Opposing Views: Ethical Clothing, Femininity, the Environment, and Catholicism

All the time away from social media and reading books (lots and lots of books; 26 so far this year -- as of this post -- according to my Goodreads' Reading Challenge tracker) has given me time to think. Really think. There were a lot of things that had been rattling around in my head for months (possibly a year) but it hasn't been until now that I've been able to sort through them. And you know what? I've come to the frustrating conclusion that I've let too much of "the world's" voice dictate what I believe and/or want to do. Furthermore, it's not just "the world" but also the Catholic world on social media that has had an influence on me... possibly a terrible one.

I love you all but, golly, it seems like one can't express ourselves and our ideas without someone jumping down our throats because of an opposing idea/belief. I see it most clearly when it comes to three certain areas: preferences in entertainment (which I wrote about recently), preferences in Mass, and how we view the world and our contribution to making it better. I won't touch on the first two but that last one is what this post is about. This is something I've been wanting to write for a long time, too.

A few months (a year?) ago, I became interested in ethical clothing and "slow fashion" after watching The True Cost on Netflix. (quick side note: Guys, don't tune me out yet. I promise this post isn't about only clothes in a "girly" fashion. Pun unintended.) The documentary was recommended by Claire of Finding Philothea and it's changed my worldview... and my shopping habits.

Now, I was never been big on fashion. I grew up a tomboy so I was all jeans and tees for a long time. As I've gotten older and I've gotten more in tune with my preferences (spoiler alert: I actually love wearing skirts and dresses way more than pants; I wore pants as a sign of rebellion in my youth -- long story), the more I've been wanting to slowly revamp my style. Of course, there are unlimited choices and the trends change a lot. Thankfully, I've always been pretty "old fashioned" in my fashion preferences (the "lost years" of pants only notwithstanding) so the trends don't affect me.

Around the time I started looking into purchasing more skirts and dresses to replace my jeans (which I cannot wait to get rid of), there were four factors that started to change my POV.

First, I re-read the Madame Chic books by Jennifer L. Scott, who is currently my favorite nonfiction author and whose Daily Connoisseur vlogs on YouTube are one of my favorite ways to have a little "me" time during an otherwise crazy day.

Second, I started attending the Latin Mass exclusively. This meant following the tradition of ladies wearing skirts and dresses and veiling for Mass. I was already veiling for years before I attended my first Latin Mass -- in fact, my father's last physical gift to me was a veil he got for me in Mexico a couple of months before his death -- but I didn't really start investing in skirts until I began attending our local FSSP parish. And that led to...

Third, I started looking into and really studying what the Church's views on femininity were as opposed to what everyone says. Yes, I wanted to draw my own conclusions, even if they were "wrong" or "antiquated" by other peoples' standards and views. I started by reading Dressing with Dignity by Colleen Hammond and went from there. I still have more things to get through but, wow, loving my research into this area so far.

Finally, fourth, I started following Claire and Emily (of Little Fossi Way) on Instagram because I could see a kindred spirit in them. They posted things that I could relate to; their tastes -- as well as Jennifer's -- are quite similar to mine. Again, I saw that Claire had posted something about The True Cost so I decided to watch it and, wow, mind blown!

I began researching ethical clothing because I felt like I could no longer purchase mass-produced clothing items sold everywhere. I started reading books that Claire would recommend and as well as check out clothing sites that she and Emily would suggest. I started seeing the differences between cheaply made clothing and those that are worth investing in. I also became interested in sewing my own clothes and I do plan on doing it... as soon as I can save up for a sewing machine (which is my second top priority, after saving up enough for my oblate trip this summer).

Buying ethical clothing is not cheap because you're essentially paying for clothing made by the hands (with the helping of sewing machines and needles) of workers who are not only ethically treated but also paid well. Also, I started looking for clothing companies that don't impact the environment in a way that mass manufacturers do. (I'll get to this point in a second.) While it's going to take a long time for me to build up my wardrobe -- I'm only replacing things as they get worn out due to budget constraints -- it's something I've become very interested in.

I took everything -- what I was learning, what the Church taught, and what others' opinions were -- and I got overwhelmed. Mostly, I would encounter the strangest opposing views.

I got applauded for embracing my own femininity (not easy after years of being a tomboy; I do have 5 older brothers, after all) though that came with controversy. Anything that was deemed "too girly" was attacked. I like pink and girly things?! I have no problem expressing my maternal side?! How dare I?! My clothing changes were also welcomed by the more "traditional" minded but, boy, the "don't be stupid! pants are fine!" folks sure had an issue with my own personal preference to transition to mostly skirts and dresses. (side note: sweats are a lifesaver at 4 a.m. on winter days when this lady, whose body begins to physically hurt and shut down in the cold, has to drive her mom to work.) I won't get further into this topic (for now) but you get the gist.

It was cool that I wanted to make my own clothes or even buy ethical fashion, but even the slightest hint of the word "ethical" or "environment" would send people in the Catholic world on long rants about how that's a "hippy" view that is incompatible with Church teachings. (spoiler alert: it's not.)

It was especially evident when I would say that I was starting to live a "greener" life, eschewing chemicals for the sake of my health (and I have noticed major improvements) and doing my little bit to keep this beautiful world God has given us from being polluted. I even had a friend say that he purposely turned on all the lights on Earth Hour and used styrofoam and other things that were frowned upon by environmentalists in order to "stick it to them." Yes, he's Catholic as well.

There are some in Catholic circles that have a "If Pope Francis champions it, I'll do the opposite" mentality. Since Pope Francis is big on the environment, other people will trash him and his efforts to keep our planet clean because they don't like his words and beliefs on other areas of the faith (e.g. his vagueness in words, his actions, etc). Look, I'm not a massive fan of what he says or does either, but he's still the pope so I do respect him as the vicar of Christ. I'm not going to rebel against everything he says only because he and I don't see eye-to-eye on many other things. On the environment front, I think we may have more in common than I do with other Catholics.

All of this boils down to: I don't understand why there's so much animosity when people express their own views and beliefs. 

I don't feel right about buying clothing from companies that exploit their workers and harm the environment. I also don't feel right about being wasteful or contributing to the destruction of this beautiful earth that God has given us to take care of, but that doesn't make me a "tree-hugging hippie" or a "liberal lemming."

I don't feel like jeans and most other forms of pants fit my own personal preferences any longer but that doesn't mean I'm going to look down on any woman who does.

I keep finding myself gravitating towards what has traditionally been seen as being characteristically feminine -- e.g. being a stay-at-home mom versus being a working mom; cultivating the "womanly arts" of sewing, baking, and being a homemaker -- but that doesn't mean that, like the pants issue, I will look down on others who preferences are different from mine.

I also don't think I should have to apologize for any of these things. And, in fact, I'm not.  If you want to accuse me of "drinking the Kool-Aid," of "being backward," and/or "being wrong," that's fine. This Lenten season I've been learning to let go of what others think of me. Instead, I think about what God may say to me at the end of my life.

Do I want to stand in front of Him and have Him say to me, "You knew that workers were exploited yet you still continued to contribute to the continuation of this..." or  "You didn't listen to your own conscience and you dismissed what you thought would best please Me in order to fit in with and be liked by others"? A big, fat "No!"

So, I'm going to take what I've learned (and what I'll continue to learn), what I feel is the right thing for me to do, and I'll do it. Even if I get ridiculed... even if people stop following me on social media or stop reading these blogs... even if I lose most of my friends because they think there's something wrong with me. I'd rather feel as if I'm doing the right thing in God's eyes. Sure, I will be seeking spiritual advice from our parish priest (whom I like to consult on big issues because the man is wise) just to make sure I'm on the right path but, other than that, I'll take my "opposing views" and stick with them.

Anyway, just something I've been wanting to say for a long time but never had the guts to write until now.

That's it for now. I want to get back to the book I'm currently reading, The Private World of Tasha Tudor by Tasha Tudor and Richard Brown before I reply to a dear friend's snail mail letter. Oh yes, correspondence is occasionally "old school" with friends this Lent. ;)

I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

The Big Bullseye On My Back

Have I ever told you guys that a very well-known apologist once told me that I have a giant bullseye on my back? True story. I won't get into specific detail but this came up when he asked me what I did for a living. I told him I wrote for Catholic publications and was a published author. Digging a bit deeper, I told him that I started writing young adult/new adult novels because I was sick and tired of the smut contained in the novels aimed for these demographics.

His response? "You have a giant bullseye on your back. The devil is going to keep attacking you because you're doing something that undermines what he's trying to do." (By the way, I'm paraphrasing him since I'm terrible at word-for-word recollections.) Add the fact that I attend solely Latin Masses (and the devil hates Latin, be-tee-dubs) and, well, I am a walking bullseye for spiritual attacks. I'm sure the devil loves it when I can't attend Mass for that same reason.

As many of you long-time readers know, the third novel has been one neverending roller coaster ride. I started it during the summer of 2017 and have had to put it on the backburner for months at a time because things always come up. Not only that, something always happens when I write. If I work on the novel one night, something will go wrong the next day... almost without fail. That's partially what led this apologist to say these words to me.

I had planned on publishing the novel in December but that obviously didn't happen. Then I aimed for Valentine's Day. Nope, that didn't happen either. Every time I try to finish editing it to publish it -- or get feedback on it -- nothing ever happens because of x, y, and z.

This Lent, I want to really work on this thing and get it done. My hope is to have the novel published shortly after Easter Sunday. I know what happens every time I attempt to move forward but I cannot live in fear. I need to read/pray Psalm 91 (or Psalm 90 if you're a fellow Douay-Rheims Bible reader) and keep the holy water near. If things happen, they happen. As the apologist suggested, I need to frequent the sacraments and ignore whatever gets thrown my way. I cannot be afraid of suffering a little, especially since I've felt pulled to write/publish this novel for nearly 2 years now. I don't think  the novel is anything special or extraordinary but, golly, someone/something does not want me to finish it for whatever reason.

Why share this today? Because Fridays are my busy writing day today. I usually have my EpicPew articles due today and I sometimes also have other freelance work due today. I've already submitted my EP article (hint: it combines pop culture, cinema, and deadly sins) and now I have the rest of tonight and/or all of tomorrow to work on the novel.

Say a prayer for me. If I usually get these obstacles thrown my way during Ordinary Time, I can't even imagine what things may be like during Lent.

That's all I'm sharing today. It's getting late and I still haven't had dinner... and it's Compline time, so, you know, I need to go do both of those things.

I hope y'all were able to get some Friday Lenten traditions (e.g. Stations of the Cross) done today! I had a full day with lots of driving so I'm hoping to do that next Friday. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Merry Christmas, Everyone! Happy 11th Anniversary, Blog!

"And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we saw his glory, the glory as it were of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth." (John 1:14) 

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you've all had (and are still having) a lovely day full of happiness, joy, laughter, and love. 

My mom had the rare Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off from work so we went to Midnight Mass last night. It was our first ever Christmas Midnight Mass (or Midnight Mass, period) and we fell in love with the Latin Mass all over again. It was a High Candlelit Mass and it was the most beautiful and reverent Mass I've ever had the blessing to witness. If ever I needed anything to breathe new life into my spiritual life, this was it. I was already planning on stepping up my Mass attendance to at least 2-3 times a week but now I'm downright giddy with anticipation about the next time I can attend daily Mass at my parish.

Today also marks the 11th (!!!) anniversary of this blog! I know I went M.I.A. for a month but I had a good reason. Basically, I was burnt out. I've been busy with work while running on empty from social media overload. I needed a break from everything and the last 10 days of Advent seemed like the perfect time to take that break. Thankfully, I also got a break from work this week so I'll be able to de-stress even more. Cue a self-care montage of me watching movies, reading books, drinking tea, baking, and silly dancing around my apartment for the rest of the week. lol.

To be completely honest, I was also unsure if I was going to continue this blog. It seems like almost no one reads blogs anymore. After some soul searching, I decided to keep my blog... and severely cut back on my social media usage. The break from writing and social media showed me that I truly missed blogging and that social media brings out the worst in me. Yes, it's wonderful for catching up with friends and all but I saw a very vain, proud, and angry side of me coming out lately and I hated it. I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't sure what was triggering it... until I completely cut social media out of my life. Not only do I feel like myself again, but those horrible traits -- especially anger -- also seem to have virtually disappeared. There is peace in my life and I feel happier and less stressed. I'll keep my accounts to catch up with those who choose to contact me through them and to post newly published articles but I'm done using it as I had for the past couple of years.

I also decided that I'm going to change the format of my posts. They'll be a lot more like the ones I posted when I first started this blog 11 years ago. If you weren't around that long ago, you'll see what I mean. ;)

Anyway, this is just a little update for y'all. 

Yes, the winners of the Magnificat Advent app were notified and given their codes before Advent, even if I didn't post it on here. 

Yes, we were able to do the 54-day Rosary novena (thanks, everyone!), even if I had to schedule the tweets and FB page posts for the last couple of days while I was on a social media break. :) 

Yes, I will be returning to blogging more often... God willing. 

Again, I hope you are all having a wonderful day and that you continue to have a lovely Christmastide season. For those of us who celebrate through February 2nd (Candlemas), let's do this! ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Crazy (But Perfect) Consecration Day Adventure

I've been wanting to write this post for several days now because my consecration day was pretty crazy yet perfect in its own way.

On June 9th, the memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (to whom I have a special devotion), I consecrated myself to Mary... but the events that led up to it were something straight out of a movie.

First, I felt poorly so I was unable to go to the 8 a.m. Mass and 8:30 a.m. confession time at a nearby parish. We moved that to the 4 p.m. confession and 5 p.m. Mass but, of course, I started feeling really sick around 1:30 p.m. and it didn't let up by the time our 3:30 p.m. departure time came.

I was (as my British friends say) gutted! I had wanted to go to confession, Mass, and then do the consecration after Mass and I didn't think it was going to be possible... so I pulled a Hail Mary (almost literally).

I began praying the Memorare Emergency Novena (praying the Memorare 9 times back to back). I told our Blessed Mother, "You know how much I want to do this; how much I want to go to confession, Mass, and then do the consecration. Please let it happen if it's God's will."

Luckily for me, I began to feel better about an hour or two later... just in time for the monthly (low) Latin Mass at the same nearby parish. It was absolutely perfect for me. It was my preferred Mass, with one of my favorite priests.

When I saw that we would be able to make it, after all, I began to get ready ahead of time, just to avoid being late to confession since it's only half an hour before Mass begins. This is when the real adventure began.

Since I hadn't felt well enough earlier in the day (I took a test drive in the morning to be sure), I hadn't been able to get gas for my car... and the needle was dangerously close to that dreaded "empty" symbol. Of course, we left with enough time for me to drive to a gas station along the way... but we didn't think we'd hit a few snags.

First, we had no cash on us. At least, not enough for gas. I tried paying with a pre-paid credit card but it was declined at two different gas stations despite having enough (and then some) for gas. We were scrambling, trying to get to a gas station and still make it to confession on time.

I tried a gas station on the street we would take to Mass... and gasoline spilled all over my leg, feet, and ballet flats. It seemed that whoever had used the pump before I did had left some gasoline in it and, as soon as I took it, it spilled all over me. I reeked of gasoline, which made me nauseous. Still no gas... and now we had no additional time to get to the church.

I got into my car, worried about the gasoline smell which was really making me feel sick, and I told my mother, "I don't know if we're going to make it. Not without gas in the car... and not with me feeling as poorly as I'm beginning to feel." Still, there was something in me that told me not to give up.

"Let's see if we, at least, can't get to the parish. I can always call AAA to bring me gasoline if we get stuck somewhere," I said. I started asking Mama Mary and my Guardian Angel to help us -- all the while I was getting very lightheaded from the gasoline.

I kid you not, about a block from the gas station, the smell of gasoline automatically disappeared. I even pulled over just to make sure it wasn't just me going nuts. lol. Nothing smelled, my shoes were somehow completely dry (as was my leg and skirt), and it was as if I'd never had that incident. Interesting.

We somehow managed to get to the parish without any problems despite the needle practically yelling, "You're running on empty, child!"

I was just happy to have gotten there... and on time! We were first in line for the confessional but there were two people who'd arrived before we did so I let them go first. It's only fair, and we were still able to make it into the confessional before Mass began. Score!

A few minutes before Mass began, I started feeling sick again. "Oh no," I said to myself. "It's probably the heat." I stepped outside and drank a bit of Gatorade in case it was a blood sugar issue. I had enough time before I was set to receive the Eucharist so I knew I could. I had also anticipated the possibility of little to no air conditioning in the parish so I took one of those hand fans and used it during Mass.

I felt so dizzy and lightheaded and, well, shaky, on the walk down the aisle to the kneelers to receive the Eucharist. I was so worried that I was going to faint waiting in line but, luckily, nothing happened. I received the Eucharist (I might've also cried, lol) and thanked God for the blessing of being able to attend confession and Mass despite the obstacles. Not only that, I was so happy I was able to attend a Latin Mass.

After Mass ended, I sat in the back and did my consecration. I was on cloud 9... and I'd totally forgotten about the lack of gasoline in my car. lol. Somehow, we were able to make it to the grocery store we frequent (for food and for cash) and then I was able to get some much-needed gasoline. I don't know how other than Mama Mary and my Guardian Angel looking out for us. It was dark by this time, too, which I'm not too keen with. I don't like driving at night because people tend to drive more erratically out here between the hours of about 6 p.m. to 6 a.m.

Looking back at it, it was the perfect day. Beyond the Mass and everything (which was the cherry on top of a great day), I stopped trying to rely on what I could do to make sure I could get myself to Mass and asked Mama Mary for help. I began to use that complete trust in her that I'd been cultivating over the past 33 days. Basically, I put my money where my mouth was. Did I truly trust Mama Mary to come through for me when I most needed her? I had to show it... and I did.

It's been a little over a week since my consecration and I've already begun noticing some changes in me. I had been told that there would be but I never anticipated it being as noticeable as it's been. I'm so grateful for the changes I've already made... and the shortcomings I've become all too aware of.

There is a lot I need to work on. I've already taken the steps to make sure I can reverse some of the terrible habits. I still slip up, of course, but it's a new beginning and I look forward to seeing what else Mama Mary has in store for me; to see how she will help me grow in my relationship with her son.

Anyway, that's it for now. I have so much I want to share -- I've had an interesting last couple of days -- but I also have a lot of things to do offline so I should get to them. I'll try to blog as much as I can this week, especially since I'm on a social media fast until Sunday. :)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Why Can't I Find My Place in the Church?

I briefly mention this topic in the last post because it's been a major stumbling block on my quest to attend Mass more often to keep myself from becoming apathetic towards the Church. Again, I'm going to add the disclaimer that I may mention people (not by name, of course) but I'm not blaming them.

Since last year, I've been trying to attend more Latin Masses because it's where I feel more connected to God and more at peace. I'm fairly positive that if I counted, I'll see that I've been to more Extraordinary Form Masses than Ordinary Form Masses in the past year. I've been veiling (or, at the very least, keeping my head covered with berets and hats) for years. In fact, the last gift my father gave me (not counting the ultimate gift of his return to the Church the day before my 24th birthday) was a veil from Mexico... 8 years ago. I obviously started veiling before that so, you know, I'm not new at this. lol.

I love the reverence of the Latin Mass. I love that we all seem to be more focused on the Holy Sacrifice than in Ordinary Form Masses. I know some people's spiritual lives thrive more with the inclusion of the entire community during OF Masses (i.e. holding hands during the Lord's Prayer and the sign of peace) but it's not for me. I wasn't a fan even when I was a little girl. You can even ask my mom and she'll confirm it for you. I don't like how it seems to disrupt the focus (and purpose) of the Mass and it makes it easier for people to get distracted for the rest of the Mass. I've always loved focusing on what the priest was doing; on how he was celebrating Mass and feeling that I was a part of something greater than myself. This also started way before I even did my First Communion when I was 8. I love the significance of veiling and, on a more practical level, I love that the veil literally blocks all distractions within my peripheral vision and it helps me keep my eyes on the altar.

Latin Mass is the answer to my prayers... except that I still get lost during the Mass. lol. I have yet to buy myself a missal because they're expensive and I have a lot of expenses every week. L.A. is an expensive city to live in and we mostly live paycheck to paycheck so I have to save up for things that are not immediate necessities. I'm guessing that my being fluent in Spanish makes it a little easier to follow along but I still get hopelessly lost at times. Don't get me started on how I botch up Latin because my brain automatically switches to the Spanish pronunciation of letters and words. lol. I'm still getting used to it and I think I simply need to attend more Masses (and have a really, really patient person explain things to me) before I'm completely comfortable going to them.

Now, I'm not saying Ordinary Form Masses are terrible. It's what I grew up attending. I was baptized, made my First Communion, and was confirmed (in that order) in OF Masses. It's familiar and I can follow along because it's in a language I understand (for both English and Spanish Masses). I know many wonderful, holy priests who don't do Extraordinary Form Masses and their homilies are top notch. Still, overall, most OF Masses are not my cup of tea. I've been to some solemn OF Masses but there are always elements of this form that I'm not thrilled with. As I've mentioned, I'm not a fan of the hand-holding or the sign of peace. The music is... well, also not my cup of tea. I'm really sorry, music ministers, but once the guitar, bass, and/or drums get introduced, my focus and concentration are gone because it makes me feel like I'm at a concert or show rather than a Mass. Again, this is just what it seems to me. I know it helps other people but it distracts me more than it helps me personally. Don't even get me started on when they start projecting things on the sides of the altar or the clapping people do during Mass. To quote my beloved Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, "Wherever applause breaks out in the liturgy because of some human achievement, it is a sure sign that the essence of liturgy has totally disappeared and been replaced by a kind of religious entertainment."

During my struggle with spiritual dryness/spiritual attacks, I noticed that I felt like I couldn't (and still can't) find "my place" with the Church... including with Masses. As you could probably deduce from this post, I prefer Latin Masses. However, not being able to follow doesn't help and sometimes I get really self-conscious asking someone for help because, well, I've had a bad experience with people who attend Latin Masses. I've gotten the "ugh, what a stupid question" vibe when questions do get asked and, let's be real, no one wants to feel like a total dunce. I've also gotten the "ugh, you're doing it wrong" vibe when I try to figure things out. Not everyone is like this, of course. I've met some really lovely people within the local Latin Mass community but I've yet to really get to know them well so I don't feel part of it. I obviously feel a greater sense of community at OF Masses. Not counting the judgmental looks when I've received when veiling, people tend to be more welcoming and, in my experience, are easier to get to know. That's one of the things I miss most of our former parish; knowing the people and being able to talk to them before and after Mass. I don't go to Mass to socialize, obviously, but it would be nice to know some of the people and know that you're surrounded by like-minded folks.

I love veiling and the Latin Mass - *gasp* too traditional! I prefer wearing skirts and dresses but I still like the comfort and, as someone who is active and grew up playing sports, like the coverage pants and shorts provide - *gasp* what an immodesty! Some people assume that I'm single because, like many of my Millennial peers, I like my independence and am too career oriented - *gasp* too modern! When they find out I'd prefer to be a stay-at-home mom and homeschool my future kids - *gasp* too traditional and anti-feminist to boot! I'm still single not because I want to be but because it seems to be God's will for me at the moment. It's not get started on my taste in music and films because it gets worse; I'm either too traditional/too much of a prude or too modern/liberal for that, too!

My point in all of this is that, despite the advantages and disadvantages of both, I feel like I haven't found my place in the Church. When you add the fact that I'm a single 32-year-old young woman with zero prospects (despite feeling calling to marriage) and that there seems to be no solid support system for us over-25 singles within either community, I feel like I'm on the outskirts of the Church. Why isn't there something for us singles who are in this stage of life because it's clearly not our time yet and not because we've actively chosen it? It would help us to have some sort of support.

I can't win, even though I really don't want to "win" anything. My goal is to get to heaven and help those God have placed in my life do the same thing. As I mentioned in the previous post, I'm very much a people person and feeling like I can't find a community to which I belong makes me feel dejected and, in turn, it makes it harder for me to nourish my spiritual life. Yes, I'm still very much an introvert but I'm also a social being (hence my saying that I'm a social introvert; it's an actual thing if you want to Google it if you don't believe me). I guess I just need to find that happy medium -- preferably a community that likes attending Latin Masses but won't judge me for occasionally wearing pants and shorts, liking the things I do, and that would be to pray for me (and other over-25 singles) as I wait for the next phase of my life to begin. Does such a community exist?

This post was just scratching the surface. There are so many layers that I didn't get into because we would be here all day. Again, I'm not blaming people for my feeling like I'm on the fringes of the Church and like I can't find a solid community in which I can feel like I belong. It's just my own thing that I have to work through this summer. It hasn't helped that I've spent the last 5 years (or longer if you count the years in which my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't leave the house) sick and that it's made it harder for me to try to socialize or get to Masses that don't make me cringe. We also don't live in a great neighborhood so I try to be home before it gets too dark and most of the socializing events happen late, especially after the 7 p.m. Latin Mass on Sundays. If there was a Latin Mass that both Mom and I could attend on Sundays that wasn't so late, it would be easier and perhaps I could find more likeminded people. Before you locals suggest it, no, we can't make it to the 10 a.m. Mass at St. Felipe or the noon Mass at St. Therese because Mom works on Sundays until after both Masses are over and all other Masses are too far for me to drive (I don't ever drive on the freeways).

If you're feeling particularly charitable today, please feel free to donate to the FSSP LA building fund so that they can get their parish quicker and more Latin Masses can be offered throughout the day. People like me, with limited transportation and other options, that love Latin Masses would appreciate it. The priests are fantastic and I have a feeling they'll help establish a great community that is very much needed in L.A.

Alright, that's it for now. It's already 97 degrees at 25 minutes to 1 p.m. and my hands and feet are already suffering from being in hottest part of our apartment (my home office is west-facing with no shade from anything). I hope those of you who will be in cities/towns over 85 degrees stay cool!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

 

Was Going to Mass Worth Getting Sick?

After I blogged about missing Mass last weekend, I emailed one of our favorite local priests about what I could do regarding my terrible no-Mass streak. His advice was simple: keep trying. Try to make it to a Sunday Mass and keep aiming for every Mass time until I can get to one. If I can't go on a Sunday, try to go on a Monday... on a Tuesday... on a Wednesday (and so on) until I get myself to Mass. On Monday, I took his advice... with a little twist: I decided to watch the daily Mass on EWTN until I could physically attend Mass.

I set up my iPod touch alarm at 3:50 p.m. (PT) for a repeat of the daily Mass since it's on live at 5 a.m. when I'm usually either asleep or about to fall asleep again (if I drive Mom to work). Every day (except for Friday), I turned it on. I only made it through Wednesday before distractions popped up during that time. I watched part of Thursday and none on Friday. No, I didn't watch it on Friday but I made it to an actual Mass that day which was much better!

Can you hear the angels singing? Yes, I finally went to Mass! Not only was it a Latin Mass (which is our family's preference) but it was celebrated by one of my favorite priests and I got to share that time with friends who inspire me to be more faithful. Our young adult group had planned on meeting up after Mass and an hour of Adoration and Benediction. I absolutely loved it, despite the 40-something degree temperature (more on this a bit later). There wasn't confession beforehand and we spent a good 45 minutes or so just trying to get to the church (when it should be half that long) but it was heavenly. I felt that wonderful inner peace I get when I attend Latin Masses. Even though I wasn't able to receive the Eucharist (I have to let them know that I'm going to need the low-gluten hosts and, of course, go to confession first), my heart was full of love and peaceful contentment.

The hour of adoration was new for me. I've never done more than 30 minutes of adoration and the last couple of times were hard for me because I get so distracted and the time seemed to go slowly. Not on Friday. The time went by way too fast for me. I prayed the Rosary, the chaplet of Divine Mercy, the evening prayers of the Little Office, the chaplet of St. Michael Archangel, and then had a couple of minutes of silent reflection. I wish I had gotten more time in silence but it was still a wonderful time for me... and it inspired me to do it more often.

After adoration and benediction, the group met up and we spent about an hour or so just chatting amongst ourselves and with our spiritual adviser. I was very glad that I had gone since I have been on the fence about going for a good 36 hours. Why was I on the fence? I was worried about getting sick due to the cold weather and my lack of warm clothing. Guess what ended up happening...

The last group meeting I had attended (in mid-January; we meet twice a month), it had been about as cold or colder than Friday. I had been fine since I had worn a longer skirt and ugly faux-Ugg boots to stay warm. This time I wore a knee-length dress with heels (I couldn't find boots in time). I thought I would be fine since I still wore fleece-line tights which are designed to keep you warm. I probably would have been okay if we hadn't been standing outside in 40-something degree weather for about half an hour (total). Long story short: circumstances beyond our control kept us outside longer than we anticipated. I felt it in my throat when I got home and then I really felt it the next morning when I got up at 4 a.m. Ruh-oh.

I ended up having to cancel today's trip to the dentist (I was supposed to go down to Baja California, Mexico for that). I hope to try again next weekend (and pray that my broken molar doesn't get infected between now and then since it's now been a month since it chipped). Since it's been raining, on and off, this about 2 a.m. and I've had a sore throat (and now a slight cough at times) and my mom is still recovering from her own cold, we decided it was more prudent to wait so we wouldn't get more sick.

Was my getting sick (after I had been warned not to get sick since my white blood count - amongst other things - was so low at the last draw) worth attending Mass? Was the delay of getting my broken molar fixed worth it? I think so! I haven't gotten sick (neither cold nor flu) in about 2-3 years and this cold (chill?) seems to be very mild compared to previous viruses. For that I'm thankful. Now, I'm not advocating risking your health to attend Mass -- especially since Mom and I aren't going to Mass today because we're still nursing our colds (I'm pretty sure I'm currently contagious, too) and it's really cold outside -- but going to Mass did three wonderful things.

First: it made me face my fears. I was scared that I would get sick (which ended up happening anyway, lol) if I attended because I knew it was cold. Still, I trusted that God would take care of me and that He would give me the strength to endure if it I did get sick.

Second: it helped me remember that I need to work on trusting Him. I had been doing well in this department but, somewhere post-Advent and Christmastide I had lost my way again. I've gotten sick but I'm doing okay. Trust. Now I'm going to trust that He will help me not get an infection between now and next weekend... or that He will help guide me to dental help that doesn't cost an arm and a leg around here before then.

Third: it helped me remember how much I love Mass and how I would rather face my fears than not attend Mass again. I don't like missing Mass. I don't like the restlessness that comes with my putting distance between God and myself, which I always feel like I do when I don't make it to Mass. My fears are not worth being away from Him.

I will continue to watch the daily Mass on EWTN when I cannot make it to daily Mass at the local parish or to our new (and temporary until the FSSP priests can get their own) parish. I will continue to push myself and even try to find ways to get cheap rides (can't afford to pay taxi cabs on my limited budget) to Mass in case I can't physically drive. Even if I'm lightheaded, I can usually be okay as long as I can sit. I'm sure God will understand if I sit when I should be kneeling as long as I'm there. Following the advice of one of our FSSP priests, I also plan on purchasing low-gluten hosts to take with me to Mass whenever I can attend... and talk to the priests at the local parish about how we can work this out for daily Mass.

I will also be more kind to myself when I can't physically attend. I'm actually not beating myself up right now because I know that going to Mass today is probably not a good idea, for several reasons that include being contagious, it raining on and off, and knowing that my immune system was considered fragile at last blood draw. I will catch the 9 p.m. encore of the daily Mass on EWTN since I slept until 11:30 a.m. this morning.

Anyway, these are all my (long and detailed; sorry!) thoughts for the day. I'm going to try to eat something and try to hydrate myself while I wait for the daily Mass to begin on EWTN. I'll be praying for everyone who is going out to Mass in inclement weather.

OH! And don't forget to enter for your chance to win a Magnificat Lenten Companion app! It ends on Tuesday at midnight, Eastern time. 29 hours from when I'm writing this... go! ;)

I hope you all have a blessed weekend. I hope to write before Ash Wednesday because I'm going to give up two big things and I'm going to need quite a few people to keep me accountable, especially those who follow me on several social media platforms.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Am I Officially a Mass Snob?

I went to confession for the first time in 5 weeks and attended Mass for the first time in 2 months (exactly!) yesterday evening. It was glorious... but, before I get to the "juicy" part, I wanted to share something else.

When we went to confession (prior to Mass), I just wanted to stay close to the statue and icons of Mama Mary. I can't explain it; I just felt like I wanted to be close to that little area of the church. In a way, I knew it meant that I wanted to be close to Mama Mary and, thus, be close to her son. Since we had a while before Mass, I spent half an hour in the adoration chapel at the church. I prayed and I teared up because I missed going to confession and Mass. After weeks of lightheadedness, dizziness, aches, pains, heart palpitations, stomach issues, and fear of not being able to drive safely, I was able to go to Mass. I was happy... and then Mass began.

I should start off by saying that Mass is wonderful. I love Mass and felt so blessed to have had the opportunity to attend. We knew it would rain all day today (side note: I can hear the rain beating against our roof as I type this) so we agreed to attend the Saturday Vigil Mass to avoid the rain. We chose a local parish because the local FSSP priests don't offer Saturday Vigil Mass due to their lack of parish. (second side note: they current share a parish and are accepting donations to build their own so they can offer more Masses). Though I've attended mostly Ordinary Form Masses all my life, I was surprised at what a shock it was to return to them after attending only Latin Mass for a couple of weeks before my horrible no Mass streak.

The acoustic-electric guitar made me cringe. The random version of the Gloria which I had never heard before made me feel uncomfortable. The hymns... "No," I said to myself. "I'm going to be thankful for the musician's gift of music and his sharing of his gift to people." I tried to be charitable. A woman behind us answered her cell phone during Mass and said something along the lines of "I can't talk; I'm at church right now..." She also talked at least once more during Mass. I tried to push any uncharitable thoughts and tried to focus on Mass. "I'm here... I'm grateful." Thankfully, Fr. N's homily was wonderfully thought-provoking so I enjoyed that. When I received the Eucharist, I knelt and teared up again. I was so happy to have received Him after being away for so long.

After Mass, Mom and I talked about our experience. I missed the quietness and, well, reverence of the Latin Mass. I missed people ignoring their cell phones. I missed the choir. I just missed Latin Mass and everything about it. Does this make me a terrible person for preferring the Extraordinary Form of Mass and not feeling terribly happy and comfortable during Ordinary Form Masses; for cringing when they bring out guitars during Mass? Am I officially a Mass snob? All I know is that I know what I prefer and what makes me feel closer to God and that's the Latin Mass.

Anyway, just some random thoughts on this cold and rainy Sunday afternoon. Since we don't keep the apartment warm -- we don't use the furnace, I'm going to walk around the apartment and maybe make myself a cup of tea to warm up a bit.

I hope y'all are having a lovely Sunday!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Magnificat Advent Companion 2016 Giveaway!

Hello, everyone! Sorry for the lack of updates but... well, you know. It's the same ol' same ol'. My week consists of (mainly) schoolwork, exams, lectures, lab assignments, observation hours and then writing reports for those hours. Rinse and repeat. I have another month of this before I take my first two final exams but I'm getting closer to the finish line with my sanity intact which is all I ask for. lol.

I did get some socializing in yesterday when the young adult group met up for coffee/tea and muffins at a local coffee and ice cream place after Mass. It was my second Latin Mass in less than a week which was so good for my soul, literally and figuratively. I was the only gal who went to the meet-up but the priest and the fellas are all so nice, I didn't feel like the odd girl out. Since I grew up with my best guys being mostly guys, I felt comfortable talking about religion and politics with them. Yes, those are usually topics to avoid but we all seemed to be on the same page across the board so I thoroughly enjoyed the hour or so we spent chatting while enjoying our beverages (and muffins) of choice. This was the second meeting with the group (the first with two young men I hadn't met before) and I already feel comfortable to keep attending the meetings and events with them. :) I have a lot more thoughts I want to share when I'm not in a rush so I'm going to get straight to why I'm writing this post.

The lovely people at Magnificat have graciously given me two iOS app codes to give away to you lovely readers for Advent 2016, just like I did for Lent 2016. Though I could've taken one more myself, I decided to give both codes away since I will be purchasing either the app or the actual booklet. Since I know I'll be incredibly busy for the first 3 weeks of Advent with school (the last final is on December 16 unless I can finish them earlier), and I know that the Magnificat app worked so well for me during Lent, I'm going to use it again. No, Magnificat is not paying me to say these things nor am I employed by them. They just gave me the codes to give away. :) Again, this is an iOS app only, not the booklet.

To enter the giveaway, please enter through the Rafflecopter widget at the end of the blog post. The giveaway will run from today through next Sunday. I know Advent doesn't begin for another two weeks but I don't know how busy I'll be the week before Advent begins. Again, school is going to get crazier after this week and I want to get the codes to whoever wins them on time. :)

I will blog about my plans for Advent -- which is my favorite time of year -- soon. I have other blog posts in mind as well but I'll post them as I get the time to do it. :)

That's it for now. I have an exam to study for. I was planning on starting it on Friday and again yesterday but things happened so I have to start today if I want a decent chance at passing it. I need to pass it if I want to pass the class. Yes, it's one of those "do or die" exams before finals begin. It's the hardest course of the program so any prayers you can spare, in your charity, would be greatly appreciated.

I hope y'all had a lovely week despite the election and post-election craziness that has been happening. Just remember that prayer can move mountains. It's a cliché idiom for a reason, folks. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!



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Mass Adventures and Mournful Tears

Well, it finally happened. I made it Mass! Can you hear the angelic choir singing? I can. Oh wait, that was the choir at the High Mass I attended Sunday night. lol. I must admit that I so desperately wanted my first Mass back (from illness) to be a Latin Mass, specifically on All Saints' Day since it's one of my favorite feast days. For reasons I've already sort-of explained, it didn't happen on All Saints' Day but I did go Sunday. That itself was an adventure.

My poor mama got food poisoning earlier in the day and I wanted to cancel our scheduled trips to and from the local Latin Mass but she wouldn't let me. Even an hour before we had to leave, she was still feeling poorly. I was prepared to attend Mass closer to home (anything to get her to Mass; she won't go if I don't take her with me) but she said that she knew how much I wanted to attend a Latin Mass so she sacrificed her comfort for me.

We arrived at the church a few minutes before the Mass began and I got to meet a Twitter friend in person, which was lovely. I made it through the Mass despite the use of incense. Sure, I got a bit lightheaded towards the end but nothing I can't handle in small doses. The only thing I wasn't happy with was that I still can't kneel for long periods of time because I'm still in recovery mode. Still, that is something that I'll be working on and God knows what I can and can't do with where I am, physically.

We left the parish almost immediately after the Mass was over since the taxi had arrived early and they won't wait more than 5 minutes after your assigned time. On the way back home, we had a close encounter with a driver who decided they wanted to merge into our lane... while we were occupying it. I'm so grateful to our guardian angels and our fast thinking/acting taxi driver. Before we got home, a high-speed chase flew by us with about a good half dozen (if not more) police cars following the car. That was a first for this L.A. native; I'd only seen them on TV before Sunday. Needless to say, my poor mother arrived home shaking and very anxious. I think she was still nervous yesterday morning when I drove her to work. I'm pretty sure she won't go to the Sunday night Latin Mass with me until we have Daylight Saving Time again. lol. See? I told you it was an adventure.

I was still on a Mass high (first time receiving the Eucharist in almost two months!) on Monday when I received the terrible news that one of the kindest people I've ever met had passed away. As I mentioned a few weeks ago,, I was able to secure free exam proctoring at my CINO college alma mater. Being a distance education student at a university out of state, we have to get our exams proctored. Most proctors charge $20+ (average is about $40) per exam (or per hour) so I reached out to Ms. Michele Lewis (that was her name) to ask if either my alma mater had proctoring for former students or if she knew of someone who didn't charge an arm and a leg. She was "taking the semester off" for the Fall semester but she arranged it so that I could take my exams on campus free of charge (instead of charging $30 per exam), not only for the Fall semester but the entire school year, until my tentative graduation date in early May.

I went through my usual routine yesterday morning. I made breakfast, praying the Little Office before leaving, battled morning rush hour traffic, and went through my flashcards before taking my exam. Since I was to take my exam in Ms. Lewis' office, I decided to ask how she was doing. Immediately, I knew I was in for some surprising news but I wasn't expecting the worst. I was told "take your exam first and then we'll talk." After taking the exam, I was getting ready to leave when my current proctor asked me to follow her back into Ms. Lewis' office. She told me to sit down and then she dropped the bomb on me -- Ms. Lewis had passed away. I was shocked. I was expecting to hear that she'd left the school for another job but wasn't expecting this news. I tried to keep myself from tearing up but I couldn't hold it in. I left the office in a sort of daze and walked up the steep hill to the center of the campus where I found a bunch and try to catch my breath.

I had a few minutes to reflect on the news I'd been given before I had to come back home. I sat on the familiar bench I've used since my time as an undergrad and I teared up. I looked at the chapel on campus and at the beautiful statue of Mama Mary in front of the chapel, in the middle of the campus center. I remembered the Ms. Lewis' kindness. As an undergrad, she'd helped secure me extra time (which I never needed) and a quiet room to do my exams in when my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't concentrate in classrooms. When I had issues with the music professor who made me cry in her classroom (some of you may remember how poorly I was treated at my alma mater), she helped me sort things out. Before I graduated, she sat down with me and gave me post-graduation advice about what careers options that I still remember and keep in mind 4.5 years later. At graduation, she arranged it so that I could sit close to my family and to an exit in case I wanted to leave early (again, when my anxiety was so bad that feeling trapped in crowded places set off panic attacks). Her last act of kindness was getting me these exams proctored for free.

I'm still tear up when I think that she's gone but I'm grateful for everything she did. She was beloved by student, staff, and alumni for a good reason. I remember her being a kind, generous, and gentle soul who went above and beyond to help students succeed. Not just with me; fellow alumni friends have remarked about what a lovely woman she was. I remember what Fr. M said about the souls in purgatory at Sunday's Mass, about how important it is to pray for them. I will be sure to have a Mass said for her as well as pray for her whenever she comes to mind. Rest in peace, Ms. Michele Lewis. Thank you for being a rose in a bramble of thorns.

I didn't mean for this post to end on such a downer so I'll say this: while it's sad that she has passed, at least she's not suffering. It's the same consolation I have about my father's death -- it hurts that they're no longer here but they left behind beautiful memories that I'll always cherish; that have made me a better person. :)

Anyway, I need to go pick up my mom from work and then we're going to go vote so that's it for now. :)

I hope y'all are having a lovely week thus far... or, as sane as possible. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

A Welcomed Distraction

Yesterday I went on an outing/field trip with a group of like-minded young Catholics. (side note: when I say "young" I mean 18-36 year-olds.) It was the first time I've ever been able to make it to such an outing since my plans to be involved with youth ministry at my current parish never came to fruition no matter what I did or how hard I tried. I was very excited about this meet-up because I knew that I could geek out on Catholic things and I wouldn't have anyone give me a funny look over it.

Before I go on about why this outing was just what I needed, I want to share what happened the day before. On Friday I had received some unpleasant health news. My red blood count had lowered. My white blood count had completely tanked, most likely due to the stress I've been under as well as the low folate level. Speaking of that, my folate level has gotten worse. My calcium and iron levels are the same, though on the low side. I've gained back 2 of the 6 pounds I'd lost due to the stress from school and health issues. My kidneys are in good shape now and my platelets have gone up as well so not all was bad. Still, I was upset at how low the other levels were. I talked to some friends that night and got my thoughts sorted out before I was able to feel okay about my situation. I know that my mother's prayers also helped; she told me she prayed for me after she saw how sad I'd gotten over my blood work results. I briefly considered backing out on the outing for Saturday but I'm glad I didn't because it helped me forget about my problems for a couple of hours.

I admit that I was nervous as I drove to our meeting place (the San Fernando Mission) because I knew no one in the group. I hadn't known that this group even existed until earlier this month because I'm not an active member of this particular parish. After I heard about it and the events they planned, I was interested and decided to become a member. My heart raced and it actually got up to about 124 (according to my FitBit) at one point -- most likely from the nerves -- while I was with the group. Thankfully everyone was great and after some initial awkwardness, I was able to relax and talk to them as I would with friends. As the time passed by and I got more comfortable with them, my heart rate went down a bit and I was able to enjoy the outing.

We walked around the Mission as a group of 6 -- which later became a group of 9 -- with the group often splitting into smaller groups. The weather was perfect and the group members were so lovely and welcoming, making it a thoroughly enjoyable day. We visited the Bob Hope Garden (where Bob Hope and his wife, Dolores, are buried). A couple of us loved seeing the old (think 1500s-1700s) books. I was actually excited to have other people excited to see these books besides myself. lol. We saw two quinceañeras (sweet 15) arrive at the main chapel and I was glad to share my knowledge of them since I was the only Hispanic in the group (until the priest that accompanied the group arrived).

After we walked around, exploring the Mission, the priest who was meeting up with us arrived. We were supposed to have the Latin Mass celebrated at a smaller chapel on the grounds (one I've never been to) but that ended up being quashed (long story) so instead we all prayed the Rosary together. At that point, the group got a little bigger. Those who didn't have Rosary beads with them were able to borrow them from others. All of us gals wore our chapel veils. Everyone knelt, though, admittedly, I didn't last too long before I had to sit because I've been known to feel faint if I kneel for a long period of time when I'm not 100% healthy and I didn't want to ruin anyone's time at the Mission. It was a beautiful and peaceful experience. Before the priest left and the group broke up for the day, we prayed the Angelus which was a first for me; I've never prayed the Angelus before.

I must've looked happy after the outing because my mom had a huge grin and agreed to go to the Latin Mass at the parish where the young adult group is based. Since Mom and I like our Masses solemn, it makes sense for us to go to the Latin Mass. Not only that, I was thinking that maybe this has been in God's plans for us for a while now.

We've had a couple of incidents at our current parish -- with both parishioners and a priest -- that have made us feel either unwelcome, unnerved, or like it's no longer the right fit for us. Over the past year (almost to the day), things have been unraveling and both Mom and I have agreed that it's time for us to move on to a different parish. Our current parish has been our "home" for nearly 4 and a half years. We have wonderful memories but I feel like God may be pointing us elsewhere. We're going to try the new parish and see if it's the right fit for us. We shall see. :)

Anyway, this is my contribution for the week. I've been wanting to write more lately (and I have something to share that has been discussed on the Facebook Page for this blog) but time management has not been my strong suit this past week. I only have time to write this today -- Sunday -- because I take my "day of rest" seriously. Otherwise, I would be studying and/or doing homework right now. So much homework. Hopefully, things will slow down after this week's next round of exams and I can begin to write more often. Fingers crossed.

To those who've continued to pray for me, thank you! I've felt more at peace lately and I know it's been your prayers that have helped. My health may not be at 100% (and has gotten slightly worse since last month) but I know that between your prayers, my own efforts, and God's will, something good will come out of all of this. :D

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #34: Millennial "Trad Fad"

I know, I know. It's been a couple of week since I've written one of these WILW posts but most of my Wednesdays have been occupied with studying for exams so I haven't had the chance to write. Since this is my first free Wednesday in weeks (how did that happen?!), I thought I'd spent it writing about something that has irked me lately. I usually break these things up into three parts but I'm only focusing on this one topic this week.

Have you heard of the Millennial "Trad Fad"? You know, the trend in which Millennials immerse themselves in the world of Latin Masses, mantillas/chapel veils, and other pre-Vatican II things. Golly, we Millennials are such hipsters. (side note: don't let the article title fool you; it doesn't actually say that we're hipsters.) I'm kind of hoping that Pope Francis' comments were misunderstood and that he doesn't really think that this is a fad... but I've heard that he's not a big of Latin Masses so I don't know.

I've never shied away from the fact that I really, really miss Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI for several reasons, including the fact that (thanks to him) we've had Summorum Pontificum for 7 years now. Are the alleged quotes from Pope Francis legit? I don't know... but I would be disappointed if they were. For someone who is so welcoming of others and their differences, the quotes made me cringe a little.

I can't speak for others on why they prefer "traditional" Catholicism but I can tell you that many of my fellow Millennials who do have a preference to Latin Masses, chapel veils, incense (aka "smells and bells"), Gregorian chant, etc. don't do it for the fad/trend of it. I've never once heard "ooh, not everyone is into this? I need to do this." A good portion of us were poorly catechized and/or we've reverted/converted to the faith and we've come to these things on our own. Nobody did the thinking for us; we learned to appreciate them on our own. Free will, y'all. I personally looked into some - not all - of the changes that came from the Second Vatican Council while I was at that awful CINO college (because they didn't teach these things; they taught that anything pre-Vatican II was outdated and bordered on evil) so I was able to make my own informed decisions based on my preferences.

When I reverted 8 years ago, no one told me there were different types of Masses... but I still knew that I liked my Masses solemn. When I learned about Latin Masses, I knew I'd found the right fit for me. The clappy-clappy/hand-holding thing has never been for me. Even as a child, I felt obligated to hold people's hands when I didn't want to. I just wanted to focus on what the priest was doing/saying. Part of this was because of my introverted temperament and partly because it just didn't feel right for me. I'm not going to knock it if it works for you but I personally just don't like it. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but I'd appreciate my Masses without a mariachi band or a jazz ensemble. Yes, I endured one *cringe* "jazz Mass" before... and, though I love jazz, it needs to stay far, far away from my Masses. That's just my preference. I like to feel like I'm there to have my time with God, not to feel about all the cringing or be distracted by other things. That's why I love the first Sunday Mass at my parish; my spiritual director and the lovely nuns praying in Latin (with no outside distractions) is such a wonderful way to start my day.

As for chapel veils, I know some of y'all saw the passionate exchange I had with a good friend a couple of weeks ago on Twitter. I won't get into it because there's no reason to but it did inspire me to write about this topic. I veil because I want to. No one is making me do it; no one told me it would make holier... because it doesn't mean squat whether you veil or not if you're not following God's commandments. I made sure I learned the significance of veiling, the custom origin, and it was enough to make me want to do it. Yes, I know -- nerd alert for all the research I've done! Again, no brainwashing; it was a conclusion I arrived to on my own and that I feel most comfortable doing.

I don't veil only when I attend Masses. I also do it when I pray in front of the tabernacle or when alone in a church. I don't always "veil" either. I do keep my head covered but hats and scarves replace veils from time to time. The point is that I cover my head as a symbol of my love and respect for God. It also helps that I always feel like I'm actually there for God; that all sense of pride, arrogance, vanity, all the distractions, etc. get pushed aside. The moment that veil is placed on my head, it literally blocks all earthly distractions from my peripheral view and all I can focus on is on the Mass and/or the tabernacle. Babies -- my biggest Mass distraction -- disappear from view. I am reminded of why I attend Mass and why I believe what I believe.

I do understand that there are people who might be into these things for the wrong reasons. I've heard of "mantilla selfie queens." I haven't actually seen it myself but I've heard that they exist. I've heard of the "holier than thou" crowd. However, they don't represent everyone. Just like a few misguided clergy members (I'm being charitable with my words here) don't represent the entire church, a few "Catholic hipsters" don't represent the rest of us. Give us some credit.

I don't think I really learned anything new this past week other than apparently Millennials who appreciate pre-Vatican II customs are seen as hipsters. At the very least, now y'all sort of know why I do it. Yes, it was a sort of "in a nutshell" explanation but I'll revisit this topic at some point when I don't have too much occupying my mind (aka yes, I have a week off from exams but I'm still trying to keep the info fresh in my mind). :)

That's it for now. I hope y'all are having a great week thus far! If anyone has any prayer intentions, send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #22: Speedy Questions Edition

It's 11:21 p.m. PST. It's still Wednesday in Los Angeles! This still counts! lol. This will be a very quick list since I got caught up in school stuff once again and I still need to do nighttime prayers. I was planning on doing it this way anyway, but now there will be more typos than usual. lol.

This week I'm focusing not on what I learned but what I hope to learn before next Wednesday... and I am making this list public so if I fail, I can say that I did (no lying allowed. ever.) and will learn to do a better job the weeks after that.

1. Is RCIA the same everywhere? Would it be the same in, let's say, London as it is in Los Angeles? I am a revert who was baptized at 3 months, did her first communion at 8 years-old, and was confirmed at 13 years-old. I have never needed to know about RCIA which is my excuse, as sorry as it may be. I know that confirmation in Mexico is done at younger ages (hence why I was confirmed at the "old" age of 13 and not 16, in the States, like I wanted) so I am wondering if RCIA is the same everywhere.

2. What major differences (if any) are there in how things are done in England and the U.S. in regards to how Mass is celebrated, etc? Seeing a pattern emerging? You caught me; this is all novel sequel research but, really, it would be awesome to find out if things are done the same or if I would need to learn how to phrase prayers differently.

3. How many Latin Masses are regularly offered in the Archdioceses of Westminster and Los Angeles? Again, novel research but I'd love to see the differences between both Archdioceses.

So, that is my quick list of questions I hope to have answers to next week. If anyone of you would like to help a sister out, let me know. lol.

And now it's 11:33 p.m. and I still have prayers to get through.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

 

What I Learned Wednesday #20: "Traddie" Edition

Before I get any crumbs from anyone:

1) I don't like putting labels on Catholicism (okay, fine, I like using "orthodox" -- small o) but for this post I'll use "traddie" to mean fans of pre-OF Mass/Vatican II (I can feel some of you cringing) Catholicism.

2) Yes, I'm a "traddie" in the sense that I love wearing a mantilla, attending daily Mass, prefer using the Douay-Rheims Bible, think Latin Mass is wonderful (yes, I've attended), and adore Gregorian chant. See how I keep using "traddie" with quotations? Yeah, don't hate.

And now this week's (quick) WILW items.

1) Did y'all know that there is an online bookstore that carries only traditional Catholic books? Oh yeah!! I was very excited to find Baronius Press Ltd. I think I'm even more excited to finally find a good copy of the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, which I pray daily. I was enrolled in the Brown Scapular last year; I take my commitments seriously and reading the Little Office is amongst the requirements. ;) I can't tell you how many books that I have been wanting (but couldn't find good copies of) have made it onto my Christmas and birthday wishlist. For the record, a gentle reminder that my half-birthday is coming up next month. Just putting it out there in case my brother stumbles onto this post. lol. ;)

2) I found a great tumblr blog named Trad Catholic Problems that has some awesome memes. My top three memes at the moment are:







Okay, I can't relate to the last one (though I would totally do it!!) but definitely the first two. I have gotten comments of thinking myself holier than others (and other not so nice comments; hello, CINO college survivor, err, graduate) for wearing a mantilla. Seriously, I just think it's a beautiful tradition; covering our heads as a sign of respect towards our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. If it was good enough for my paternal grandmother (whom everyone says I take after), it's good enough for me. Also, I fangirl every time I see nuns wearing their habits at Mass, at the grocery store, or even at Disneyland.

3) I didn't learn this but I still haven't figured out why there's such a fuss made when a young Catholic (especially fellow Millennials) say they like "traditional" Catholicism. As I mentioned earlier, I love a lot of "traddie" things. This doesn't mean that I think of myself as holier or superior to others. Some of my fondest childhood memories include attending Mass with my mantilla-wearing paternal grandmother (may God rest her soul) in the small town where my dad was raised in. My prized possession is the mantilla my father bought for me only 4 months before he passed. I wish I could attend Latin Mass more often but the nearest parish that offers it weekly, St. Therese in Alhambra, is a bit of a drive for me and I have yet to get comfortable driving on the freeways. I think Venerable Fulton Sheen is fantastic. I hate clapping in Mass. I like my Masses solemn. These are just my preferences.

There is a rise in numbers that are preferring this "route." Latin Mass attending, "bead rattling", communion via tongue only Catholics, especially amongst those in our 20s and early 30s, are even gaining momentum in Los Angeles from what I've seen in my circle of friends and acquaintances. I don't have a link on hand (the one with the actual stats) but I'll post it when I find it. Anyway, someone please tell me what's so shocking about this. Please. Some of us are just drawn to it; no need to make a stink about it.

I was so not in the mood to blog (I want to get back to my book!) but I decided to take one for the team and write this quick post. By the way, I don't know which team. I just wanted to use the idiom. ;)

Alright, it's cold and raining (read: perfect book reading, tea drinking weather) so I'm going to enjoy it while we have it. I am seriously loving learning about all the married saints and blesseds and have been trying to do everything early so I have more time to read. So many saints I didn't know existed but have amazing and inspiring stories. :D

I hope you're all having a good week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D