I've been having these dreams quite often (they are now averaging twice a week) and it's always the same struggle -- I am fighting with the evil one and the darkness that surrounds him. The person who is with me (or whose prayer helps me) varies but it's mostly St. Benedict of Nursia followed by St. Michael Archangel and the Blessed Virgin Mary. While the dreams are usually different, the basics are always the same: I see a literal darkness wherever I am, I always end up with some kind of light in my hands (this can range from blessed candles, candles in general, or a ray of light that I am holding in my hand), and I fearlessly (dream Emmy is a fighter) go forth and into battle. Sometimes I have a saint's physical presence there with me. In past dreams I've even had the Infant of Prague smile at me, encouraging me to go on, before I tackle whatever it is that I'm fighting. Sometimes it's St. Benedict standing next to me and sometimes it's just a prayer of a saint (like reciting the "Ave Maria") that helps me.
While these dreams aren't strange for me (I've been having saint dreams since my reversion -- many of which you can find on this blog), the frequency hasn't been typical. It's only been over the past month or so that they've been coming with frequency. I don't do anything out of the ordinary. I mean, I pray the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary before bed but I've prayed before bed before. I'm not going to say that there is a supernatural significance to them but I think it's something. Whether that something is my subconscious wrestling with my anxiety, whether it's because I feel like I currently have no clue as to what God wants me to do (call it a post-grad slump), or whether it's actually something I should look into as a sign from God, I don't know. All I know is that I have these dreams... and I often wake up tired from them.
I've been thinking that I need to step up my studying of the faith. I feel like there is still so much I haven't learned or properly explored yet. I was so poorly Catechized that I need to educate myself before I can help other. Maybe that is the reason why I'm having these kinds of dreams; maybe I need to arm myself with knowledge so I can help fight the religious apathy that has a grip on my generation. God knows His plans for me and I welcome them with open arms and an open heart. Anyway, just rambling on for a bit while my anxiety was going loco.
Oh! Since it's Monday, I'll share a song that's really hit close to home lately. I'm still trying to get into Catholic artists (don't shoot me, I'm getting there; hey, at least Hunter Hayes is Catholic and I've been a fan of his for a year now :-P) and Audrey Assad is the first one I've really loved. Her song, "The House You're Building" is one that, I feel, really represents where I am in my life right now... and one that I am sure a lot of young Catholics can relate to. The part that I love is "I'm a broken stone / So lay me down in the house you're building..."
If you want to watch Audrey explaining the inspiration behind the song, watch this video:
Alright, I really should get those two book reviews done. I wish I could say that I had all four but I cannot get The Hobbit done. It's because I've gotten busy with other things... and I am not completely invested in the story so it feels like a chore to read it. In fact, I haven't read it in days... almost a week.
I hope you all have a fantastic week. If you have any prayer requests, please let me know. :D
As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D
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