Monday, June 6, 2011

Little Nerd Vacation; Repairing My Relationship with God

I promise this picture, which I actually took (well, it's a screencap of the brief time I explored Second Life as part of my Art History course a year ago), is relevant to the post. And, yes, that's supposed to be the avatar version of myself. ;)

It may seem that I've already taken a break from posting but it is not so. Sorry but the days leading up to my birthday, my birthday, and the week after it has been pretty busy. Also, I ran across some writer's block so hence lack of posts. All of this activity has left me a bit drained (I'm so a Phlegmatic-Sanguine, lol) so I'm going to take a break from some of my online activity. Yes, I am having a little nerd's vacation. I'll more than likely blog post more often but I'll be on Twitter and Facebook less often. The only posts that will go up will be whatever is updated on Twitter through Foursquare and GetGlue, as well as links to new posts on this blog, but I think that will be it.

Before I get asked this, and I know I will, the reason for my break is simple. First (as I said) I'm a bit drained and I need time to recoup from everything. These past couple of days have not been easy on me. I asked for some clarity from God and I've gotten it so I'm going to take some time for myself. I especially came to the realization that I've shared more about myself lately than I usually do (on Twitter and FB) and I'm uncomfortable with the amount of prying into my more personal business people have done as a result. I've always been open (as you can read on the blog; I am honest on here) but to a certain degree. I'll only talk about things I feel comfortable sharing and I have never liked being pestered about things I do not want to disclose. If I say I don't wish to share something it's because I truly don't, not because I want to be asked repeatedly. I feel like I should be entitled to keep certain things to myself and my wishes to have this have not been honored and it doesn't make me feel good. Also, I've had a few problems with being taken advantage of and then having that person get terribly upset at me for not doing what they want. I'm only one girl and I can't do everything to please everyone. As much as I love you guys and appreciate everything y'all have done for me, there have been a few things that I have not been okay with that have hurt me. In order to maintain my sanity, and in order to keep myself on the right path, the only answer is to take a breather.

Second: well, I'm not really doing anything extraordinary; just taking a step back and disconnecting myself for the online world so that I can focus on sort of rebuilding my relationship with God (which I've felt has been stagnant for a while now). Trust me, I feel like the Catholic elitism online I've encountered as well as the negativity have affected me more than I would like to admit. I miss the times when we might've disagreed on things but we did it respectfully instead of trading insults. The criticizing, the name calling, the manipulating -- I imagine that the Lord would not be happy with some of our actions and I want to go back and repair my relationship with Him. I'll admit I've been caught up with the judging (though I've been able to catch myself and instantly regret doing it) and it's so unhealthy to do. Of course, it's human weakness but I should know better. This is a new side of myself that I am truly unhappy with. As I said, I will continue to blog because I want to show my progress (and any temporary roadblocks and failed attempts along the way) but that's pretty much the extent of my socializing for a couple of weeks.

I'm going to be spending time in my garden, reading books, praying, and just relaxing. I probably won't be sleeping in and indulging in other vacation staples (drat!) but it'll be good for me and in turn will make me someone y'all can rely on for things I am unable to give at the moment due to my feeling overwhelmed. :) I will post regularly as I will now have a reason to; so no one will think I got kidnapped by aliens during my vacation. lol.

Anyway, I'm off to get some things in order for said vacation. :) I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a great week. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

6 comments:

Maria said...

Totally understand. I hope you have a good break!

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thanks, Maria. :)

Dan Sealana said...

Emmy,

I understand the frustration and burnout that can happen in the "social media" world. I feel it often. When I spoke to the Austin Catholic New Media folks a few weeks ago, I warned them about burning themselves out online and being hyper-connected. It's something I try to constantly remind myself, too. Over-indulging in good things is still gluttony.

I hope you have a relaxing break from the internet.

Peace!
- Dan

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thanks, Dan!

Mike said...

We all go through these phases in the faith, especially when one is in the process of conversion of self (I can attest to the same personally). The online world can add to the noise of our lives, even if it is a Catholic online world that we engage in.

May the Lord guide you in peace and consolation during this time of reflection.

Emmy Cecilia said...

Thank you, Mike. :)