Saturday, July 16, 2011

Quick Update: Anxiety During Mass

Yes, it's been a long time between posts. Sorry but the anxiety has come back in full force and I have sort of had to remember how to deal with the symptoms all over again. As I had not had any panic attacks or anxiety in months (since before the New Year, if I remember correctly) I had forgotten some of the symptoms. Lately it's been the feeling like I can't breathe because my chest feels like something heavy is sitting on it and, in the past three days, I now have the nauseous-no appetite symptoms that then bring dizziness. Oh yes, it's been fun!

The symptoms started shortly after I returned from my little nerd vacation in which I focused on myself and on my relationship with God. I got sick with that horrible throat infection that I JUST fully recovered from this week (yes, it took almost a month to get better) and shortly after that the anxiety began in full force. I've also had some other things happen since I began the 54 day Rosary novena two weeks ago -- which is usual; I always have a rough two weeks when everything that can go wrong does go wrong. I've missed about a month worth of Masses because of either the infection that had me stuck in bed for nearly two weeks or the anxiety that was so bad, I couldn't leave the house.

When I decided to stay for Mass after confessions, today, I was fine. As soon as it came time for the Mass to start, though, I started feeling like I couldn't breathe. That lasted about half an hour. When it came time for the consecration of the Eucharist I started feeling dizzy and like I was going to faint. I actually had to sit down for a little while. But, stubborn as I am, I said "No! I will not give anyone or anything the satisfaction of my not receiving the Eucharist!" And so I stuck it through and indeed received the Eucharist. As the priest was leaving, I felt as if were to faint so I immediately sat down again. After Mass I felt fine again. Go figure. Anxiety stinks and it's unpredictable. I refuse to let it keep me from Mass though.

Anyway, just wanted to give y'all a little update and let y'all know why posts were lacking. It's not that I don't want to write... most of the time I'm just pacing around the house, trying to get my breathing down to normal or trying to distract myself with physical work to get my mind off of the anxiety. I may tweet or FB message but I do that as I am pacing via my iPod touch.

Please pray, not for me, but for those who have just started suffering from anxiety. I have many friends whose anxiety have gotten so much worse (the way it was with me prior to my reverting to the Church) and it's sort of new to them. For them, please pray that God may give them the tools needed to get through what they're going through. St. Dymphna, pray for us all!

I hope y'all have been well and that summer has been kind to y'all thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!


belinda said...

What a post! Boy do I understand about your anxiety!

Finally at 50, I felt I couldn't take it anymore and that voice in my head- you know the one that makes you do stuff, said to me... "Give me your anxiety", I said, "No God, I want to beat it myself and make you proud of me." But Lent after Lent I couldn't do it. I finally began to take medicine and it has changed my life. I'm calmer than I have ever been and I've been able to let things go, things that I would have never let go of before. My whole family thinks I'm better. I'm finally becoming the person who I've always wanted to be. Thanks be to God.

belinda said...

I forgot to say.. Sometimes I can't even blog because I'm frozen with anxiety. I understand!

Blogging has helped me so much. I'm getting better at speaking with people in person because I've practiced talking by blogging. I was "surprise" elected to our schools PTO -as president and I can't believe how much God has helped me to improve.
I have been the cloistered homemaker for 31 years.