I know some of y'all saw the passionate exchange I had with a good friend a couple of weeks ago on Twitter. I won't get into it because there's no reason to but it did inspire me to write about this topic. I veil because I want to. No one is making me do it; no one told me it would make holier... because it doesn't mean squat whether you veil or not if you're not following God's commandments. I made sure I learned the significance of veiling, the custom origin, and it was enough to make me want to do it. Yes, I know -- nerd alert for all the research I've done! Again, no brainwashing; it was a conclusion I arrived to on my own and that I feel most comfortable doing.

I don't veil only when I attend Masses. I also do it when I pray in front of the tabernacle or when alone in a church. I don't always "veil" either. I do keep my head covered but hats and scarves replace veils from time to time. The point is that I cover my head as a symbol of my love and respect for God. It also helps that I always feel like I'm actually there for God; that all sense of pride, arrogance, vanity, all the distractions, etc. get pushed aside. The moment that veil is placed on my head, it literally blocks all earthly distractions from my peripheral view and all I can focus on is on the Mass and/or the tabernacle. Babies -- my biggest Mass distraction -- disappear from view. I am reminded of why I attend Mass and why I believe what I believe.

I do understand that there are people who might be into these things for the wrong reasons. I've heard of "mantilla selfie queens." I haven't actually seen it myself but I've heard that they exist. I've heard of the "holier than thou" crowd. However, they don't represent everyone. Just like a few misguided clergy members (I'm being charitable with my words here) don't represent the entire church, a few "Catholic hipsters" don't represent the rest of us. Give us some credit.

I don't think I really learned anything new this past week other than apparently Millennials who appreciate pre-Vatican II customs are seen as hipsters. At the very least, now y'all sort of know why I do it. Yes, it was a sort of "in a nutshell" explanation but I'll revisit this topic at some point when I don't have too much occupying my mind (aka yes, I have a week off from exams but I'm still trying to keep the info fresh in my mind). :)

That's it for now. I hope y'all are having a great week thus far! If anyone has any prayer intentions, send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

7 Quick Takes Vol. 12: Blog Anniversary Edition

-- 1 --

As many of you know, Christmas Day is also this blog's anniversary. However, I don't think my blogging anniversary is bigger than the reason for the season (Happy Birthday, Jesus!) so I didn't mention it on the post I wrote that day. Anyway, this year marked the 6th anniversary of this blog (it was created before midnight, on the 25th). Crazy. Even crazier to think about how much I've grown in the past 6 years... and how I've blogged for the majority of my 20s. I wonder how many more years I can keep it up...

-- 2 --

Some of you who read Monday's blog post have been wondering if I went through with wearing a mantilla to Christmas Mass (I have been asked since the day of) and the answer is: YES! It felt so good to not only attend Mass (haven't gone the past years due to illness or transportation issues) but to also wear the mantilla. I felt a bit self-conscious at first (due to previous experience) but, thankfully, the parishioners where I attend Mass are so lovely that I felt at peace. In fact, I saw two other veiling ladies (a mother and her young daughter) and another mother said to her little girls "oh, look! she's veiling!" in a manner that made me feel really nice. Also, who knew mantillas were such guy magnets? I'm talking to you, dude who kept looking at me throughout Mass a few pews in front of me. 'Sup? lol.

-- 3 --

This Christmas marked the 5th one we celebrated without my father (he died in mid 2009). Though it was hard, it was the first time that we weren't sad little pandas. Of course we still feel his death but we can now look back (and talk about him) in a way that celebrates his life instead of mourning his passing. I'm calling it a Christmas Day miracle.

-- 4 --

Is it weird that I was kind of bummed that I couldn't do a What I Learned Wednesday post this week? Yep. I won't be able to next Wednesday either as it's New Year's Day and I try to save those days for other things. I have a lot of awesome things to share but I must wait a couple of days. You'll see the post eventually... and you'll see why I felt like a kid on Christmas when I learned something about the faith (on my own!) that I had confirmed as true. ;)

-- 5 --

I finally got through the novena of this blog's patron saint for 2013, Mary, Undoer of Knots. I finished it (and two others) on Christmas Eve. It was a hard one to get through. I basically had something go wrong on almost every single day that I did the novena. It was like a mini-version of the 54 Day Rosary Novena in which everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. I'm proud of myself for sticking it out though I was tempted to stop a couple of times. Seriously, I almost stopped on the last day as I felt faint, I was sweating cold, and I felt like my anxiety was out of control while I prayed it in front of the tabernacle. Still, I stuck it out and I would do it again... and most likely will.

-- 6 --

Friendly reminder that it's STILL CHRISTMAS. Yes, I had to bold and capitalize it. I know that (in Los Angeles) KOST 103.5 stopped playing music yesterday but it's still Christmas time for us Catholics. Christmas doesn't end (at least not liturgically) until the Octave of the Epiphany (the Baptism of the Lord) but it will continue being Christmastide until Candlemas. Who's up for celebrating until February 2nd? lol.

-- 7 --

And here's one of my favorite works of art of baby Jesus, found of tumblr. I wish I could frame this. If anyone knows who the original artist is, let me know!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Anyway, I'm starting my annual clean-a-thon super late this year (today!) and I have less than 5 days to finish so... I need to go get started like right now. ;)

I hope y'all had a lovely Christmas Day. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Mantilla Monday

No, this lovely lady is not me. This is Cristina of Filling My Prayer Closet, who was kind enough to let me use one of her pictures for this post. Thank you! :D

I don't know if Mantilla Monday is an actual thing but it totally should!

Those who have been readers of this blog since the beginning know that I am a huge proponent of wearing mantillas (or chapel veils, if you want to use the English word for it). In fact, I've written a couple of posts on the subject throughout the years. Well, I've at least mentioned wearing them over the years. Some of you new readers may not be familiar with those posts so... Mantilla Monday is born. This is probably a one-shot post but I am still keeping the title because I like alliteration. ;)

Some of my most treasured childhood memories are of my paternal grandmother and my paternal Aunt Lola wearing their mantillas and taking me to church with them when we visited them in Mexico. It didn't happen often but the memories of the beautiful church where my father was baptized (as well as our trip to Plateros where the Santo Niño de Atocha is venerated) are forever burned in my mind. It's kind of funny to think about how easily these memories have stuck, especially since neither of my parents were very religious while I was growing up; I didn't get much Catholicism in my life in my formative years.

Fast forward several years (and only two or three after my reversion), I discovered the beauty of mantillas. I've unfortunately not worn them as regularly as I would have liked because of some comments and the looks I received. I was often the youngest (by decades) who wore one to Mass and was looked at as if I were an alien. I received some dirty looks at my alma mater when I wore one to the only Red Mass I attended as an undergrad. I didn't like the attention so I stopped wearing them around 2011. I've always been somewhat on the shy side so the attention I was getting used to make me super uncomfortable. (side note: any attention focused on me still gives me nightmares and I honestly hate it but at least I don't have panic attacks over it like I used to.) I do cover my head with berets (my go-to choice for hats) but it's not the same. Because I've missed it dearly, I've decided that starting Christmas Day I am going to go back to veiling. And I know I won't be the only one; I've actually seen a number of young women (especially Millennials) beginning to veil and it makes my "traddie" heart happy.

Actually, scratch that, I'll be veiling not only at Mass but also when I go do my daily silent prayers in front of the tabernacle. I just think it's a beautiful way to show God how much I love Him. Fish Eaters (I can feel some of you cringing, lol) has a lovely explanation as why veiling is awesome here; I'm not even going to attempt to do it because I tend to write based on my personal thoughts and feelings rather than cite legit sources. lol.

I will say that "women are insignificant in the eyes of the Church and thus must not be seen or heard from", or any of those bogus claims "radical feminists" spew out when they're trashing the tradition of wearing mantillas are so off. I feel as I, in my own little way, showing God my love and respect for Him by wearing a mantilla. Also, on a more practical level, it keeps my eyes from wandering and helps me focus on what's important. Remember how I've been easily distracted lately? I have a feeling this will help!

If you're wondering if I will be posting pictures, the answer is: sorry, but no. In recent months I learned that a picture of me in the mantilla my father gifted me right before he passed had been circulating through many "traditional" Catholic sources (such as Regina Magazine - they were kind enough to take it down when I asked - and another uber popular Catholic blog) without my permission. Since the threats I received online were pretty scary (and had to take my photos down as per instructions), I was not happy about this. Sorry, y'all. You'll just have to trust me when I tell y'all I've worn my mantilla to Mass. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with y'all. :D

I know this week will be hectic for most of us so, in case I don't "see" some of you online: I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year filled with love, laughter, and all that good stuff. If you're sticking around throughout the holidays, I have a bunch of new posts planned all this week. Oh yes, I do. lol. ;)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go try to catch up with my Narnia reading before the month ends. ;)

OH! And please don't forget to vote in the patron saint poll on the right hand side! Only a couple more days left before it ends. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday (On a Thursday) #13

Been really busy and sick (which explains the lack of posts) but I finally have a chance to write so... here's my list of things learned on Wednesday...

This week I'm tackling myths that many people (especially Hispanics and Filipinos from what I've seen) have regarding Holy Week and especially Good Friday. This post was inspired by my mother's insistence on doing everything today because it's "bad luck" to do things tomorrow. This is also a taste of a bigger series on Catholicism and myths surrounding it that I will be starting after Lent.

1) You can't bathe, wash clothing, or (really) do anything on Good Friday: superstition. As I said, my mom brought this up last night. She said she was doing the laundry today because we're not supposed to wash clothing tomorrow. I Googled it (just to make sure that I wasn't missing some legit custom) but it seems to be as bogus as the Twitter question I tweeted earlier this week (whether it was true that you couldn't cut your hair during Holy Week). I asked about other Good Friday superstitions and she mentioned that we shouldn't bathe tomorrow because it was like bathing in Christ's blood. I have never heard of that and some Google searching came up as more superstitious bunk. I don't think I need to remind y'all that we shouldn't be superstitious (and, in fact, it's one of the items on my iConfess app before I head into the confessional).
which is being written on Holy Thursday.

Growing up with lukewarm Catholic parents (one of whom was very superstitious; seriously, getting dad to break his superstitions at the end of his life took a lot of prayer), I had to break a lot of my superstitious beliefs when I returned to the Church and learnt this. If you're saying that superstitions are harmless, I will remind you (and you should really check out this New Advent article for a more thorough explanation) that to believe in superstition is believing that YOU can control the outcome of something by doing something you believe will bring out your desired outcome instead of trusting God and doing His will. Dangerous territory, y'all. I know it's hard when our (in my case, Hispanic) cultures are saturated with these beliefs but it's worth keep your souls safe to break them.

2) Things that make sense to not do on Good Friday: listen to music, have any type of big celebration, and, of course, eating meat. These are more common sense and out of respect for the day. We're in mourning. I will admit that I did listen to music during our mourning period right after my father died but music is how I express myself when I can't use words... and it's also comforting for me. I didn't do it the day he died or the day after but the following week I did. I didn't even think about how I wasn't supposed to because, like I said, it made me feel less depressed but I definitely won't be doing from tonight until Sunday. Music is/was my first love (St. Cecilia would be proud; there's a reason why I took her name as a middle name) but this is the exception. Jesus suffered and died for our sins and to not honor his sacrifice by giving up these little things is just one little way to pay our respects for what he did for us. Obviously, not eating meat (which, I can now thankfully abstain from since my stomach has been on the mend) is another but I think we all know that tomorrow is a day of fasting and abstinence. I can't fast (genetic hypoglycemic thing I inherited from my mom) but I am abstaining from meat, sweets, and other things. I'll also be wearing my black mantilla (chapel veil) when I attend the Via Crucis (Stations of the Cross) tomorrow.

3) Friendly reminder that the Divine Mercy novena starts tomorrow. As I did 2 years ago, I will post the novena prayer for the day on a daily basis during the 9 days for those who wish to pray along. Either check out this blog directly, check out my Twitter feed (or the FB page feed), or subscribe to get emails of new blog posts so you don't miss a single day. I'm going to schedule them so they post around noon PST (3 p.m. EST) every day. If you're in the middle of another novena (like I am; St. Thomas Aquinas for grad school), you can still begin the Divine Mercy novena, no problem. :D

And that is it for now. So that there isn't any post overload, if I end up writing during the 9 days the novena post will be posted early and whatever I write in addition will be posted late at night. :D

I hope you all have a prayerful and fruitful (you would be surprised how much a person can grow spiritually during these next couple of days) Paschal Triduum.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

Okay, so this picture has nothing to do with what's going on with me because I don't have writer's block... I simply haven't had the time to do much writing outside what is needed for school and for Envoy Magazine. Still, I love it so I posted it. :-P

I have back posts I started but didn't finish because of time issues and a major change which has thrown my time management/schedule for a loop. Long story short: less hours sleeping, more busy hours during the day, and I dropped my math course for both time issues as well as, well, because my professor was insensitive and I was advised my faculty here to drop it after an incident between him and I. Anyway, since I don't have much time at the moment (I have Lit in about 40 minutes for so) I just thought I'd answer some questions I've been getting through email, on here (via comments) and twitter.

First: Did I do it? Did I end up wearing a mantilla two weeks ago? The answer is: YES! If you're a Facebook buddy you saw the photographic evidence (which a friend/classmate took inside the chapel). I did indeed wear a mantilla. There were dirty looks and a lot of pointing and whispering (and not discreetly) as I had predicted. I won't go into how... *shudders*... the Mass was and how the Eucharist (which wasn't really one) was basically shoved into my hands despite my efforts not to but I will say that I did wear it and I'm happy I did. I already know that some of my classmates think I have a "holier than thou" attitude because I go pray in the chapel whenever I get the chance and because of other things so I wasn't too concerned with what they thought about my wearing my chapel veil. It's kind of funny because if they knew just how hard I am on myself, they'd know it's the complete opposite. I did get a compliment, from the school's president no less, about how "pretty" it was which I did not expect. Overall, I was glad to do it despite what others said/thought.

Second: Do I have another article for Envoy Magazine coming up? The answer is: Yes! I've been trying to get it Patrick (and will attempt it again after my Lit class) for a couple of weeks now but my email is acting dumb (or it's going straight to his Spam folder because of that one time my account was hacked). Either way, it's written and it will hopefully be in the next issue. Can't say what it's about (yet) but I have a feeling y'all will relate to it... or at least that's what I'm hoping for.

Third: Why the lack of updates? Well, you guys probably know the answer to this by now. I'm not lazy and I don't have writer's block... I just have to rearrange some things so I can make the most out of my free time (like bringing a laptop to school so I can both work on school essays as well as update this blog). Since I have two very important exams this week (both placement exams - one for my Foreign Language requirement, the other for math), I want to dedicate as much time as I can to studying. I'm praying that I can test out of Intermediate Algebra (which is the last math course I took; they still make you take the test here) so I can knock math out of my life (forever) next semester. Fingers crossed.

Fourth: How's school going? It has its ups and downs. I "played" a game with my Catholic friends on Facebook called "Spot the Heresies." Basically, I posted a note with direct quotes from my professors and asked my friends to spot the heretical teachings. Now they see my pain. lol. The heresies are becoming a bit infrequent in all but one of my courses. I still dread coming to school (and still cry some nights at the thought of having to come the next day) but it's getting somewhat easier. I have a friend who's in the same boat as I am - both are regretting but learning from the decision of attending this school but we are both trying to make the most of our experience here. Today we talked about how we would've rather attending Thomas Aquinas College about an hour north of here but how "it is what it is" and now we must survive until graduation. Thank God (I'm literally thanking Him) that I am finding (or, I should say, that God's putting into my path) people with the same beliefs.

Okay, I have just a few minutes before class started and I still have to walk to the building and then up to the top floor so I am going to end this blog post here. I will try to update again on Thursday... at least the post on St. Therese and how suffering beads have changed my life quite dramatically. I wanted to post it on Friday but couldn't. :D

I hope y'all are having a great start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

To Mantilla or Not to Mantilla...?

Please excuse the blurriness; my mother took the picture (April 2009) and she simply cannot take one in focus... which is why I love her. lol. This is the mantilla my father brought me from Mexico a week or two before his diagnosis. I've made a vow to not wear this specific one again until my wedding day so I can have a piece of my father with me on that special day. The mantillas I now wear to Mass are a bit smaller but I still love 'em. :D

I have a little dilemma. See, tomorrow my school will be having the Mass of the Holy Spirit (also known as the Red Mass). I've never been to one before but since it's still a Mass, I want to wear my mantilla. There is one little problem: I've already started rubbing people the wrong way with my 'traditional' ways. If I had a quarter for every time I got a dirty look, a cold shoulder (I've had classmates literally turn their backs to me as I was speaking to them), etc. I'd be a rich lady. lol. I also got some interesting looks when I went into the chapel to pray the Rosary last Thursday... but I don't care. As long as I'm good with God, that's all that matters. Anyway, right now I'm trying to decide whether or not to wear one. I will wear red, as per request, but I'm still undecided about the mantilla. On one hand, I would feel more at peace with myself because I LOVE wearing a chapel veil to Mass. Personally, I feel completely disrespectful if I'm not wearing one. On the other hand, I hate when attention's on me, and especially with it's negative attention (who doesn't), and the mantilla might do that. As far as I know, it's never been done before. I often joke that I'm already on the "hit list" for some people at school because of my conservativeness but I think there's quite a bit of truth behind the joke. I'm an easy target for those who don't understand our beautiful religion... or who choose to completely trash it because they don't agree with me. The stories I could tell...

Anyhoo, I have another 15 hours to decide (Mass starts before noon) so if y'all want to give your two cents, please do so. At the moment I'm leaning towards actually wearing it. Holly's already said that I should wear it and take a picture. What do y'all think?

I've got an early morning tomorrow despite both of my morning classes being cancelled. There no rest for the wicked (though I hope I'm not that bad; I'm trying to live a more saintly life). I hope y'all had a great start of week!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Modesty at Mass and in Everyday Life.

Yes, that's the chapel veil (or mantilla) that my father brought from Mexico. I will have to look for the one my beloved, late grandmother sent me when I was still in my teens so I can post a picture of it as well. I LOVE it. I'm going to have to get used to wearing them... which is proving somewhat difficult with my usually straight hair. Maybe I'll have to stop blow drying it so it stays naturally wavy, then maybe it won't keep sliding off. lol. Mom suggested I use bobby pins, like she did when she was younger and wore them to Mass (granddad was very Catholic), but I still haven't figured out how to do it. Suggestions are welcomed! :D Either way, I AM going to wear them... even if no one else around my age does. (The only women at my parish, and during the morning English Mass, that I've seen wear them are over 40.)

During Mass last Sunday I had two thoughts come to mind. First: Yes! Other women dress appropriately to Mass and/or wear mantillas. Second: Wow, so many women comes dressed like they were going out to a club... or hanging out at the mall with their friends. As my friend Monique from Catholic Chicks (who beat me with a post similar to this, lol) pointed out, we can't judge someone by what they wear to Mass because we don't know if the reason they're not more dressed up is because they can't afford to be. Trust me, I've told my father many times that it doesn't matter what he looks like as long as he attends Mass (though he does this because doesn't want to get dressed up and/or is finding excuses to not attend Mass). I completely understand that some people just can't for one reason or another, but that they wish they could. For those who can afford to look nice, and do dress up outside of Mass, I have to wonder why they don't make the effort to look nice when being in the house of God.

I've found some really surprising, and sad, excuses young women make for not dressing up for Mass. This is from my own research and questioning, I'm not saying these are the reasons for everyone. There are two reasons that make me cringe the most. First: "Why should I bother dressing up if there is no one to impress; there are no cute boys that attend Mass." Uh, seriously? I didn't know Mass was for trying to land yourself a boyfriend/husband. Oh wait... it's NOT! This brings me to the second reason: "It's just Mass. I showed up, isn't that enough? What's the big deal anyway?" *palmface* Oy.

Maybe the way I feel about this whole thing is because I was raised to always try to look nice when going to church, showing my respect for God. My dad (yes, you read that right) made sure I was always in a little dress, or at the very least a skirt, and dress shoes. If you've ever seen how Ali Landry dresses her daughter Estela, that's just how my parents had me dressed up until my tomboy side took over when dress pants became my thing. (I'm happy to report that I have since returned to wearing skirts to Mass, when it's not freezing cold.) Wearing these tube tops that young women have to constantly be pulling up so that they don't flash other parishioners... I mean, come on! Are you serious? If you can wear it to a club to draw attention to yourself, than it's more than likely not appropriate for Mass. That goes for mini-skirts, see-through blouses/shirts, extremely tight clothes, etc. Oh, and talking about things like bras during Mass, when you should be listening to the Homily, is also not appropriate. (Yes, last Sunday a young girl was talking about see-through shirts and bras during the Homily. She proceeded to also say that the Eucharist "tastes like nothing, like cardboard", among other things).

And while I'm on the topic of modest clothing and what modesty means, I'd like you to check out Modestia, A Maiden's Wreath, Maidens of Modesty (this one is not Catholic, but is Christian and run by one of my best friends). btw, A Maiden's Wreath had a book review on the fashion and modesty book "It's So You!" that I highly recommend.

For the record, and because I get asked this quite often, my definition of modesty varies from other people's. Some women say it's immodest to wear jeans and sleeveless shirt, and I don't. My motto is: If you can't wear something in front of a priest, or if you can't imagine yourself wearing in front of the Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ, then it shouldn't be worn. I don't think wearing jeans and sleeveless shirts (as long as they don't reveal too much skin) is inappropriate for every day life. As a self proclaimed girly tomboy, I fall somewhere between the Gap and Ann Taylor Loft. I love dressing up in dresses and skirts, and have a soft spot for vintage clothing from the 40s, but I'm also a big fan of jeans and tees when I'm just hanging out with my friends. I don't always wear heels (at 5'7" I'm good with flats) but I always try to look nice no matter what I wear. As for wearing spaghetti strap shirts, I do wear them but always paired with cardigan like this. I never wear anything too low cut, tight, or revealing. The last thing I want is to get attention from pervs. It's all about mixing and matching and doing it in a manner that's modest and cute. Definitely look at Modestia for more on that because Rebecca always finds some really good stuff and will always share with us girls.

Alright, I've rambled on as usual. lol. Sorry. All I can do is blame the writer in me. I have weeks worth of material that I want to write, and hope to eventually publish/post, but I can't say when just yet because school still has be busy as usual. That's what happens when you load yourself up with two Philosophy classes, a Speech argumentation course, and an English class. I do an exorbitant amount of reading per week. Anyway, before this gets any longer... I hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for reading, and for your emails. God Bless! :D

Ups and Downs; Taking Care of Dad, Round Three; Holy Week.

Boy, I've had two weeks of ups and downs. It's been mostly ups, though.Some of the downers have included not being able to give my pro-life/anti-abortion speech for my Ethics class. The professor said there wasn't time, which really ticked me off because a fellow female classmate gave a pro-choice/pro-abortion speech and I wasn't even given the opportunity to contradict what she said. I worked hard on that speech, too. Grr. One day...

Another downer was that, even though I was happy to have dad home, I wasn't happy over the fact that he was still in pain. He said he'd been in pain for days so he came home early to go to the doctor's. Yesterday the doctor told him he has liver problems... which explains his lack of appetite and pain in his lower back. Not only that, because he's had problems with doctors before, 3 different doctor's have refused to treat him. The oncologist he had reported him for missing appointments (two) and now if he (heaven forbid) gets cancer for a third time, we'll have a difficult time finding him another oncologist. That's just going to make me a stressed out loony because I already had a hard time the second time around.

Unfortunately, I had absolutely NO help from anyone except my mom when my dad was diagnosed with cancer the second time around. The first time hr had cancer my mom and eldest brother did all they could because I was still in high school. Even then, I burnt myself out to finish HS a year and a half early (13 classes in 3 months -- even went 51 straight hours without sleep to finish the last homework assignments), so that I could stay at home and help my dad when no one else was home. This second time around, I asked mom to take care of things financially while I took care of everything else. Looking for a bilingual oncologist, making sure dad got to his chemotherapy appointments, spending hours on the phone fighting Medicare and Medical twice when they threatened to stop his chemotherapy, staying at home to take care of him when he was really sick... and while I had a full load at school. I'm honestly surprised I didn't have some sort of breakdown. I think now you guys understand why my anxiety was horrible last year and the year before. I pray to God that dad doesn't have to suffer through something life threatening again. I don't care about the stress it causes me; I can do what needs to be done, it's not a problem. It's the least I could do for him, especially after all he's done for me my entire life. Anyway, this whole liver problems thing just reminded me of the last time they told him he had cancer. I ended up going up to the San Fernando Mission to see if I could find a prayer card of St. Erasmus, whom I'm told is the patron saint of liver illnesses, but sadly they didn't have any. Still, I'll keep looking and praying that it's something that can be taken care of as soon as possible.

It's weird. I went from being happy that dad was home, and was incredibly happy with the beautiful chapel veil he brought me from Mexico (pictures to come as soon as I get them uploaded), to being worried about him. I'm just going to keep an optimistic look on things and pray for the best.

Something fantastic that happened this week was that, in the midst of my choosing which university I'd transfer to, I received packages and letters from the Catholic college where I'm technically a student at... one of which included a $10,000 scholarship. Not only that, I was surprised that I'm going to receive A LOT in additional grants. When it's all added up, it'll cover over half of my tuition for the year... and it's renewable every year as long as I keep my GPA where it's at right now. It pays to be a nerd! lol. With this, and with me potentially staying at home to take care of my dad again, it's like a sign for me to stay here. The other school I was considering was in England, though I don't want to say which one it was because I don't want anyone giving me a hard time about not going there. I'm hoping to win a few more scholarships so I won't be too much in debt by the time I finish my degree. Ready or not, here I come... and I still won't budge on fighting to keep the school Catholic.

Oh, and did I mention that I totally kicked tush on my Philosophy of Ethics midterm exam? I got my blue book back on Wednesday with a huge red "A" at the top. :D I've passed all my midterm exams thus far. I won't know how I did on my other exams until after Spring Break. It can wait. :D I'm just happy all the cramming I did for my Ethics midterm, that wasn't on St. Thomas Aquinas, paid off. Whoo!

And to keep the happiness going before I end the post... who is looking forward to Holy Week? I certainly am! I'm happy to be able to go to confessions this Saturday (don't know why people complain about doing this), going to Palm Sunday early Sunday morning, and then celebrating Holy Week (including going to church on Holy Thursday) with my brand new chapel veil. That's right, I'm wearing it to the upcoming Masses and I don't care what anyone thinks. *snap* lol. :D I have MANY things planned during the week, which is why I might not post that often once again. It's all for a good cause though. :D

Okay, I've written too much... as usual. I'll try to write more often to make sure the posts don't get this long again. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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