I'm in Shock. Is This Real Life?

I wanted to blog yesterday because I received good news but I had to wait to get actual details (which I officially received last night) so I'm blogging now.

You guys know how I've been anemic and folate deficient "officially" for about a year now? (side note: anemia has been a reoccurring issue for at least 2-3 years). You know how I had low calcium and white blood count levels last autumn? You know how poor my health has been, with my platelets lower than normal for years? All of that warranted a round of roughly 70 (seriously) different tests that were taken from 10 (yes, ten) vials of blood last Friday that was ordered by the hematologist after my first hematology appointment earlier this month. During the previous blood draw -- in early March -- I was still anemic and in a bad way. It has been a little over 2 months and I hadn't taken my "blood builder" multivitamin daily. I didn't think the results were going to be much improved. I'm sure God said, "Oh ye of little faith" at this point.

I went to my follow-up appointment yesterday. I was hoping for a slightly above normal number for my iron and folate levels (and everything else). The doctor (new to me) who saw me told me my labs were pretty good. My platelets are still a little low (at 129k; 141k is the lowest number within normal range) but everything else looked good to her. I didn't get specifics beyond that. I asked her if I was anemic. She looked at me like "ooh, giiiiirl,. you don't even know..." and informed me, with a little laugh, that I was no longer anemic. I asked her about the folate level. Again, slightly amused, she said that I was no longer folate deficient and it was most likely due to the multivitamin I was taking (that Hallie had recommended to me years ago but I hadn't taken -- because it has gluten in it -- until late March). I didn't get numbers. I was just told that I was in a good place and that I have to follow-up in late July since they want to see if my levels will finally stabilize with the multivitamin I'm taking.

I came out of the appointment ecstatic! I had remarked to Mom that I haven't been looking as pale lately though I'm still pretty fair skinned when I don't tan/burn in the sun. She reminded me that I've always been fair skinned so looking a little pale (from the anemia) was never too noticeable. However, the rosy cheeks I've had lately have been a clear indication that my health has returned to where it should be.

It wasn't until last night that I saw what the actual numbers were from my iron and folate levels were. My iron level went from 36 to 124 in a couple of months. My folate level went from a dismal 3.60 (>7.00 is the normal range) to 12.90. I was in shock. "Wait, whaaaat?!" I don't think my iron level has been over 50 in about 4-5 years. My folate level has never been over 3.70 (from the time they started checking it, at least). Is this real life?

I looked at the rest of my results. My white blood count is still a little low and I was slightly dehydrated when they drew blood but everything else looked good. My calcium and sodium levels were normal for the first time since last autumn as well. I wanted to cry happy tears. It's been years since I've been this healthy.

I'm grateful to God for this blessing of health. Furthermore, I'm grateful for the intercessions of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Joseph, and St. Catherine of Siena because my health has/had been intentions in novenas prayed for their intercessions. Mom's gotten into the habit of making sure she asks Bl. Pier Giorgio for his intercession for my health every morning. I'm grateful for their intercessions. I'm grateful that God has granted me this long-sought blessing of health. I'm grateful to everyone who prayed for me. I'm also grateful for one big gift God had granted me in all of this: the gift of patience. I'll touch on this topic tomorrow since it would make this post way too long to read in one sitting. I've already started writing the post so I'll just schedule it. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this bit of good news with y'all. Thank you to those who've been praying for my health!! I greatly appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart! God willing, this is the start of the new normal for me.

That's it for now! I hope you are all having a lovely start of the week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Not a "Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200" Situation

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm officially done with my SLP program. No, this doesn't mean I'm graduating. It's complicated but not a "do not pass go; do not collect $200" situation. I'll try my best to explain. Cue "Done" by The Band Perry playing in the background.

Long story short: the program requires that I earn a B- or greater in my courses before I can move on. I will be stuck with a C+ (after failing my final exam last night; I needed an 80% to pass the class) for one course (B in the other) and thus I'm done. I can repeat the course for the third time like some of my other classmates will be doing but I've chosen not to for two big reasons. (side note: there is a lot of griping and speculation amongst those in the program about the changes that have been and will be implemented this summer. Let's just say that there are apparently many courses being repeated 2-3 times before a student can move on and/or graduate and this wasn't an issue when I began the program three years ago.)

First, I don't want to add to my student debt. I'm about $40-45k in debt for one completed Bachelor's, another nearly completed Bachelor's, and one year of a Master's degree. I'm almost done paying off the loans from my first BA (yay!) but I still need to pay off the rest and it's going to be a little hard because I haven't been able to work. As you guys know, I've been sick for a while and I've spent a lot of time at home, in bed or just sitting as much as I can, and I haven't been able to physically do much which rules out a lot of potential jobs. I've been wanting to work for a long time now because I hate debt. My parents taught me not to use credit cards or get myself something that I can't pay off right away but my education was always sort of the exception. The longer I go without a job, the more money I'll owe (especially with the interest rates from the graduate loans; holy cow!). Mom and I are in a good place, financially, right now but we don't know how much longer she'll be able to work because she's physically slowing down and we literally cannot afford for me to keep going in school without a job. I can't do both; I've tried and it's affected my health so it's not an option.

Second, and most importantly, I haven't felt called to continue down this SLP path for several weeks/months. In fact, I broke down and cried all afternoon, evening, and about 11:30 p.m. on Friday because I hated that I felt stuck doing this (due to responsibilities). Yes, I actually cried (on and off) for about 8 hours. It was bad but it was also good because it made me realize that I was doing something that I don't feel God is calling me to do because I was trying to please others and trying to take matters into my own hands.

It was during that emotionally taxing time that I had this beautiful yet painful revelation that I was crying because I knew I wasn't doing what I feel God is calling me to do. I do trust Him to lead me down the path He wants me to take, but I was still letting others (including the most important person in my life) influence what I was doing and then making an excuse that God would still provide because I was sacrificing a lot for the good of another. That was the whole reason why I kept going down this path; because I wanted others to benefit from what I was doing even though I knew, deep down, that this wasn't what I was meant to be doing and even though I was utterly miserable doing it. If you know me, you know this isn't new for me... and that it's something I feel God has been wanting me to address for a long time.

Over the last couple of days, I've been gaining a little more of the clarity that I've been praying for. I've realized that I need to, first and foremost, take a little break (perhaps the first half of the month of May) to take care of myself and my health. It's something that I've been working on (and have been seeing good results in recent days) but I feel like I need a little bit of time to fully immerse myself in prayer, fasting (in ways others than food), and recollection while I physically take care of myself. This also means more Mass (daily, if I can), more time in silence, and less outside noise. Also, more sleep (you should see the bags under my eyes right now), a healthier diet (I've been slipping in this area lately), and giving my mind a break from all the memorization craziness from the past 8 months.

Following this little break of maybe a week or two, I plan on writing full-time until I can find a job that I can do at home or one that allows me to be seated for the majority of it... at least while I continue to get healthier and recover from the health issues I've had lately. I do have a ghostwriting assignment (a memoir) that's been in the works for months that I can now fully devote myself and my time to. It's not too mentally taxing but it's enough of a challenge that will keep my mind occupied, which I like. I was wondering why St. Francis de Sales kept popping up in my life lately (especially since Lent) and I think this might be why. We'll see. ;)

I don't feel disappointed in this new development. It's weird but I felt elated when I saw the 52% exam grade last night. I felt relief... joy... a lot of excitement... and peace. I think I actually said "oh, good. Now I can do Your will, God" out loud. lol. I now have the excuse (because, yes, in my weird little head I needed an excuse to get people off my back) to pursue whatever God is calling me to do. I'm so excited! I've been praying the 30-day (day 23 today) St. Joseph novena and I did another novena for St. Catherine of Siena's feast day for this particular intention and I guess I received my answer. I know people will be disappointed in me. I know some will think I'm lazy or that I'm a quitter. Frankly, my dears, I don't give a darn.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm just so excited that I can finally focus on finding out what God wants me to do, to actually do it, and not have that obstacle anymore. I don't have any more excuses not to and it's incredibly liberating and a little daunting because I have no idea what's in store. I used to have a major problem with (and get anxiety attacks from) not knowing what's ahead. I used to (and, okay, still do -- on a smaller scale) love to plan things out exactly how I wanted them to go. Thankfully, now I plan but I also recognize that plans don't always go the way you want them to and that's okay. I'm getting better at going with the flow which is something I used to do very well when I was younger but became a control issue when anxiety hit in my mid teens. God's plans are better than my own. Also, is it weird that this is somehow feels like it's connected to the 54-day Rosary novena I did last year?

I have no idea how I'm going to pay off my student loans. I've been keeping my eye out on jobs that I can do from home -- i.e. freelance writing, managing a brand's social media accounts, etc. -- for weeks now but nothing yet. I have no doubt that God will help provide at some point. I'm not going to stress out (even though at least one person in my life is freaking out over this). If God provides food and shelter for animals, surely He will help me find a way to pay for my loans and for the basic necessities of life. I'm not above doing menial jobs if that's what He wants to do. I would be perfectly happy cleaning a church or doing something that is seen as lowly if I knew it was what He wanted me to do. Sure, I will continue pursuing my longtime dream of being a writer but if another path becomes clear for me, I'll pursue that instead. You and me, God... let's do this!

Alright, I think that's long enough. lol. I don't know when I'll be able to blog again. I've been experiencing problems with my laptop this past week (I almost wasn't able to do my exam last night because of these problems) and I don't know when it'll finally bite the dust. I'm trying very hard not to read into the symbolism of this situation; I bought the laptop specifically to start the SLP program three years ago and now it started to break down completely as I'm finishing my last semester in this program. I've had problems with this laptop since day one. I even had to return the laptop 3 times because they were all faulty. I see what you did there, coincidences... ;)

I hope you all have a lovely Sunday!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Escape from Homeworkland and Other Updates

Can you hear the angels singing? They are singing because I've finally caught up with all the reading assigned for my Historical Books of the Old Testament course! YES! Everyone conga! I'd fallen behind two weeks due to a combination of lack of textbook and lack of concentration (amongst other things) but I've done it! To celebrate I'm going to blog. lol.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm caught up with doing my exams -- I have three to do -- but at least everything with a due date is done and I'm going to try to get at least 2 of those exams done by tonight so I can focus on my final project. I've been putting off taking the exams due to lack of concentration but hope a nap later today will help with that. The final project isn't due for another 3-4 weeks but I want to take my time doing it (because I'm so into the material) so I want to start a bit early. :D

All of this is a bit miraculous, especially if you know my track record with school over the last couple of years. I'm very much prone to procrastination. It's a major problem. Sometimes I allow little things to derail me. I use them as excuses. Now, I've had legitimate excuses lately.

On Tuesday I found out I'm slightly anemic once again. Though I've reached my weight goal (after struggling with being underweight for about 3 years; another fist pump in the air!) and my platelets and everything else is within normal range, my white and red blood count and ferritin levels are still a bit on the low side. Folate level? Abismal! That explains why I've been so fatigued lately. I've been napping more often than usual and I can't concentrate as easily due to the mental fatigue that accompanies the physical fatigue. Still, I've been able to get lectures and reading done (though I'm a week behind on lecture videos) as well as two exams (both of which I did well on) and discussion posts.

I think it's thanks to the intercession of the Holy Spirit, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, and St. Catherine of Siena that I've been able to accomplish as much as I have. First I asked Bl. Pier Giorgio and the Holy Spirit to intercede -- Bl. Pier Giorgio because he died a few exams short of receiving his degree and because studying didn't always come easy to him. The Holy Spirit because, well, it's obvious. ;) I asked Bl. Pier Giorgio to intercede because of my lack of concentration. I was doing well but still struggled once in awhile. Then the novena of St. Catherine of Siena started and I asked her to intercede when it came to the temptation to procrastinate (since she's a patroness against temptations). Fast forward a couple of weeks and I actually have the opportunity to be 2 weeks ahead in my textbook reading instead of 2 weeks behind. Thank you, Holy Spirit, Bl. Pier Giorgio, and St. Catherine of Siena!

It doesn't hurt that the textbooks and course material has been right up my alley. We've been learning -- as I mentioned at the beginning of the blog post -- about the historical books in the Old Testament. That is to say, we've been reading Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, and 2 Kings thus far. Next week we tackle 1 Chronicles and so forth. Is it possible to be in love with the material? Because I am. If there was any doubt that this was the path that God wanted me to take, it's gone.

Likewise, if there was any doubt that I have strong Dominican tendencies (which my spiritual director himself said I had a couple of years ago), it's gone. lol. After all my indecision between choosing either the Dominican and Carmelite orders, I can now see that I'm better suited for the Dominican lifestyle. However, my SD advised me to wait until I finished graduate school to start the process to become a lay Dominican. And, before anyone asks, yes, I'm sure I don't have a religious vocation. God has made that abundantly clear in my life, especially lately. Also, yes, I know that it's been through the intercession of two Dominican saints that I've been able to accomplish what I have in my course this quarter. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to give y'all a little update on what's been going on with me since I've been pretty silent on this blog and on social media, though I've been a bit more active on Twitter lately.

Before I end this blog post can I just say how grateful I am with how things have worked out in my life lately? It's been a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs but everything has shown me that God is doing some incredible things in my life. He has shown me that He's heard my prayers for Him to help guide me down the path He wants me to take. As I reflected on Twitter a couple of nights ago, I'm grateful for the ability to take naps as needed. If I had a husband and children to take care, this anemia-induced fatigue would've made grad school difficult for me. That's not to say that I would prefer a Master's degree to a family -- I quite frankly don't; I honestly would've preferred to have gotten married and had children at a younger age instead -- but if it's God's will for me that I do this before I start a family then I'm grateful for the ability to do so. It's all about His plans and His timing. I'll expound more on this next time because I certainly have had a major breakthrough in this area.

For now, I'm going to say: I hope y'all are doing well! I think I'll get a chance to blog more often in the coming weeks but don't be surprised if I miss a couple of days whenever things are due. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Nine

Death of St. Catherine of Siena by Girolamo de Benvenuto

DAY NINE:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

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St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Eight

St. Catherine of Siena altar with a relic of hers.

DAY EIGHT:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Seven

Mystical Marriage of St. Catherine of Siena by Pierre Subleyras

DAY SEVEN:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Six

St. Catherine of Siena. Artist Unknown.

DAY SIX:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Five

Mystical Marriage of St. Catherine, artist unknown.

DAY FIVE:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Four

St. Catherine of Siena by Carlo Dolci

DAY FOUR:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Three

The Ecstasy of St Catherine of Siena by Pompeo Batoni

DAY THREE:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day Two

Mystical Marriage of St. Catherine of Siena by Clementede Torres.

DAY TWO:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

St. Catherine of Siena Novena, Day One

St. Catherine of Siena by Balassare Franceshini

Since I will not be able to properly blog anytime soon (so much coursework, not enough time to finish the blog posts in my drafts box) and because there was an interest in doing the novena in honor of St. Catherine of Siena, I'll be posting the novena prayers daily for the next couple of days. I hope you join me and other readers in this novena for one of the handful of women who have been declared a doctor of the Church.

DAY ONE:

Heavenly Father, your glory is in your saints. We praise your glory in the life of the admirable St. Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor of the Church. Her whole life was a noble sacrifice inspired by an ardent love of Jesus, your unblemished Lamb.

In troubled times she strenuously upheld the rights of His beloved spouse, The Church. Father, honor her merits and hear her prayers for each of us, and for our whole parish family dedicated to her. Help us to pass unscathed through the corruption of this world, and to remain unshakably faithful to the church in word, deed, and example.

Help us always to see in the Vicar of Christ an anchor in the storms of life, and a beacon of light to the harbor of your Love, in this dark night of your times and men’s souls. Grant also to each of us our special petition . . .

(State your own intentions)

We ask this through Jesus, your Son, in the bond of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena, Pray for us.

---------------

Top 5 Saint Dreams (That I Can Share)

For those of you who've stuck around for the past 7+ years, you know that I go through periods of back-to-back saint dreams. While I don't have them as often as I used to, saints still love to pop into my dreams. St. Benedict of Nursia, Pope St. John Paul II, and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati are the ones who appear most often. Sometimes I get only Mama Mary and Jesus. (Side note: the dream in which I saw Jesus on the cross and was physically lifted up by Mama Mary to embrace him may be my favorite dream). Other times I'll get saints I'd never heard of before and I have to look them up the next morning.

I know some of y'all can remember a time when I used to shared them all the time and may be wondering why I don't anymore. The truth: I don't know. Maybe because they're more personal now. I share them with my spiritual director and those closest to me (or people who were in the dreams with the saints and I) but that's about it. Maybe I'll share more in the future but, for now, I'm going to go back in the archives and share my top 3 dreams that I've already shared as well as two I haven't shared yet but that have stuck with me for over 6 years.

In no particular order...

I

St. Benedict of Nursia is the saint that pops up in my dreams the most often and I'm almost always fighting evil in those dreams. Sometimes it's pitch black but I know he's right next to me as I face-off against the devil. When it's pitch black, he helps provide a light... even if that light is something bright that is cupped in my hands. Yeah, they can get pretty wild. However, my favorite didn't have anything to do with fighting evil. This one is 7 years old according to the original post. I was somewhere in Northern Europe, traveling by myself. I was told by a group of girls that I had to go up the stairs (of the hotel), but that I had to run quickly because there were dark spirits that would try to hurt me. We ran upstairs and, as we did, I felt the most excruciating burning pains in my stomach. When we got up to the room (the only room the stairs led to), the girls said that they'd felt nothing but that I had these massive lacerations all over my stomach... before I could do anything, little black bugs (the size of ladybugs) started raining down. The girls began yelling about how disgusting it was when I started to ask St. Benedict for his intercession. I don't know how the bugs disappeared but my stomach began to heal immediately. I was able to peel the wounds off as if they were stickers thanks to him. I had this dream about 4 years or so before I began having stomach problems in real life. 

II

I was triple-teamed by St. Catherine of Genoa, St. Catherine of Siena, and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati in a dream about a year and a half ago. In the dream I could sense that St. Catherine of Genoa wanted to help me but I wasn't sure how. Before long, St. Catherine of Siena and Bl. Pier Giorgio were there as well -- both by my side -- because they had decided to help as well. At some point it became clear that they were there to help me discern my vocation. We were together in a pitch black place -- pitch black but I could still make out their faces and figures. It was a place of some confusion, almost like a blank slate because I didn't know where I was going. I faintly remember that they were trying to decide who was going to be in charge of helping me discern my vocation, it was kind of funny. Anyway, towards the end I remember that we were standing in a line. It was me, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati to my right, St. Catherine of Siena to his right, and St. Catherine of Genoa to her right, looking forward to the emptiness and unknown. I actually don't remember hearing about St. Catherine of Genoa prior to the dream but I remember getting a kick out of finding out what she's the patroness of when I woke up and Googled her -- patron saint of brides. Amused, I was.

III

One of the earliest saint dreams I shared on this blog is almost 8 years old; it was amongst my first blog posts. Anyway, this is what I wrote: "Two nights ago I had a very cool dream about saints. I was standing up on a cathedral's dome looking down at saints walking around in a garden. And, yes, they were actually alive in my dream. The cathedral was big and white and so were the stairs one had to take to get up to where I was standing. As I was looking down, I noticed St. Dymphna and St. Jude walking around. I don't remember if I called their names or if they just looked up but they looked at me and I knew they were going to come up to talk to me... I went inside and waited for them and then I saw other saints walking in from different hallways and staircases... I remember St. Teresa of Avila was there... I don't remember talking to any of the saints. I know they acknowledged me and made it clear that they knew I was there." Side note: I've since recognized the dome and the gardens as the dome of St. Peter's Basilica and the Vatican gardens. 

IV

My first I have yet to share: I'm going to skip a lot of really personal stuff that came up in the dream but let's just say that it was the first time I saw and chatted with St. Therese of Lisieux in a dream. It was all about vocations. We were in this sort of bookstore and she told me that I had to be patient in figuring out my vocation. She showed me a pink-red book and saw that it was a book on relationships. She really stressed that I had to be patient because it was going to take some time before I was able to live my vocation. I was given a number which, looking back on it, was curiously significant because it ended up being tied to the thing that held me back in my discernment. I had the dream a little over 5 years before I was finally able to move forward in my vocation discernment. I think almost all the St. Therese dreams I've had have been tied to my discernment, which is why I ended up entrusting it (discernment) to her. It just seemed appropriate.

V

Second dream I haven't shared: I'm going to combine a number of dreams into this one because they have one saint in common: Pope St. John Paul II. The first one was the first part of the previous dream (St. Therese). Basically, a young man had come to get my parents' blessing because he wanted to propose. In the dream I could see everything that was happening though they couldn't see me. I remember saying "how is my dad here? He's dead." (side note: this dream happened about a month before my dad actually passed away.) Anyway, after talking to my parents, I saw Pope St. John Paul II coming into my apartment from next door to give us his blessing as well. A few months later, I had two more dreams in which I was at the Vatican and I interacted with him. There was also one a couple of years ago in which I saw him consecrating the Host. I was there with two (then) newlywed friends (in their wedding attire) who could not see what I saw. I was told that I needed to receiving the Eucharist every day. A day later I had another interesting dream in which both my vocation and the Eucharist was brought up but that one involved St. John Vianney.

Yep, so those are my top 5 saint dreams. Not my top 5 dreams (I've had some epic Jesus and Mama Mary dreams) but the top 5 involving saints... that I can remember. lol. I sometimes forget them before I get a chance to write then down. Oops. lol.

Anyway, that's my contribution for All Saints' Day. I hope y'all have a blessed rest of weekend. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

7 Quick Takes Vol. 17: Study Breaks and Saint Dreams Edition

-- 1 --

I hope y'all enjoyed doing the St. Dymphna novena that was posted over the last couple of days. I failed to post the link to day 8 on the FB page but I know y'all knew the posts were still posted daily as I scheduled them ahead of time. ;) As I posted on the page, the Mary Undoer of Knots novena started yesterday via Pray More Novenas. If you haven't started it, there's still time. It's one of my all-time favorites and quite powerful.

-- 2 --

Speaking of the FB page, I've been more active on it because it's sometimes easier to get certain content seen than on Twitter. That and I'm trying to stay away from Twitter during the day. lol. I use Twitter for everything, not just Catholic content. I try to keep the content on the FB page purely Catholic so, in case you want more of that, please consider "liking" the page. ;)

-- 3 -- 

I can't believe my debut novel has been out for two weeks today... and it's still selling! That's still kind of crazy to me. Did you know that if you have Amazon Prime you can also "borrow" it? Seriously, I'm not about making money (and I would host a giveaway if it wasn't my contract with Amazon to not give it away); I just want young women (and fellas) to have something else to read that doesn't contain smut or any of the other problematic issues other novels have. The characters are flawed and they don't always make the best decisions but parents don't have to worry about their teenagers reading about "sexy times" or other questionable things. I personally like the sequel better but you need to read the debut to make sense of the second one. ;)

-- 4 --

As some of you might've seen on Twitter and the FB page, last week I had a very interesting saint dream. Basically, there were three saints: St. Catherine of Genoa, St. Catherine of Siena, and Bl. Pier Giorgio. Bl. PGF is a veteran (in terms of the number of appearances in my dreams) but it was the first appearance of both St. Catherine of Genoa and St. Catherine of Siena. I had actually never heard of St. Catherine of Genoa prior to the dream so the fact that she popped up was interesting. It's kind of how it happened with St. Teresa of Avila upon my reversion. Anyway, in the dream I had a sense of St. Catherine of Genoa wanting to help me, but I was unclear as to how. Then St. Catherine of Siena and Bl. PGF were there, by my side, because they were also going to help as well. I figured out what St. Catherine of Genoa is patroness of and it still amuses me because I'm currently trying to figure out a situation pertaining to my vocation. No clue what it means but I still laugh over the coincidence. lol.

-- 5 -- 

And while on the topic of the dream and coincidences, I figured out two very cool real life coincidences connected to the dream. First: Did you know that the female protagonist in my novel, Lina (Catalina), was named after St. Catherine of Alexandria... who appeared to St. Joan of Arc in real life? Yep. Guess who was born of St. Joan of Arc's feast day? This girl! I didn't even realize that until last week. Funny! Also, it just dawned on me that both St. Catherine of Siena and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (who appeared in my dream) are both Dominican saints... and I'm looking into becoming a lay Dominican. Loving the connections. ;)

-- 6 --

Update from my studies: I am drowning in the amount of reading, assignments, and exams I have to do on a weekly basis. :( So far I have all possible points in most classes (I got a 9/10 in one assignment for one class) but it's hard to maintain near perfect grades. One of my professors is allowing us to do quizzes an unlimited number of times because of how dense the material is and how much of it we have to memorize. I have two big exams coming up (one tomorrow and the other -- harder! -- on Monday morning) so I'm taking tonight through Monday morning to step away from social networks to really immerse myself in the material. I knew the program was intense (as will the grad school program; I'm in the post-baccalaureate program) but, goodness, I didn't know it was going to be this bad. I have 5 courses, too! I'll just offer it up. This is something I really want to do so I will work hard in order to achieve it. A little (or a lot) of hard work never hurt anyone. No, shush, let me believe that. lol.

-- 7 --

There's really not much to report on. My days are filled with lectures, note taking, reading, etc. I have been keeping up my daily prayers (except last Sunday morning; oops!) and I'm trying hard to examine my conscience on a daily basis so that I'm aware of my actions. Hopefully the Undoer of Knots novena I'm doing will help with that. Oh! And, thanks to Thomas Pringle, I learned about the Chaplet of St. Michael the Archangel! I knew about the scapular (blue and black; looks like a shield) but had no idea the chaplet was so good! :D I'm going to incorporate that (along with the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy) when I take my study breaks. Need to do prayer in between study to keep myself sane. lol.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

That's it for now. I need to go pick mom up from work and then turn in an assignment early (doing everything early this week) so I can focus on studying for my exams for the rest of the weekend. I hope y'all are doing well!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #19: Saints in Love Edition

I finally finished this book (Saints in Love by Carole Hallundbaek) on Monday night (whoo!) and now I can do a sort-of review through my What I Learned Wednesday post. I usually just post 3 short things I learned about the Faith during the week but there's so much to cover that I'm going to make them a little bit longer than usual.

1. I may have a reputation of being a sort of "patron saint encyclopedia", but I really don't know much about the many of the saints' lives. I may know who is the patron saint of specific things but I don't know their life stories. I loved the last chapter of the book, which focused on the relationship between St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal. I even sent this note to myself that night, before I forgot:

"It is a strong yet peaceful desire to learn about and from them (St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal) as I think they may be the ones who will be amongst those who will help me in my next chapter in life."

I was reading about all the wonderful things that all the saints featured (St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare, St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, St. Catherine of Siena and Pope Gregory XI, and St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal) had accomplished but I knew little about their actual lives. The book did cover the basics but I did know the basics of about half of them so it wasn't anything new for me. Now I have a desire to learn more, especially on the ones that inspired me this week.

2. I like learning about my saints without having sex come into it. Yes, it's been established that I'm a "prude" (and proud) but I don't actually see sex as a bad thing. In a Theology of the Body way, it's a good thing (from what I've read). In a lustful, bow-chicka-wow-wow way, not so much. There were a couple of times that I felt the author was trying way too hard to bring sex into the relationship between the two saints she was featuring. I'm not saying that the Evil One hadn't tempted them (I don't know that) but it wasn't even that. I actually read some parts to my friend Delaney (when she was visiting a couple of weeks ago) and she agreed that it was all just unnecessary and uncomfortable. As someone who has a lot of guy friends whom I respect and don't look at as more than brothers (and vice versa), I didn't appreciate some of the things that were written. It IS possible to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex without any funny business.

That being said, there were some things about sex that the author talked about that I liked. There was a quote she added that I really liked; "Celibacy is not about never falling in love, it's about falling in love over and over and over again." (pg. 46) I understood and appreciate that. Like I said, sex is not a bad thing. I'm obviously not talking from experience but I've read enough on the Sacrament of Marriage to not be (entirely) freaked out about it. lol. Just, please keep it away from my saints that were friends and respected each other. Please. No need to bring it up unnecessarily.

3. I might have found the right Third/Lay Order for myself thanks to this book. I've looked into (but only superficially) a plethora of Third/Lay Orders but none have really touch me the way the Salesian spirituality did. I haven't really learned much about it (other than they are called Salesian Cooperators) but what I did read made me think that it may be the right one for me. I still have to look into it but, as I have already said, I was really inspired by St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal... and it's made me feel more confident and at peace about my decisions regarding my career choice and my vocation. In fact, I think I'm very ready for whenever God feels I should start the next chapter in my life. :)

That's what I learned on my journey of learning more about myself and the Faith this week. Like I said in the beginning of this post, there's so much to cover that it would be impossible to do so in a single blog post. I will say that I both liked and didn't like this book for the reasons I talked about. I learned a lot about myself, about the saints, and about the saints relationships with each other and with God.

I can't say whether I recommend this book or not. I mean, I liked a good portion of it but I really had a hard time getting through parts of it.

And now I'm going to go keep my eye on my cell phone because I'm on Bebe Baldwin watch and I don't want to miss anything. Please keep Julie in your prayers because it looks her baby wants to meet her and her husband soon!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Mean Girls and "Girl World"

When I first watched the movie Mean Girls, I'll admit I laughed out loud. While it may (at first) seem like an exaggerated version of "girl world", I've come to find that not only is it tame compared to the stuff a majority of us women go through (even as adults) but it's actually dead on underneath the humor. Trust me on this, I've lived through MUCH worse thanks to the cattiness and constant "power struggle" within the so-called girl world.

It wasn't until I found myself some really amazing girlfriends (a majority devout Christians of various denominations and Catholics) that I realized that it was possible to never set foot into the scary "girl world" that is alive and well in most parts of the world. So called Queen Bees are truly scary. Heck, I'll be 25 on Sunday and they still scare me. lol. While I can certainly defend myself, I often choose to simply turn the other cheek. It's much easier and more Christian than plotting my revenge against. Plus, I avoid drama like the plague; I absolutely loathe it. Things had been good for me for the past couple of years until someone pulled me (whether she meant to or not) back into the girl world I try so hard to avoid. If you haven't guessed it, a guy is (of course) at the center of this "fight."

I normally don't talk about my romantic relationships because I feel like it's just between the person I'm dating (or interested in) and myself. I'm still not saying much but I feel like this needs to be said because I haven't really seen this discussed in young women's blogs (at least not the Catholic ones.)

Why is it that when two young women are interested in the same guy, there is sudden competition? Not only that, some get downright vindictive if they feel you're threatening to take men's attention from her. Why? I don't get it. It's definitely worse when two girls are after the same guy. Usually they try to "one-up" each other, making themselves seem like the perfect girl to the guy and trashing the other in the process. It's absolutely sickening... and I refuse to ever take part in that sort of thing. If you think Christian women are saved, you are wrong my friends. Some so-called Christian women do things more... how can I say this?... sneakily? Is that even a word? Well, anyway, I've seen these women use theology and Christianity to get ahead in the "competition." Really? Seriously? How low can we go, ladies? Using God to get a guy to like you? Lord help us all! Not only that, the more we get into these "fights" and "competitions" the happier you're making the evil one. Is that what you really want?

Of course I don't think I have to remind y'all that not only is this type of thing just insane but it's actually extremely sinful. I can think of at least one big mortal sin that you commit while doing this. We definitely get tempted to do a lot of really stupid things just to "win" the guy. And, unfortunately, not many stop to think about what they're doing until it's way too late and the drama has erupted into a full on war. I am woman enough to admit that I've often been tempted to also "step up my game" when I've seen a girl trying to win over my crush by force (oh the tactics I can list...) but I've managed to do well thus far.

Like I said in my Friendship and Jealousy post, I firmly believe that what is meant to happen will happen. Lately, I've allowed my "competition" to do as she pleases -- doing things I'd never do to get a guy to like me -- because I know that if it's meant to be it will be. I am not going to stress myself over this. If the guy falls for the tricks he's being played, not my fault. I'm not going to say anything because that's her deal with him. Just like I don't like people butting into my affairs (trying to have a say in the outcome of it just because they can't resist), I am not going to mess with the other girl's deal. To me, it's not worth it. I'm going to be myself and if the guy doesn't realize who I am and what I can bring to the relationship, it's not my fault. I refuse to throw myself at him. I refuse to change myself for him. I refuse to enter "girl world" drama for anything, especially a guy. I'm just going to leave it up to God and, if necessary, ask St. Raymond Nonnatus (patron against gossip) or St. Margaret of Cortona for their intercession because I can only handle so much. If you feel yourself getting tempted by these or any temptations, feel free to ask St. Michael the Archangel, St. Benedict of Nursia, or St. Catherine of Siena for their intercessions -- I have great faith in them, especially since they are some of the patrons against temptations. :)

Alright, my dears, I will now focus on school. I've been wasting too much time online and I think all these happenings are a sign that I should get offline more often and focus on my finals. I think I'm getting to complacent -- I know I can finish all the work quickly so I procrastinate. I will try to update soon but don't be surprised if I don't until after Sunday. It is, after all, a big weekend for me. :D

I hope everyone is well and that all you lovely young ladies are having it easier than I have/am at the moment. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Good vs. Evil Dreams.

Yes, it's another edition of "What Crazy Dreams is Emmy Having Lately?" I've mentioned several dreams on this blog before. Seriously just search "dreams" in this blog and see how many entries you come up with. I've devoted entire blog posts about them. You'd be surprised how many comments I've gotten about the dream of the end of the world, which I wrote about last year. I haven't written about any lately but I am still having them... but they're now mainly about a struggle between good and evil. I've lost count of how many I've had that has centered on a personal struggle with the devil. Sometimes I have help from saints like St. Benedict of Nursia or St. Teresa of Avila (I believe St. Pio of Pietrelcina also appeared a couple of weeks ago). Lately it's just been myself against evil.

A couple of days ago I had a dream where I made the devil really ticked off for saying the Blessed Virgin Mary's name out loud. I was in the backseat of a car apparently invisible to the driver and front passenger. I knew the driver (she's a former friend) so I didn't really think much until I heard her say that she was planning on doing something to make sure I had an accident/got hurt. As soon as I heard this, I jumped forward and grabbed her forehead and started praying for her. I prayed one Our Father, one Hail Mary, and one Glory Be at first. I noticed she was squirming when I got to the Hail Mary. The second round of prayers, I heard her voice change and her hands shaking. As soon as I got to the Hail Mary and said "Hail Mary, full of grace", I heard a loud grunt followed by a really peeved voice saying "Shut up. Don't say HER name." I replied with a "Oh, yeah? Well. HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE...", continued with the prayer, and kept repeating it until the girl (who apparently was possessed) lay there peacefully. During the prayers, though, I saw the devil who was in agony because I kept saying the Blessed Virgin Mary's name over and over again. He was REALLY mad at me, but I didn't care. I saw that he had talons that kept growing every time I said her name. I don't know why I had the dream, I just did.

That's just an example of a type of dream I've had lately. I've had a couple where St. Benedict of Nursia has physically appeared to protect me in my struggles against Satan. (One sticks out where, I believe, he placed his hand on my shoulder as I kept praying.) If it's not me actively fighting against evil, it's me getting "messages" to help stop two particular things which I can't mention because they aren't suitable for my under 18 readers. I've had two very vivid dreams where I've gotten the message from God (yes, I've dreamt Him specifically saying these things to me) to look at what these things are doing and to do something to help stop it. In one dream, God placed me in a city where there was sin EVERYWHERE. The entire place was red and black. I heard God say (and I'm going to paraphrase) "Look at everything here. This is all unacceptable and very corruptible" and something about helping "making it go away." A few weeks ago, again, I dreamt that I was fighting against someone because they were trying to spread these things to others. All I remember was feeling angry and disgusted, and knowing that God was upset and hurt by everything that was happening. I don't know why I am having these dreams. It could be because, yes, in real life I am completely disgusted by these things, but beyond that I don't know. It's not like I go to bed thinking about these things.

Where did my pleasant dreams of me talking to saints and priests go? I love those dreams. I miss my dreams of holding golden crucifixes, of being in a garden and in an all white Church dome while seeing many saints just walking around, talking to each other. I would love to have more dreams of the Child Jesus smiling and talking to me, or of having the Blessed Virgin Mary and Jesus Christ take turns pull me up and giving me hugs. I don't know what's going on. I do feel like I should really go talk to Fr. Leo about this, though. (Fr. John is no longer at my parish or else I would go to him. He loved my saint dreams. "Better than the movies" he would say.) Does anyone have as many dreams as I do... or as often? I don't know... it's all weird, but sometimes in a cool way. :D

Okay, well, that's it for today. Yes, another fairly short entry. :) I woke up feeling weak today (literally. I feel like I can't even hold myself up properly) so I'm going to try to rest as much as I can. Since it's St. Catherine of Siena's feast day today, I'm going to try to work on my novel a bit today. And, for the record, the female protagonist in the novel is named Catalina ("Lina" for short)... which is the Spanish version of the name Catherine. That was no coincidence. ;)

Hope everyone is doing well and staying healthy. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Thanks to Claire from Musings of a Twentysomething who has helped me with my mantilla problem. :D I'll let you know if it works for me.

Anxiety Update; Optimism; Saint Dreams, Part... I Lost Count Again.

Anxiety has been down for the past couple of days! Whoo! I was even able to make it to Mass on Sunday and receive the Eucharist. The only issue I had was with the cold weather and the incense inside the Church. The cold caused me a bit of pain (which is why I've had to stay indoors since Sunday afternoon) and the incense made me very lightheaded. I stuck it out, though... even when I was going to get the Eucharist and I felt like my knees were going to to give in under me (that's how lightheaded I felt). But, all is good! :D

I've been trying to stay the eternal optimist I am throughout this whole thing... and through some issues I'm having with a certain family member/the lectures I've received about donating. :D I'm not going to sit here and throw myself a pity party, complete with a solo using the world's smallest violin. I knew, in the stages of planning, that this family member would be upset with me because "we need food and money, too" (his words, not mine). I cannot NOT give, though. I know I don't have loads of money or resources, and that I want to give more than I can, which (on top of the snide remarks and lectures) causes a bit of stress and bums me out. I was trying to find a way to say how I'm placing my faith in God (knowing He will somehow help me help others), without sounding redundant, but Matt beat me to it. He wrote a great post on his Fallible Blogma site that, well, it's like he read my mind. You're not reading my mind, right, Matt? lol. Go read the article he wrote and you'll see what I mean.

If you've read my blog long enough, you know that I have saint dreams on an almost daily basis. Multiple saints, the Child Jesus, St Teresa of Avila, St Benedict (many of him), Our Lady of Lourdes, and St. Bernadette have been some of the dreams I've written about. I've had more than just these dreams. I've even dreamt about the end of the world where I go through Purgatory. Anyway, I've had a couple of good ones lately so I thought I might share. (I know a couple of the priests I personally know get a kick out of them).

A few weeks ago, I had a dream about Feast of Santa Lucia (St. Lucy). There are different European traditions/celebrations of this feast day, but I dreamt of the Swedish tradition. I ended up somewhere, in a white tent with a bunch of cute, little blond girls with wreaths on their heads, and white gowns. I remember I was the only brunette in the bunch and they were yelling at me to hurry up and get dressed because I was the one who would walk with the candle lit on my head. So I got into a white robe, my hair had two braids that resembled the breads that they prepare during this time. Then the wreath with the white candles was placed on my head. They also gave me candies to put into my pockets. As I was about to walk out of the tent, ready, I woke up. What's funny about this is that I had NO CLUE that it was a Swedish tradition. I'd heard about this before but thought it was done everywhere. Makes sense that I would dream about little blond girls dressed like St. Lucy then. lol.

I also had a chat with one of the saints who was a nun, I've forgotten who is was, in a dream. A few nights ago I dreamt of Bl. Pier Giorgio and his sister for a brief moment. I think I also had a chat with St. Raphael Archangel a few nights ago. I definitely saw him in it. I've had a few other saints appear but I've lost of track of whom. I'll have to write them down when I wake up.

I've had several dreams featuring St. Benedict, and it's usually me asking for his help because someone did witchcraft on someone else, or it's the devil's work, and I want to get rid of that. I've had quite a few of those in the past 2 weeks. The last two nights, especially last night/this morning, I've had some crazy dreams where I am fighting against the Satan himself. I think I had St. Teresa of Avila with me in last night's dream, as well as an angel -- though I am not sure if it was St. Michael Archangel. Outcome was good. Still, I have more than my fair share of dreams where I am fighting off evil with the help of a saint or two. It's not often that I wake up from a dream, to get a drink of water or something, and then go back to sleep... to continue the dream. This morning, that happened. I was fighting evil, woke up, went back to sleep, and continued it. Yesterday, it was St. Catherine of Siena who was helping me with my struggle against evil. Yeah, some pretty good saints to have with you, even if they were just dreams.

Okay, now, I've been writing long blog posts lately so I am stopping here. I probably won't write for a day or two because I've been sort of pressured/inspired by a friend to keep working on my novel (so close to being done, yet nowhere near being done, lol) so I will work on that. Hopefully next post I will share with y'all the soundtrack that goes with the novel/screenplay so that y'all can try to figure out the scenes and plot. I bet none of you will get it 100% though. :-P

As always, thanks for reading, and God Bless.

Rain, More Goofy Ballet and St. Teresa of Avila.

*singing* It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring... Haha. Well, we officially have the first rain of the year... and maybe of the winter season. It's supposed to rain the entire weekend and into Monday morning, which I'm not too happy about. The storm's pretty big because the entire West Coast of the U.S. (and parts of Canada -- including Vancouver) are getting rain and/or snow. Just look at this (courtesy of weather.com):




Hopefully it won't be raining too badly on Sunday because I want to go to mass, darn it! lol. It's the first Sunday of the year and it would suck if I missed mass because of the potential flooding in the streets. Bah humbug! lol.

Since the rain has made my house colder than it usually is (we don't turn on the heater), I've had to resort to drinking a lot of tea and doing more goofy ballet to keep warm. And, okay, I'm also dancing like a dork because I am slightly bored and I need something to amuse me. If you know me personally, you know that I am shameless when it comes to dancing around like a spaz. Haha. I absolutely love it. I don't know why my parents keep laughing, they've had two decades to get used to my silliness. :D

Moving away from silly to being a little more serious (which is somewhat rare when I'm in a "wheeeee!!" state of mind)... I think I have finally found my kindred saint:

St. Teresa of Avila.



A few weeks (possibly months) ago, I had a dream about her, which was very cool because I'd never heard of her before then. I must've seen her picture somewhere before but I didn't know her by name. I kept saying her name over and over in my head until I full woke up. I googled her name and found out a little more about her. She's one of 3 women saints (along with St. Catherine of Siena and St. Therese of Lisieux) that are considered Doctors of the Church. Since I was sick when I dreamt about her, I thought maybe I was should pray to her for help. I was already praying to St. Jude so I decided not to be greedy and keep up St. Jude's novena only. I don't know; I feel guilty asking more than one saint to pray for me. Lately (the past week or so) I've had such an intense feeling that I have to learn more about her that I went ahead and looked up a little more information about her. From what I learned, I've come to realize that she is my kindred. Although our lives are/were obviously very different, her personality, her way of thinking and some of her experiences mirror mine. She was a writer, of Spanish descent (was actually born in Spain), became fascinated with the lives of saints, became ill at a very young age (she was 19 when she started getting seriously ill; I started getting sick at 21) and we both share the fainting ailment (I, on an almost daily basis, feel like I'm going to pass out at any given moment). The list just keeps on going, too. What pretty much sealed the deal was when I read about what she did when she understood about sin and about how vanity and her friendship with certain types of women were changed when she saw what they were doing to her. After I read that I just said "Oh my goodness... I must buy her autobiography!" So, that's what I'm actually doing right now -- I type a bit in this blog and then I search on books about her. I am giving a lot (if not all) of the credit to a priest at my church for suggesting that I look into the lives of the saints I've dreamt about (and there have been many). Hopefully I'll be able to learn more and become a better person because of it. That's what I want to do; learn as much as I can, share what I find with others and live as honestly and well (but not in a material sense) as I can.

Alright, well, I am trying to keep my entries short so I think I'll just stop here. I still want to order a laminated St. Dymphna prayer card (which I don't have and can't find anywhere in my hometown) and, of course, St. Teresa's autobiography, so I'm off to do that. If anyone's getting hit with the crazy weather -- stay safe and keep warm. :D

Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D