If you're following me on twitter then you've undoubtedly seen my struggles with school this past year. I barely made it out alive this past semester with a 3.0. It was by far the most stressful and infuriating semester I've had my entire academic career... but I gained more out of it than I have any other semester. I've been openly rebelling against my professors because I don't agree with the liberation theology taught. I'm sorry but I just can't go along with what I know will only led me astray from God. However, looking back at the school year and particularly this Spring semester, I noticed a change in me that I did not like. Though my actions were in response to my being unhappy with my education, I realize that I should have handled myself and my actions differently. I should have been more charitable in my thoughts and words. I don't know why I didn't realize that I'd been doing it earlier but it's never too late to repair these things. :D
Of course it didn't help that some of my friends were doing the same and it was easy to get caught up in criticizing the choice of material being taught, but it doesn't excuse me from the fact that I should have never done that (criticize) in the first place because I should've known better. Yes, my professors do and teach a number of inexcusable material that can easily lead my classmates astray but I shouldn't have been bratty (at least inwardly if I didn't act it out) about it. I did have some patience (though not as much as I have had in the past) and I tried but I didn't try hard enough. I learned the hard way that, as much as I'd like to open up the discussions in class, I will get shut down 85% of the time because it's sort of an unwritten rule that we cannot contradict what is being taught. All of this brought out frustration and anger but it's something I have to live with for another year.
It's a bit humbling to get docked points on things for not agreeing with professors. It's really hard not to think "you are so wrong" when you hear things that are being skewed in order to fit a person's argument. It's worse to know that you are yourself changing because of the situation are in. During Lent I had a very hard time with all of this but, like I said, I believe all of this has helped me really learn a lot about things about myself... things I know I can change.
I'm in the middle of purging all material that I was pretty much forced to "learn." All the notes and things that aren't graded (keep all graded material for at least a year after you finish that semester) are going straight to the bin. It's part of my late Spring cleaning but it's entirely therapeutic. I'm going to go through a kind of period of renewal. I've realized things that need to change and I'm making a real effort to follow through with my plans. While throwing away material and trying to forget everything I was "taught", I'm going through some of the books I bought when I first returned to the Church -- you know, kind of restarting my real education once again. As I said before, there are people that know more about our beautiful Faith than I do and I have a lot left to learn. Though I know I will not be able to say anything in class (oh, the death glares I got when I said I was pro-life and against certain things during one final...), especially since I am pretty much done with my Religious Studies major courses, it's good to be keep learning and keep yourself to God through the knowledge you acquire.
As my summer vacation starts, so does my real education. I know I will, from time to time, be so excited about what I learn that I will share it on this blog. :D Consider this your warning. :D
Anyway, I should really try to finish cleaning up my desk area which has piles of papers and books scattered around it. Well, to be honest, everything is in piles because I sort things before I put them away. I'm very organized when I am not crazy busy. :D
I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.