What Do I Have to Offer You, Lord?

“What do I have to offer You, Lord?”

This has been the question I’ve been pondering as I prepare to move forward with my vocation discernment. 

Yes, I’m still moving forward and have continued to do so despite having gone through the worst spiritual dryness I’ve ever experienced in my life and especially since my reversion in September 2006. I’ve already written about that so I won’t repeat all of that. Suffice to say, it was an incredible blessing to have endured it, even if I had an tremendously difficult time in it. 

This Lent has been very vocation and “Emmy” oriented. (For those of you who are new around here: Emmy is my nickname and is the name I used online before I began writing professionally). I didn’t plan for it to be this way. In fact, I didn’t have major plans for it because I was still coming out of the spiritual desert and, after discussing the situation with my SD, it was decided to not do too much because of the state of my spiritual life with the time. I have my Lenten penances/offerings in place but I was going to focus on keeping my spiritual life afloat and adding daily Mass to the mix, even if only streamed due to my health obstacles. 

So far, Lent has brought me back to how things were pre-pandemic lockdowns. Daily Mass (I drove to our local FSSP parish; our home parish every chance I got). Divine Office hours. Solid spiritual life. That naturally led to my vocation discernment. I really can’t say much more about that at this time because I don’t have much except that the green light to move forward is on and I’m just waiting for the formal process to begin.

Part of the process in moving forward has included asking what I can offer the Los Angeles Archdiocese and the Church in general. It’s not something that we’re required to ponder but it’s something that I’ve personally had to think about, especially since my discernment and state in life now is vastly different from what it was at the beginning. 

Losing my eyesight and having to radically change my lifestyle to fit my medical and health needs has altered what I can offer. I can’t work as an SLP (speech-language pathologist) as I had hoped and studied for due to my eyesight. I can’t volunteer to do much at my parish. I served on the hospitality committee for only a few months before lockdowns went into effect. Reflecting on that, and how I’m limited to what I can do, has had me thinking about what I can offer. 

I know God has given me two big gifts — “interpersonal intelligence” and writing. I don’t think I’m a particularly good writer (no, that is not me fishing for compliments) but I never lack work or offers to write. I also don’t know why on earth people seek my advice on things but I know that my heart feels full when I’m able to help others that way. I was considering finally taking a chance on getting a Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) license and even attended a virtual open house at my alma mater before losing my eyesight but that didn’t work out for obvious reasons.

“What can I offer You, Lord?” 

I don’t know the answer to that question. Beyond offering up my physical suffering, I don’t know what I have to offer. I’m not going to stress myself out trying to get the answer, either. Instead of pestering God for a concrete answer, I’m going to focus on taking things as they come and living in the present instead of the future like I’d always done up until recently. 

If God is truly calling me to be a consecrated virgin living in the world as I believe He is, I know the answer will be clear when it’s meant to. For now, I will continue to focus on my relationship with Christ and my prayer life as they will be the most important things in my life moving forward.

Anyway, just a couple of thoughts from this gal. :)

I hope y’all had a lovely weekend and have a great rest of the week. 

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.