Why Guys Hate Being Stuck in the Friend Zone really irked me.
Dear Isaac Huss,
I appreciate your perspective on the "friend zone." I'm sure it was meant to help other guys who feel stuck in their friendships/relationships with gals -- as well as to help us gals understand what a guy thinks about it -- but there were a few issues I had with your article. It may be your choice of words but, man, I'm not particularly happy with the article.
1) "Ladies, let me tell you something about the friend zone: it's real." Mr. Huss, let me tell you a little something about the girls and the "friend zone": we know. Although you write that you asked some of your girl friends about it and that it seems to be mostly a guy issue, it's not. Trust me on that. It's a human issue. Guys AND girls both have had feelings for others that have not been reciprocated. I think the only difference is that we gals don't complain about being stuck in the "friend zone." We may not like it but we understand that sometimes a great friendship will only be a great friendship. Does it stink? Yes. Unfortunately, that's just a part of the process of getting older and testing the dating waters.
2) "Paul had had enough. He sought out help from—who else—his dad. Good ol’ pops gave him simple advice: Kiss her. If she goes for it, you’re in; if not, at least you know." See, I have issue with this because I'm not the type to kiss easily. Do you know how long it's been since I've seriously kissed someone (who was not a family member or a baby)? I was 17. You read that right. It's been 13 years since I last seriously kissed a guy because I've chosen to not give them away so freely. I know it's common to just "go for it" but you have to take into consideration whether or not a girl wants to be kissed because, shocker, how the girl feels should also be a factor in this equation. And if you want to continue a friendship with her, even after she says she's not interested, that kiss is going to make things super awkward.
3) "To put it simply, when a woman relegates a man to the friend zone, she is saying, “You’re not sexually attractive.”" "She’s saying, “I am into you, I think you’re great, I can’t imagine my life without you, but I just can’t stand the thought of you touching me.”" WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I've had guy friends express interest in me when I haven't reciprocated those feelings. It wasn't because I wasn't attracted to them. In fact, in one of those cases, I really was (he was exactly my "type")... but I knew that we wouldn't have worked out in a capacity beyond friendship. I'm the kind of person who does two things when she's interested in a fella: a) I take it to prayer and b) I try to see past the feelings and the superficiality. I know this may be an uncommon practice but it's how I've managed to dodge some bullets in the past. Surprise, a gal who doesn't reject a guy on looks. I know, I'm a unicorn.
Oh, Mr. Huss. I really appreciate a fella's perspective on the friend zone. I really do. It showed us gals -- who are often baffled by the words and actions of men -- that you guys have the same insecurities that we do. Seriously, thank you for this... but perhaps next time you can consider that not everyone is the same and that every case is different.
My advice for guys: if you like a gal, tell her. I'll offer the same advice to gals, if you like a guy, let him know. I'm notoriously shy and awkward when it comes to guys but even I have had to speak up (though, in my case, the last time I did this was so that I could move on because I knew it wouldn't move beyond friendship). Worst case scenario: she doesn't like you and you can continue being friends. It may be a little awkward at first but, trust me, it gets better. I'm talking from experience. The last guys who expressed interest (as well as the guy whom I expressed interest in and it wasn't reciprocated)? Still some of my best friends. In fact, I helped two of them with engagement plans to their now fiancees. Seriously. Girls and guys can just be friends. Shocker, I know.
One more thing to consider for those who are tired of being in the "friend zone": ever consider that being stuck in friendship mode with someone means that someone who will be (romantically) better for you is yet to come? Think about it. You may not think another girl is better for you but that's because you might not have met her yet. Just food for thought.
So, guys, can you please cool it with the griping about being stuck in the friend zone? We know. We go through it as well. Being nice to someone doesn't mean you're entitled to reciprocated feelings. This advice goes to both guys and gals.
Alright, rant over. lol. See what an article makes me do? Two blog posts in a single day. ;)
I hope y'all are doing well! :D