Monday, August 8, 2016

Returning to Confession and Mass

5 weeks. 5 long weeks of no confession, no Mass, and no Eucharist. Illnesses, lack of a/c in the car on days in which heat waves had no mercy, and a number of other obstacles (some mental) that prevented us from going. I didn't like it. I didn't feel "right." I had too many things pop up -- a lot of old, bad habits that I was unprepared to face again.

Has anyone ever experienced that before -- the longer you stay away from the confessional and Mass, the easier it is to fall into terrible habits? I was doing well and the chips hit the fan. I became angry over how people were treating me -- an emotion I've been told I shouldn't experience despite how I was treated. There were arguments between my mother and I over a ton of miscommunications and other factors beyond my control. It became easier to be uncharitable when my neighbors did or said something unkind to/about us.

This past Saturday we finally made it to confession and we attended Mass yesterday. Can you heard the angels singing? We almost hit a snag on Saturday but were able to overcome it and we went. I even thought "why go? I don't want to go" but I still went because I knew better. It felt lovely to wipe the slate (almost) clean. I say "almost" because I know some stuff will linger and purgatory will be waiting (I hope). I felt renewed; energized. Somehow the habits that had returned were easier to ignore and not continue after confession. I'm not sure if it was the power of confession, the knowledge that my sins had been absolved, or a combination of both. God's grace is amazing and powerful. Yesterday's Mass at 6:45 a.m. (my favorite) was solemn and lovely despite the sound system not cooperating with the monsignor who celebrated the Mass.

I hope to don't go a long time without attending Mass again. The car's a/c has been fixed and the temperatures have been quite low for L.A. summer standards lately. I have an idea of how to keep myself healthier for the weekend. I know, thanks to my current doctor who is seriously on top of multiple blood tests to determine the cause of my illnesses, that I have folate deficiency at the moment so lentils and lots of foods rich in folic acid are in my future.

I still feel a bit off; a disconnect from God. I think that may be normal. We won't always feel close to Him even when He is with us. I suspect mine is left over from the 5-week gap. That and I had a crummy two weeks with a lot of inner turmoil with friendship and parental issues that I'm just now overcoming.

Anyway, just wanted to share these thoughts. Not sure if they'll be of much help to anyone but I needed to get them out. Keep me accountable, y'all.

I should go try to get some more tortillas in my system. There was a gas leak in our building and the gas has been shut off since Thursday. That means we've been eating out (which has gotten expensive) and/or eating things we can heat in the microwave. Though several men from the gas company are here, still no word on when we can use our stoves again. Or shower. I miss showering. Baby wipes aren't the same but at least I don't stink. lol. Wish us luck. ;)

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D


AnneMarie said...

I'm so happy that you got to make it to Mass and Confession! I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through not being able to attend for so long. I also see myself slipping into bad behaviors more easily/frequently when I don't make it to the Sacraments as often-it is a good reminder just how much we need God's presence and abundant graces in our lives!

Joe Potillor said...

Yep, when one is away from Him, it is so easy to fall into bad habits. Still praying for you out here :), hope to catch up soon, God bless :)

crouss said...

What a relief it was to return to mass, confession and the Holy Eucharist. Seeing the consecration of the Body of Christ has to be reassuring. I pray that you get an improved financial situation that you won't have to go through what you did about missing mass for such a long period of time.
Writing has helped you through this rough period with God's help.

What a fighter you are.

God Bless