Ladies, Don't Romanticize Your Celebrity Crushes

I wasn't going to do it. I wasn't going to blog until I finished studying... and I still have a lot of studying to do for tomorrow and Saturday's exams. I was going to wait until this weekend to blog (and I do have a few posts in mind) but then I read this article about why Harry Styles would be the "best boyfriend" the writer will never have and I had to write this because I feel very strongly about this topic.

This was the reason why I wanted to finish and publish the third novel. The fantasy world that so many young women (and some young men) live in because of their crushes on celebrities is seriously unhealthy. Social media has made it worse because it's now easier than ever to get in touch with someone famous that you like. Ladies, I'm so sorry to burst your bubble but who we usually see on interviews, tv shows, movies, on stage, etc... that's usually either a completely different persona or just one small part of who that person is. I'm going to admit that I know this firsthand because the last guy I dated is also an actor.

My ex-boyfriend presented (to the public) someone who was completely different than who he was in private. His fans thought (and possibly still think) he was this very sweet, humble, Christian guy... and I got someone who was emotionally and mentally manipulative and somewhat abusive. This was a guy who, while I accompanied him to a conference in which he made a "celebrity" appearance, thought it was funny to say "hey, look at this picture" and show me a pornographic shot (think Playboy-style) of a naked woman. I obviously looked away right away and I was sick to my stomach over the photo... but he thought it was just hilarious to defile my eyes and my mind. After we broke up and I cut him out of my life, he spread so many lies about me and he hacked into my emails and accounts to try to ruin me and my reputation. Now you see why my friends and I joke about his needing an exorcism?

The fangirls generally don't see how dangerous and how destructive some of the lifestyle choices their favorite celebrities make... or they choose not to care because of the crush. The drinking, the drugs, the sleeping around, the excess, etc. They do so many things that lead these people astray and they do these things behind closed doors because they don't want to alienate their fanbase. These girls buy into this myth that their celebrity crush is clean-cut and wholesome... or they see part of how they truly are and they glorify these dangerous actions. "This is the new Millennium..." "It's his/her life..." "Who are you to judge?" "Who cares what he/she is doing; he/she is hot..." I've seen and heard it all... and have seen them then try to emulate their crushes' actions because they want to be liked by them. Our culture is very used to Kardashian-style openness that doesn't hide very much from their fanbase... but there's still a lot that people don't see. These people have publicists and things they don't want you to know or see. Of course, just like with every profession/career out there, there are exceptions to the rule (and I still have acquaintances within the biz)... but, sadly, there are not enough good people who are honest and moral in the entertainment biz.

As someone who became a teenager in the late 90s/early 00s boy-band boom (I was a teenager between 1998 and 2004), I totally get celebrity crushes. I still get "celebrity crushes" like once every 4-5 years or so which feels weird now because I'm 32. lol. It's different for me because I usually "crush" on the talent and not so much on the person because of what I've lived through. Tom Hiddleston? A talented guy who can really act. Before Hiddleston it was James McAvoy; same reasons -- talented but it ended there. I think if I had to pick someone right now, I'd say my current "celebrity crush" might be Danny O'Donoghue from The Script because that man can write a great song... but the crush starts and ends there... and I'm still selective of which songs I buy and I wait for clean version of songs because I like my songs innuendo and cuss-free. lol.

I truly believe this is not just a celebrity crush thing. I think, sadly, many women romanticize their crushes (whether they're famous or the boy-next-door) and they project their own thoughts and feelings about them onto the person. I've lived through that myself; very few of us are immune to it. But I think it's gotten worse with the younger generation. They have this romanticized idea of what love is supposed to be like... how relationships are meant to play out... what an "ideal" boyfriend is supposed to be like, etc. All of that greatly distorts what true love is and it sets them up for heartache and unrealistic expectations.

I wish I could get more into this topic because it's one I feel strongly about but let's just say that I feel like we should do what we can to help any person who might be falling into this trap. If you yourself fall into their category, please don't think I'm attacking you. I'm just trying to help open your eyes to the reality. You do yourself, the person you're crushing, and your future spouse a disservice by living in a fantasy world. Yes, real life can be much harder and less predictable than fantasy-land... but it's also so much more beautiful and fulfilling than whatever fantasy your imagination can come up with. Not to mention, if you fall into lustful fantasies about your crushes, you need to get to the confessional asap. Slippery slope, y'all.

Okay, I think that's all I'm going to say for now. I've already spent too much time writing this (as quickly as I could) instead of studying. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and I hope to write again this weekend... if I can get Saturday's exam completed early.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Mental and Emotional Purity

Many people (who have excellent taste in films and shows) have been raving about The Crown on Netflix so, naturally, I wanted to watch it. I have Netflix for a couple more days (I got it for a month) and have been attempting to add it to my queue but it never showed up. I wondered why I kept adding it without success. I thought it was a glitch on Netflix's end until I tried to watch it on my laptop as opposed to my TV (which is hooked to Roku and allows me to watch Netflix, Feeln, EWTN, etc). So, what was the reason? The Crown is rated TV-MA. TV-MA and rated R films are purposely blocked because I simply do not feel comfortable watching sex scenes and nakedness. A couple people on my Twitter feed said "oh, it's just the actor's naked backside for a scene or two" like it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure it isn't to them but it is to me.

I've already written about how I'm proud to be a "prude" (5 years ago) and even expanded on why I choose to forgo watching films, t.v. shows, and reading books that have sex scenes in a post earlier this year. For the tl;dr crowd: I have an active and vivid imagination that does not to have those images replaying in my mind, which I'll later have to go to confession for. I'm also terribly uncomfortable with it. Yes, sex is a beautiful and natural part of married life but I'm not comfortable with those images, either visually or mentally. Even though they are characters and actors paid to do their jobs, it feels like an invasion of privacy on an intimate moment meant for two people. I've gotten comments about how "ridiculous" I am for "being this way" but I don't care. If I'm not comfortable with something, I'm going to avoid it. I know myself better than anyone else does and I know where my weaknesses are. There's a reason why I threw away my Meg Cabot books earlier this year and why I'm going to end this year with another music purge like I did 3 years ago.

Let's go beyond sex scenes. We women tend to be emotional creatures by nature. Hallmark movies and chick lit give us unrealistic expectations about love and romance. They make us feel all warm and fuzzy. When you're a single woman, it's so easy to fall into the temptation to think "wow, I wish I could have that..." Yes, I can now watch Hallmark movies and not think that life is going to be like that because, well, it's not. It's easier now but, oh, it wasn't always easy for me to separate between the two.

If you can watch these things and are not as sensitive to them as I am, power to you. I'm not here to shame anyone who can watch or read these things and not have them affect them. I, unfortunately, cannot claim the same so I do what I have to do to keep some mental and emotional purity. I know, I know. Some of you have an issue with the phrase "emotional purity" but I'm going to use it for one good reason: I struggled with it earlier this year.

During the summer, when I had an anemic spiritual life, there was a young man who (still is) lovely but was all wrong for me for several reasons. (side note: I should also remind everyone that I was emotionally fragile during this time so it wasn't the ideal time for this to happen though, looking back at it, I'm glad it did.) I was on an emotional high for quite some time, which hasn't been normal for me as an adult but it's something I was not unfamiliar with as a teenager while away from the Church. I felt things a lot more intensely then (think Marianne Dashwood as opposed to the Elinor Dashwood my friends are more use to these days) than I do now because I've learned to practice a lot of self-control and I've learned to not get carried away with my feelings or my imagination. I momentarily forgot that for a couple of weeks and it was unhealthy for me. I actually felt like a teenager and not the 31-year-old young woman that I am. All those ideas I got from books I read and movies I watched years ago came flooding back into my mind. "Wouldn't it be lovely if this happened...?" "Wouldn't it be romantic if...?" Does anyone see where I'm going with this and why I chose, years ago, to avoid things that could later be brought up in my mind when I'm having a moment of weakness? No, my thoughts didn't necessarily go there but they could've easily gone there if I hadn't exercised some degree of control (the little that I had at the time) over my imagination.

Yes, it's really dumb and I'm not proud of it but the evil one knows where my weaknesses lie. My emotions and my heart (hopeless romantic, party of one) are two of my biggest downfalls when I let my guard down. This young man, as lovely as he is, was a massive temptation to my emotional health. What I felt for him was so strong (or so it seemed; emotions can trip you up) that my imagination went into overdrive with romantic ideals. It's an INFP downfall; we're too idealistic and too prone to live in a fantasy world if we're not careful... and I wasn't for a while. Everything I worked hard to control over the years flew out the window. It didn't last too long, thank goodness.

I confided in those I feel closest to and I'm sure their prayers were what helped me get out of this ridiculous state of mind. I made the decision to nip it in the bud, as hard as it was. It took a couple of weeks but I was able to get out of that state of mind and back to normal. This happened months ago (during the summer) but I struggled with these thoughts again late last month through earlier this month when they resurfaced during the 54-day Rosary Novena I'm doing. However, this time I understood that it was because of the nature of one of my intentions for the novena so it was easier (time-wise) to overcome it.

So, you see, this is why I continue to be cautious and keep myself from watching things that can end up kicking my tush in the future. Yes, I'm uncomfortable watching sex scenes and naked people because it's how I was raised but I also know that it can be a weakness for me. I have a feeling there are more people like me out there but who are embarrassed to admit this (which was not easy for me to do). It is what it is. Know yourselves. Keep in mind your strengths and weaknesses. Don't ever be too comfortable with your own perceived power/abilities because temptation can be a lot stronger than you think. Evil doesn't take a day off. It will catch you off-guard. Prayer, remembering that you need God during these moments of weakness, and lots of moral support from people you trust are key during these times.

Alright, I think that's enough gut spillage for now. I'm going to go hide or something. lol. ;)

I hope y'all had a lovely work week and that you have a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Dating Myself

No, not dating myself in the "using outdated slang" sense though that's always a fun way to make oneself feel old amongst pre-teens. Seriously, ask any of my nieces and nephews under 11 "who let the dogs out?" or tell them to "raise the roof" and they'll look at you with a perplexed expression.

In the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day, I began seeing articles about how a single people should act, what they should do, and how they could "tolerate" or even "survive" the holiday. The term "Singles Awareness Day" bugs me, plain and simple. I guess I'm just not bitter about being single and I'm going to tell you why.

I'm not saying it's easy being single. I'm a 30 year-old single lady; there are always comments, especially when people learn how old I am. Do you know how often I get told that if I don't have kids anytime soon, chances that I won't be able to "bounce back" or that the baby will be born with a number of "defects" increases? Do you know how often the fact that I'm single gets thrown in my face? Do you know how often I have to hear my mom lament (though in a jokingly way; there's still truth behind it) about not having grandchildren to friends, family, and even strangers? Let me just put it this way: if I had a dollar for every time I've heard these comments since my mid-20s, I would quite possibly be able to pay off all my student loans -- for all three degrees I've studied for (Religious Studies B.A., Communicative Disorders & Deaf Education B.S., and Biblical Theology M.A.) When Catholic folks find out I'm single, some even push me to become a nun, despite my telling them it's not my vocation. I just smile and say I'm not my vocation but we all know I can get very tired of hearing that as well. 

The single life as a Catholic seems a little more difficult sometimes. Like everyone who takes their faith and their relationship with God seriously, I have my fears regarding my future vocation. Some of those fears are a little silly, some are understandable, but all are very real to me. Though I'm fiercely independent, I still go through periods in which the loneliness has hit pretty hard. I think what's really helped me out has been learning to entrust my loneliness to God and my discernment to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Ever since I've done that, I have viewed this period of singlehood differently. Again, it doesn't mean it's easy; I've just learned how readjust how I view this season of life. I think that's why I'm not a bitter single on Valentine's Day.

I love love but I'm a romantic realist. I know what's real and what's fantasy. I love my Hallmark Channel chick flicks (especially the Christmas ones!) and romantic gestures but I know that real life is not like that. I've seen the ups and downs my friends have gone through with their spouses. I know getting married is not going to solve any loneliness I may occasionally feel. I don't expect any man to make me "feel complete" because I know only God can fill that role. I'm sort of a little ball of contradictions when it comes to this. I know enough about how I view love, romance, and my future vocation to know that my priorities are in the right place. My former spiritual director made sure I understood things. And while this is all great, there was one thing I was missing: knowing myself better.

I can do all those personality tests to find out what kind of person I am. I'm an INFP, a phlegmatic-sanguine (or a phlegmatic-melancholic, depending on the test), my love language is quality time, etc. However, this doesn't really do much to help me in terms of vocation. I think that's why I decided a little while ago (don't ask me how long; I don't keep track of these things) to "date" myself; to figure out what I can bring to a relationship or what I need to work on. I've already learned about a lot about myself -- a lot of things I either didn't want to acknowledge or accept or things I didn't know.

I've been looking at my relationships -- my relationship with my mom, my brother, and my friends (both male and female). I've noticed what makes me happy, what makes me grumpy, what my boundaries are, what I must do when I'm upset, and what will motivate me. I know that I need to communicate the fact that I'm upset when I'm in a funk because I tend to withdraw. I've learned that I need to tell those I love that I'm feeling grumpy so I can get a little bit of space to cool down. I also know that I thrive around people but that that introverted side of me still need to recharge after being around others for a couple of hours.

Last year I made my first attempts (in a long time) to actually be more active in my vocation discernment. Yes, this is a fancy way of saying that I tried my hand at dating. The experiences taught me about what I look for in a potential spouse. I've learned that I love open communication and hate leaving things unresolved. I'm surprisingly patient and open to criticism when it's done with love and no one is defensive or aggressive. While I love having my own space, I love spending quality time with the other person.While I don't like being teased too much (I'm usually Little Miss Serious Business), some people to tend to draw out the more silly and playful side of me that not many people get to see. I also learned that I don't like "online dating" websites so don't expect to see me on Catholic Match anytime soon. 

The best thing that I learned about "dating myself" is that I'm at a place in my life where I'm finally comfortable in my own skin and with my ever-growing relationship with God. I'm happy with who I am, even with the quirks and the flaws I need to learn to manage better. I'm comfortable enough to be open about them and not be ashamed for not being "perfect." I've finally figured out how I thrive and what sinks me not only in life and in my relationships but with God as well. I've learned that my heart is His until He says "alright, this man will help you grow closer to Me" and there is something absolutely beautiful about that. I've also learned that I'm never going to be done getting to know myself because, as all human beings, I'm still growing and changing. Things I liked and didn't like in my teens and 20s aren't the same now that I've entered my 30s.

Yes, things are terribly slow on the vocation (big V) front but He knows why. I know, I know... single ladies over the age of 25 (and especially in their late 20s to early-mid 30s) hate when people say that everything will happen in God's timing but I firmly believe that. Every single thing I've gone through as in some way, shape, or form helped prepare me for my life with my future husband. All I can do now is to continue praying for him and working on my relationship with God. I'm not going to dwell on being single or trying too hard to find someone but I will keep learning about myself and how to be a better version of myself for when the day comes. Now if he could only stop being such a guy and pull over and ask for directions because he's obviously lost on the highway of love... lol. ;)

I highly recommend that you lovely single ladies (and gentlemen!) get to know yourselves (even if it's stuff you don't want to acknowledge) while you wait. Don't dwell on the fact that you're single. There's so much you can do in the meantime. Learn what your gifts are, what makes you shine, what drains you, what you don't like. Take up a hobby. Do something you like, bonus points if it helps someone else. Work on your relationship with God. Learn how you thrive in relationships of all kinds, not just exclusively romantic in nature. Entrust your loneliness to God. Smile. If it's your vocation, it will happen. Take comfort in knowing that, even if the waiting time can be incredibly frustrating at times. :)

Anyway, just my two cents on this matter. Sorry I didn't post it earlier but, as I wrote yesterday, I had a couple of off days that delayed when this got published. :) And now I'm off to... I have no idea. I'm probably reading or taking a nap or watching something since I'm writing this a day in advance. ;)

I hope y'all are doing well!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

The One in Which I Talk About Love, Romance, and My Future Husband

I know, I'm sort of breaking my rules about not mentioning this side of my personal life (which I guard very closely because I'm a firm believer of not involving other people in your relationships) but you will soon see that I'm still keep my policy of not naming names or getting too into deep about my own personal experiences. It's not just for the blog either. As I've said in the past (and it's still true), friends joke that I will be married and they won't know until I get back from the honeymoon. lol. I wouldn't be surprised if the title of this blog post made some of them read this post, thinking I was finally giving a grand announcement (nyet, y'all). lol.

I'll tell you what inspired this post: rants about Valentine's Day and about single. I am going to be one of the (seemingly) few bloggers who is not going to do that. I actually don't mind being single for Valentine's Day. I didn't even really notice it last year because I was working on my Senior Thesis. I did however make that sweet ladybug on the right that is the picture for this post because my morning class was cancelled for the day and some friends were making them for fun between classes. lol.

I guess I don't mind not having a "Valentine" because I don't just think about romantic love on the day. Yes, it's a day set aside for love and romance but I also think about the love I have for my family, friends, and God (and Mama Mary... and the saints...) In fact, this year a few of us single Catholic gals and I are exchanging cards for the day. We're all in the same boat and while we may not have a special someone (in a romantic sense), it's nice to be receive something from a friend to know that you are loved... even if it's only platonic love. Love comes in so many ways and I think that many of us single folks occasionally forget that.

I don't want you guys to think that I am entirely emotionless; I'm not. I have been told that I have a big heart and I'm definitely a hopeless romantic but I am also very careful with my heart. While being single does feel lonesome at times, and I have occasional moments where I wished that my future husband would stop and ask for directions already (so he can get to where I am, lol), I know that it's all in God's timing. I don't give Him a deadline, even if I do feel the pressure from family and friends to settle.

Do you guys remember that I wrote about a special vocation project a few months ago? Well, I'll tell you what it was/is. In Fall of last year, I decided to write letters to my future husband. Not the "we're going to be like soooo in love" or "well, there's this guy I like; I hope he's you" kind. It's more about my prayers and thoughts for his eyes only. While I may not know who he is yet, I do want the best for him in the meantime. Every night I ask Our Blessed Mother to keep him safe from temptation, lust, and other dangers he may encounter. If we have yet to meet, I hope that when we meet, we'll be able to build our relationship based on honesty, compassion, communication, faith, etc. If we already know each other, I pray that our friendship is strengthened while we figure things out. Like I said, I don't know who he may be but that doesn't mean that I can't pray for him.

To all you single men and women, I'll give you this Valentine's Day challenge: pray for your future spouse. Don't pray "God, just send me my future spouse already! I'm tired of waiting!" Pray that they are kept out of harm. Pray for specific intentions like finding someone who will make you grow in love of Christ or that you find someone who won't mind your crazy screaming during football (soccer) matches in the early morning hours. Okay, that last one will probably just be me. lol. Just pray. We pray for our families, friends, and even strangers' prayer requests, so why not for the person God has in store for you?

If you're single, don't focus on the lack of romantic love. No Debbie Downers. Please. Think about the love you get from your family and friend. Think about the greatest love we've already received. Christ didn't die on the cross because he thought we were simply nifty; he died for our sins because he loved (and still loves) us so much that he was willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of our salvation. Want to do something special for a special someone even though you're single? Thank Him for everything He's given you. See? You do have someone special after all. ;)

Anyway, just wanted to write this. I am sure you've heard this all before but I still wanted to give y'all something to think about (or give a second thought to). :D

That's it for now. I don't know when I'll blog again. I might try this weekend (if I have anything to write). I have my Upper GI x-ray test on Wednesday so I don't know if I'll blog by then but I will definitely let y'all know how it goes. I hope it gives us answers to what's been going on with my stomach these past couple of months. I still say ulcer but shall see. I am optimistic that everything will go well. :)

Oh! If you have prayer requests, send them my way. I heard the thing they make you drink for the Upper GI is gross so I can offer it up. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Valentine's Day: Love, Romance, and Contradictions.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I usually refer to this day as "don't fall for the commercial/materialistic part of this holiday" day because that is what it's become. It is no longer about St. Valentine or anything like that. It's awful that there is so much pressure on people to buy their significant others expensive gifts on this particular day. For me, I've never needed a day like today to express the love I feel, and not just for my significant other. Since coming out of my late teens (those horrible, horrible teen years... *shudders*), I've focused this day on my family and friends. This year, I added God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary into that equation. Honestly, Valentine's Day is no longer a day where only the romantic relationships are spotlighted... or, at least, not for me. Spending it doing whatever with my friends (Spa Day with the girls or lunch with the guys) or watching a chick flick with my mom. I hope that no one thinks I'm bashing romance and love between a boyfriend/girlfriend or anything like that. Not at all! I'm just saying, people should really focus on the love for the other people in their lives on this day.

It's sort of weird for me to say all of that because I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I'm a sucker for movies with happy endings. I root for the underdog to get the girl in the end. Most of my music (especially in the jazz and jazz vocal genre) is about romance. When it comes to films, movies, songs, etc... I'm all for the romance and just letting my imagination wander off and I get swept away but it stops there. I definitely do think about all that gushy stuff but I'm still realistic when it comes to my own love life. I've learned to separate fantasy from reality. I'm just a little ball of contradictions, aren't I? lol. I could get deeper into this subject but I like to keep that part of my life as private as possible.

I will say, however, that I've officially outlasted all the female members in my family in the marriage/baby department. I was chatting with my mom earlier today and we realized that I'm the only woman in the family who's made it past the age of 19 without getting married or having a baby. YES! I have also outlasted my brothers as well since I am a few weeks away from my 23rd birthday and once I reach 23 I've done it. I'm actually very proud of that fact. :D Everyone always thought I'd marry young (well, younger) because I was always a romantic at heart, but the older I get, the longer I want to wait. There have been offers but I've declined. I'm in absolutely no rush. :) If, however, I do meet the person I will eventually marry at a young age (and by that I mean before my late 20s) than I will. Right now, I have no plan on settling down until after I've finished my Master's degree and have my career done but that could all change. I have absolutely no control over the future. If I end up getting married before that, then, it was meant to happen. Either way, I will always be happy that I've outlasted everyone (my parents included). :D *does cartwheel to celebrate* :P

Oh, yeah... and last night I had a dream I was dating the R&B singer Chris Brown. SO RANDOM! I don't even listen to his music, I don't know anything about him and I only know his name because I've heard a couple of people talking about him (and he was a presenter at the Grammys last weekend). *shrugs* I also talked to a priest in my dream, defended Eldar Djangirov -- whom I met in the dream -- because I felt he was ROBBED at the Grammys (that stems from my real life reaction; his "Re-imagination" album was brilliant!) and I was also at my mailbox waiting for mail. Crazy dream! lol. I'm used to it, though.

I will not make my blog longer tonight because I am exhausted. That is also why I didn't write one yesterday. I've been sleeping for less than 6 hours every day (4 yesterday) for the past couple of days and I am so tired. Can a girl get a break around here? lol. I am actually planning on going to sleep in a few minutes, despite it being only 8 p.m. I've been sleepy all day and if I don't get my sleep on anytime soon, it will not be pretty. lol.

Alright, well, I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day... even if you don't shate the same sentiments as I do towards the holiday. :D Thanks for reading and God Bless.