Monday, January 25, 2016

The Reason Why I Don't Always Post What I Want

No, the title is not click bait. I'm going to tell you exactly why I don't always post what I want and why some things never make it out of the "drafts" folder. Before I get into that, though, I'll give a little update on what's been going on with me. I promise it's all connected.

As most of you know, my big brother came to visit us from Texas for the week. It was great to see him and we had fun on our adventures (seriously still recovering from all those times we went out) but I don't think I've ever gotten so much out of one of his visits before.

He was not happy to see me so thin. In fact, his parting words to me were "you can do it! Get healthier. Gain some weight. You can do it!" (side note: yes, he said it twice.) Thankfully he didn't even see me at my thinnest. I am slowly gaining weight and getting healthier. My energy levels have risen significantly since I've started implementing some of the things I came up with to combat SAD as well as eliminated wheat from my diet. While I tested negative for a gluten allergy we've noticed that after eating wheat I'm physically and mentally drained. I've decided that, unless it's an emergency or it's the Eucharist, I'll be eliminating it from my diet. Receiving the Eucharist doesn't physical drain me; I've already tried it. :) So I'm making great strides there.

My stress levels are practically nonexistent. I think having my bro here also helped since he made sure I wasn't at home if he could help it. I didn't even stress or have any anxiety during rush hour traffic through Hollywood. Yeah, it's quite miraculous. lol. The great thing about him is that he's like my personal cheerleader. If he sees me start to doubt myself, he begins saying "you can do it. Don't have a care about it; just do it!"

This weekend I've been thinking about his words "you can do it! Don't have a care about it; just do it!" I had written a blog post yesterday but I didn't post it because I was worried about what others might've thought about the topic. My brother's words kept replaying until I went "well, darn it... it's my blog. Why am I so worried about what I write?" Hello realization that I don't always post what I want out of fear of what others think... especially when it comes to the faith.

I'm just gonna say it: I don't always post what I want because I've been accused of being "too pious" and/or too religious. I've become very self-conscious about what I share, not only on my blog and social media but also in person and with friends, because of the comments and eye rolls. I didn't say or write things to seem pious; I said and wrote them because that's what I felt and that's what I felt compelled to share. These days, I feel like I almost have to hide that part of myself because of what others say, which is incredibly silly of me to do but that people pleasing side of myself occasionally slips back into that terrible habit.

That's the thing though -- my faith is, by far, the biggest thing in my life. I've chosen to make God my main focus. I may not always share it and I'll fail at times but it's always there. The realization that I've hidden it out of fear of other's comments has made me very sad yet very determined to shed that fear. I don't need that in my life. I'm doing a disservice to God in keeping my love for Him to myself.

Yeah... you guys may not like the kinds of posts I will start posting in the upcoming weeks but, well, that's going to be the new normal. I'm sorry. What I'm going to write is what I think and what I feel. If you don't think or feel the same way, that's totally fine. I'm not here to judge anyone or anything but my own actions. You can disagree with me. You can say things to make me feel bad about my "ridiculous piety." Though I'm admittedly a sensitive person, I'm going to prepare myself for the comments and turn the other cheek. I'm not going to fight it. I'm sorry but I just can't keep doing it. Very curious that I got St. Rose of Lima as my patron saint for the year in Jen Fulwiler's random saint name generator last month. ;)

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest. Talking and/or writing things out helps me process things and also gives me an incentive to go through with the plans so... there you go.

I'm really enjoying my time away from social media with all the eBooks and audiobooks that I've been checking out of the Los Angeles Public Library so I'm going to start one of the two new books I got today. :)

I hope y'all had a great weekend and that you have a wonderful week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D


Stephen said...

I've never found you to be too religious or pious - I mean, what does someone expect of a Blog title Catholic Nerd Writer? It's right there in the name! :)

Anyways, I just want to say thank you for those moments when you do share - it's helped me in my own personal journey of faith, and help me grow more, and want to learn more too! I've especially enjoyed when you share about doing Novenas - that's something I'm still learning to do more, and unraveling the wonders to be found there.

Blessings (and yes, listen to your brother)!

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thank you, Stephen. Haha, yeah, I guess it IS in the name but apparently some posts make people uncomfortable. *shrugs*

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad my ramblings have helped somehow. I'll definitely be doing more novenas on the blog in the upcoming weeks. I miss doing them. :)

I'll be sure to listen to my brother for once. lol. jk.

Amanda Marie said...

I can totally relate to what you said about people saying you are "too religious." I have gotten that a lot. I have realized that my blog is for me and your blog is for you. We can post whatever we want. Sure, posts on religion will always offend someone but I don't try to hide it. I just try to make sure that I word things in the most charitable way so that I do not intentionally hurt anyone.
Anyway, post what you want and I will still be reading. I probably don't comment near as much as I mean to since I make the comments in my head and never get them to the comment box. Whoops!
I hope you have a great rest of the week and don't be afraid to be you.

AnneMarie said...

Ooh, I'm really excited to see the new posts you put up-I love it when people get super comfortable with their blogs and post what they really think about things :) I personally can't stand it when people get all belligerent at those kinds of posts (it's like they don't realize that they're yelling over the internet to a real, live person!), but I like it a lot when people disagree and respectfully comment or try to find middle ground (I definitely had some of that going on-the respectful stuff-in a post I wrote about not following "pregnancy rules," which was very refreshing).

Alli Faber said...

I'm proud of you! The world censors us enough, we shouldn't have to censor ourselves in what should be a personal space. Your blog should be your feelings and thoughts. I fully support you!

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thank you for the support! I will be sure to keep your words in mine whenever I feel like chickening out on a topic. God bless!

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thank you! I have a number of things I've wanted to write about over the years but haven't had the guts to write about until now.

I agree, I think some people fail to realize that they're interacting with fellow human belong with feelings.

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thanks, Alli! ❤️

Sonia said...

What, I thought I was on a Catholic website! Welcome back!

Emmy Cecilia said...

lol. Stil is Catholic but I don't always post more controversial posts.