Feeling the Loss of Community

 

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

Even though I haven’t been able to do as much as I would’ve wanted by this point (for the year) because I’ve spent the last several months in bed, God has been opening up my eyes to things that I’ve known were true but have only become “real” during this time. One of the two biggest ones I’ve been really contemplating lately is how the lack of community really affects us.

Earlier today, a friend sent me a YouTube video link for a video on a woman’s progress in ditching her smartphone. One of the things she talked about was how downgrading to a “dumb phone” showed that not only did she get so few calls that she wanted to install a landline instead of having a cell phone (because people don’t like to call anymore) but that it really drove home how much we need community outside of the virtual world. And I agree. I used a flip phone for THREE days earlier this month and I got almost no texts and zero calls. Granted, it was only three days (though I’m still on a quest to figure out how to use it without it giving me a migraine) but even with a smartphone, we just don’t communicate like we used to. 

Most of us (and I’m including myself in this category) update our social media feeds and expect people to know what’s going on with us. “Didn’t you see my update?” Is something I’ve seen/read more than once. It’s become an expectation; like a mass email that we expect everyone to get and know. But we don’t. I’ve been trying to be more conscience of not doing this. If something major is going on, I will go through my contacts list and message those whom I want to share the news with. If it’s something that I feel needs more than a quick text, I’ll send them an email with details for them to read when they can. But this is just my thing. I don’t expect everyone else to do it as well.

But this also goes beyond social media. I feel the loss of community as a whole. As much as I appreciate the wonderful offline friendships I’ve made thanks to the internet, an online community cannot substitute an in-person one. I’ve read studies about towns in Italy and other places where most of their residents are healthy and living to old age because of how strong their community is. We are not meant to live alone and the longer I’m stuck at home, the more obvious it becomes.

I don’t live on my own; I live with my widowed mother. But you can tell the difference when we’ve had conversations in person with neighbors. It doesn’t happen often for me as I only go out for doctor appointments and hospital visits but I honestly notice how interacting with people really does impact my health in a positive way. Sadly, I don’t get many visitors as most friends are currently living far away (and more are leaving California) and those who *do* live here are busy with their own lives (it feels like everyone is working more than usual just to be able to afford life necessities) so I don’t get to see anyone. I think the last friend who visited came in December (shout out to Br. Chris, OFM Conv!) and before him no one in several months. I know it’s because everyone is trying to keep me healthy (I’ve had friends cancel plans to visit because they’ve gotten sick) and I’m so grateful for their consideration and love…. But it still stinks.

Before the pandemic, we used to find ways to hang out — go out for a meal, go to Mass together, go exploring, etc. I even felt the great sense of community with my fellow parishioners when I used to go to daily Mass (at least three times per week), even if I didn’t really talk to many people. I was thriving (despite my quickly escalating health issues) during that time. And then the lockdowns happened. And then my health got to where it is now and with it came restrictions. 

Some of those doctor-ordered restrictions have lessened lately but not all. I still have to mask when I go out, especially if I won’t be outdoors with some distance from others; people still have to wear masks when visiting because we live in an apartment and don’t have a private area to entertain guests outside. Part of me wants to rebel against those orders but then I remember how important obedience is. As long as I’m not doing anything contrary to the Faith, I mst obey my doctors’ orders. 

Some people are not comfortable with masks because of what happened during the pandemic, with the restrictions and the mandates. And I totally get it. The last time we went to Mass, my mom said we got a couple of dirty looks from people because we wore masks. I’m glad I didn’t see it and I would’ve been okay not knowing it. But that’s the reality.

And, again, I get it. If I was healthy enough, this wouldn’t be an issue. If I didn’t have an adrenal insufficiency — for which even a “simpe” stomach flu requires me to double up on medication and/or head to the ER for an emergency dose of hydrocortisone and/or IV fluids — I would be out and about or not having to aak friends to be a little more careful when visiting.

The one thing that my time in bed, away from the Sacraments and a community, has taught me is that I really need that community. At the moment, it’s my inability to go out for long periods of time that has me away from all of that. I can endure dirty looks from folks for masking (side note: I wore masks during flu season for years before the pandemic because my immune system has been shot for years). I can endure having to take extra time to get to and from places when using Access Paratransit or paying a lot of $$$ to use Lyft to get to Mass. I just need my body to cooperate with me. As summer begins (though it still feels like winter/spring in L.A. at the moment), my opportunities for Mass shrink as my body has a harder time regulating temperatures — anything over 75 degrees Fahrenheit and I start to get nauseous and faint; anything over 68 and I start sweating cold, I get nauseous, and faint. 

I also think about how dangerous simply going outside our apartment has become. Shootings. Stabbings. Multiple of our female neighbors almost getting muggged. A homeless guy went up to my mom, hugged her and kissed her cheek while walking to do a nearby errand a few months ago… and this was months after she nearly got mugged twice in the same morning when going grocery shopping. There is a big worry about me going out on my own because I can’t see faces or details so I’m more vulnerable to these things but, honestly, I would brave it (and ask my Guardian Angel and St. Joseph to protect me) if I could just feel well enough to go to Mass.

That’s all I want — to get to Mass in person. I want to be around other Catholics and feel that community, even if o one talks to me or approaches me because homegirl needs to mask until doctors (my endo more than anyone at this point) give me the all clear).

I’ve been asking God to help me figure out if this city / state is where God wants me. I’ve tried to find ways to leave but something always happens I’m stuck. I was planning on moving pre-pandemic but then that happened and then my health issues happened so I was forced to stay. Finances are currently what’s keeping me here; I can find doctors or my conditions anywhere. I would have to live near a city or suburbs to make life as a visually impaired/legally blind person easier in terms of transportation and life basics (getting food delivered, etc) but I think I could do that anywhere… as long as it was where God wanted me.

This ended up being way longer than I intended but I think I’ll stop here because y’all get the gist of it… and my alarm just went off for Terce.

I’ll leave y’all with this: if you are able to be a part of a community — no matter how small — be grateful. I never knew what a blessing it was until I was deprived of one. If you have friends who are homebound due to health issues, chec in with them once in a while. Even us introverts appreciate a phone call once in a while; it helps us feel less lonely. And if you’re in my shoes, don’t despair. Keep asking God for that community that you long for. I pray for mine, though I haven’t seen most for months/years at this point. God will make sure you (and I) will find the one we most need when we need it.

I hope you all have a lovely solemnity of the Most Holy Sacred Heart of Jesus and a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!