Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you have all had a lovely start of the year!
I had planned on making my annual “end of year” reflection post but, at the last minute, decided against it. It was a sad day with the news of the death of my beloved Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. (Side note: as of this morning, I’m still tearing up whenever I see anything on him.) Mom and I both agreed that it didn’t feel right to celebrate so we spent the day quietly at home. I disconnected from social media a couple of hours early, and, honestly, I did as little as possible. I was feeling physically drained from the latest flare-up, feeling burnt out from the online world, and feeling sad over Pope Emeritus’ death that I didn’t want to write. So, I didn’t. Don’t ask me why his death affected me so much because I don’t know. He was *my* pope — the man who was pope when I returned to the Church and whose introverted, academic, musical personality made him a “kindred spirit” — so that might’ve been why it felt like a lost a family member.
Today was the first time I’ve felt anywhere remotely close to “normal” which is why I’m just now writing. This latest flare-up has been less intense in regards to the physical pain but it’s been more physically draining in others ways. I want to be asleep most of the day but I can’t because of the persistently noisy neighbors we’re surrounded by. I think I only got 3-4 hours of sleep on Sunday morning because one set of neighbors arrived home (making a lot of noise) a little after 1 a.m. and the other set arrived after 2 a.m. seemingly drunk and very, very loud. As someone who needs as much sleep as possible and sleeps in the living room because my bedroom is too small or me to use without potentially hurting myself, it was not fun. Needless to say, I was cranky that day due to lack of sleep but yesterday was much better.
I made the most out of National Introvert Day. I watched (as much as I can with my visual impairment) the Rose Parade because, hi! Flower lover over here. My neighbors were quieter than usual so I squeezed in a post-Rose Parade nap and took the rest of the day easy. I didn’t reply to messages that weren’t urgent. I lost myself in the book Maurice and Therese: The Story of Love by Patrick Ahern for a couple of hours. I listened to the Sabrina(1995) soundtrack on my discman while lying down and letting my body rest from sitting because, yes, even that tires me out. I finished the day watching Letters to Juliet (total comfort movie for me) on Amazon Prime since they’ve added it to their prime library and I wanted to see how good (or not) the Audio Description was. Final verdict: Netflix is still superior when it comes to AD as they get actual people to describe scenes and Prime seems to be using AI tech to do it. It’s just not as enjoyable but I appreciate the effort nonetheless. Basically, I allowed myself to take things slowly yesterday which is why I think I’m feeling a bit more energized today.
I’m still not ready to fully return to the online world but I also don’t have to. I have zero commitments to anything that has to be done online. Project 2005 is mostly offline though not entirely screen-free. I’m on day 3 of my social media detox and I’m already noticing a difference in my stress levels. I don’t get some news right away — I have to look things up once my mom lets me know of something she saw on the news — but that seems to be what I need and have needed for so long. I do have a bit of FOMO but it’s nothing that I can’t work through with God’s help.
I briefly mentioned Project 2005 because, honestly, except for a couple of little things I’ve been able to do even with my fatigue, I haven’t done much for it. Today was the first time I was able to do the big work that was necessary for the rest of this month’s work to go as smoothly as possible. I’m going to tackle it in parts — and in smaller parts within those parts — to avoid burning myself out, trying to finish everything right before the year ends. Little Miss Procrastinator over here needs to do this or else… Stress City, population: Me. All I can say about the work I’ve already done is… it’s probably the easiest part of what I’m going to do. It’s the foundation, in a way, and the rest is going to require harder work… but it’s work I’m willing to do.
So, it doesn’t look like a lot is going on with me… but a lot is. It’s mostly interior and I’m going to slowly share as things get clarified and solidified. Part of those things have to do with my vocation (and it may not be what people are expecting from me but here we are…), part of it has to do with my growth as a person, and part of it has to do with the potential fruits of Project 2005. I wish I could share about it all right now… but it’s too early to be sure of anything. Some things I still have to run through my spiritual director first as well. As I said, things need to be figured out first and then I’ll go from there.
Alright, my wireless keyboard’s battery is about to completely drain so I’m going to end this post here. Nothing important; just a simple update for friends who are wondering what’s going on. I’m fine, just sleeping whenever I can and trying to rest to be able to tackle all the other things I have coming up in the next couple of weeks/months. And, yes, I’m up for viewing parties for the the rest of the week because next week starts the first big part of the Project and I may go hours without checking any messages. You’ve all been properly warned… if you read this post. Lol.
I hope the next post will be more interesting than this one. I just wanted to write for a bit today so… here we are. Lol.
Again, I hope you are all having a lovely start of the New Year!
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! 😊
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