Friday, May 1, 2015

Intense Yet Unexplained Desire to Pray

I took this picture earlier today while at Adoration.
Have you ever had an intense yet unexplained desire to pray? No particular intentions come to mind nor are you experiencing anything major that is weighing heavily on your mind... but the desire is still there? That's what I'm currently experiencing for the second time in less than two months. The only thing that is a bit odd is that I'm not quite sure why.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having the strong urge to spend some time in front of the tabernacle or in Adoration. I'm fortunate enough to work from home so I can always take a break from whatever I'm working on and drive to the local parish. Sometimes I'll be driving to or from a particular destination and I'll suddenly feel like stopping at the local parish (I think I've visited most in my area). The thing is that I don't know what to do once I'm there. I'll pray the Rosary and/or get on Twitter and ask if anyone has any prayer intentions they'd like me to pray for but after that, I'm sort of stuck on what to do.

I know that spending time in front of the tabernacle, even if it's in silence, is always a good way to spend your time. However, I also feel like I should be doing something else. Once the Rosary, chaplets, novenas (I started two today), and prayers have been prayed, even after some time spent in silence, I still feel like being there but I also feel awkward not doing anything. 

I'll admit that it feels like it's vocation related... but I'm not sure why. That itself is a bit confusing. I don't feel like I have to re-discern what my vocation is -- I've already received more than enough signs and peace of mind about being a wife and mama some day -- but I still feel like there's something about my vocation that I need to pray about. Like there's something missing (besides a prospective fella, ha!) or that I've overlooked that I need to address... but I have no clue what it may be. Does any of that make sense? I've continuously prayed for my future husband (daily for quite some time now) so it's not like I'm slacking with that. It's definitely something else, I just wish I knew what.

I don't have another spiritual direction meeting for another (almost) two weeks and I can't wait until the 12th. This past month and a half is the longest I've gone without meeting up with my spiritual director since I started going two years ago (this month!)

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I've had writer's block for both this blog and for my third novel so this was a stream of consciousnesses post. Maybe I needed to do this to get the creative juices flowing. If you guys don't see me on Twitter for a while you'll know it worked. lol.

I hope y'all have a great weekend! Enjoy a nice break from work on this feast of St. Joseph the Worker. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

2 comments:

Tomato said...

I have on occasion had the urge to stop by a church or go to holy hour. Half the time I end up driving in circles arguing with myself on whether I should go, so you seem better at heeding the call than I am :). Just a random guess, but maybe your future husband could use the extra prayers now :). Or maybe God just wants the extra time with you.

Emmy Cecilia said...

Either of those seem very likely, Tomato. I hope I am able to do a good job if that's the case. I sort of blindly pray... for something I don't even know.