And the anxiety strikes again. Grr! I had to leave my English Literature class early today -- only making it through less than half the class -- because of my anxiety. One of these days I will say it's no longer an issue but for now, it stinks. After months of being pretty good and not having major anxiety, it's struck in a big way.
The worst anxiety attacks I've had have happened last Saturday (not this past Saturday), last Wednesday, and last night. As I mentioned in the previous post, I thought they would have to take me to the hospital twice but I knew it was anxiety so I tried my hardest to stick it out. Last night was the second worst attack I've had in a long time. It started earlier in the day (it was a complete miracle I made it through the Mass) but got bad at night. It lasted a good 2 hours or so before I was calm enough to even think about sleeping. My poor mom stayed up with me until nearly midnight and then dad woke up to take over until I was alright. I'll tell you, all of this sucks. (Pardon my language!)
One of the good things about the anxiety is that, since I've already lived through enough panic attacks to know when it's anxiety, I don't wig out as much as I used to... thus allowing me to calm down even sooner. I think it got worse last night because I remembered all the work I am behind on (mainly: my History of World Religions class) and that didn't help much.
I had a St. Dymphna prayer/holy card on my desk in English class today, but I think since I was offended a bit during class, that didn't help my anxiety at all.
See, today we sat around in a circle and read John Milton's "Paradise Lost". Now, that alone, with the little anxiety I had before class, made me nervous. We take turns reading and, uh, I am not the best reader when it comes to reading out loud. To myself, I'm a quick reader but I hate public speaking. Anyway, I was okay with it, I can usually handle that... until someone in class called God a... well, let's just say it's one of the worst things someone can call God. I immediately went "WHOA" and said it loud, in the person's direction. He tried to explain himself, and I understood what he was trying to say, but the fact that he called God that specific word really ticked me off. Our professor tried to bring things back into perspective and say things the way they should've been said... but I was peeved, and so was the girl who sat next to me. Even she said it was a bit extreme to call Him that word. I said out loud that I was offended and made it clear that I was upset.
I don't care what your religious beliefs are... you NEVER insult God with that word. EVER! If you disagree with Catholicism or Christianity, that's your prerogative, just be careful how you phrase things because people will be offended if you don't. I'm just saying. I think that's what might've triggered my whole "I can't breathe; anxiety; must leave class 'cause I feel sick" thing. The guy kept glancing at me after that. Hey, if you insult God, I will make it known that it's completely unacceptable. I would've said more to him about how completely disrespectful that was and given him my 2 cents but that would've just opened up a bigger can on worms. I am prepared to back up my feelings on Wednesday (if the Lord gives me enough strength to make it through without anxiety) if the guy wants to clear up what he said.
So, there you go. If you ever want to get me angry, that's the way to do it.
Man, if I wasn't already feeling like I was going to lose it (anxiety-wise) I would've spoken my mind until there was no tomorrow. Okay and... rant over, I promise.
Okay, well, I should probably email my professor as to why I left early so I'm going to do that.
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
P.S. Check out my new friend Matthew's blog Fallible Blogma. It's awesome!