As you can probably surmise from the post’s title, I’m really excited to share some of my Blind Girl Achievements ™ that I “unlocked” right before (and even during) Lent.
It’s been so hard for me to adjust to being legally blind. The first year was the hardest and I’m still surprised I was able to travel to Clear Creek Abbey to make my Final Act of Oblation within the year of being diagnosed and losing my eyesight. Of course, I couldn’t have done it without the selfless and caring help of my Oblate sister, sister Elisabeth, and her family. I will never forget their absolute kindness and true Benedictine spirit for that week while we travel through California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and Oklahoma and back. I am forever grateful to all of them — my sister, her husband, her girls (especially her eldest who would take my hand to make sure I wouldn’t fall down the steps to the house where we stayed at the monastery), her parents, etc — for all their help. That was also my first taste of being independent since the loss of my eyesight.
My mother has been fantastic when it comes to helping me out. In the early days, she was literally my eyes. I couldn’t do half of what I can do now. But, as I started regaining a bit of my eyesight, she wouldn’t let me to do anything. I couldn’t try to learn to do anything for myself or else there would be some disagreements that placed a lot of stress on this little family. My mother has a servant’s heart, always looking for how she can help others, but it wasn’t good for me. I need to learn how to do things for myself because she won’t always be around. My mother had me when she was a bit older and as she gets older and slows down and isn’t able to do things she once did, it’s become even more apparent that I really need to learn to fend for myself. However, it wasn’t until my mother was physically debilitated herself that she finally relented and let me figure out how to do things for myself. And so, the start of the Blind Girl Achievements began.
When she had her last dose of the shingles vaccine in early-mid February, we were more prepared. We’d learned that she would be completely out for a couple of days so I prepared. I bought a couple of pizzas (because I *still* can’t cook with fire or else I’ll burn myself) to reheat. But, of course, we couldn’t survive on just pizzas. Mom made a couple of things that I could reheat using the microwave but other things I had to learn to do on my own.
My first big test was boiling water for my mom’s coffee for breakfast. I managed to do it in a whistling tea kettle, on the stove, without burning myself! First Achievement unlocked! I poured it into the mug over the sink just in case it spilled and I tried to focus on listening to the water to hear if the kettle wasn’t pouring anything out anymore. I also tried to make sure I didn’t feel the heat from the hot kettle too close to my skin to avoid burning myself. After I poured it into the mug, I placed the mug on a tray and took it to her room without spilling or burning myself! It doesn’t sound like a big deal but when everything looks blurry and you have no depth or accurate spatial perspective, it’s a big accomplishment.
Later in the day, I hand washed dishes for the first time in almost 3 years. I’m *that* weirdo who loves cleaning and organizing and washing dishes by hand was my favorite “chore” to do before losing my eyesight. I tried to remember my method of washing — which items I washed first — and tried to follow it based on what dishes I could see. I ended up doing a few out of order but that’s okay since I was able to rearrange them on the dish drying rack. Since I’ve always washed dished sans gloves, I knew how to wash them and know when they were all clean. Luckily, all the dishes were ones I used so I didn’t have to worry about other people’s germs. lol. I was able to wash a plate, two aluminum baking trays, two bamboo bowls, a ceramic mug — my favorite to boot!, three plastic measuring cups, I don’t know how many spoons but definitely one fork… and I think that was it for the first round. I later washed more dishes and it became easier as I remembered my old groove.
That day was the first time I was able to feed myself for all three meals. Again, lots of reheating involved but it was a win for me.
A couple of weeks later — during Lent — my mom got very sick again. This time it took us by surprise. I myself was also dealing with a flare-up and was limited to what I could do but God helped me. We had, thankfully, ordered some already prepared and grilled chicken from our local grocery store so I didn’t have to worry about messing with the stove… but I had a little conundrum. The only source of protein I had that day that would fill me up was chicken… and it was on a Friday during Lent. Unfortunately, I seem to require a bit more protein and there’s only so much dairy can do so… I had to heat up the chicken and ask God for forgiveness since it was my only source of protein besides milk. Hopefully, since it was after Vespers on Friday night (I eat dinner late) and I couldn’t make myself some eggs, I was okay. (Side note: still confessed it last time I went to confession.)
I also peeled carrots — a dietary staple for me — and was able to do it without hurting myself! Yes! It wasn’t easy but I did it!
I’ve done some more things but these were the most important to me because they are necessary survival skills. I know one day I’ll have to do everything for myself. Even if / when I get a roommate (and I’ve already talked about the possibility of becoming roommates with my bestie since we’re both discerning consecrated virginity), I will have to do things for myself… and for others.
I’ll tell y’all something I’ve only told my spiritual director up until this point: I absolutely LOVED helping my mother out, even with my visual impairment. I haven’t had the privilege to help others in so long and it did my heart good to be able to do it. I’ve felt so selfish and somewhat of a burden on others in the last almost 3 years; it felt good to do something for someone else. It’s where my heart is — serving instead of being served. It’s something that was ingrained in me as a child. Again, having a mother with a servant’s heart was probably the reason why I developed this trait. I get utter joy in helping others and, in a beautiful way, reminded me of why I was discerning the vocation I’m discerning.
Being a CV is being at the service of the Church. It’s helping in any way possible through spiritual motherhood. Beyond re-learning survival skills, all these Blind Girl Achievements only reaffirmed my vocation, something that was completely unexpected. What a beautiful gift, especially in the midst of one of the most physically debilitating spells I’ve experience since before my adrenal insufficiency diagnosis and eyesight loss.
Anyway, that’s it for now. I have a lot more I want to share but I’ll save that for next time.
I hope you all had a fruitful Lenten season and are having a lovely Eastertide. Remember, we celebrate for a few more weeks!
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! 😊
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