What an interesting week I’ve had this week. It started with a trip to the ER on Monday and it’s a continuation of that… and me getting tired of having stuff. Let me explain…
I’ve been feeling sick since the end of last week. Well, it’s been longer than that — I’ve been having a rough health journey since the day before Lent began — but it got worse towards the end of last week. I thought maybe it was a cheeseburger I had (which we got delivered) because it wasn’t the best. Or perhaps it was too much stress on my body from the last dental appointment, which happened on the same day I had the burger. My blood pressure had been dipping a bit a few days before that as well but it seems it got worse during the weekend. I tried to wait it out at home but once I started displaying signs that maybe my adrenals were in trouble, I decided to go to the ER… and I’m glad I did.
I went to our local hospital — which is, thankfully, close to home — on Monday morning feeling very weak and fatigued. I felt winded when I walked. I was nauseous. And, the symptom that made me decide to go in: I was having pains in my legs, something I learned was a possible sign of an adrenal crisis (along with the other symptoms). There were very few patients there so I was taken in as soon as the COVID test showed a negative result. (Side note: they have to test me before I can be seen because I did not — and cannot — get the COVID vaccine.)
I was lucky that I got my favorite ER doctor who is the most thorough and compassionate doctor at this particular hospital. He was the one who made sure my modesty was respected when I had to get wound-care over the summer following the surgery and he’s just a lovely gentleman. Because he knew a bit of my history, he knew what to order — CT scan, blood work, and IV fluids. They were done in that order as well.
All the tests came back in the clear except one: a slightly elevated enzyme that show that my pancreas was under the weather. I had a mild case of pancreatitis and didn’t even know it. But it made sense with all the symptoms I had had for several days. Even though my electrolytes were within a good range, I was still dehydrated enough to need two big bags of IV fluids. That’s why I was feeling weak, fatigued, and why I had started getting pains in my legs. I was there for a total of about 5-6 hours, 3 of which were dedicated to the IV fluids. I left with instructions of a low-fat diet and to rest as much as possible for a few days. I have a follow-up appointment with my primary doctor next Monday and I’m still waiting to hear from my new endocrinologist as the pancreatitis may be due to all the medication I take from my Addison’s.
But that wasn’t the end of the “fun.” The paramedics were called the following day — a little over 24 hours after I left the ER — because I had an unusual and very intense reaction to the medication I take for Addison’s. The paramedics checked me out and said the dosage was most likely too high for me. They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I asked them what they thought. They said it didn’t look like I had an allergic reaction and that I could probably ride it out at home so that’s what I did. It took hours for the effects to wear off but the psychological stress is still there. I’ll be okay; just an additional medical PTSD episode I’ll entrust to God.
It’s been a ton of weird moments my body is having as a result of the pancreatitis and other stressors… but it’s shown me how far I’ve come. All of this would’ve sent me into a massive panic attack that would’ve lasted for days. Instead, I was way more calm than my mom… and even tried to joke with the paramedics even though I was breathing rapidly when they checked my vitals. I still have a long way to go but I’ve experienced so much and know my body well enough to know when things are serious and when I have to simply pray the Memorare emergency novena and wrap my Rosary beads around my hand and ride something out at home.
So, how does this fit into me being tired of owning and having so many things? Because it was during the time that I was having the intense reaction to the meds that Amazon arrived with my (early) birthday gifts… and it clicked just how unimportant certain things are. Not my gifts — my mother gave me a hardcover copy of the Commentary for Benedictine Oblates since she knew it was what I most wanted and I got myself the DVD box set of the 1985 version of the Anne of Green Gables series — but the timing was great because God used it to help me reflect on what’s most important.
The days leading up to all the craziness, I’d been trying to cut down on things on my Amazon wish list. I had CDs and DVDs on there since I’ve made the resolution to stream as little as possible (for various reasons). Most of those items have been purchased or gifted and as the list shrinks and I have more physical copies of things, the less I want. I had to delete a few things — and I regretted having others on my list, though I won’t/can’t return them — because I realized how anxious it made me to have a lot.
For years I taught myself to only get what I needed. Part of that was due to a constant financial strain we’d endured since my father’s passing in July 2009 — and part of that was because I was fine with what I had. I thought that having physical copies of the digital albums I’ve had for years would be great — and they are! — but actually seeing (as well as I can) more stuff has made me a bit anxious. I’m sure it’s more psychological than anything but I honestly didn’t realize just how much clutter I’d accumulated over the years because you don’t see it in its digital formats. Seeing the physical representations really made me realize how many things I think I want/need but don’t truly want/need them. Again, keeping all I’ve gotten but I’m definitely culling my list further as I get closer to my birthday next month. I have always said “no gifts” but I have friends whose love language is gifts and thus don’t listen to me so I have the list so that, at least, it’s something that I truly want and/or need.
As I sit here, in bed, still recovering from the worst of this bout of pancreatitis, I’m planning on going through my web cloud storage and items on my iDevices and deleting things to reduce my digital clutter. I also plan on going through my email inboxes and deleting most of them. I don’t own a laptop — just a phone, an iPad for writing and other daily tasks to help run this household, and the indestructible Fire tablet for my podcasts, audiobooks, and eBooks — so I don’t have a ton of stuff… but I still enough to spend a few hours (or maybe even days) going through everything and deleting.
Anyway, that’s it for now. Since it’s Friday, I’m fasting from music (still so hard!) and anything that isn’t a book so I’ll sit here and enjoy the quiet for a little while longer. Once the kids come home from school, it’s going to be the typical rambunctiousness until Monday morning when they go back to school. Gotta soak in the quiet while it lasts.
I hope y’all had a better week than I did, lol, though there were some great silver linings in the midst of the craziness.
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! 😊
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