My Hollywood Experience: How I Avoided Becoming a #MeToo Casualty

17-year-old me near the CBS studios, January 2003.

(Note: I've had this post sitting in the drafts since March 9th but I've finally gotten the chance to go back and finish it.)

Some of you longtime readers might've caught the fact that I've alluded to having had a brief flirtation with the entertainment business in my teens into my early 20s. Those who've known me for years remember those days. I honestly don't like talking much about it because I really dislike who I was at the time... and who I was surrounded by during that time. The character of Candace (in the first Will and Lina novel) was inspired by the type of people who were in my life during this time. There was a lot of lying, backstabbing, and mental abuse that I endured from people who were supposedly my friends. Despite my hating going down that memory lane, I'm going to open up about certain things for this post.

I've talked how happy I was to have been able to escape Hollywood in time but I've never really talked about the harder things I faced. After reading all the horror stories when the #MeToo movement exploded, I was grateful that, by the grace of God, I was able to avoid some of the more traumatizing experiences that seem to be the norm with other young actresses and models.

Those who've known me for years -- since before my reversion -- know the obvious key to my not having been another #MeToo casualty: my parents. My father had the nickname "The Lord of the Keys" because of how strict he was. He drove me practically everywhere, even into my early 20s. Part of the reason for that was because my anxiety was so bad that they didn't want to risk having me get a license. The other part was that my parents were overprotective of me my entire life.

I used to hate it. I still cringe when I think about it. I knew they were worried about me and that they wanted to protect me but it was so uncool to have your parents drive you everywhere when you're a teenager. Let's not even talk about how embarrassing it was to still be driven around into my early 20s. Oh, sure, I went out with friends. They used to come to pick me up and then drop me off at home at the end of our outing. I always pitched in for gas money so all they had to waste was a bit of time driving me home.

When I had auditions, my father always took me. Even if he waited outside in the car, he insisted on taking me. Neither of my parents was keen on me entering the biz but they never stopped me from trying... so long as I understood they would not pay for any of it. If I wanted it, I had to work for it. If I wanted headshots, I had to keep working as a retail slave until I earned the money. Dad drove me to auditions but he did it somewhat reluctantly.

At that time, my anxiety was at its peak. The doctor had put me on Paxil which messed up my system. I dropped down to about 105 lbs on the medication, which is very underweight for someone who is 5'7". To give you ladies an idea: the day I turned 18 I was a size 00. Yes, that's a double-zero. I didn't do anything to avoid eating nor have I ever had an eating disorder (thank goodness!). The medication was just incompatible with my body and I couldn't keep the weight on. You'd think that someone that skinny would have no issues with being told to drop weight but... wrong! I vividly remember someone called me a "cow" once; telling me that I needed to lose more weight. I remember standing in front of him, thinking, "What the heck are you smoking?" (Yeah, teenaged me didn't mince words.)

I was told what I needed to change, physically. I was never perfect and I've never been perfect (thank goodness!). I needed to have this and that surgery. I don't know how that didn't bother me or send me into a state of depression but it didn't. I had parents who always made me feel like I was fine as I was. I had an amazing core group of friends who would voice how stupid they thought other people (especially those in the biz) were for wanting to change me. I even remember once, when I was a senior in high school, we all went to the local Carl's Jr to eat after classes were over. I had told them that someone had suggested I lose more weight earlier that week. They promptly told me I was too thin and to ignore them. That was followed by a major junk food feast for all of us. lol.

Things went beyond that, though. The closest I came to having a #MeToo moment was when I was 19. A well-known Hollywood writer on a (then) popular show tried to charm me... and failed. Long story short, I was on the Universal Studios backlot filming something that day. I had arrived early and hadn't had anything to eat at that point so I decided to have lunch away from the ruckus of the shoot. Being an introvert, a sought a somewhat secluded area not far from the backlot cafe to sit and take in the experience I was having that day.

Next thing I know, this guy comes over and starts talking to me. He had business propositions but my warning radar and the red flags went off from the beginning. I was flattered but, please, I knew better. He offered me his information and talked about how his office wasn't far from where I sat and ate. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. I had heard the horror stories of the infamous "casting couches" so I was always on my guard. I didn't (and still) don't think of myself as being this super attractive person but I knew guys with power in Hollywood preyed on young women trying to break into the biz. Strong pass, amigo. I politely excused myself and went back to where we were filming.

There were other minor blips along the years. I dated an actor in my late teens and there was mutual interest with other actors over the years but I gave myself a "no actors (or musicians)" rule for a reason. That one actor was enough for me. To this day, he's still known as "the evil poopy-diaper" (we were super mature 17-18 year-olds when we gave him that nickname) by those who know me during the time that I dated him. He's the reason why I had absolutely no interest in dating for a while. He's the reason why I made a vow to never get involved with actors, at least not in a romantic capacity, ever again. Cliffs notes/spoiler version: he presented himself as being one way (very morally upright) and he was completely different (read: utterly depraved) in private. This, unfortunately, isn't uncommon in the biz.

After years of "yes, no... maybe... I like acting and screenwriting but...", my moment had come. I had recently turned 20 years old when I was offered a contract with a top agency. It was offered less than a week after my meeting with them. They "liked" my look; I looked "racially ambiguous" and a lot younger than I was. I "photographed well." I could book a lot of different jobs. They wanted to make sure I was over 18 so I could go out for commercials and print ads that featured alcohol in them... and book jobs that would allow me to present myself as the adult I was. Yeah, I knew what they meant by that -- they wanted to make sure I was old enough to be dressed in skimpy, revealing outfits (or less) if the job required it.

Immediately, I was uncomfortable with that idea. Those who've known me since childhood known that I've never been comfortable flaunting what God gave me. It was never a "modesty" thing. My parents never told me what modesty was -- I didn't even hear the term until I was in my early 20s after I reverted -- but they did raise me to always keep myself tastefully covered. Not in a way that made me ashamed of being a woman but in a way that said that I was worthy of respect. That was what my parents had drilled into me from a young age: I was a young woman worthy of dignity and respect. No one -- man or woman -- had any right to any part of my body without my consent. The way I dressed should always reflect that respect I deserved.

Did I really want to disappoint my parents (and, really, myself) by signing a contract with an agency that had absolutely no problem pimping me out for jobs? Did I want to be objectified for the sake of selling something? Absolutely not! Even at that time -- and this was a year before I reverted to the faith -- I knew that those print ads exploited women; that they used women's bodies to sell products. (side note: See, everyone? That one Women's Studies course I took my freshman year of college wasn't a total waste, lol.) I didn't want to be just another piece of meat; another woman who used her body for the pleasure of others.

When they called to offer me the contract, I declined it. They were shocked. In fact, everyone was surprised because of how much I had wanted to act. It was my creative outlet (before I realized how much more I love writing). I just couldn't do it. I wasn't comfortable with the prospect of having to go out for jobs that made me uncomfortable. There was something inside of me that yelled, "Run fast and far away and never look back!"

My parents would've supported me. When I told them that I was just going to continue going to college and figuring out what I wanted to major in, they were supportive. In fact, my mom actually told me (only a couple of years ago) that they were relieved when I had declined the contract. My parents always allowed me to make my own mistakes and only stepped in when they thought I was going to make a huge mistake I'd greatly regret. One of my most prized memories is of my father -- a few days before he passed -- telling me he trusted my judgment when it came to guys and in general. That's how I know they didn't step in when I was offered the contract. They knew I would make the right decision when it came down to it.

I know that, despite being away from the Church, my guardian angel and the Holy Spirit were looking out for and guiding me. That inner voice that told me to not sign -- to walk away and not look back? I know that was the Holy Spirit. God had greater plans for me. I can see that now. He was preparing me for my return to the Church. Sure, my life was much easier back then. The only thing I had to worry about was homework for classes and having a ride back home from a concert I went to that week. And, yes, I've had to endure a lot since, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not only was I able to keep myself from having the burden of carrying around shame for something that I would've later regretted, I've come to see just how terrible that lifestyle is.

I'm not saying that everyone's experiences in Hollywood are similar but after hearing all the #MeToo horror stories and reading Leah Darrow's book, The Other Side of Beauty, I became even more grateful for the Holy Spirit's guidance from that lifestyle and all that potential danger. I can now sit here, before the crucifix on my bedroom wall, and thank God for helping avoid being another #MeToo casualty.

Before I end this blog post, I want to say that (small spoiler alert!) my third novel sort of touches on all of this -- what the acting world is like from the POV of those who live it. I started working on it last summer (June 2017), months before the whole #MeToo thing exploded. As many of those in the know will tell you, I felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit to write it after witnessing the intense idol worship of celebrities, particularly of young women obsessing over young celebrities. My novel doesn't really go there (there are no #MeToo situations in it because I didn't experience it and my novels tend to be cleaner in content) but it will touch on things I've experienced... and still experienced until recently. Even though I'm no longer in the biz (and haven't been since I was 20), I still have a lot of behind-the-scenes insights that most people don't have access to.

So that's my story. If you missed it: I avoided becoming a #MeToo casualty thanks to my parents and (really) the Holy Spirit and my guardian angel. Like I said, God had (and still has) bigger plans for me and that scene was not something that He wanted me to be involved with. I'm so incredibly grateful for having avoided so many potentially traumatic situations and will never take it for granted. Sure, some days I miss how carefree that time of my life was but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world -- not even all the bad I've experienced since.

OH! One more thing: please don't bother looking for me in credits for anything. I've always liked using pseudonyms to keep the craziness away. That and I'm hoping to keep the past in the past. I don't want any of that craziness dug up and brought back into my life. I spent years in cognitive-behavioral therapy due to it. Let's not add to it. lol.

Alright, I have two articles and the third novel to work on so I'll be getting back to that.

I hope you're all having a lovely start of the week.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Thanks for Raising a Lady, Dad

Dear Dad,

I can't believe you passed away 6 years ago tomorrow. I still think about you often and know that you're looking out for me from wherever you are. I smelled your cologne in my room earlier today after returning from the kitchen when I made myself breakfast. It's somewhat comforting because it makes me feel like you're still here for me when thought you won't ever be physically here for me again. Something that mom said earlier today made me even more grateful to have had you as a father... you taught me to be a lady.

Mom told me how you chose to work at night so that she could be here with me at night. She told (and showed me pictures) of how you used to make sure I was always well dressed, well fed, and clean. "By the time I came home, your dad had all the bottles washed, you were (bottle) fed, you were clean, and I had little to do." Furthermore, she told me that you made sure I grew up knowing that I was a lady and that I should behave like one.

We saw a cute baby girl running in her front yard in just her diaper on our way home today. It was cute and innocent but mom automatically said "your father would've never allowed that." She told me how you always had me dressed in my little dresses, tights, and hairdos she could never get the hang of. Despite there being nothing wrong with babies in only diapers during the summertime, I was surprised to hear that he only allowed it at home because you wanted me to me to be respected... even when I was a child.

I know some people will groan at what I've written. If I hear a "Oh, your father was controlling and he... *insert feminist rant*" it won't bother me because I appreciate the fact that you taught me about modesty and how to carry myself with dignity from birth. To this day, I don't like showing too much skin. I never did... and it's because you taught me that I was more than my looks and my body. It's not because you wanted me to be in date-less exile (in fact, I still remember that one of the last things you said to me was that you trusted me to make the right decisions when it came to my relationships), it was because you knew that I deserved to be treated with respect.

I'm in tears as I write this because I never realized how much you continue to influence me (in a positive way) so many years after you passed. July 11, 2009 at 10:15 a.m. you took your last breath at the same hospital where I was born and I cried tears of sorrow. July 10, 2015 at 5:38 p.m., I cry tears of joy and gratitude for the privilege of calling you my father. Thank you, daddy, for everything.

Your little girl,

The Skinny Jeans Debate

As I wrote in the Warm Weather Bucket List post, one of my wishes is to "give my wardrobe a much needed overhaul... and do it on a budget." This isn't a "style makeover" per se; I just need to upgrade my wardrobe in a big way. I should also say that it's been YEARS since I last gave it an upgrade.

Do you know how old my recent (I just donated a bunch of clothes to Goodwill last week) wardrobe was? I still had clothing (in good condition) from junior year. Seriously, I had a skirt that I wore in 7th-8th grade. Other pieces were from my early 20s (jeans included). What can I say? I take good care of my clothes. My mom is the head of the laundry department at the convalescent hospital where she works so she's picked up tricks that made clothes cleaner and last longer. (side note: in case you're wondering... no, I'm absolutely not embarrassed that my mom works in the laundry; it's honest, hard work and I'm so proud of her.) So why the sudden makeover? Because clothes were either no longer fitting me or because it's no longer appropriate at 30.

Now that my weight has been (thank goodness) within low-normal range for my height, a lot of the clothes I've worn over the last couple of years have not been fitting. Those that were in good condition (and others that I had worn only once or twice) were donated. Other clothes either still fit and are faded or falling apart or look like something a teenager would wear, not a young woman of 30; these clothes will be replaced (little by little) over the next couple of weeks and months. I've been using Pinterest (*gasp* I know, I finally have a legit reason to use it) to figure out outfits and accessories but I've come across one big inner debate: whether or not I would want to to get myself a pair (or two) of skinny jeans.

A big reason why it's an inner debate is because of the modesty issue. See, I personally have not liked wearing shirts, blouses, and sweaters that don't cover my tush. It's just a personal preference thing. Though my mom is the same way, she has never told me to do this... it's just what I've felt most comfortable with. The reason why I'd like skinny jeans is because of boots. I love wearing boots in the autumn and winter and I think they look best with skinny jeans. I love my boot-cut jeans, too, but they don't always look good with certain boots (despite their name). With my preference of shirts and sweaters being long enough to cover my tush, I don't see a modesty problem... until I then hear that the jeans are still too tight.

I don't like very fitted clothing so skinny jeans are an exception. I like my skirts and dresses to be A-line. I don't like pencil skirts because of how tight they are. I don't like shirts and blouses to be tight. I'm not "shaming" anyone here; this is just my personal preference. However, the last time I did own a pair of skinny jeans a couple of years ago, I felt (basically) shamed for owning them. "They're not modest!" "They're still too tight and should be worn looser!" This debate keeps going on in my head as I rethink wardrobe changes. Thankfully, I have several weeks to think it over (we're starting summer weather in L.A. and it'll probably continue through early October) but I'm wondering what y'all think about this whole skinny jeans / modesty debate? I don't want any lectures or any debates telling me what to do (some of you mean well but...)... I'm just interested in hearing what others think about this whole thing.

So, leave me a comment on here, on the blog's FB page, or send me a tweet on Twitter if you'd like to chime in. :)

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind these last two days.

I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a great week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Where Art Thou, Modest Clothing?

Modesty? Bueller? Bueller? No? Okay, then.

For the past couple of weeks I've been keeping my eye out on any new modest clothing that I can get to update my dwindling wardrobe options. What I found was that the clothes were either good but terribly expensive or truly unwearable. Most of the time, they were just really bad. Even if I were to do layers, and I would, the clothes were too fitted or not salvageable at all. Deep V-necks and plunging necklines, shirts emphasizing the bust by either fit or embellishments... and this was in the juniors section which aimed for 12 to 19 year-olds. By the way, don't get me started on the short skirts or the jeans with butt patting. Say with me "false advertisement." I would often head to the missus sections and while the sections were a bit better, they were still too mature or still too "hip" and "modern" for my tastes and my age. I tried to go to as many stores as possible but didn't have any luck. I came close at Kohl's where I found a dress that wasn't too bad but the neckline was lower than I would've liked so I passed. Every time I go into a new store and have the same experience I am reminded of the quote from Pride and Prejudice in which Elizabeth Bennet says, "The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it." Substitute the word "world" with "fashion" and you have my sentiments on the matter.

Of course, I did find some cute clothes that were modest but they were terribly expensive. I mean, I understand it's because they use more and higher quality fabrics but, goodness, are they trying to make us pay (literally) just because we want to dress modestly? As someone who comes from a family that's mostly lived paycheck to paycheck, I can't afford to buy a shirt or a skirt that's $75 per item. Dresses are even more expensive as well. If I could sew, or had the time to learn, I would try to make my own clothing but I can't so I'm pretty much stuck. I have been advised to check out thrift stores but, unfortunately, most of them are just as expensive as clothing found in the mall or are very well worn and nearly falling apart. Oh, Los Angeles... you are a serious challenge to my wardrobe choices.

Recently I asked Clare from The Catholic Young Woman to give my wardrobe a sort-of makeover since her style is closest to mine. Hopefully one day we'll be able to, while we're not too far away from each other, because I admire both her fashion sense as well as her beliefs when it comes to modesty and what it means to be a respectable young woman. :) If and when that day comes, I hope to document it because it's going to be quite the departure from what I normally wear now: which is usually jeans and t-shirt.(side note: I highly suggest you check out her blog; it's one of my favorites. :D)

Before anyone suggests getting my clothes online from modest retailers, let me just say that it's not that easy for me at the moment. I have finally gotten out of my awkward, lanky stage (uber late bloomer, what can I say?) so I want to try to figure out what works for my body type before I risk buying online. As I often repeat to my mom when she says "who cares?" when something's a little tighter on me than I would like, "I care and I'm pretty sure my future husband (whoever he may be) wouldn't want me to dress in such a way that would draw attention from other men. Furthermore, I wouldn't disrespect God by unintentionally giving men sinful thoughts." I've seen the looks and have heard the comments one gets from disgusting pervs who like to let their eyes wander. *shudders* When this happens to me I usually say "May God forgive you for what you've just said to me." I know that we can't change men and that they will still say their disgusting comments but any way I can help stop drawing attention to myself I will try. So until I can figure what I can and can't wear, I'm sticking to shopping in actual stores.

Anyway, I feel like I could ramble on and on on the subject but I won't. I will say, however, that it makes me happy to see that more women are starting to challenge the industry (however slowly) when it comes to fashion. My generation still seems to be a little behind (I'm surprised how difficult it's getting for a 20-something year old young woman to find something decent to wear), I hope that someday there will be a remedy.

If anyone knows of any stores (that aren't expensive) in the L.A. area or anywhere in Southern California that cater to women seeking to dress feminine yet modest, please let me know 'cause I have not found a single place yet. :D

Alright, I think that's all for now... if I don't want to start a rant. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Modesty and "Old Fashioned" Ways Coming Back?

I had a little too much fun playing "dress up" with this doll. (The picture you are seeing is the final outfit I did).

As many of you know (heck, just look at the layout of this blog and you will know, lol) that I am a big fan of old-fashioned things -- the girlier the better. I actually gave up Jane Austen novels (but not DVDs, mini-series) for Lent along with Twitter. A couple of weeks prior to Lent, we had an PBS Emma viewing Twitter party with various women via tweet grid. I was amazed to see how many teenagers to 20-somethings were participating. Granted, Jane Austen is quite popular amongst young women (and the new version of Emma was the best, in my opinion), but it's not just her novels or anything associated with her. I've begun to noticed that more and more young women are beginning to favor modesty and the "old fashioned" ways that existed prior to the second half of the 20th century.

I've seen courtship being favored over dating. Fashions (still being over-sexualized in the secular media) have been slowly returning to the "Audrey Hepburn" era, with the Victorian and Regency eras giving a lot of inspiration to young women. Books such as the one I reviewed (How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World) are being written and read. Blogs (a number of which you can find on my blog list) are being published by like minded women. Even the way women carry themselves is starting to remind me of what we often read about in J. Austen novels.

True, women are still dressing "sexy" and whatnot, but I've seen less and less of that as of late... and not just because it's winter. I'm from L.A., we don't have 'winter' lol. Seriously, though, I am pleased to see that my generation (and the next generation) is reverting to the "old" ways, in which women acted like ladies. Am I the only one that is noticing this trend?

Perhaps it's just wishful thinking on my part, but I honestly do see it and I hope that this "trend" continues to gain more momentum. I would love to see it make a comeback.

Alright, that is my short thought of the day for today. The mountains of History and Humanities homework awaits. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Being a Hepburn in a Hilton World

After finally having a chance to hang out with my adopted "little sister", Delaney, (who, btw, is an absolute doll, I'm so proud to call her my little sister) at Borders, I picked up a book I'd been wanting to read since I saw it on amazon.com. The book is called How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World... and the book definitely lives up to its expectations.

Just like the title promises, this books gives really great tips on how young women can live as classy and modestly as the great Audrey Hepburn did. From the first page to the last, author Jordan Christy does an amazing job offering advice in a witty manner that makes it sounds like a letter from your cool, older sister that you look up to. (side note: Though the author is my age, I did feel like she was the older sister I wish I had, imparting wise advice to her younger sister.) I actually felt like I knew the author and that this advice was actually tailored to me (being a big fan of old fashioned manners and morals). Everything from fashion to relationships, both personal and professional, is covered. That is actually very rare. I'm uber picky with the non-fiction books (my review on Jane Austen's Guide to Dating anyone?) because the advice given is usually... well, not good... at all! I didn't have that problem with this book.

I am so glad that she really gets "it", what it means to be a modest young woman... and she doesn't care about stepping on the so-called feminists' toes. Jordan really emphasized the fact that our culture is overrun with the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the world that make our gender look like a bunch of "Stupid Girls." She uses real life examples to show us both sides so we can see why their way of living should become extinct, and why the way of Audrey Hepburn and our great-grandmothers should be brought back.

I loved the advice she gave on relationships -- both platonic and romantic. Everything from dealing with the toxic friends that won't leave you alone to how to handle yourself with grace and dignity in other social situations... it's pretty much what I would tell my "little sisters" and nieces. The issue of sex comes up, and she handles it very well. It doesn't feel like yet another person "forcing" the idea on us. She uses reason and common sense, fused with "old fashioned" morals, in a way that I wish was presented more often to young women.

One thing that this book has that others sorely lack is that it's actually very fun and interactive. There are quizzes that you can take such as the one that determines your true style (I am a heart - my style is sweet and romantic with laces and ruffles and light colors) as well as recipes to make of yourself or with friends (the Tennessee French Toast is so good!). And, bonus, she encourages young women to better their lives and to go ahead with the dreams that most people would want to squash.

I think the thing I loved the most about this book is that she really makes you feel like you're a) awesome for wanting to be (or already being) more modesty and classy and b) that you should totally embrace who you are because that girl is amazing. I had such a boost of confidence after reading this book because I really identified with it.

Have I mentioned that she actually advocates for young women to get more involved in their community and to do something for someone in need... without getting anything back in return (except for that lovely feeling one gets when we do good)? Want to start? Please do something for those who have suffered due to the Haitian earthquake. (I personally love the American Red Cross).

In a nutshell, at the end of book, I was thanking God that I'd finally read something that I could recommend to my fellow Maidens of Modesty. I would definitely recommend this book to any young woman who, like me, is a little old fashioned and wishes she lived in an era like that of the incomparable Audrey Hepburn. Who knows, maybe if we get enough young women to start acting this way (and passing it on to our younger sisters, nieces, daughters), we'll see women regaining the respect and dignity we are more than worth of.

Alright, I am going to go continue planning on how to revamp my own wardrobe a little more (since I've decided to embrace the girly side of myself.)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Modesty at Mass and in Everyday Life.

Yes, that's the chapel veil (or mantilla) that my father brought from Mexico. I will have to look for the one my beloved, late grandmother sent me when I was still in my teens so I can post a picture of it as well. I LOVE it. I'm going to have to get used to wearing them... which is proving somewhat difficult with my usually straight hair. Maybe I'll have to stop blow drying it so it stays naturally wavy, then maybe it won't keep sliding off. lol. Mom suggested I use bobby pins, like she did when she was younger and wore them to Mass (granddad was very Catholic), but I still haven't figured out how to do it. Suggestions are welcomed! :D Either way, I AM going to wear them... even if no one else around my age does. (The only women at my parish, and during the morning English Mass, that I've seen wear them are over 40.)

During Mass last Sunday I had two thoughts come to mind. First: Yes! Other women dress appropriately to Mass and/or wear mantillas. Second: Wow, so many women comes dressed like they were going out to a club... or hanging out at the mall with their friends. As my friend Monique from Catholic Chicks (who beat me with a post similar to this, lol) pointed out, we can't judge someone by what they wear to Mass because we don't know if the reason they're not more dressed up is because they can't afford to be. Trust me, I've told my father many times that it doesn't matter what he looks like as long as he attends Mass (though he does this because doesn't want to get dressed up and/or is finding excuses to not attend Mass). I completely understand that some people just can't for one reason or another, but that they wish they could. For those who can afford to look nice, and do dress up outside of Mass, I have to wonder why they don't make the effort to look nice when being in the house of God.

I've found some really surprising, and sad, excuses young women make for not dressing up for Mass. This is from my own research and questioning, I'm not saying these are the reasons for everyone. There are two reasons that make me cringe the most. First: "Why should I bother dressing up if there is no one to impress; there are no cute boys that attend Mass." Uh, seriously? I didn't know Mass was for trying to land yourself a boyfriend/husband. Oh wait... it's NOT! This brings me to the second reason: "It's just Mass. I showed up, isn't that enough? What's the big deal anyway?" *palmface* Oy.

Maybe the way I feel about this whole thing is because I was raised to always try to look nice when going to church, showing my respect for God. My dad (yes, you read that right) made sure I was always in a little dress, or at the very least a skirt, and dress shoes. If you've ever seen how Ali Landry dresses her daughter Estela, that's just how my parents had me dressed up until my tomboy side took over when dress pants became my thing. (I'm happy to report that I have since returned to wearing skirts to Mass, when it's not freezing cold.) Wearing these tube tops that young women have to constantly be pulling up so that they don't flash other parishioners... I mean, come on! Are you serious? If you can wear it to a club to draw attention to yourself, than it's more than likely not appropriate for Mass. That goes for mini-skirts, see-through blouses/shirts, extremely tight clothes, etc. Oh, and talking about things like bras during Mass, when you should be listening to the Homily, is also not appropriate. (Yes, last Sunday a young girl was talking about see-through shirts and bras during the Homily. She proceeded to also say that the Eucharist "tastes like nothing, like cardboard", among other things).

And while I'm on the topic of modest clothing and what modesty means, I'd like you to check out Modestia, A Maiden's Wreath, Maidens of Modesty (this one is not Catholic, but is Christian and run by one of my best friends). btw, A Maiden's Wreath had a book review on the fashion and modesty book "It's So You!" that I highly recommend.

For the record, and because I get asked this quite often, my definition of modesty varies from other people's. Some women say it's immodest to wear jeans and sleeveless shirt, and I don't. My motto is: If you can't wear something in front of a priest, or if you can't imagine yourself wearing in front of the Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ, then it shouldn't be worn. I don't think wearing jeans and sleeveless shirts (as long as they don't reveal too much skin) is inappropriate for every day life. As a self proclaimed girly tomboy, I fall somewhere between the Gap and Ann Taylor Loft. I love dressing up in dresses and skirts, and have a soft spot for vintage clothing from the 40s, but I'm also a big fan of jeans and tees when I'm just hanging out with my friends. I don't always wear heels (at 5'7" I'm good with flats) but I always try to look nice no matter what I wear. As for wearing spaghetti strap shirts, I do wear them but always paired with cardigan like this. I never wear anything too low cut, tight, or revealing. The last thing I want is to get attention from pervs. It's all about mixing and matching and doing it in a manner that's modest and cute. Definitely look at Modestia for more on that because Rebecca always finds some really good stuff and will always share with us girls.

Alright, I've rambled on as usual. lol. Sorry. All I can do is blame the writer in me. I have weeks worth of material that I want to write, and hope to eventually publish/post, but I can't say when just yet because school still has be busy as usual. That's what happens when you load yourself up with two Philosophy classes, a Speech argumentation course, and an English class. I do an exorbitant amount of reading per week. Anyway, before this gets any longer... I hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for reading, and for your emails. God Bless! :D

St. Pancras and St. Timothy; Final Grades; Doctor Appt.; Costumes.

It took me a while but I finally have time to post a longer blog. :D

I don't know where I should start, really. Well, I should first say a thank you to St. Timothy and St. Pancras of Rome! For those of you who have read a previous post about how St. Timothy has interceded for me, no need to tell the story over again. St. Timothy is the patron saint of digestive and intestinal disorders and illnesses. For those of you who don't know who St. Timothy is, you can find out more about him at this page. St. Pancras of Rome is the patron saint against cramps, headaches, and against perjury/false witness.

On Monday morning, the morning of my English Lit midterm exam, I woke up feeling really sick. I'd actually gone to bed feeling a bit weird but woke up early with these stomach pains and cramps. I thought it was nothing so I went back to bed. when I woke up a bit later, the pains had gotten worse... and the cramps and pains had also traveled down into my legs. I took two different kinds of teas, Chamomile then Spearmint, because they usually help out my stomach but they weren't really doing much for me. So I asked St. Pancras (though I actually say his name in Italian - San Pancrazio) and St. Timothy to please help me get better because I was going to miss my midterm. I fell asleep and woke up feeling great... but too late to make it to my midterm. For me, my health is more important than my studies (plus I have an amazing professor who's letting me take the make-up next week), so I wasn't too stressed. Anyway, as a thank you to them, I promised to mention them in the next full length post I would write... and here it is. :D Remember their names when you're having pains. Trust me, they will come through for you. :D P.S. Also, thank you to St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino during my exams and moments of academic wigging out. lol.

Oh, and before I forget, I PASSED MY OCEANOGRAPHY FINAL EXAM! I actually did 10% better on my final than on my midterm (how did THAT happen?!). I also got my final grade for the class which was... drum roll please... AN A! WHOO! Even if the professor hadn't graded on a curve, I would've gotten an A in the class because of my final exam! I was so relieved when I found out... mostly because Math and Science are usually my worst subjects. I'm more of a Philosophy/English/Music/History type of person. Now I know that all the stressing I did last week and the week before wasn't for nothing. lol.

Other good news I received... my EEG and heart monitor results came back normal! WHOO! I had my follow up appointment earlier today and all of my results came back normal. The doctor was perplexed as to why I've had to many test done at such a young age. He said I was perfectly healthy, nothing wrong with me, so he didn't understand. I had to explain that, because of my anxiety, the therapist recommended I have all the exams due to rule out everything. So, now we can safely assume that the rapid heart beat and the other symptoms are all anxiety related. I've had quite a bit of stress-related anxiety but I know it's because of how crazy the last few weeks have been. And, thankfully, it's not the intense panic and anxiety I had a few months ago. I'll be fine once this weekend is over because I'm caught up with all my work and I only have 3 classes to worry about for the next month and a half. :D Oh, that reminds me... I need a massage next week for the kinks and knots in my shoulders and back. lol.

Before I go (Philosophy assignments due tonight), I should mention that I do NOT have a Halloween costume ready for tomorrow. I originally did, and Rebecca from Modestia has first dibs on the pictures because she asked me on facebook, but I waited too long to get what I had planned. Now, I have to see what I can come up with from things I have at home. I have an idea but I won't share it because I'm going to wait and see if I can pull it off. I definitely had a hard time finding one that isn't too sexy or too revealing -- you know, like the majority of adult female costumes are. It's a problem most of us, who like to dress more modestly, encounter during times/events like these. You can also find out what Rebecca decided to wear by reading her blog on it.

Alright, well, Philosophy awaits. :D If I don't write a blog tomorrow, I hope everyone has a nice, safe Halloween. If it looks weird, don't eat/drink it! lol. :D

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D