Last Thursday I had my first proper spiritual direction meeting in (I kid you not) 5 years. It took a while to find a good priest with whom I could talk openly without feeling self-conscience. For the record, I was open to other spiritual directors but it just happened that the one I found is an awesome priest. :D Anyway, it was much needed. I've been feeling stuck in my spiritual life and I needed someone to talk to about it. Of course, I can't say what I talked to him about but I definitely got a chance to work out some things that I was struggling with.
While I know my vocation and I feel at peace with the change of career, there are still things that I need help figuring out. While I wait to fulfill my vocation as wife and mother I have to take care of myself; not just physically but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I need to work on having a better relationship with God before I can do anything else. I will never stop growing in my relationship with the Lord and I occasionally need to change things, like my prayer life, in order to be able to continue to keep growing. The things that worked for me in my early to mid 20s were great because they helped me in my reversion back to the faith... but I feel like I'm ready for the next step. I reverted to the Faith seven years ago this month (this week, I think). I've learned a lot and I still learn something new every day. (Side note: I should really try harder to keep up my What I Learned Wednesday posts since I am still learned... and everyone seems to have either forgotten that we're in the Year of Faith or the enthusiasm for it has died down since it's not the "new" ("shiny") thing for us.) I will, of course, share the journey with y'all but it may be slow. I can't expect things to change overnight.
One thing I will share with y'all is something I learned (or, I should say, I was reminded of) over the weekend. Seeing Channing deactivate her Twitter and Facebook accounts (as she is entering Carmel soon; listen to her vocation journey here) and remembering that Pope Francis didn't want to be Pope reminds me that God's will for us is greater and better than what we have planned for ourselves. We get so wrapped up in our own problems (i.e. I get stressed out over my stomach problems and my mom's gradual loss of memory) and other things that we fail to remember that we owe it to God and ourselves to let things go, to trust Him, and to try to do His will. As I told my spiritual director, I do trust God but my PTSD and anxiety occasionally has me wanting to have some control instead of letting go completely. It's something I have to work on because I know He will take care of me. If I suffer, oh well, I will learn and use it to grow closer to Him. I need to get out of the "me, me, me" mentality and focus on Him. I am starting to sound redundant so I'll stop here. ;)
Anyway, I am going to try to live up to my "novena machine" nickname (y'all would be surprised how many people and how often I get asked to do novenas -- which I love to do! Seriously, load me up!). I won't be posting this week's WILW post because I don't want double posts during the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati novena that begins tomorrow.
A few friends on Twitter already signed up for it so I want to keep the posts consistent so that no one misses a day. If you want to join in, let me know. If you want a daily reminder on Twitter or the blog's FB page and I'll gladly remind you. :D
And now I should really get going because I have tutoring to do in about half an hour and I want to prepare since it's the first session with the new student. :)
I hope you all had a great weekend (and didn't fail to go to Mass like I did - long story that involved anxiety, lightheaded/weakness, and stomach problems keeping me home). Don't forget to check out my twitter or this blog daily for the day's Bl. Pier Giorgio novena prayers (scheduled to go up at 8 a.m. PST).
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D
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