Thursday, December 11, 2008

Confession: I've Come Far (Advent Reflection); Superior Scribbler Award.

A good friend sent me something I apparently wrote nearly 3 years ago. It was uncharacteristic of me to write something like it, even then, but was shocked that I was capable of such a thing. I won't repeat what it said but, as you can guess, I was shocked that I'd written it. To be quite honest, I don't remember writing the profanities but my friend swears I did. That made me think I had a potty mouth which I'd forgotten about, but my friend reassured me that that was the only time I'd cursed. That, along with other things that reminded me of my past, made me think of how far I've come in just a matter of years.

Those who knew me when I was in my teens to 20 years-old would be surprised by how much I've changed. It's all for the best, too. I had horrible habits growing up. I wasn't the most honest person, I would act before thinking things through, etc. All of this was during my time away from the Church.

I've NEVER felt like I fit in in this city. Honestly, even now, I'm still trying to figure out my niche in the City of Angels. Growing up I would try to modify aspects of myself, some times for the worse, just to fit in with a group of people. This continued up until I got really sick with my anxiety and other illnesses. I made the conscience decision to cut myself off from the people who would continue to "help" me down the wrong path. Once I really got sick -- to the point of me being in and out of the hospitals -- I decided to change myself completely from the monster I'd become.

I look at all the illnesses I've gone through as a blessing from God. Every single pain, ache, panic attack, trip to the hospital... every single one of those things has only made me stronger. I truly thank God for every thing I've suffered because it's only brought me closer to Him and it's returned me to the faith I had as a child. Not only that, it's shown me what truly matters in this life.

Needless to say, I've sincerely repented and confessed to everything I did prior to my coming back to the Church. Not only that, but I've done a total 180. Lying (which was my biggest fault)? I absolutely HATE it with a passion and hate saying even the smallest "white lie". In fact, I would rather get scolded at and/or hated on for voicing the truth than lying about it. I never drank alcohol. I never did drugs. I never did anything I shouldn't have done outside of marriage. I never snuck out of the house. But I did lie, curse, and do more than should be allowed... and am truly and deeply sorry for ever having done it. It was wrong of me to do. All I can do now is learn from it and make my story known so that others won't fall into the same pattern.

Why am I so open about what I went through, you make ask? Because I want people to see that it IS possible to come back to the Church despite any sins you've committed. It IS possible to be forgiven by God. It IS possible to turn away from all of it, get your life straightened out, and start living it as the Lord wants you to. What a better time to reevaluate this than during this time of year. Advent is a time for penance so why not make the most of it and confess to your past sins so you can look forward to living a better life? If you don't think it's possible, read St. Augustine of Hippo's biography. You'd be surprised with how many saints committed sins before they repented them and then led a life of a true saint.

I will admit that I was inspired to write about this (and I can tell you, if you want to know actual details of what I went through and how I came out... it's all in the novel I'm writing), by a video I saw of Eduardo Verastegui's conversion story on the Spanish version of EWTN. He also went down the wrong path (though his and my life stories have been quite different) but repented his sins and is now doing all he can to help the Church with his vocation.

Now, having spilled my guts out to the public :D...

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

I would like to thank Fr. Austin Murphy of Jesus Goes to Disney World for including this blog on his list of Superior Scribblers and would now like to pay the award forward. I don't think I can pass it back to him but I'd highly recommend you check out his blog anyway because it's awesome. I check it on a daily basis (whenever I can). I've even had self proclaimed Deist say she enjoys his blog. :D

First off, I'd like to award both of Rebecca's blogs awards.

Catholic in Film School is a great blog about, you guessed it, a Catholic in film school. This blog also has a lot of media centered content, from a Catholic's point of view, that I am sure you'd all love and enjoy. I've also been introduced to a lot of Catholic things for Los Angeles based people, such as L.A. Catholic Underground, by her and her blog. Maybe one day we'll join forces and write some kick tush screenplay. What do you say, Rebecca? lol. :D

Her other blog, Modestia, is a great site for young, modest women who are looking for great fashion finds. Who says you need to dress drab to be modest? Not this Modestia! I also love the fact that she spotlights celebrities that are good role models for other young girls and women (Selena Gomez and Ali Landry, anyone?).

Matthew's Fallible Blogma is one of the best Catholic blogs I've ever seen. Funny story, Matthew and I met on facebook -- adding him without knowing anything beyond the fact that he was Catholic. I normally wouldn't do that but thought, "Hey, another Catholic friend doesn't hurt!" I'm glad, though, because I would've never found out about this blog otherwise. Matthew presents things that are going on in our society in a refreshing, thought provoking manner.

Q's L.A. Catholic is a great way to find out what's going on in the Los Angeles Archdiocese. He does a superb job keeping us updated with the happenings here, while not shying away from making his (and, really, most of our) opinions known. He voices things that a lot of us which we had the guts to say.

Okay, so I am a little biased because she is my little adoptive "sister", but I can't help but love Delaney's Hat Full of Hope blog. It's great to see what a Catholic, home-schooled young lady thinks about. And it gives you hope that the future isn't as rotten as we might fear. Can't wait to see her in a play soon! :D

Now, pay it forward. The rules, from Bosco:

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Alright, well, this blog should be enough for the next week... until my finals are over with. I have my History of World Religions final assignment due tomorrow but will try to have it done by tonight. Philosophy of Logic final exam is due on Tuesday night but will try to have it done by this weekend. My English Literature (Medieval to early 18th Century literature) final is on Wednesday and that will be my hardest one. Yes, save the hardest for last... lol. Wish me luck... because I'm going to need it. lol. :D I will be studying all weekend long.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

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