Not much has been going on with me hence the lack of posts. Last Friday I was told my thyroid levels were low and that I might have hypothyroidism which, to be honest, scares me because it would mean that I will be on medication for life and I don't do well with medication. I've had my cry and have gotten most of it out of my system. As I told my new Spiritual Director (yes, I finally got a new one! :D) when I say to God that I will do His will for me I do mean it but it scares the heck out of me to think that I have something that I will need medication for the rest of my life. There is a slight chance that the thyroid levels were a bit off since I had the blood work done while I was taking one of the stronger antibiotics for the horrible throat infection I had, and I do not have any of the symptoms of hypothyroidism, so I'm trying to not jump to any conclusions. I get my second round of blood work done in exactly a week and I get my full results on the 25th so we'll see what happens.
It's kind of funny that someone told me that I had the worst health luck out of anyone she knew because I don't think I do. I know so many people are far worse than I am, and at a much younger age, and I don't see things like my anxiety as a curse (in fact, I've come to see having anxiety as a blessing as I am able to offer up panic attacks for the souls in purgatory). As weird as it sounds, I feel closest to God when I am sick because it sort of takes me away from any selfish tendencies I might have and makes me focus on what is truly important and makes me more grateful for what I do have. At the same time, I'll admit that while doing the 54 Day Rosary Novena (I'm on day 41) I am praying for my health because I am about to enter my senior year of college and I want to make the most of it. Also, I want to work on my relationship with God while healthy because I feel like it needs a lot of work when I have no problems to deal with as opposed to when I am ill with something. As I said, as hard as it sometimes is for me to think that I am strong enough to handle whatever is handed to me, I know that God never gives us anything we can't handle and that as long as I do His will I'll be okay. Ultimately, I need to do what is right because my soul is what matters more than my mortal body.
And, speaking of that, I have been trying to attend daily Mass and it's been hit and miss. When my parish offers evening Masses, I am able to attend but when they only offer morning Masses (which is twice a week) I haven't been able to attend. I get very little sleep at night and in the wee hours of the morning because I have to take my mom to work at 4 a.m. My internal clock is so messed up (and my neighbors' drunken parties that end at 3 a.m. do not help) that I sleep anywhere between an hour to 3 before I have to get up and then it takes me anywhere between an hour to three to fall back asleep when I get home... yeah. I'll spare you guys the headache of figuring out the rest but let's just say that my favorite time of day (mornings) is wasted because I cannot keep a good sleeping schedule. My eating schedule is also off so it's a pain. I feel so at peace and so happy when I do go to daily Mass that not being able to attend Mass because my schedule is so off really bugs me. (And before I get any comments or advice, 1) I've tried everything (natural) to fall asleep early... 2) mom can't drive because she had a terrible car crash before I was born and is too nervous to drive... and 3) we cannot afford to pay taxis to take mom to work every day). I hope that my schedule will go back to normal (or at least that I will be allowed at least 5-6 hours of sleep without interruptions) when I go back to school since my classes will be in the morning and I cannot sleep until noon or 1 p.m. like I've been doing for the past two months. I will also have to get over my aversion of attending Mass on campus since I only have classes twice a week but those two days are the same ones on which they don't offer evening Masses. Oh what fun this all is, isn't it? By the way, if it sounded like a rant I'm sorry. That was not my intention. :)
Anyway, I think I've written long enough so I will say one more thing: this blog now has a Facebook Page so you can join and get updates whenever I have new posts. I know that it will be easier for some people than just checking every once in a while to see if anything has been updated. :) I need about 13 more people until I can get a proper URL (and therefore get a box to add to the blog) so please join if you can. :)
That's it for now. I'm currently reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (and have already read Emma and Northanger Abbey -- Happy "Emmy declares late July through mid August Jane Austen Month" month :D) and I want to get back to it. That and a certain someone who made a guest post on this blog has turned reading books into competition with me so, you know, I gotta get back to finishing my novels. :D
I hope y'all are doing well and that those who will return to school soon enjoy the rest of their summer vacation. :D
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D