How is it possible that you've been gone for 10 years?! I'm writing this a day early since I'll be traveling on your actual anniversary. I had hoped to spend the morning at your grave but I can't put off the trip.
Where to start? I can't seem to find the words to say to you. There so much I wish I could say, but it all fails to come close to what I wish I could express. I guess I'll try.
First, I want to say "thank you." Thank you for everything you did for me.
Thank you for taking care of me for the first 23 years of my life. I know I ended up helping take care of you in the end but you did so much for me. Taking care of you during the last years (and especially months) of your life was an honor.
Thank you for all those sacrifices you made for me. As a young, selfish girl I didn't understand but as a grown woman I appreciate them immensely.
Thank you for teaching me to work hard for what I want and to not stay down when I've been knocked down. You taught me never to give up, no matter how bad things seem. You also taught me to look outside the box for creative solutions when I can and that's saved me several times.
Thank you for showing me what it was to be loved and respected. You were the first person to show me what it meant to be loved unconditionally. You taught me to respect not only myself but others as well.
Thank you for your last words to me: that you trusted my judgment. I can still remember when you told Pedro that you trusted my judgment. I hope I've made you proud thus far.
Thank you for teaching me my own worth; to not settle for anything less than I deserved. Not in a manner that would make my haughty, but in a way that gave me confidence and self-respect.
Thank you for the memories you left behind, which are priceless. I can't remember what your voice sounded like. I barely remember the arguments we had. I do, however, remember all the good times. I will have random memories that will pop up when I least expect them and they make me smile.
I'm sorry you missed seeing me graduate from college... and having gone after two additional degrees after that. I know just how important my education was to you. If people only knew how much you sacrificed to make sure I had the education you wish you'd had yourself.
I'm sorry you missed witnessing me getting my driver's license and learning how to fix basic car things. It sounds like a silly little thing to others but they don't know how much you loved cars, especially fixing them. Oh, and thank you for teaching me how to parallel park like a boss.
I'm sorry you missed seeing me become a published author and start a career as a writer. I bet you wouldn't have been surprised because I was always writing; notebook and pen almost always in my hand from the moment I could write.
I'm sorry you missed seeing me grow into my woman I've become in the last 10 years. I like to think you'd be proud of the decisions I've made in my life so far. I bet you would've been surprised I became an Oblate novice. Or maybe not. Me making that solo trip would have surprised you, though.
I'm sorry you'll miss seeing me get married one day. I still have that chapel veil you got me a few months before you passed. I'm saving it for that special day. I hope my future husband will be the man you would've approved of; the man you would've gladly given your blessing to. (side note: don't worry, I'm sure Pedro will interrogate him in the future, lol.)
I'm sorry you'll miss meeting any children God may bless me with. I know how much you loved children -- and how fitting it was that you were buried only a few feet from the area set aside for burials of babies. They'll only hear about the wonderful memories I have of their maternal grandfather.
I'm sorry you'll miss all other milestones I've yet to envision; things God will surprise me with. I know you would've been with me through them all if you could've been.
Mom said you were worried about leaving me; about not being around when I needed you. I still have moments when I do miss you terribly; when I feel like I do need you. I break down in tears because you were the only one who made certain situations better. But then I remember what you taught me. You taught me to have courage; to be strong. You did that! You gave me the confidence in myself and the fiery stubbornness that makes me muster up all the courage I have to face obstacles as fearlessly as I can.
I hope I continue to grow into the person you would've proudly introduced as your little girl (no matter how old I am). Everyone says that I've grown up to be just like grandma -- your own mom! Okay, so I'm like 8 inches taller than she was and I didn't inherit her blue-grey eyes but still! I bet you would've loved to have seen me become more like her because you loved her so much.
I hope I become the kind of mother that reflects the kind of love she experienced from her father; the kind that, when she's gone, her children will have nothing but beautiful memories of.
I hope and pray that you're in Heaven, forever in the presence of our Heavenly Father, because I cannot imagine a better eternity for anyone especially a wonderful, loving father like you.
What else is there to say?
Thank you.
I miss you.
I love you.
I hope we're one day reunited in Heaven.
Sincerely,
Meli
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